sleepingdog
Member
I would like to say hello to everyone and thank you for taking the time to read my post.
The reason I am taking the time to write this is because I have almost completely lost my faith.Let me give you a little bit of my background.
My name is jason I'm 39 years old ,married to a beautiful wife,I have a 20 year old son,2 cats ,1 dog and lovely grandson.
I have had a hard life and if I told everyone my life story it would fill a book and I'm not here to get pity or feel sorry for myself.
Since I was as young as I can remember I have always had a strong faith in God.This faith in its self is strange because growing up my family didn't go to church ,but I still remember praying to jesus and reading a bible I received from school.(Yes bibles were given out in public schools at one time.)
I truly believed we are all sinners and that Jesus gave himself up and rose from the dead for all our sins. I believed God was a just and a loving God.I was the first person when people would doubt Jesus to defend him.I remember one of the biggest things people would say that didn't believe in God,"If there is a God how come there is so much suffering in the world."My response would be simple.God has given us one of the greatest gifts "Free Will",its man, not God that creates misery.Yes God could make everything perfect in the world but in doing so our gift of "Free Will" would no longer be.So you see I understand that
our problems are of our own doing most of the time.
I have allways given to those less fortunate even at my own expense.I would give what little I had to help those in need.I started working when I was 11 and still went to school. When I was 18 I had to quit school without finishing high school to help my parents financially.By 19 my parents had divorced after 25 years of marriage largely due to financial reasons.I was on my own and life at the time was very hard I got into a bad crowd and was drinking and doing drugs.This lasted for a few years ,but in all that time I still had Jesus in my heart and I knew this.
At 25 years old I met the most caring and kind person.This lady had a 6 year old son and was having a hard time herself. Through the grace of God we got together and I stopped drinking and messing around with drugs.Life was still very hard for the next few years but we managed.At 30 years old I asked her to marry me.
Because of my education I didn't have the greatest jobs but I always worked hard.I decided before I got married I would get baptized,so at 30 years of age I was baptized.(This was a very proud moment for me.)We never got to go on a honeymoon due to our finances and this really bugged me,but I never gave up hope and worked hard at what ever I did.
I caught a break a year later and finally got a job that enabled me to give my wife and son some of the things I always wanted to give them.My wife later got promoted to a management position and our family could finally have some peace of mind.
We decide to move to a house because this was one of the things my wife always wanted .Through our good times I was always helping people even when it wasn't financially prudent to do so . I would let family and friends stay at my home for as long as they needed to when they needed a place to go and were down on their luck.I would feed them look after them and help until they were back on their feet.I did this because it felt like the right thing to do and it felt good.I would help people I didn't even know. I always thanked God.
My wife eventually lost her job ,but because I still had mine we could still survive and make it.Through this time I still had my faith in God to get us through so I never stopped helping others in need,because of this we started to get into debt,but I wasn't worried at the time because I was doing a good thing.To make a long story short my company moved to mexico I lost my job we had to file for bankruptcy and we had to move into an apartment.I still had my faith though.
My wife got a job working in a factory for min.wage I have had to take any kind of job that is usually part time and only temporary.We could just barely make it.All this time I would try and still help others with what little we had and never complained.It felt good to help others even though I had not much myself.I still had faith in Christ.
We recently had a family member with no money and no where to go come and stay with us for a few months.Although we barely have enough food I always fed this family member even if it means I went without ,cause it was the right thing to do ,it made me feel good.I still had faith.
This family member received a large sum of money ,but I still didn't expect anything in return.I still did without to help this person ,cause I still had faith.
Finally 3 months after this family member received this money my wife and I decided to swallow our pride and ask if this person could help with food maybe 25 dollars a week.To our dismay this person decided to move out.I still had faith things would work out they were in Gods hands.
I had not had any work in the past month so we have had no money my wifes job covers mostly food costs. I still had faith in Jesus though even though without me working we could not pay augusts rent.Jesus would help us through.
Well now its august and my rents not paid with no hope in sight.Ask me if I have faith? Honestly for the first time in my life I can't answer this question.
I do know I want that faith that I have had since I was a kid,that knowing everything was in Jesus hands that everything is going to be all right.I want it back stronger then ever ,but where is it? Truly I'm scared.
Ps I recently found 2 kittens that apparently had been sleeping under a car in the parking lots for two days starving no one not anyone in all these buildings did anything.Guess who did? Yours Truly .Thats me I guess.And you know what they are so grateful and loving.
I pray that God will help so I can help others.
Me I have had a hard life, but I can manage no big deal,what really hurts is when I have to look into my wifes ,sons and the rest of my families eyes and see the hurt they go through and not being able to make their lives happy and secure. Faith and Hope .
The reason I am taking the time to write this is because I have almost completely lost my faith.Let me give you a little bit of my background.
My name is jason I'm 39 years old ,married to a beautiful wife,I have a 20 year old son,2 cats ,1 dog and lovely grandson.
I have had a hard life and if I told everyone my life story it would fill a book and I'm not here to get pity or feel sorry for myself.
Since I was as young as I can remember I have always had a strong faith in God.This faith in its self is strange because growing up my family didn't go to church ,but I still remember praying to jesus and reading a bible I received from school.(Yes bibles were given out in public schools at one time.)
I truly believed we are all sinners and that Jesus gave himself up and rose from the dead for all our sins. I believed God was a just and a loving God.I was the first person when people would doubt Jesus to defend him.I remember one of the biggest things people would say that didn't believe in God,"If there is a God how come there is so much suffering in the world."My response would be simple.God has given us one of the greatest gifts "Free Will",its man, not God that creates misery.Yes God could make everything perfect in the world but in doing so our gift of "Free Will" would no longer be.So you see I understand that
our problems are of our own doing most of the time.
I have allways given to those less fortunate even at my own expense.I would give what little I had to help those in need.I started working when I was 11 and still went to school. When I was 18 I had to quit school without finishing high school to help my parents financially.By 19 my parents had divorced after 25 years of marriage largely due to financial reasons.I was on my own and life at the time was very hard I got into a bad crowd and was drinking and doing drugs.This lasted for a few years ,but in all that time I still had Jesus in my heart and I knew this.
At 25 years old I met the most caring and kind person.This lady had a 6 year old son and was having a hard time herself. Through the grace of God we got together and I stopped drinking and messing around with drugs.Life was still very hard for the next few years but we managed.At 30 years old I asked her to marry me.
Because of my education I didn't have the greatest jobs but I always worked hard.I decided before I got married I would get baptized,so at 30 years of age I was baptized.(This was a very proud moment for me.)We never got to go on a honeymoon due to our finances and this really bugged me,but I never gave up hope and worked hard at what ever I did.
I caught a break a year later and finally got a job that enabled me to give my wife and son some of the things I always wanted to give them.My wife later got promoted to a management position and our family could finally have some peace of mind.
We decide to move to a house because this was one of the things my wife always wanted .Through our good times I was always helping people even when it wasn't financially prudent to do so . I would let family and friends stay at my home for as long as they needed to when they needed a place to go and were down on their luck.I would feed them look after them and help until they were back on their feet.I did this because it felt like the right thing to do and it felt good.I would help people I didn't even know. I always thanked God.
My wife eventually lost her job ,but because I still had mine we could still survive and make it.Through this time I still had my faith in God to get us through so I never stopped helping others in need,because of this we started to get into debt,but I wasn't worried at the time because I was doing a good thing.To make a long story short my company moved to mexico I lost my job we had to file for bankruptcy and we had to move into an apartment.I still had my faith though.
My wife got a job working in a factory for min.wage I have had to take any kind of job that is usually part time and only temporary.We could just barely make it.All this time I would try and still help others with what little we had and never complained.It felt good to help others even though I had not much myself.I still had faith in Christ.
We recently had a family member with no money and no where to go come and stay with us for a few months.Although we barely have enough food I always fed this family member even if it means I went without ,cause it was the right thing to do ,it made me feel good.I still had faith.
This family member received a large sum of money ,but I still didn't expect anything in return.I still did without to help this person ,cause I still had faith.
Finally 3 months after this family member received this money my wife and I decided to swallow our pride and ask if this person could help with food maybe 25 dollars a week.To our dismay this person decided to move out.I still had faith things would work out they were in Gods hands.
I had not had any work in the past month so we have had no money my wifes job covers mostly food costs. I still had faith in Jesus though even though without me working we could not pay augusts rent.Jesus would help us through.
Well now its august and my rents not paid with no hope in sight.Ask me if I have faith? Honestly for the first time in my life I can't answer this question.
I do know I want that faith that I have had since I was a kid,that knowing everything was in Jesus hands that everything is going to be all right.I want it back stronger then ever ,but where is it? Truly I'm scared.
Ps I recently found 2 kittens that apparently had been sleeping under a car in the parking lots for two days starving no one not anyone in all these buildings did anything.Guess who did? Yours Truly .Thats me I guess.And you know what they are so grateful and loving.
I pray that God will help so I can help others.
Me I have had a hard life, but I can manage no big deal,what really hurts is when I have to look into my wifes ,sons and the rest of my families eyes and see the hurt they go through and not being able to make their lives happy and secure. Faith and Hope .
