Help, please, husband won't give up marijuana and drinking.

[Drummergirl79]

Hi fellow believers! I am in need of some rather desperate help. Back on January 18th, my husband made a confession to me that he was drinking behind my back, and a few times smoking pot. He had gotten saved 10 years ago and delivered from drug abuse and alcohol addiction of a few years. He had always told me through the years that his desires for these things have never left him, but he knew that he wasn't suppose to do them. But then lots of stresses of life crept into our lives like abuse from his boss, and other stresses that he alone has a hard time dealing with because he is ADHD. Anyways, I knew something wasn't right when he drank and for 2 years he would lie to me and tell me he took allergy medicine or worked really hard that day leaving him so tired that he could not focus which is why his motor skills were off. I believed him. The reason being is because I grew up in church. I was never around drunks. I had no clue! He came out with his confession because I finally had the courage to ask him, and he told me the truth, thank God! So we went to counseling back in February and March for a while until we felt all was okay. Then went on vacation, and all was well, until this past week. Four times this week, he drank. He couldn't fool me this time. I knew better now. We had talks previously in the past few weeks that he couldn't handle things anymore, I guess trying to be a good husband and father, that if he couldn't have peace in his life, he wanted a divorce. He felt that peace was more important to him than struggling trying to be a better man. Then two days ago, while intoxicated he brought it up again, adding to the conversation that if he couldn't smoke pot regularly, only being a tiny joint here and there, and drink on occasion he couldn't have peace. He said that he was tired of dealing with the pain of being ADHD, and smoking was what his medication was to deal with life. He promised me that it is not an addiction because he has control over it, and knows when to stop, and also claimed that he could live with out it on occasion if there was no money for it. He said he can survive with out it, but it would be painful to. All he wants is peace. I then asked him if he was spending time with God and he said yes. So, anyways, bottom line, either I let him smoke daily and drink on occasion, and he'll stay, or if I don;t let him, he's out for good. He said it would be painful, but it is worth it for the peace. So he would trade his family for it, if we will not abide by what he wants. I have NEVER felt so much pain in my entire life! He won't go to counseling. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I could NEVER let him go. I love him way too much. So I agreed with terms, but boy do I feel great conviction! I always believed that nothing can bring peace to you but God. Nothing can fill that void in your life but God. He says his void is filled with God but he needs "medication." Basically, he's comparing pot to Ritalin. I feel like all I can do now is pray and believe, and let God deal with him. I can;t go to his mother, and I am afraid to go to a pastor because I am afraid that if he finds out I told someone, he would leave me in an instant. I could not bare it, one bit! Please some one help!

 

[jasoncran]

i'm sorry to hear that. first your husband wants to smoke pot with or without the adhd issue, there no pain in that, look up what that does, in case you dont know

my wife loves pot. i told her its me or the pot, she choose me. but the lord held me as well i had some issues as well, i felt lead not to divorce as that wasnt the wise nor right thing to do.

my wife used to go to church with me.she now doenst. its not easy but i dont feel the need to divorce my wife instead the lord will heal this marriage.

i will pray that he does the same for you. i know that it isnt easy.

 

[Timf]

1John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

Matthew 19:24 And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

Satan runs this world (in so far as he is allowed by God). Many people think our prosperity was a blessing from God. I think you could make a case that it was a curse from Satan (especially since it is built on debt). You can read in Deuteronomy 6 that Moses was warning Israel about the danger facing them when they took over a land with fields cleared, houses built, and trees already planted. That their prosperity could cause them to forget about God. This is what happened to the church in Laodicea as well.

Your husband is following a path of least resistance to pleasurable sensations. If you object, he will cite whatever excuses he feels will get you to back off. It is difficult to think of someone as Christian who has so little regard for truth. There is an "advantage" for someone who can get themselves declared "disabled" so that they can collect Social Security. Even after they loose their jobs, friends, and family, they can then get the government to support them.

People who follow the path of sensation end up in a "cocoon" of self. You can go to almost any ALANON meeting and hear the same frustration of others that you have in dealing with someone who is progressively drawn into themselves. Because we live in a prosperous society, people do not often encounter difficulties like hunger that might help motivate them to turn away from the self-destructive path of sensation seeking.

I am afraid that if he finds out I told someone, he would leave me in an instant. I could not bare it, one bit!

Unfortunately he is already "leaving you" (albeit slowly). Look in the phone book for a contact for ALANON and talk to some people who are further along the road you are just starting. The solution is not medication, the right church, or a different town. The solution is a change of heart. You need the power of God to change his heart and show him truth. This may place on you a burden of deep and agonizing prayer for years to come.

 

[heather]

The solution is a change of heart. You need the power of God to change his heart and show him truth. This may place on you a burden of deep and agonizing prayer for years to come.

I think Timf is right on the money here. And the only one who can change your husband's heart is God. You can't, your children can't...only God can. I'd start with praying for your husband in all the areas of his life. And that God would would give you the support you need and the courage to continue showing him the love God has for him through your actions.

A good book to help you start praying for all the areas of his life is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartin.