How do adult children honor their parents?

[theLords]

I think and hope that my adult children honor me by taking care of me when I need them to as I did for them before they left home and had families of their own. You know, feed me, change my diapers, etc. if need be in my old age.

Taking care of one's parents differs, though, from still obeying one's parents. Do you still think your grown children would need to "jump up and obey" you in the same way that they did has children? That's really the heart of the discussion!

 

[Gazelle]

Excellent! This is exactly one way to honor our parents!

I think I honor my parents when I refrain, as much as possible, from speaking negatively of them.

 

[patience7]

Taking care of one's parents differs, though, from still obeying one's parents. Do you still think your grown children would need to "jump up and obey" you in the same way that they did has children? That's really the heart of the discussion!

The question of the thread is "How do adult children honor their parents?" To honor someone is to hold in high respect; to esteem- so that is how I answered.

But to the question "How do adult children obey their parents?" Since they are adults they probably would obey me out of the honor or respect they have for me as their parent. (obey - to do as told; be controlled) They would do as asked but can I control or would I want to control them - no.

 

[theLords]

The question of the thread is "How do adult children honor their parents?" To honor someone is to hold in high respect; to esteem- so that is how I answered.

But to the question "How do adult children obey their parents?" Since they are adults they probably would obey me out of the honor or respect they have for me as their parent. (obey - to do as told; be controlled) They would do as asked but can I control or would I want to control them - no.

Right, that's why I said "the heart of this discussion." I guess you haven't read the OP, but it's context was "Does a grown child still have to obey (as in "jump up and do") their parent at the age of 77, the same as the age of 7?

 

[felix]

Felix, if I may add my two-cents. Romans 7:2 and 1 Cor 7:39 seem to be talking about the law of the husband. I don't see anything about a father here.

And isn't the son being stoned for dishonoring his parents name by improper conduct (drunkard, glutton) that is publically displayed embarressing the parents? He does not hearken to their words, meaning he refuses to honor and respect them by listening to their admonishments. He does whatever in his rebllious stubborn attitude.

Romans 7:2 and 1 Cor 7:39 is a direct reference to Numbers 30 which speaks about it clearly.

If the law meant obey in the sense of the child-slave obey meaning, then this law can refer to a married son who wil not obey his father (or mother) when they tell him what occupation to work in or how to raise his kids. I think the law is referring to an attitude of dishonoring which could apply to married and unmarried sons.

How do you obey God who called you as a son through Christ? How did God's Son obeyed His Father? As a slave? Christ obeyed His Father even unto death. How did Issac obeyed Abraham? As a slave? Issac obeyed His father even unto the sacrificial alter. The same is what God expects children to obey their parents. What is this perverse generation who recommends disobedience among children and teach not the scriptures.

And isn't the son being stoned for dishonoring his parents name by improper conduct (drunkard, glutton) that is publically displayed embarressing the parents?

No. Scripture clearly speaks for disobeying, being stubborn and rebellious and not heed to chastening.

So, let's consider if he is truly a drunkard and glutton. What about the other things told in scripture for which he is brought to be stoned? What does it mean 'stubborn' or 'rebellious'? Does that mean a drunkard and glutton? What does it mean not heed to chastening? Does that mean he is a drunkard and glutton?

 

[felix]

Right, that's why I said "the heart of this discussion." I guess you haven't read the OP, but it's context was "Does a grown child still have to obey (as in "jump up and do") their parent at the age of 77, the same as the age of 7?

This is why Christ said:
(Matt 18:3-4) and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Can you give me the reasons you don't want to 'jump up and do' when you are 77, apart from you being genuinely unable to do?

 

[felix]

obey - to do as told; be controlled

I disagree with your definition of 'be controlled' for obey.

Obey is 'to do as told' not 'be controlled'. 'be controlled' means, you have no option to do anything on your own. God does not control us for us to obey Him. Obeying is a freewill decision that everyone does from his heart. A son obeys his father out of love. A slave obeys his master out of fear. A citizen obeys his country laws out of patriotism.

 

[felix]

For those who say they follow Christ, yet support disobedience to patents by twisting words, age etc, this is what scripture says about Him.

(Phil 2:5-8) Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, [and] coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

How can someone say they follow Christ, yet His very nature is not found?

(1John 3:16) By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down [our] lives for the brethren.

When Scripture speaks about humbling and giving your own life for your brethren like Christ did, what kind of cultural and traditional nonsense is this, that speaks about not obeying to parents and twisting the law of God.

 

[jasoncran]

This is why Christ said:
(Matt 18:3-4) and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Can you give me the reasons you don't want to 'jump up and do' when you are 77, apart from you being genuinely unable to do?

unless by some grace my parents will be well over a hundred when the a time comes. and likely wont see that. its possible as my family on both sides have parents or relatives that see over 90 years. grandma saw 92,my great aunt on my moms side 98 and the grandma there was my dads mother.she has older surviving brothers who are close to 100.

 

[felix]

unless by some grace my parents will be well over a hundred when the a time comes. and likely wont see that. its possible as my family on both sides have parents or relatives that see over 90 years. grandma saw 92,my great aunt on my moms side 98 and the grandma there was my dads mother.she has older surviving brothers who are close to 100.

My actual question is, irrespective of any age, if they are capable of doing it, let me know the reasons for not doing it. It's as simple as that. How could many people here argue, that it is not rebellious against God?

 

[YoungThinker]

My actual question is, irrespective of any age, if they are capable of doing it, let me know the reasons for not doing it. It's as simple as that. How could many people here argue, that it is not rebellious against God?

The command is for children to obey their parents and adults to honor. Common sense tells us that if a king's mother tried to tell him how to rule his kingdom, she would be out her mind. If you're father called you up right now and said, "Felix, I want you and your family to go in the closet and stay there until I call you back next week. No there's no reason. It's just because I felt like it." Does God call you rebellious for respectfully telling your father that you can't be on call to his every whim, but if it's in your power and in line with how you're running your family you'd be glad to honor certain reasonable requests?

The command in Ephesians 6:1 says children, in light of all the other scriptures in means a child not adult. Why do you keep ignoring this?

 

[handy]

The command is for children to obey their parents and adults to honor. Common sense tells us that if a king's mother tried to tell him how to rule his kingdom, she would be out her mind. If you're father called you up right now and said, "Felix, I want you and your family to go in the closet and stay there until I call you back next week. No there's no reason. It's just because I felt like it." Does God call you rebellious for respectfully telling your father that you can't be on call to his every whim, but if it's in your power and in line with how you're running your family you'd be glad to honor certain reasonable requests?

The command in Ephesians 6:1 says children, in light of all the other scriptures in means a child not adult. Why do you keep ignoring this?

Bingo!!!!


There is a world of difference between lovingly honoring one's parents by helping them out...and catering to unreasonable and even ungodly whims.

And no...a father does not "own" his daughter any more than a husband "owns" his wife.

Yes, even today, children cannot enter into legal contracts unless their parents are approving and yes, husband and wives are legally "bound" to each other in the contracts and legal issues they enter into.

This doesn't speak of "ownership" though. A woman is her "own" until she becomes a Christian...then she is "owned" by Christ. As a servant of Christ, if she marries she submits herself to a husband. If she has no husband, she is not under obligation to remain under her father's control as if she were his slave. That isn't even what Numbers 30 speaks of...one needs to read that little phrase that keeps cropping up in Numbers 30, "in her youth"....or as Numbers 30:16 states, "and as between a father and his daughter, while she is in her youth in her father’s house." (Keep in , Numbers 30 is dealing with vows ie legal obligations.)

This is exactly what 1 Corinthians is saying to us...if one remains unmarried, as I myself was for many years, one is free to follow Christ...not bound to a father or mother (as a child is) nor to a husband or wife, as a married person is.

 

[felix]

The command is for children to obey their parents and adults to honor. Common sense tells us that if a king's mother tried to tell him how to rule his kingdom, she would be out her mind. If you're father called you up right now and said, "Felix, I want you and your family to go in the closet and stay there until I call you back next week. No there's no reason. It's just because I felt like it." Does God call you rebellious for respectfully telling your father that you can't be on call to his every whim, but if it's in your power and in line with how you're running your family you'd be glad to honor certain reasonable requests?


The command in Ephesians 6:1 says children, in light of all the other scriptures in means a child not adult. Why do you keep ignoring this?

Bingo!!!!

Scripture does not asks us to obey for everything. It teaches us to obey in Christ, which means, everything that is right in the sight of the Lord. Neither will I obey my dad, if he asks me to purchase alcohol for him to become drunkard (just for the sake of example, my father never drink) nor my mom if she asks me to do something bad to neighbor because of some quarrel. Even the example, you said, sitting inside the closet is not something in Christ. I made that clear in what handy quoted in #1 'I will advise you not to obey your dad only when he contradicts scripture'.

(Eph 6:1-3) Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."

The above is nothing but quoting what is in the law esp. the 10 commandments. Do you think the 10 commandments is only for Children?

There is a world of difference between lovingly honoring one's parents by helping them out...and catering to unreasonable and even ungodly whims.

I never said anywhere for catering to unreasonable and ungodly whims. You even quoted what I said in #1. Even Eph 6:1 says to obey your parents in the Lord, not unconditionally.

And no...a father does not "own" his daughter any more than a husband "owns" his wife.

Yes. A child is a gift given by God to parents. Do you disown the gift given by God?

(Ps 127:3) Behold, children [are] a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Yes, even today, children cannot enter into legal contracts unless their parents are approving and yes, husband and wives are legally "bound" to each other in the contracts and legal issues they enter into.

This doesn't speak of "ownership" though. A woman is her "own" until she becomes a Christian...then she is "owned" by Christ. As a servant of Christ, if she marries she submits herself to a husband. If she has no husband, she is not under obligation to remain under her father's control as if she were his slave. That isn't even what Numbers 30 speaks of...one needs to read that little phrase that keeps cropping up in Numbers 30, "in her youth"....or as Numbers 30:16 states, "and as between a father and his daughter, while she is in her youth in her father’s house." (Keep in , Numbers 30 is dealing with vows ie legal obligations.)


This is exactly what 1 Corinthians is saying to us...if one remains unmarried, as I myself was for many years, one is free to follow Christ...not bound to a father or mother (as a child is) nor to a husband or wife, as a married person is.

Ps 127:3 speaks about parents 'owning' their children - a gift or a heritage given by God.

However, husband does not own his wife neither does wife own the husband because they are one flesh.

Why do you always project as if living under the authority of a father is always living like a slave? If a father is misusing or mistreating his own child which is clearly not in Christ and it is not a requirement according to scriptures to obey him. Scripture only asks children to obey in the Lord.

 

[jasoncran]

My actual question is, irrespective of any age, if they are capable of doing it, let me know the reasons for not doing it. It's as simple as that. How could many people here argue, that it is not rebellious against God?

i will post it this way, if i was president of the united states and i had to deal with a country and it was a way that my dad didnt like should do as he said? or do what the advisors tell me or what i decided after much prayer?

 

[felix]

i will post it this way, if i was president of the united states and i had to deal with a country and it was a way that my dad didnt like should do as he said? or do what the advisors tell me or what i decided after much prayer?

Obeying parents does not override obeying God and doing what is right in the sight of the Lord. None of the 3 might be right or one of the three may be right in the sight of the Lord.


If US must veto and stop the Palestinian state bid, it is right in the sight of the Lord. If protecting Saudi and 'Mecca' (indirectly) under the Sep 1971 agreement by Nixon which the US is currently involved in and actively protecting a pagan holy place, it is an abomination in the sight of the Lord.


You will know if the decision is right in the sight of the Lord or not. Even if you don't know, if you truly follow Him, He will never allow anything go against His will to happen if you had asked for His will.


As I had already been saying and would like to say that again, when 'obeying parents', I don't want to hijack into obeying ungodly or like a slave by forcing to do anything unreasonable. That is not what I meant. 'obeying parents' parents according to scriptures is obeying them in the Lord.

 

[jasoncran]

Obeying parents does not override obeying God and doing what is right in the sight of the Lord. None of the 3 might be right or one of the three may be right in the sight of the Lord.


If US must veto and stop the Palestinian state bid, it is right in the sight of the Lord. If protecting Saudi and 'Mecca' (indirectly) under the Sep 1971 agreement by Nixon which the US is currently involved in and actively protecting a pagan holy place, it is an abomination in the sight of the Lord.


You will know if the decision is right in the sight of the Lord or not. Even if you don't know, if you truly follow Him, He will never allow anything go against His will to happen if you had asked for His will.


As I had already been saying and would like to say that again, when 'obeying parents', I don't want to hijack into obeying ungodly or like a slave by forcing to do anything unreasonable. That is not what I meant. 'obeying parents' parents according to scriptures is obeying them in the Lord.

ok but what exactly does that entail? if my dad was to say ? i need you clean my house now? should i jump and do that?remember i cleave to my wife and she to me over our parents.

oh and i was asked to help my parents by my mom who paid me gas money for my help in using my truck with a trailer that i borrowed to clean out her garage. she didnt command me. she asked if i was able too. she knows that of her four i am the most reliable. even with the ten bucks for the bother i saved them alot.

 

[felix]

ok but what exactly does that entail? if my dad was to say ? i need you clean my house now? should i jump and do that?remember i cleave to my wife and she to me over our parents.

This is why scripture says to obey in the Lord. If the house must be cleaned for some reason and your parents are unable to do any cleaning work and ask you to do some cleaning, how do you think you don't need to obey?

Is your dad asking you to clean the house for fun?

Your wife and you are one flesh and I think you both need to help your dad.

 

[YoungThinker]

This is why scripture says to obey in the Lord. If the house must be cleaned for some reason and your parents are unable to do any cleaning work and ask you to do some cleaning, how do you think you don't need to obey?

Is your dad asking you to clean the house for fun?

Your wife and you are one flesh and I think you both need to help your dad.

As hard as it is for you to believe, some parents will use their power for fun. Though they're not supposed to they will. And even with good intentions parents sometimes mess up. You're saying that you'll decide when their command is in the Lord and then obey it when really you mean you'll obey it if it's reasonable for your life. There's nothing ungodly about sitting in the closet all week. As you said earlier, "as long as it does not directly contradict scripture." There's no scripture that says you can't stay in the closet for one week and to not do so, according to your words, will be outright rebellion.

Here's another one. If your mother called you up and said, "Felix, I no longer want you to work as ------. Quit your job and study to become a lawyer. And I only want you to wear blue polo shirts. They're more modest. Call me before you go anywhere and don't stay out pass 9:00. Also your father says to tell you to move in with us. We don't feel safe with you being under under roof."

Nothing here was in direct contradiction to the scripture.

As I had already been saying and would like to say that again, when 'obeying parents', I don't want to hijack into obeying ungodly or like a slave by forcing to do anything unreasonable. That is not what I meant. 'obeying parents' parents according to scriptures is obeying them in the Lord.

The exact same word used to tell children to obey is the same word used for a slave. The word for a wife's obedience is different, softer.

The commandment to slaves and children are the same, but as you said we aren't supposed to be slaves to our parents. When we become adults, our child, slavelike obedience ends and turns to honoring. In the situation above about quitting your job, etc., if your were a child, you would have to obey. As an adult the training up is over.

 

[felix]

As hard as it is for you to believe, some parents will use their power for fun. Though they're not supposed to they will. And even with good intentions parents sometimes mess up. You're saying that you'll decide when their command is in the Lord and then obey it when really you mean you'll obey it if it's reasonable for your life.

Sorry.. not reasonable for my life but if it glorifies the Lord in anyway.

There's nothing ungodly about sitting in the closet all week. As you said earlier, "as long as it does not directly contradict scripture." There's no scripture that says you can't stay in the closet for one week and to not do so, according to your words, will be outright rebellion.

Yes it does. God did not create you to sit in closet all week and sitting all week in closet does not glorify God in anyway.

Here's another one. If your mother called you up and said, "Felix, I no longer want you to work as ------. Quit your job and study to become a lawyer. And I only want you to wear blue polo shirts. They're more modest. Call me before you go anywhere and don't stay out pass 9:00. Also your father says to tell you to move in with us. We don't feel safe with you being under under roof."

Every scenario you say indirectly portrays parents in bad light - like asking you to do some funny stuff for their entertainment.

If your father asks you to marry a prostitute and name your child fatherless, will you? If your father asks you to walk naked for 3 years, will you? Can you give me a good name by which you can call such a father?

The exact same word used to tell children to obey is the same word used for a slave. The word for a wife's obedience is different, softer.

The commandment to slaves and children are the same, but as you said we aren't supposed to be slaves to our parents. When we become adults, our child, slavelike obedience ends and turns to honoring. In the situation above about quitting your job, etc., if your were a child, you would have to obey. As an adult the training up is over.

No father will consider his relationship with his son as master-slave.

(Luke 15:19) "and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants." '

Go and ask the prodigal son what is like to be a son and what is like to be a hired servant. Unless you go down to the level of a slave, you never know what a son-relationship truly means.

When a son disobeys, father chastens but when a slave disobeys, master punishes. A son can reason with his father but a slave cannot.

When you say 'slavelike obedience', how are you honoring God? lip service? or.... actually obeying Him? Did you forgot that your are adopted as a son? So, you honor him without obeying Him because you are called as a son according to new covenant? How long are you want to twist scripture because you don't what to obey parents?

• When you disobey, it is the God who will judge based on the very intent of hearts.
• When you disobey, you truly know if it is in the Lord or it's your stubbornness or rebelliousness.
• When you disobey, you truly know if your parents desperately require that help or not.
• When you disobey, you truly know weather you honor your parents or not.
• When you disobey, you truly know if you are justifying yourself by being self-righteous inspite of knowing it is abomination in the sight of the Lord.

So, what I am saying is, you continue to say what ever scenario, but the Lord will judge based on your hearts.

What ever you do unto your parents, your children will do unto you, for the Lord is a righteous Judge who judges based on your own words and actions.

 

[YoungThinker]

If I child steals candy from the store and her mother tells her to stay in the closet all week, then the child must obey and is glorifying God for her obedience to her mother's chastisement. Even if the child wasn't being punished and her mother said it randomly, she'd have to obey because she is a child and she can't just decide when to obey and not to obey her mother. That is unless something her mother tells her to do something obviously contrary to what's right (i.e. pray to Satan, etc.).

A father tells his 16-year-old son to quit his part-time job at the convienence store, come home from boarding school, follow a 9:00 curfew, wear blue polo shirts,and study at home to be lawyer, the son as a child will have to obey.

Children must obey. Adults must honor. I used those examples because you asked for them. You said something like "Give me a reason why you won't obey."

There are positive examples, too. A 35-year-old son may be considering a risky investment which his mother tells him not to do. He should listen to her concerns but ultimately, it's his decision what to do with his money.

A father may want his daughter to be a doctor, but her heart may be in teaching.

If a widowed mother is living alone in Florida and wants her children to move form New york to Florida to live with her (and no she refuses to leave the house of her husband and move to New York), are they required to do this?

In all these examples as a child you're required to obey. As an adult you are required to honor.

Sorry.. not reasonable for my life but if it glorifies the Lord in anyway.



Yes it does. God did not create you to sit in closet all week and sitting all week in closet does not glorify God in anyway.

In staying in the closet, you would be honoring God by your unyielding obedience to your father. Does a child say she will not sit in the corner because it does not honor God? Even if the child is being wrongly punished she obeys. It honors God because the very act is following His command to be obedient to her parents.

I never said a son-father relationship was as a slave-master. I only said that the obedience required of him is the same.

I think the issue comes down to this: is there a difference in the way that a child obeys his parents and an adult obeys his parents?

The answer is yes.

A mother cannot give her adult son a curfew and expect him to obey it as a teenager would. But according to you, the adult will have to abide by it. If he gets married and the mother tells him to stay under her roof, he will have to obey. None of these commandments are against the Lord. None are sins. They are done for the protection of the son and daughter-in-law. When you decide whether or not to obey, you are using your right as an adult to honor, but not obey your parent. Yet a child does not have that right.

The crux of the arguement: Why is there a difference in the way you obey your parents and the way your daughters and sons obey you?