I appreciate that you are trying to help. I have been praying that God would have mercy on his soul, because it seemed like the right thing to do. He most certainly needs it!
But I also want to ask that we stay on topic here. I appreciate that people want to be supportive and help me recover from the abuse, but I've only stated the bare bones here - there is much more. Let me just say that putting the past behind you is simply not possible when you have PTSD. You cannot put something behind you that intrudes into the present every day, in form of triggers and flashbacks. That's why I'm paying a therapist. She's doing a good job helping me process the past, in order to help me get to the point where I will be able to put it behind me.
Thank you, that is a good point. I am working hard at living a responsible life and being a good father... I guess in a way that is giving my parents honor that they don't even deserve...
You are doing well, gecko
Keep on trusting God, and that He will use your therapist for His glory.
For others:
We who are adult survivors of abuse, and who are victors by the grace of God have an inordinately difficult time learning to trust and to love. for many of us, self worth and self esteem are locked up in the question, "What did I ever do to deserve that?" of course the answer is "Nothing. Your parent (s) sinned against you." is not discovered until years after the fact, and barring a miracle of instant healing and restoration of the years of the locusts, counseling is required. The worst boss I ever had was also an abused child, who only got a lump of coal in his stocking because his father said that he was a "bad boy".
As a result of our abuse, we act out what was done to us in later life, because we are full of rage at what was done to us and are justifiably branded as "jerks" (as was that boss I had) by others. Many of us are unable to have solid relationships with our spouse, and in many times it is their unconditional love for us which drives us to see the emptiness in our life.
Those of you who never had such abuse are fortunate. But we who are victors through Jesus Christ are also fortunate. Realizing that we are saved, and preserved by grace (hence my username) makes it easier to understand other "jerks of the world" who have been hurting as we have
been doing for too many years. The country western songs "Looking for love in all the wrong places" and "You're a hard habit to break" are sorta our theme songs until we get help. (BTW I dislike country western, so you know how hard that is to admit I like those songs!
)
This is just my perspective, and I am posting it so that others can see some of the hellish things we have endured. It is a long journey into victory for all of us. Some journeys take longer, and some journeys never end.
Hope this helps your understanding, friends.
