I just need to know

[Fenny]

I have been separated from God, for awhile, I did start questioning His existence, and deleted Him from everything I do. Recently I got expelled from uni, I made a mistake and was not willing to own up to it, I actually thought I'd get away with it, but I got caught and now I'm expelled. I want to believe that this is God's way of bringing me back to Him, but I'm scared that it's gonna break me, I might not make it. Can He really break me to a point of no return? A point where I'm gonna tire and choose death? Or maybe these are not God's plans, I made a mistake and I'm paying for it, I'm slowly falling into depression but still holding to "He wouldn't have wasted all that time on me just to let go of me now". But what if this hope amounts to nothing? Maybe this is how my life goes

 

[Anaphora]

No one is judging you. I don't fully understand this. Matthew chapter 5, Jesus didn't change one jot of the law. If someone is caught stealing at a job, of course they will pay for it.
Its written in Hebrew and proverbs, God chastisement of those He loves. Yes, thier will be correction to Christian or child of light. In deuteronomy , God gave Israel laws. There still in effect today.

If someone is drunk driving, of course the law enforcement will make the individual accountable. There's laws in America. The constitution is after God's laws, old testament.
Repent sins to God and be forgiven. If God is correcting you, kiss the paddle, and learn from it.
Jesus can also resolve your situation. Pray to God and Jesus, repent, and ask for help. Faith is the key.
Psalm chapter 73 is the answer. Dont leave the sanctuary. Don't get involved in false doctrine or idol worship. Deuteronomy chapter 4, God is a Jealous God. Don't give God any reason to be jealous.
Study sound doctrine, repent, and dont leave the sanctuary. Pray to Jesus and ask for Help.

 

[Who Me]

Can He really break me to a point of no return? A point where I'm gonna tire and choose death?

God will bring you to your knees to make you realise that you need him..
He will not destroy you, but if you are stubborn and will not repent he will hound you until you do submit to him.
So be brutally honest with him and with your self, start reading g the Bible, praying and attending church.

 

[for_his_glory]

It seems to me you have left God, but He has never left you. Many of us have backslide to the point of being so low that all we had left was to look up and regain that relationship we had with God at one time. The flesh will beat us down when we let it, but God is only a pray away waiting for you to come back to Him. It's not hopeless for you. Let the love of Christ give you a fresh start as you reach out to Him with a humbled heart of repentance and build upon your faith as you draw closer to Him.

 

[Tenchi]

I have been separated from God, for awhile, I did start questioning His existence, and deleted Him from everything I do.

Hello, Fenny. Welcome to CF.net.

It's actually not possible to "delete God from everything you do." Without Him you don't exist. He not only has created everything, He sustains it all, moment by moment. So, you may have turned your back on Him, but He remains the only reason you continue to exist. Isn't it amazing that He didn't just "pull the plug" on you the moment you stepped you wrong, as He had every right to do? No, though you spurned Him, He still sustained your existence. Why? Because He loves you and would see you return to Him in repentance, confession and submission.

2 Peter 3:9
9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Romans 2:4
4 ...do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?

Recently I got expelled from uni, I made a mistake and was not willing to own up to it, I actually thought I'd get away with it, but I got caught and now I'm expelled. I want to believe that this is God's way of bringing me back to Him, but I'm scared that it's gonna break me, I might not make it.

You'll make it - if you'll humble yourself under God's mighty hand in repentance and confession of your rebellion toward Him. It is only those who go low before God whom He lifts up.

1 Peter 5:5-7
5 ...“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

James 4:6-10
6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Can He really break me to a point of no return? A point where I'm gonna tire and choose death? Or maybe these are not God's plans, I made a mistake and I'm paying for it, I'm slowly falling into depression but still holding to "He wouldn't have wasted all that time on me just to let go of me now". But what if this hope amounts to nothing? Maybe this is how my life goes

Fenny, don't blame God for your own choices. God did not force you into dishonesty; He did not push you into rebellion toward Himself. You did these things. And now, you're facing the consequences. But God is "full of compassion," He "remembers that we are dust." This doesn't mean He is soft toward your sin, but it does mean that He is ready to forgive you, and to bring you into the fellowship with Himself for which you were made (1 Corinthians 1:9; 2 Corinthians 13:14; 1 John 1:3).

What God requires, Fenny, is that He be seated on the throne of your heart, ruling you, controlling you, and guiding you into the abundant life for which He made you.

John 10:9-10
9 I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture.
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Only in such a life can you find the meaning, fulfillment, joy and peace that God made you to experience. But, if you are determined to choose your own way, to be your own boss, well, He'll let you - though He'll also let you suffer the results of such a choice: hardness, blindness, darkness, corruption and death.

Romans 6:23
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Galatians 6:7-8
7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

James 1:14-15
14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.
15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Hebrews 3:13
13 But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

God disciplines His own often by simply letting them taste of the "death" of their sin: the death of joy, of peace, of fellowship with Him, even the "death" of their physical well-being. Often, it is only the bitterness and pain of wandering from God that will move us back to Him. But we taste of that bitterness only as much as we choose to taste of it. At any time, God is willing to take us back into fellowship with Himself and into all the good things that He is.

Romans 5:20
20 ...where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,

Hebrews 12:5-11
5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?
10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.
11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Isaiah 55:6-7
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found, call upon him while he is near:
7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

 

[journeyman]

I'm slowly falling into depression but still holding to "He wouldn't have wasted all that time on me just to let go of me now". But what if this hope amounts to nothing?

Hi Fenny.
That hope does amount to nothing. Gods' patience as he corrects us is meant to give us time to turn from sin,

do you despise the riches of his kindness, restraint and patience, not recognizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? Rom.2:4

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ displayed how rich his kindness, restraint and patience was, when he refrained from bringing those who conspired to kill him into judgement.

You're forgiven if you're truly sorry and if you're truly sorry, then from now on

If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. 1Pet.4:-5-16

Because this is why Jesus was tortured and executed in violatiol of the law. If our dear Lord had opened his mouth in judgement against his enemies, they would have been executed and so,

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. Isa.53:7, Act.8:32

 

[journeyman]

We really see the kindness, restraint and patience of God when we're confronted with people who don't like us, because

he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Lk.6;35

That's what Jesus showed.

 

[ari.sketch]

Hi Fenny,

well, I have to say I can relate to your situation. I'm in somewhat of a similar situation, though not with a uni, but my trouble does involve the law.
It is my fault that I'm in this mess, but I do hope that I will be exonerated, but the whole process has taken me deeper in my depression, along with the feeling of hopelessness, anxiety, fear, loneliness, nervous breakdown and strong thoughts of suicide.
I had difficulty processing everything that is going on ... but this is what I perceive/get (taken from my own experience)

1. You may thought to be done from God and deleted Him from your life, but God is not done with you or has deleted your existence from Him and His love. He paid too dear of a price to have you, Fenny, He did not give up on you, and I don't think He ever will, He loves you - even if we don't feel it

2. In terms of mistakes, if we make a mistake, we have to pay for it somehow, that's how life goes. God may not zap us out from our troubles (I wish he could with mine), but He does promise to be there for us and give us the grace to go through it.

3. We are not able to see the big picture, it may look/feel bad right now, but God has a plan for our lives, plan for good. I don't believe God caused this to happen, but He may let it happen because He knows the end result will be a much better, more beautiful you. The end result will be you in God the Father's loving arms, instead of in darkness.
I, too, am struggling mightily with this, asking God why and where are you God, etc, thinking I can't go through it, and there were/are definitely times when I thought death is much more preferable, but I'm learning to trust in the Bible and what it has to say about God and His love, His faithfulness, His grace and mercy instead of my own feelings and thoughts.

I do feel I'm at the end of my rope - that I can't walk another step ... but when I find myself at the end of me, I learn (and still trying to learn) to start depending on Him, I find myself depending on His grace to carry me through

do I still feel like crap at times, I sure do, wishing everyday that all this would end ... but I'm also learning to trust in Him more and more

it's easy to be loved when we're doing good and well ... but what happened when we make a mistake? I think you'll find that God still loves you, and more affectionate because of your hurts,
you are precious to God, Fenny, more than you could ever know

during my ordeal, I'm also trying to read the Bible more, get into His word, trying to find peace in His presence (though many times it's hard to feel - but this is where faith comes in, not relying on our feelings),

I have been listening to some sermons as well, it helps
Surround yourself with good people, too, godly people, people who loves God

I wish you the best, Fenny, I pray peace on you, and that you be surrounded by good, godly people

 

[Josef]

Hey All,
Fenny, hang in there my friend. You do not say what the infraction was, but obviously it was enough to get you expelled. The cover up plan was a bad idea. Your problem did not go away, it was just hidden. When people discover a cover-up the hiding sometimes becomes worse than the original infraction. Because now, you have committed two wrongs. The first one may have been a mistake, but the cover-up, whether intentional or not, goes to your character, your trustworthyness. That is the "big issue" as I see if.
You have been given some good feedback here and I just want to pile on. Believe it or not, this is not the end of the world. ( In my Ricky Ricardo voice, "Ju godda make de plan ")
1. Is your ban for life? Most bans here expiration dates. Find out.
2. If your's does expire, maybe you can take classes another university and transfer them to your first choice when the ban is lifted.
3. If your's doesn't expire, find another university, see if they will accept your completed credits, and move on
4. Whether it does or does not expire, find a way to make amends. Take a look at the account of Zachaeus in Luke 19. Read his plan of restitution. Is that something you could do in your situation? Actions to correct a wrong go so much farther than just words. Think about it.
5. Finally, if all the above fails, you've done all you can think of to make it right, then thank God for His mercy and grace, and move on with your life. I say that that because God still loves you. When the Sun rises, gives thanks and make it a new start to your life as well.
As the new day.
Our path is straight and narrow. The best way to walk it is with your head up and looking forward. God did not send you through the valley so you would quit. (You may have walked away from God, but He never left you. He is right there.)
And you are not alone by the way. We all get knocked down as believers. We have all been in that valley. But you know what? While the enemy can take us there, he cannot keep us there. The Holy Spirit is with us. Plus, through Him, we have the ability to walk out of that valley. I hope this helps. Keep walking everybody. May God bless,
Taz