Christ_empowered
Member
lol. 
Everybody seems to have a role in society. Mostly, it seems to be defined in economic terms...occupation, maybe between jobs, now and then a lady will have the resources and support to be a home maker/stay at home mom...even less often, one runs into a full time dad. and so...
My "job" is...Schizophrenia?!?! Ugh. I think if this was an actual job, I might get terminated. No hospitalizations in --15 years now-- , 1 (serious) misdemeanor on my record but no arrests -at all- in very close to 10 years now (I do have 2 warnings for speeding, though...slow it down...). And...
I -am- poor, but I don't live in poverty, in part because of Schizophrenia. Its not some luxe gov't stuff, its...my now upper class (NOT rich...part of a whole segment of what was middle America that somehow rose to upper middle class, then well to do range...), and that's...maybe because of the Schizophrenia? maybe? but if I acted out in "mental patient" ways too much, I think they'd figure out a way to have me in what's left of the state hospital? I dunno?
so, yeah. "high functioning, upper class hippy parents" all that. Read: just as doctors are understood to be an affluent, sometimes straight up rich, group...and professors are understood to be over educated and underpaid, compensating with snobbery....
"mental patients" are (apparently?) expected to live in states of heavily drugged slavery or...bondage, at least. -this is new to me- I can't stress this enough: so much brain damage, shouldn't really actually be alive (hey...thanks, psychiatry!), but I somehow have a high IQ estimate and...
wow. ok. Thankful, just trying to kinda sorta figure out...why I seem to rub people the wrong way, 24/7. deal is...
honestly? being a "mental patient" is more than a little bit...crazy-making. Stable? work! on disability? that's welfare! parents have money? they can't support him! Put him in the state hospital! well, a group home then! who's paying for...???
the real rub, when I simmer down, pray a minute, and just...stop with my inner dialogue and all that...
my "mental patient" life is 100x (or more!) better than what I see at the clinic. Its...partly the --modest-- but (undeservedly!) comfortable and rather...quiet, peaceful...life I have done nothing to earn or "deserve." It's also...
I dunno. lol. People I don't know (don't remember? moved back to general hometown area over 10 years ago...38 now...) throw junk at me from way back...
I've read stories of psychiatric survivors/ex-patients, and...yeah, that happens. Fun fact: part of what psychiatry is -really- about isn't "eradicating the stigma of mental illness" so much as it is -using- and skillfully applying stigma...
to control the patients. a lady...she went to protest a former shock doc's award or something...found him reading from her confidential records as retaliation. and...I could relate. heavy focus on sexuality, lots of inaccuracies, and...
yeah. She somehow ended up being involuntarily shocked by a super-mega-big name shrink. My shrinks were not and are not that big time, but...they are STRONG and I am WEAK, in terms of social power, resources, all that. and yet...
Jesus saves! Why not me? I have run across some Christian ex-patients/survivors. One...older, could describe the horrors of eastern european psychiatry (read: heavy influences from the USSR, all that), and...yeah. and...
I dunno, I dunno, I dunno. Sometimes, I think part of the reason so many "mentally ill" people kill themselves/ourselves...
shrinks. psychiatry and the mental health industry, as a whole...more conducive to bad things than anything good or wholesome or constructive. blah.
I dunno. I got taunted, 4:30 AM. I wasn't really asleep, anyway, and...yeah, thankfully my parents own this place, no felonies, and...yeah. yeah. -turn the other cheek- no mega-confrontation, but...the tension has been building since new people moved in. it is what it is...
Give thanks...
truth? the taunts and junk are...what the world had for me, and -definitely- a strong indication of the world's utter contempt for me now, in Christ. Then again...
that's just the flavor of push back I get from my lil corner of a fallen world, isn't it? some people...might be ex-spouses, more intense criminal histories, any number of things...
"...washed and made clean.."
Toughen up? Maybe? I'm trying to lean on Him. It's mind games and lies, anyway. Then again...
maybe that's just a pure, distilled version of what the world has for anybody?
thanks
Everybody seems to have a role in society. Mostly, it seems to be defined in economic terms...occupation, maybe between jobs, now and then a lady will have the resources and support to be a home maker/stay at home mom...even less often, one runs into a full time dad. and so...
My "job" is...Schizophrenia?!?! Ugh. I think if this was an actual job, I might get terminated. No hospitalizations in --15 years now-- , 1 (serious) misdemeanor on my record but no arrests -at all- in very close to 10 years now (I do have 2 warnings for speeding, though...slow it down...). And...
I -am- poor, but I don't live in poverty, in part because of Schizophrenia. Its not some luxe gov't stuff, its...my now upper class (NOT rich...part of a whole segment of what was middle America that somehow rose to upper middle class, then well to do range...), and that's...maybe because of the Schizophrenia? maybe? but if I acted out in "mental patient" ways too much, I think they'd figure out a way to have me in what's left of the state hospital? I dunno?
so, yeah. "high functioning, upper class hippy parents" all that. Read: just as doctors are understood to be an affluent, sometimes straight up rich, group...and professors are understood to be over educated and underpaid, compensating with snobbery....
"mental patients" are (apparently?) expected to live in states of heavily drugged slavery or...bondage, at least. -this is new to me- I can't stress this enough: so much brain damage, shouldn't really actually be alive (hey...thanks, psychiatry!), but I somehow have a high IQ estimate and...
wow. ok. Thankful, just trying to kinda sorta figure out...why I seem to rub people the wrong way, 24/7. deal is...
honestly? being a "mental patient" is more than a little bit...crazy-making. Stable? work! on disability? that's welfare! parents have money? they can't support him! Put him in the state hospital! well, a group home then! who's paying for...???
the real rub, when I simmer down, pray a minute, and just...stop with my inner dialogue and all that...
my "mental patient" life is 100x (or more!) better than what I see at the clinic. Its...partly the --modest-- but (undeservedly!) comfortable and rather...quiet, peaceful...life I have done nothing to earn or "deserve." It's also...
I dunno. lol. People I don't know (don't remember? moved back to general hometown area over 10 years ago...38 now...) throw junk at me from way back...
I've read stories of psychiatric survivors/ex-patients, and...yeah, that happens. Fun fact: part of what psychiatry is -really- about isn't "eradicating the stigma of mental illness" so much as it is -using- and skillfully applying stigma...
to control the patients. a lady...she went to protest a former shock doc's award or something...found him reading from her confidential records as retaliation. and...I could relate. heavy focus on sexuality, lots of inaccuracies, and...
yeah. She somehow ended up being involuntarily shocked by a super-mega-big name shrink. My shrinks were not and are not that big time, but...they are STRONG and I am WEAK, in terms of social power, resources, all that. and yet...
Jesus saves! Why not me? I have run across some Christian ex-patients/survivors. One...older, could describe the horrors of eastern european psychiatry (read: heavy influences from the USSR, all that), and...yeah. and...
I dunno, I dunno, I dunno. Sometimes, I think part of the reason so many "mentally ill" people kill themselves/ourselves...
shrinks. psychiatry and the mental health industry, as a whole...more conducive to bad things than anything good or wholesome or constructive. blah.
I dunno. I got taunted, 4:30 AM. I wasn't really asleep, anyway, and...yeah, thankfully my parents own this place, no felonies, and...yeah. yeah. -turn the other cheek- no mega-confrontation, but...the tension has been building since new people moved in. it is what it is...
Give thanks...
truth? the taunts and junk are...what the world had for me, and -definitely- a strong indication of the world's utter contempt for me now, in Christ. Then again...
that's just the flavor of push back I get from my lil corner of a fallen world, isn't it? some people...might be ex-spouses, more intense criminal histories, any number of things...
"...washed and made clean.."
Toughen up? Maybe? I'm trying to lean on Him. It's mind games and lies, anyway. Then again...
maybe that's just a pure, distilled version of what the world has for anybody?
thanks