- Dec 20, 2019
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It’s impossible to exist in our world without sexual sin consistently shoved in our face. Whether it’s various streaming services displaying soft core explicit material as a central part of the plot, social media sending us sexual content from all over the world, or even news articles declaring our current realities we live in as a nation, sexual sin exists everywhere. Adults have access to this and see it everywhere, but do our kids notice? As a sex educator with nearly 15 years’ experience in Christian classrooms and secular locations, my answer to that question is yes.
Children definitely notice the movement of the culture and the sin that so easily entangles. They just might not have the words for it. Childhood is often marked with frequent ‘why’ questions, generally directed at their parents or guardians. As they grow up in an ever-changing world, kids frequently wonder what’s normal, what’s abnormal, and what that means for their bodies, relationships, and young lives.
This is a key part to them understanding the world and their role in it. Therefore, as mentioned in my last article, it’s appropriate to consider how we’ll share God’s design with these curious minds under our care. Parents often think about having ‘the talk’ with older kids who might be dating or progressing towards moving out of the home, but that old way of thinking is outdated.
Sex ed is no longer ‘the talk’, but rather a conversation over the course of a lifetime. Sex ed is discipleship of our children. So how do we talk to kids about these sensitive topics with children as young as elementary school aged? If we’re talking to kids about sexuality, won’t it take away their innocence?
Younger children don’t carry as much shame as teenagers often do when it comes to this topic. This means that even in the elementary years, parents can talk to their kids about gender, sex, and sexuality. Education from a loving parent doesn’t steal innocence away; the sin in our hearts and in our world does. Christian parents may be afraid to broach topics they feel might are too much for their young kids to handle. And, if I may be frank, I think that is exactly what Satan wants. Satan loves to capitalize on fear. In 2 Timothy 1:7, believers are encouraged in that “God did not give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power and of love and of sound mind,” (NKJV).
Christian parents have access to great power, love, and sound minds. We look to Him for these. In addition, God created sex. God made our children. God ordained covenants and families. Therefore, it is good to talk to our kids about His design.
Here are 4 practical tips to help you talk to your kids who are 7-10 about this difficult and holy topic.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” (Romans 12:1).
Children can enter puberty with fear and questions. It’s helpful to remember that our bodies are good, and bought at a price. God created the reproductive systems, puberty, and external genitalia with good design. Assuredly, we can call those parts of the body what they are without shame. Encourage children that even as our physical bodies begin to change and prepare for adulthood, God is honored and glorified with how we grow.
Puberty itself is a way God displays His magnificence. He matures the body to prepare it for childbirth, possible reproduction, and adult growth. The body is good (Genesis 2:24-25, cf. 1 Corinthians 6:12-2), even though it’s normal for puberty to feel awkward and strange. Keep puberty a regular topic in your household as kids grow. The body is not off limits for discussion, but in fact a necessary part of living out God’s truth.
Sadly, child abuse can start at a very young age in all sorts of locations and relationships. There are too many stories of young children being violated before they even knew the names for their body parts or what made the touching illegal. Make sure your children know that no one should ever take pictures of them naked or ask to see them naked, no one should show them naked pictures, and no one should touch them on private parts, because they’re private.
Whether it be another young person (sibling abuse is 5 times more likely to occur than sexual abuse from a parent1), a medical worker, or another family member, touching should never occur without you (in a medical setting), or at all.
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Acknowledge what bad pictures and videos (or ‘porn’ for kids 9 and up) are. Many children are exposed to explicit material by the time they are 10. Yet no parent ever expects their child to see porn. This exposure can affect them for years if not acknowledged from a healthy perspective. As you encourage your kids to focus on what is pure, lovely, excellent, or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), explain that watching nudity in a picture or a video is never good for us or the people in the pictures.
At the same time, if they do see it, encourage them to share that with you, as you are their caretaker. They will not be in trouble, but rather you’d like to make sure they are ok. If an older child has shown your child explicit content, make sure to talk to their parent or guardian immediately.
In my house, I never allow phone access to young kids — even if they own said phones and bring them over to play. Their devices have to stay on the kitchen island while they play elsewhere in the house. As kids get older, feel free to call nudity in picture or video form what it is, porn, so that kids don’t google the word but know what it is beforehand from a trustworthy source.
One of my professional pet peeves is that Christian families might skirt around a child’s question simply because the adult feels their child is not ready for the answer. For example, if a child asks about abortion the parent might simply tell them it’s too difficult of a topic, and they don’t need to know about it. When answered that way though, the parents have missed a discipleship opportunity.
In that example, part of the reason abortion is such a heavy topic is because, as adults, we’ve absorbed a ton of information about it. We might even have our own personal story about abortion or carry the story of another. Kids, on the other hand, are informed primarily by you at this young age. You can explain to them what abortion is according to science and the Bible. And (even if they’re a more sensitive child) they won’t necessarily carry the heaviness that you do. Don’t answer kid’s questions with lies or non-answers. This is why I created a sex ed curriculum just for 7-10 year olds.
As you reflect upon these 4 tips, recall that the Holy Spirit cares deeply about sex because God cares deeply about sex. Our culture will disciple our kids during elementary school.
Whose voice would you like them to hear? As kids in this age group begin to become aware of tricky issues we have great privilege and honor to walk with them through these challenges. Even amongst difficulties like like gender identity, sexting, puberty, and pornography. Don’t leave them in the dark on these topics or respond with a legalistic response which only leaves them confused or ashamed. Consider the world they are growing up in and give them empathetic kindness as you answer fully.
The post How to Talk to 7-10 Year Olds About Their Bodies appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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It’s impossible to exist in our world without sexual sin consistently shoved in our face. Whether it’s various streaming services displaying soft core explicit material as a central part of the plot, social media sending us sexual content from all over the world, or even news articles declaring our current realities we live in as a nation, sexual sin exists everywhere. Adults have access to this and see it everywhere, but do our kids notice? As a sex educator with nearly 15 years’ experience in Christian classrooms and secular locations, my answer to that question is yes.
Children definitely notice the movement of the culture and the sin that so easily entangles. They just might not have the words for it. Childhood is often marked with frequent ‘why’ questions, generally directed at their parents or guardians. As they grow up in an ever-changing world, kids frequently wonder what’s normal, what’s abnormal, and what that means for their bodies, relationships, and young lives.
This is a key part to them understanding the world and their role in it. Therefore, as mentioned in my last article, it’s appropriate to consider how we’ll share God’s design with these curious minds under our care. Parents often think about having ‘the talk’ with older kids who might be dating or progressing towards moving out of the home, but that old way of thinking is outdated.
Sex ed is no longer ‘the talk’, but rather a conversation over the course of a lifetime. Sex ed is discipleship of our children. So how do we talk to kids about these sensitive topics with children as young as elementary school aged? If we’re talking to kids about sexuality, won’t it take away their innocence?
Younger children don’t carry as much shame as teenagers often do when it comes to this topic. This means that even in the elementary years, parents can talk to their kids about gender, sex, and sexuality. Education from a loving parent doesn’t steal innocence away; the sin in our hearts and in our world does. Christian parents may be afraid to broach topics they feel might are too much for their young kids to handle. And, if I may be frank, I think that is exactly what Satan wants. Satan loves to capitalize on fear. In 2 Timothy 1:7, believers are encouraged in that “God did not give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power and of love and of sound mind,” (NKJV).
Christian parents have access to great power, love, and sound minds. We look to Him for these. In addition, God created sex. God made our children. God ordained covenants and families. Therefore, it is good to talk to our kids about His design.
Here are 4 practical tips to help you talk to your kids who are 7-10 about this difficult and holy topic.
1. Prepare them for puberty by discussing the changing body scientifically.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” (Romans 12:1).
Children can enter puberty with fear and questions. It’s helpful to remember that our bodies are good, and bought at a price. God created the reproductive systems, puberty, and external genitalia with good design. Assuredly, we can call those parts of the body what they are without shame. Encourage children that even as our physical bodies begin to change and prepare for adulthood, God is honored and glorified with how we grow.
Puberty itself is a way God displays His magnificence. He matures the body to prepare it for childbirth, possible reproduction, and adult growth. The body is good (Genesis 2:24-25, cf. 1 Corinthians 6:12-2), even though it’s normal for puberty to feel awkward and strange. Keep puberty a regular topic in your household as kids grow. The body is not off limits for discussion, but in fact a necessary part of living out God’s truth.
2. Teach them about mutual respect for others’ bodies.
Sadly, child abuse can start at a very young age in all sorts of locations and relationships. There are too many stories of young children being violated before they even knew the names for their body parts or what made the touching illegal. Make sure your children know that no one should ever take pictures of them naked or ask to see them naked, no one should show them naked pictures, and no one should touch them on private parts, because they’re private.
Whether it be another young person (sibling abuse is 5 times more likely to occur than sexual abuse from a parent1), a medical worker, or another family member, touching should never occur without you (in a medical setting), or at all.
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3. Tell them what is never okay to watch.
Acknowledge what bad pictures and videos (or ‘porn’ for kids 9 and up) are. Many children are exposed to explicit material by the time they are 10. Yet no parent ever expects their child to see porn. This exposure can affect them for years if not acknowledged from a healthy perspective. As you encourage your kids to focus on what is pure, lovely, excellent, or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), explain that watching nudity in a picture or a video is never good for us or the people in the pictures.
At the same time, if they do see it, encourage them to share that with you, as you are their caretaker. They will not be in trouble, but rather you’d like to make sure they are ok. If an older child has shown your child explicit content, make sure to talk to their parent or guardian immediately.
In my house, I never allow phone access to young kids — even if they own said phones and bring them over to play. Their devices have to stay on the kitchen island while they play elsewhere in the house. As kids get older, feel free to call nudity in picture or video form what it is, porn, so that kids don’t google the word but know what it is beforehand from a trustworthy source.
4. When children ask questions, answer honestly.
One of my professional pet peeves is that Christian families might skirt around a child’s question simply because the adult feels their child is not ready for the answer. For example, if a child asks about abortion the parent might simply tell them it’s too difficult of a topic, and they don’t need to know about it. When answered that way though, the parents have missed a discipleship opportunity.
In that example, part of the reason abortion is such a heavy topic is because, as adults, we’ve absorbed a ton of information about it. We might even have our own personal story about abortion or carry the story of another. Kids, on the other hand, are informed primarily by you at this young age. You can explain to them what abortion is according to science and the Bible. And (even if they’re a more sensitive child) they won’t necessarily carry the heaviness that you do. Don’t answer kid’s questions with lies or non-answers. This is why I created a sex ed curriculum just for 7-10 year olds.
Reflect
As you reflect upon these 4 tips, recall that the Holy Spirit cares deeply about sex because God cares deeply about sex. Our culture will disciple our kids during elementary school.
Whose voice would you like them to hear? As kids in this age group begin to become aware of tricky issues we have great privilege and honor to walk with them through these challenges. Even amongst difficulties like like gender identity, sexting, puberty, and pornography. Don’t leave them in the dark on these topics or respond with a legalistic response which only leaves them confused or ashamed. Consider the world they are growing up in and give them empathetic kindness as you answer fully.
- Yates, P. & Allardyce, S. (2021). Sibling sexual abuse: A knowledge and practice overview. Centre of Expertise on Child Sexual Abuse. https://www.napier.ac.uk/research-a...exual-abuse-a-knowledge-and-practice-overview ↩︎
The post How to Talk to 7-10 Year Olds About Their Bodies appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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