Hi and welcome precious daughter of our Father and precious sister to us.
I won't pry into your circumstances that have bought you to where you are at the moment.
I just want to reassure you.
I had a bad church incident followed by silence from god, his word says his sheep hear his voice but I rarely do....I feel like I'm trying to keep myself saved and god doesn't care whether I make it to heaven or not.
John 3:16-17
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
Ephesians 2:4-6
But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,
Psalms 139:13-18
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
1 John 4:9-10
In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Finally
John 17:22-23
“I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that
you love them as much as you love me.
Replace 'them' with your name and know that God loves you as much as he loves Jesus.
That love is the same today as it was yesterday and it will be the same tomorrow. His love and grace and mercy can never ever run out.
God bless you his precious child and our precious sister.