Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow him? How do I do that? I need your opinion, but ultimately I need to hear from Jesus. I have prayed on this and as of right now I heard nothing.
Also it does not help the fact that I am in college right now.
Haha, College is not at all a helpful environment for getting your convictions straight! Simultaneously 18 is a really good age for doing so. By this we can conclude that the enemy is working overtime.
Deny yourself take up your cross and follow me is something that as a small child I recognized I had NO idea what it meant. Same with "believe," as Jesus uses the word.
Keeping my mind open to those facts ultimately led to me being given the gift of Faith. Doesn't that make a lot of sense? Although I must tell you I never recognized it, and had to sit through a LOT of teaching on the subject before the notion dawned on me.
So what I'm telling you is that your heart and mind are in an extraordinarily good place right now! How long our Lord will keep you right there I of course have no idea. (Unless He were to specifically tell me) Neither can I tell you what your next step is to be.
What I CAN tell you is He is good, and His reputation as a Good Shepherd is entirely deserved! (Although much of what that means is lost on us, not being from a shepherding culture.)
As He has led me since 1981, I have NEVER heard His voice, in audible fashion. How He leads me might be impossible for me to explain to you, and as you come to recognize His leading in your own life if you were to try to explain how to me I might find it foreign.
What I CAN tell you is get the Word (meaning the Bible) IN you! Don't bother to wrestle with understanding everything you read, just get it IN you first. He knows what to do with it once it's in you, and it comes ALIVE!!
It is literally HE (in us) who does God's will, despite the fact of being hindered by ... us.
That is as rock-solid as it gets, Brother! I'm keeping it simple here because I have no idea what you know, other than your posts in this one thread. So: read John. From there read straight to the end of the Bible. After that it probably makes sense to dwell in the Epistles for a while, beginning to pray and meditate on it. At that time you could also begin to avail yourself of study aids which are plentiful online:
Biblegateway.org has some good ones. They also have some good modern translations which might help you right away. GW (God's Word) is esteemed highly by scholars. I also like MSG (The Message) for Paul's writings but it's TERRIBLE for the Gospels.
Blueletterbible.com also has good study aids, but not as many good modern translations.
Don't get hung up on which version to read, they all have their strengths and weaknesses, and they all largely convey the same point.
Also know that my first words to you referred to what you already wrote as being an absolutely essential world view to awaken to.