I Am At My Breaking Point- Can God Give You More Than You Can Handle? Because I am there!

[MD Carter]

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

 

[Eugene]

.
Dear MD Carter, welcome to our Christian forum in Jesus’ name. I have absolutely no idea the cause or purpose of your present sufferings in Christ, but if you’ve read around the various testimonies or requests for prayer I think you’ll find a people that can relate to your present conditions.


I might ask why you think you are lost just because you’re not experiencing deliverance from your past? Have you considered Rom 10:13? For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. I will leave this following pamphlet I wrote I hope gives you the place we have in Christ once we have believed on Him.

Salvation with Security – 1, 2, 3
http://www.christianforums.net/Fell...ds/salvation-with-security-parts-1-2-3.52236/

Dear Father, please come in with healing for this dear man, and provide employment for him and his wife. Thank You Father and I ask this in the blessed name of Jesus. Amen.

 

[KevinK]

It is commonly said that God (or some people say life) never gives you more than you can handle. I don't share that opinion. I think that God (I say God) does sometimes, even most or all of the time, gives you more than you can personally handle, but this is for a reason. When you're stretched to beyond your capacity is the time you call out to something beyond yourself, and hopefully that name is Jesus Christ. That's how I personally came to be born again in the Lord. I found out that no-one can save themself, it's impossible, that's what God is for.

 

[Edward]

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

Use paragraphs Brother, please. It's hard to read without paragraphs.

Anyway...don't give up. The Lord is doing something with you, and...

Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom?

This is spot on. Being in a tight spot sure makes one think. If things got worse for you after you became born again, then that's prophecy being fulfilled. It says the world will turn against you and hate you, (because you met the Lord)

Christ suffered here on earth, and I will suffer here on earth, and you will suffer. But if we share in his suffering, we will also share in His glory.

Nobody meets the Lord on the mountain of prosperity. It's always down in the valley of the shadow of death. He wants us to reach out to Him and depend on Him.

Your suffering and poor station in life keeps you clinging to the Lord. Paul teaches us, that suffering builds endurance, patience and other good character traits that we should have (we'll need them in the kingdom). So this is all preparing you for your future. A training of sorts, and though it may not be fun or nice, it's essential for our (your) growth.

I was homeless for two months, a couple months ago. My bi-polar neice stopped her medication and became very hostile. Kicked out her husband, her dad, and me. I was sleeping in my truck in a Walmart parking lot, and praising the Lord night and day that I did have that truck to sleep in.

It could've been a lot worse. I didn't turn on the Lord or get frustrated over what I didn't have, but rather praise Him for what I did have.

I thought, dangit, why won't the Lord just come give me a visitation, reassure me, and give me some instruction on what to do (for Him) so I could help, do something for the Kingdom, which is what I wanted to do anyway, then it'd be good and I could do it...

Then the thought hit me. Hard. Almost like the Lord put it in my head...what if He put me into my exact situation that I'm in now?

A test of my faith and growth of character. Why would I be able to do it then, but not now? Hmmm

 

[smaller]

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

Sometimes you have to dial yourself back, take a few giant steps back from the edge, get a grip on yourself, and take one step at a time. One. When you learn, by discipline, to take one step, then you get to do another step.

That's pretty much the most any of us get. One step at a time. It doesn't change for any of us. And yes, I've been in similar shoes. Hope to avoid them again, but sometimes you learn when you do take steps, don't go the wrong direction and walk directly back into trouble again.

The same works with "work." Sometimes you have to take baby steps there too. Start at the lowest rung of the ladder. Be faithful. Consistent.

Some people can't roll the chair back from drama, and are in fact addicted to it. I personally detest drama and avoid it like the plague. Life brings me enough drama. More than I care to have on my plate most of the time without adding to it.

 

[IncredibleTransformation]

I have no great words of wisdom. It is only sad that this country will not give a second chance to people in your position. I will pray for you.

 

[abide]

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

Please do not entertain thoughts of suicide. Your situation is very difficult..but God knows. He will never put on you than you are able to bear. The members here are praying for you.

Moses' mother was a in a very difficult situation. The king of Egypt had made a proclamation that all boy babies would be killed. She knew that the God of Israel was a prayer answering God... She decided to put the life of young Moses on the line.
She placed him in a basket and placed it in the river. Thoughts of crocodiles eating young Moses probably came to her mind, but she trusted and the rest is history. God is able and he will come through for you and your family.

Psalm 72.12-13
For he shall deliver the needy when he crieth; the poor also and him that hath no helper.
He shall spare the poor and needy, and shall save the souls of the needy.

Don Moen - God Will Make A Way

 

[MD Carter]

I feel it necessary to give an update on my situation. It was late into the night when I posted this thread, and I was suffering (so I was not so much concerned with paragraphs and grammatical format, just wanting to get my thoughts out). I don't know why it was this particular site that I chose, I just randomly picked the first Christian forum that I came across, being in a desperate position, however, someone on this site has prayed for me, and I know this for a certainty, for there is nobody else in my life that intercedes on my behalf (my wife and I being quite alone in our homelessness), and something happened during the night, and into the morning, that gave me a perception shift.

I could not, for the life of me, get a couple scriptures out of my head, which kept repeating over and over again, leaving me in a restless sleep. The first was the story of the rich man and Lazarus, who was homeless at the gate of the rich man. In my mind, a crystal clear visualization came upon me of a man dressed in rags (similar to myself), with a couple dogs licking the sores that were on his arms and legs. No matter how hard I tried, it would not leave my mind. And then this random thought came into my head, as if God were using my own thoughts to communicate with me, "Lazarus was my child, a child of Abraham, a true Israelite, and a son of promise, yet I did not deliver him from his position of destitution, but left him there at the gate- for there is a purpose for those who sit at the gate, and a purpose for those who sit in nice houses; you are at the gate, and know that there is a purpose for you."

The next scripture was this, "for I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name." This was in reference to Paul in Acts chapter nine (which I had to search to find), and I suddenly understood, that because of what I have done, and who I am, my walk will be a little different (a little harder) than most Christians, only because there is more to break. This was very clear to me, especially when this thought came into my mind, "Know your position in the body of Christ- there are the obvious hands and feet, eyes and ears, but you belong to the covered parts, that area of the body that is less honorable, and unpresentable, and you need to be treated with greater modesty (1 Corinthians 12:22-24)."

Some of the feedback from this site confirmed what I had already received during the night. And seeing other homeless people around me, lost in mental illness and addiction, I suddenly came to the realization that God is not going to heal me of my bipolar, because I can relate to the other suffering souls that are around me, and they can relate to me. A peace came upon me this morning that I have not felt in a long time, and I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, even though it is in a small tent in the woods, in absolute poverty. Having accepted my position, I thought to myself, Now what? The response was immediate, Go and love.

I want to thank those who have prayed for me, and I want you to know that whoever did pray, God is listening to you. Please, continue to pray every now then for me, for I know my life will be hard, up to the day I die, but if I dwell on my low position in life, I will only be focused on the negative. I need to move on, and I have moved on, at least for now, because I do not know what tomorrow is going to bring, especially when I suffer from an unpredictable mental illness. Again, thank-you.

 

[smaller]

Having accepted my position, I thought to myself, Now what? The response was immediate, Go and love.

You have definitely HEARD from God, in that. Be faithful in little. God Is faithful to us, even when we may not perceive it as such, in the depths of our despairs. There is a certain amount of trust that has to be engaged. We definitely learn from our failures to NOT trust ourselves. That much is certain, and a good thing to keep in mind, so as not to succumb to the failures of our past.

 

[vitaminJ]

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

This is directly linked to society letting people fall through the cracks. People have lost touch with the common man, and it's a highly competitive commercial world we're living in.

"Survival of the fittest."

If your not up to the worlds little challenge's, you're left out in the cold.

Everyone is following the world, especially the church now days.
Don't think I don't understand your predicament, I spent the last year on and off the streets (Very sick)
People just walk over you, and don't really care about anyone.

But that's not entirely true.

I'll tell you what I did when I was on the streets. Park your butt on the steps of a church, any church.

 

[Lee2000]

Hello Brother,

The Christian existence is not always an easy path there will always be hardships trails tribulations and wilderness experiences; we will never fully understand or comprehend the cause reason or purpose of our circumstances and situations.

However those who endure to the end will be saved.

I can only say your courage commitment and perseverance is admiral, but the fight is not over yet, like all members in the body your path is a difficult one, it is not easy to ignore your circumstances but you have been placed there for a reason and purpose that God will reveal at the right time.

Please take comfort in the knowledge that we are praying for you and your wife and that God is in control and has never left you nor forsaken you.

There may be times when you question or even doubt this, but it is all part of Gods plan to help resolve any resistance and prepare you for what he has planned for your future.

May God’s grace mercy and compassion help you to overcome any difficulties and may you walk in victory and unconditional love until you return home brother.

Peace

 

[blair032]

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

I don't look at that saying like that. I think God will give us strength & peace to withstand what we are going thru according to our relationship with Him. The thing is a trust issue. If we do not absolutely trust God to help, & believe me that trust is a tough thing to give & receive, then it's very hard to realize that God's got our back. The more one reads & tries to understand scripture, the more a person sees what the capability of God really is. It's not so much all the tough things we go thru, it's where & what we focus on during troubled times. It's not a magic promise by any means that everyone will withstand everything we go thru ..... just cuz. It's an attitude that we must be strong in. "God's got my back to help me no matter what!" If we truly believe that or not is the issue here.

You sound as tho you're up against it & have some heavy strikes against you. Remember that it's up to you to be proactive with trying to help yourself in ALL ways possible. God will give the strength you need. It's your trust in God to believe & take it to heart. Leav no stone unturned re getting yourself out of the hole you are in. As far your mental health issues .... go nywhere to get the meds you need. This is where God will open doors for you. W/o meds, you are in trouble. Don't give up until you can get your meds on a reguar basis. That's the key to help for you. Develop trust in God & get your meds. That's your mantra until you get it.

 

[JPPT1974]

God praying for you. As for knowing that we all suffer a breaking point. It is not the first. Nor will be the last. As the Lord wants people like you to lean on Him. As God will make a way. And how you need to put Him first and foremost above everybody and everything in your life. Glad you are doing well. But remember through thick and thin, mountains and valleys, highs and lows, God will lead the way for you.

 

[JLB]

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

You are loved by God.

I have been in a similar situation, so I know what you are going through.

God will work this for your good.


First of all, please get alone with God and tell Him that you repent, and give your entire life to Him, in Jesus name.

Don't ask Him to give you peace or relieve your suffering, tell Him you give your whole life to Him, and ask Him to consume you and fill you with His Spirit.

Many times in life we just want to be relieved of the suffering we are experiencing, that is due to our own disobedience, when God is wanting for us to give Him our entire life, to do with as He pleases.


God bless you, and know He loves you and is jealous for you.



JLB

 

[for_his_glory]

MD Carter, if you are still checking this forum this is for you and all who are in simular situations as I was at one time. In my prayers.


I'm a lonely sojourner in a land that use to be, but is no more to me.

I am fearful of my predators, but protected by my Lord.

Shall I speak with words of kindness to the faces I never see or walk in tolerance of the ignorance of those who be.

I know who I am and that's all I need as the rest of this world in ignorance will be.

When the moon gives up its light and the days grow dark then my Savior will rescue this sojourning Lark.


I wrote this one day as I was reflecting on my life journey here on this earth and all the many things I have faced so far in this life. I look back at where I use to be many years ago and compared to where I am now and it just amazes me how God can love so unconditionally. If not for Gods mercy and grace there would be no hope for any of us who struggle through this walk here on Earth. The victory truly does belong to the Lord who has made us more than conquerors.

 

[stovebolts]

I feel it necessary to give an update on my situation. It was late into the night when I posted this thread, and I was suffering (so I was not so much concerned with paragraphs and grammatical format, just wanting to get my thoughts out). I don't know why it was this particular site that I chose, I just randomly picked the first Christian forum that I came across, being in a desperate position, however, someone on this site has prayed for me, and I know this for a certainty, for there is nobody else in my life that intercedes on my behalf (my wife and I being quite alone in our homelessness), and something happened during the night, and into the morning, that gave me a perception shift.

I could not, for the life of me, get a couple scriptures out of my head, which kept repeating over and over again, leaving me in a restless sleep. The first was the story of the rich man and Lazarus, who was homeless at the gate of the rich man. In my mind, a crystal clear visualization came upon me of a man dressed in rags (similar to myself), with a couple dogs licking the sores that were on his arms and legs. No matter how hard I tried, it would not leave my mind. And then this random thought came into my head, as if God were using my own thoughts to communicate with me, "Lazarus was my child, a child of Abraham, a true Israelite, and a son of promise, yet I did not deliver him from his position of destitution, but left him there at the gate- for there is a purpose for those who sit at the gate, and a purpose for those who sit in nice houses; you are at the gate, and know that there is a purpose for you."

The next scripture was this, "for I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name." This was in reference to Paul in Acts chapter nine (which I had to search to find), and I suddenly understood, that because of what I have done, and who I am, my walk will be a little different (a little harder) than most Christians, only because there is more to break. This was very clear to me, especially when this thought came into my mind, "Know your position in the body of Christ- there are the obvious hands and feet, eyes and ears, but you belong to the covered parts, that area of the body that is less honorable, and unpresentable, and you need to be treated with greater modesty (1 Corinthians 12:22-24)."

Some of the feedback from this site confirmed what I had already received during the night. And seeing other homeless people around me, lost in mental illness and addiction, I suddenly came to the realization that God is not going to heal me of my bipolar, because I can relate to the other suffering souls that are around me, and they can relate to me. A peace came upon me this morning that I have not felt in a long time, and I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, even though it is in a small tent in the woods, in absolute poverty. Having accepted my position, I thought to myself, Now what? The response was immediate, Go and love.

I want to thank those who have prayed for me, and I want you to know that whoever did pray, God is listening to you. Please, continue to pray every now then for me, for I know my life will be hard, up to the day I die, but if I dwell on my low position in life, I will only be focused on the negative. I need to move on, and I have moved on, at least for now, because I do not know what tomorrow is going to bring, especially when I suffer from an unpredictable mental illness. Again, thank-you.

God has given you much wisdom. Thank you for sharing. It was exactly what I needed.
Grace and peace.

 

[islandrazor]

Many have responded with comforting words here my friend. Father I pray that you will show this child the end of this suffering, and strengthen them as you draw them near to you. Thanks.
James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:

1st Cor 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

 

[Willie T]

Yes. The Bible does not say you will never encounter more than you can handle. Some things are FAR more than we can handle.
What the Bible DOES say is that WITH any of those things, He will ALSO give us a way out if we will do as He leads us.

 

[th1b.taylor]

Man, where do I even begin?! I remember, clearly, when God first entered my life at twenty-five (or the moment I was cognitively aware that He was there), and I felt a supernatural peace, along with an unspeakable joy. But, the fight begins. I gave up everything for God (television, drugs, basically the world), and devoted myself to the teachings of Christ as revealed through scripture (probably in a more legalistic way), and then I stumbled, and stumbled some more, until I found myself staying on the ground after a bad fall. It seems Christianity became almost a burden since I had so many things wrong with me, and I could not control the sin within, especially my thoughts. I watched my mom die of cancer, my wife miscarried in her first pregnancy after fifteen years of marriage, I lost my job and CANNOT find another one because I am a violent crime felon, now my wife and I have been homeless for over a year, living in tents in the woods, sleeping in the cold, rain, and sweltering heat, surrounded by darkness and addicts. I feel like it is one thing after another and it is not letting up, especially since our puppy died recently of heat exhaustion when we were walking from Arkansas to Ohio, yes, that's right, walking. I am forty years old, my health is failing, and I am SO STRESSED OUT from my mental illness (bipolar), which I cannot control, and appears to be getting worse with age. All I want is that peace again. Is it all the bad decisions I have made in my past that has cursed me to this miserable existence? Am I being punished, even tortured, by God? Do I need to go through this as a purging, to prepare me for the kingdom? I could not get the thought of killing myself out of my head just days ago, and I don't want to be consumed by those negative thoughts, but it is part of my illness, and I do not understand why God does not heal me, knowing what it does to myself, and others. I'm passed the end of my rope, and I have cried out to God so many times, but my situation is only worsening. It is hard to focus on a God that seems to have turned His back upon me, like a wayward Israelite from the Old Testament. All of this is too much for me to handle. I am lost, and do not know how to come back from this!

It is a very popular Christian claim that YHWH will never give us more than we can bear but for all of it's popularity it ignores the truth that His ways are not our ways. The truth is that He will always pile more on us than we can stand, forcing us ¿training? to trust and to rely only on Him for everything. We always want to help YHWH and there is nothing we can do.

A great example of this Spiritual Truth is the greatest source of driver aggivation and discontent, the Detour Sign. You have four minutes to reach your destination and if you could go down the road you will there in less than two. But you drove this detour last week when this Road Repair first began and it took 15 minutes. But just as the Safe Thing for you to do is to not go down the street into the area being removed but to follow the Detour Signs.

Just as YHWH has always been preparing our futures and the destinations we are on His time table, not ours and just as we had to be broken before YHWH could use us in Ministry, so must we suffer pain to be molded into His Image.

 

[eddif]

Galatians 2:20 KJV
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

So getting straightened out is not us, but Christ in us doing the work.

Redneck
eddif