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Fish-Cross
Guest
By: Beth Hays
Beth@tddm.org
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“Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17) KJV
By my calculations, this is my 100th devotional. So, I thought I would set it apart and use it to answer a question many of you ask me. I thought I’d use it to share my journey of faith, in hopes that through it, you can see that God can take even the ugliest creation and transform it into something beautiful.
I relate my journey to that of a butterfly. That means I started as an ugly caterpillar. I was a terror of a child. I don’t say that lightly. I have never met a child as cruel and heartless as I was. I spent my days trying to make everyone else’s life miserable. And my entire goal in life was to hurt everyone I met, because I had been hurt and that was only fair. My mom has been terminally ill since I was two and my dad worked an awful lot, so, he wasn’t really around. I became the caretaker of the family, and the scapegoat for every problem.
By the time I was in fifth grade, I had built my cocoon. I decided that I would trust no one, they weren’t safe, and that I would never let anyone see the hurt inside. I tried things like stealing and cutting to mask my hurt, but nothing ever reached deep enough anyway. I wouldn’t let it. I hid emotionally.
And then life got even worse. I started to struggle like I never had before. My mom was in the hospital and supposedly dying. Even if she lived, she would be wheelchair bound for life. I lived alone with my father, and we had a horrible relationship. My best friend committed suicide and in his goodbye letter he blamed me for it. Talk about never-ending guilt! A few other things happened and I wanted to die, literally. I had a plan set in place for my own death. It was interrupted by an unwelcome reminder that I had to go to camp.
Seeing a perfect opportunity, I took my razor blades with me and planned to end it there. But, all the struggling had happened for a reason and through the love or some amazing people showing me the love of God, He broke through my cocoon. I realized that God loved me and was big enough to handle my pain. Even greater, I realized He gave me a reason to live.
Butterflies can’t fly the moment they come out of their cocoon. All of the blood in their body has to be flushed to their wings before they can fly. This is done by perpetual stretching. The years after I found Christ, were marred with trial after trial. Many of which I had caused in my pre-God days and spent most of my life apologizing for. But, I kept going because I knew that if God worked that hard to choose me as His child, I could work that hard to please Him. And this stretching led to strength.
That strength led to flight. Because of it, I am now where I am. I still have a long way to go. But, he has taken so much ugliness in me, without any attempt of my own, He has made them more like Him. My hands are used for gentle hugs, instead of stealing. My thoughts of suicide have been replaced by a genuine love of life and of people. But more than anything, my closed off, heart of stone has been melted and sculpted into one which has been taught to love.
I know that was long, but there are nineteen years in those words, and much was still left out. But, I hope, that seeing the journey through which I have come to see the beauty of our God and His transformation in His people, will serve as an expression of hope. My friend, if He did it for me, He can do it for you. There is not one too far out of reach for Him, or one to ugly to make beautiful. Transformation and Redemption are His specialties. I pray you’ll let Him change you today!
From: http://www.tddm.org/cgi-bin/devotional. ... 016&shot=i
Beth@tddm.org
><> §«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§« †»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§ <><
“Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17) KJV
By my calculations, this is my 100th devotional. So, I thought I would set it apart and use it to answer a question many of you ask me. I thought I’d use it to share my journey of faith, in hopes that through it, you can see that God can take even the ugliest creation and transform it into something beautiful.
I relate my journey to that of a butterfly. That means I started as an ugly caterpillar. I was a terror of a child. I don’t say that lightly. I have never met a child as cruel and heartless as I was. I spent my days trying to make everyone else’s life miserable. And my entire goal in life was to hurt everyone I met, because I had been hurt and that was only fair. My mom has been terminally ill since I was two and my dad worked an awful lot, so, he wasn’t really around. I became the caretaker of the family, and the scapegoat for every problem.
By the time I was in fifth grade, I had built my cocoon. I decided that I would trust no one, they weren’t safe, and that I would never let anyone see the hurt inside. I tried things like stealing and cutting to mask my hurt, but nothing ever reached deep enough anyway. I wouldn’t let it. I hid emotionally.
And then life got even worse. I started to struggle like I never had before. My mom was in the hospital and supposedly dying. Even if she lived, she would be wheelchair bound for life. I lived alone with my father, and we had a horrible relationship. My best friend committed suicide and in his goodbye letter he blamed me for it. Talk about never-ending guilt! A few other things happened and I wanted to die, literally. I had a plan set in place for my own death. It was interrupted by an unwelcome reminder that I had to go to camp.
Seeing a perfect opportunity, I took my razor blades with me and planned to end it there. But, all the struggling had happened for a reason and through the love or some amazing people showing me the love of God, He broke through my cocoon. I realized that God loved me and was big enough to handle my pain. Even greater, I realized He gave me a reason to live.
Butterflies can’t fly the moment they come out of their cocoon. All of the blood in their body has to be flushed to their wings before they can fly. This is done by perpetual stretching. The years after I found Christ, were marred with trial after trial. Many of which I had caused in my pre-God days and spent most of my life apologizing for. But, I kept going because I knew that if God worked that hard to choose me as His child, I could work that hard to please Him. And this stretching led to strength.
That strength led to flight. Because of it, I am now where I am. I still have a long way to go. But, he has taken so much ugliness in me, without any attempt of my own, He has made them more like Him. My hands are used for gentle hugs, instead of stealing. My thoughts of suicide have been replaced by a genuine love of life and of people. But more than anything, my closed off, heart of stone has been melted and sculpted into one which has been taught to love.
I know that was long, but there are nineteen years in those words, and much was still left out. But, I hope, that seeing the journey through which I have come to see the beauty of our God and His transformation in His people, will serve as an expression of hope. My friend, if He did it for me, He can do it for you. There is not one too far out of reach for Him, or one to ugly to make beautiful. Transformation and Redemption are His specialties. I pray you’ll let Him change you today!
From: http://www.tddm.org/cgi-bin/devotional. ... 016&shot=i
