How Do You Forgive Yourself?

[PillsburyDoughboy]

I am in a recovery and 12 step program through my church and we always talk about forgiving yourself. Even the guy that has been there for a while doesn't understand exactly how to do it. How do you forgive yourself? What do you say? How does it go?

 

[Aero_Hudson]

I'm no expert but I will throw the following things out there...

- Allow yourself to make mistakes. I'm not saying make them on purpose but when they do occur you have to be alright that they will occur.

- Learn from them and move on. Get rid of the guilt that comes with it and know that if God can forgive you then you can forgive yourself. You are allowed.

- Pray for forgiveness and at the end of the prayer accept forgiveness from yourself and God.

Just some of my thoughts...

 

[Timothy]

The way I see it is this. I can either ask God to forgive me and forgive myself. Or wallow in the mistake and let it to continue to hold me back in life, my walk with God and others. I choose the first. The longer you hold on to the sin and don't forgive yourself the more it will hold you back. It's simply a choice.

Let's make the distinction though, forgiving yourself doesn't me forgetting it. You can still remember what God restored you from, and the mistakes you made so you don't repeat them. To me it's simply a choice. I can choose to repent and believe God forgave me, or I can choose to not forgive which to me is almost the same is not repenting. Why? Because if God forgave you, and according to His word he will if we repent from our hearts, then who are we to not forgive as well. We are then stepping outside God's will in remembering the sin against ourselves when God has washed it free.

It's a choice, just like love, faith, and many other things. Just like being offended is a choice. Being a christian doesn't mean your perfect, it means refusing to give up after you fall. It means committing to repenting from sin when we fall short, it means following God's example and forgiving ourselves and others. Not forgiving yourself is a root of bitterness just as much as not forgiving others, it will spread through your life and twist it around. Don't give the mistake any more foothold in your life, repent, forgive yourself and move on, God already has. There is too much work for us to do, to many who need to know God's love for us to stay back and be hindered by unforgiveness.

 

[faithtransforms]

This is a tough topic. Honestly I had to go to therapy to get to the point of self forgiveness. I knew in my mind that I should forgive myself because God forgives me, but my heart held on to it. My therapist helped me to see that the way I was treating myself was unkind, and that I would forgive someone else for doing the things I have done, so why not forgive myself?

 

[JoJo]

When I start to think of my past sins and get sick in my shame, I say to myself, "If God can forgive me, who am I to hold a grudge against myself?" However, there is something to be said about getting sick from our shame. It keeps us hating our sins, keeps us from ever wanting to go back. Be sick in your shame about it, but don't let it determine who you are now.

 

[Lance]

Its funny, I have absolutely no problem forgiving myself but I don't commit any horrific sins, just the normal stuff so... Its God's forgiveness that brings peace anyway, not self forgiveness. So maybe I don't understand where you're coming from. Also I try not to sin at all, abhor sin, but good luck sticking to a perfect life. Every single one of us that attains the kingdom does so with Jesus help, so good luck with perfection within yourself. When you consider that every other person needs forgiveness it puts one in a rather large group of failures, don't you think? Join the club and give yourself a break.

 

[Joe Luna]

I believe I don't forgive me.

Jesus forgave me and we have the mind of Christ.

Matthew 6:14 tells us to forgive our fellow man.

I think that's a difference between self-help, human potential, psychology and Jesus Christ.

I'm interested in your perspective.

 

[ronniechoate34]

I am in a recovery and 12 step program through my church and we always talk about forgiving yourself. Even the guy that has been there for a while doesn't understand exactly how to do it. How do you forgive yourself? What do you say? How does it go?

There are two kinds of sorrow. There is the worldly sorrow that makes us bitter and self loathing, and then there is the sorrow that is Godly and works to repentance. The latter will also cause self loathing, but, there will be no pity parties. And you will work out your salvation with fear and trembling before the Lord instead of finding occasion to blame others, excuse yourself for your actions, etc. etc. ad nauseam. you will accept the full responsibility, and in the sight of God no less.


I have been tempted to not turn to the Lord Jesus Christ after I have sinned. Satan has told me that Jesus did not wish to hear from me, and that I might as well hang myself. But I humbly work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I also keep that in mind in my relations with others who I feel have wronged me. Whether real or imagined. If I could control my tongue without ever giving in to temptation and using it spitefully then I would be a much more righteous man. But it's not the case. O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death? That promise will be fulfilled and the Lord Jesus Christ will transfigure His own in the blink of an eye. At least we have been given the ability to fight temptation and the devil. Without that I would be the same old lost sinner I once was.

 

[handy]

Does the Bible talk a lot about forgiving oneself? Not really. There would have been some pretty good places where, if self-forgiveness was paramount to our relationship with God and others, it would be dealt with in the Scriptures: David, after he essentially murdered Uriah and committed adultery with Bathsheba, Peter, after he denied the Lord three times, Paul, for persecuting the church.

The closest the Scriptures deals with the idea of "self-forgiveness" is Romans 7 in which Paul deals with the fact that believers deal with the nature towards sin and the fact that, as Christians we now abhor the sin. Do read Romans 7:14-Romans 8:2. I believe that this should be required reading for every Christian. He sums it up with this: "Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of the life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death." (24-8:2)

So, essentially when the bible deals with our inner loathing of our sinfulness, we basically see that, yes, there is that loathing, but that's actually a good thing, it's a good thing because it means that we are in agreement with God about our sin and that agreement means that the law of sin has been broken within us and we are now free in Christ. This is different from those that try to say, "it's OK to continue in sin, because Christ forgives".

What about continued self loathing, then? Is this really a problem? Consider that God's word tells us, "for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church".(Eph 5:29) If it is true that no one truly hates himself, then why self-loathing? Well, think about it, self-loathing is really just another form of self-absorption. Yes, we are concentrating on how much we fail God, but nonetheless, the concentration is still on our self. And, therein lies the problem. We need to get out of the practice of concentrating on self so much. As Paul, who sinned very much against the church did, we need to "set (our) mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth." (Col 3:2)

So, here is Handy's simple "3 step" program toward "self-forgiveness":

1: Agree with God that your sin is bad.
2: Get over yourself already! ;)
3: Set your mind instead on the "things above".

 

[sheshisown]

A few scriptures and wise words that illuminate this subject, IMHO...

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you. Ephesians 4:32


Don Stewart on Blueletterbible DOT org teaches from the scripture on true confession of sin... which leads to complete forgiveness ~ and peace with God:

Agreeing With God

The word confess comes from the Greek word homologeo. It literally means to say the same thing. Confession means to agree or acknowledge fully. Therefore when we confess we say the same thing as God does about our sin. We have God's viewpoint on the matter-we see it as he does. We also acknowledge with him that sin has awful disastrous affects.

Confession does not mean rendering lip service or mouthing deeds with vain repetition. This includes:

Owning Up To Sin

Own up to the fact that the thought or action is wrong. Do not try to justify yourself by rationalizing that it really was not sin. Such rationalizations as, Everyone's doing it, It's just a natural human error, or It's not really so bad is not real confession.

Be Specific

Name the particular thing to God. Do not be general. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to reveal, point out, shine searchlight on specific items in my life.


But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin (1 John 1:7).


We are told to examine ourselves


Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Prove yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified (2 Corinthians 13:5).


Be Prompt

We should not save up our sins until the night and then confess them. We need to confess them immediately. The Bible says:


In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (Ephesians 4:26).


Be Sincere About Quitting

We must also be sincere about quitting the sin we are confessing. We must have the best intention of not doing it again.

Jesus Our Advocate

The Bible says that Jesus Christ is our advocate. He is the one interceding to God the Father on our behalf.


My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous (1 John 2:1)


He restores to fellowship believers who sin.

Summary

Confession is a sincere internal or external verbalization to God that takes only a few words and can be done at any time or any place. It says something like this: I acknowledge that what I have done is wrong and that I agree it is horrible in your sight. Help me to hate it as much as you hate it. In addition, I determine with your help to put this particular sin out of my life and not do it again.
http://www.blueletterbible.org/faq/don_stewart/stewart.cfm?id=567

These teachings have helped me wonderfully!

shehisown~