I need help....I am lost and my life is in ruin

[NHP]

I was born and raised Catholic. I have Christian beliefs. I believe in God but I choose not to belong to any organized religion. In fact I hate religion. People judge others and commit horrible acts in the name of God and it sickens me.

My life is in ruins. I am a recovering drug addict and I have hurt so many people around me. I hate myself for this. I used to pray all the time but I've kind of strayed away from that. I feel too ashamed to talk to God because I have shunned Him for the last several years.

I don't pity myself, I never have. I accept full responsibility for my actions and I can't let go of things I've done, choices I've made. I HATE myself. But I just can't bear to hurt people around me anymore. I've been wanting to kill myself, but I realize that will hurt people close to me even worse.

I've done so much damage to my life that I feel it's irreparable. I have spent the last few days trying to find meaning in my life. I have this overwhelming desire in my heart to do good in this world. But I can't help others before I've helped myself. The thing is, I can't help myself. I've screwed up so bad that I just don't know what to do.

I don't think I will ever find inner peace. I've tried praying but I feel too much shame and guilt and it makes my prayers seem insincere. I feel that it is too late. I have been searching for inspiration but it's just not there. What am I supposed to do?

 

[Danus]

NHP, what you've typed here should be your prayer to God.

All the things you can't do, he can, and I know that if you will just let go of you and lean into him with real trust, he will show you. I know this for a fact. Tell this to God and give him a chance to work in your life in a real way.

 

[phantom309]

Man I know that simple words fall short of situations like this but I am sorry to hear how things have been,and genuinely hope (and will pray) that things do work out for you.

Ive been in a similar places in life..sometimes it seems like no matter which way you turn or how many good intentions you have,things just find a way to go south.

Obviously some mistakes mistakes were made on your part along the way,but despite how you may feel there is still hope.Some of the most revered people in the bible were pardoned by God for worse.Take David for example..Gods anointed choice,groomed to be king.After taking on the crown he sets eye on another mans wife,rigs her husbands death and takes her for his own.No matter how you cut it or who you are thats pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel for despicable deeds.David did recognize this and cried out to God through genuine desire to change and correct what hed done wrong,and God forgave him.The same can apply to you.

The key thing here is the fact that,unlike many these days,you are willing to admit where you have erred and have the opportunity to correct the things that need to be set straight.It wont be easy,and it will likely take a good deal of time to straighten out.

There may also be some people who,despite the fact that youre making this effort,may not be willing to accept this which makes it harder.Deal with what you can,and make amends when possible..but dont kick yourself unnecessarily when it doesnt go perfectly.At times the only thing you can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other..stay the course.

As far as your disinterest in church,I think we can all relate to those sentiments in part.One thing you have to bear in mind though is the fact that despite what they claim many people with shady or self-serving agendas are not acting in the name of God.We could find many examples of poor behavior but all the same we cant forget the good that comes from those with their heart in the right place.

The support and influence of good people can work wonders your life.Whether its in a church setting or a few friends that gather to learn from the bible and worship in their own way doesnt matter.When we have other people willing to stand shoulder to shoulder with us the burdens are shared,and wisdom gained..even more so when those people share a firm foundation in Christ.Iron sharpens iron,as they say.

Good luck man,keep in touch with us.I would personally like to hear some updates from you in the future to know how things turn out.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I share your pain. I abused drugs, fried my brain, ruined my health, wasted lots of my parents' money. I was hated by everyone in my small, southern town. Exploited in my state of idiocy.

God restored me, and He can restore you. You say you hate organized religion. Here's the thing: the church is the best thing this world has. Its like a somewhat dim relfection of Divine Reality, a way to connect with Truth and God. The Bible is important, too--its a road map to God. A relationship with Jesus, Bible study, prayer, and, eventually, fellowship at an imperfect, but still worthwhile and Bible-believing church, is really your only hope. You can even use this forum as your fellowship until you're ready for "real time" worship. That's what I'm doing. It works.

I know you're focused on the pain you've caused other people, but what about God? God has rules, a certain way to live your life. You and I, everyone, we've broken the rules left and right. Try to wrap your mind around that. The real victim here isn't you or other people, but God. You're a sinner. Recognize that. Pray for forgiveness and hand over your life. You may not "fix" what you've done (although I think you'd be surprised by just how much progress you can make if you stick with Christ), but you will build a relationship with Christ, and that's what really matters.

In Christ, you will find: joy, hope, love, and "the peace that surpasses all understanding." Everything else will pale in comparison.

 

[Tina]

I share your pain. I abused drugs, fried my brain, ruined my health, wasted lots of my parents' money. I was hated by everyone in my small, southern town. Exploited in my state of idiocy.

God restored me, and He can restore you. You say you hate organized religion. Here's the thing: the church is the best thing this world has. Its like a somewhat dim relfection of Divine Reality, a way to connect with Truth and God. The Bible is important, too--its a road map to God. A relationship with Jesus, Bible study, prayer, and, eventually, fellowship at an imperfect, but still worthwhile and Bible-believing church, is really your only hope. You can even use this forum as your fellowship until you're ready for "real time" worship. That's what I'm doing. It works.

I know you're focused on the pain you've caused other people, but what about God? God has rules, a certain way to live your life. You and I, everyone, we've broken the rules left and right. Try to wrap your mind around that. The real victim here isn't you or other people, but God. You're a sinner. Recognize that. Pray for forgiveness and hand over your life. You may not "fix" what you've done (although I think you'd be surprised by just how much progress you can make if you stick with Christ), but you will build a relationship with Christ, and that's what really matters.

In Christ, you will find: joy, hope, love, and "the peace that surpasses all understanding." Everything else will pale in comparison.

Well said, CE ! Absolutely awesome advice !

I do not know anything about you except that you also screwed up or something, and then came back to this forum. I am so proud of you !


And to NHP, I haven't got anything more to add to what others have already said. Great advices you should heed. I only came back to this forum the last one month or so, and have already read many forum posts very similar to yours.

May God have mercy on you and all in similar situations. This healing process may take a while but hang it there and stay close to God. Try to find a Christian fellowship that can uphold and cover you in prayers. Prayers are awesome and powerful and there's no short cut to this except plenty of prayers. Stop hating yourself and blaming yourself and feeling guilt-ridden. I know it's hard but over time when you begin to experience the immense Love of God, the layers of self-hatred and rejection is going to peel off you like onion.

I will definitely be praying for you. I pray that you will experience the Love of God in powerful and tangible ways ....

 

[NHP]

Thank you guys so much for this, it really means a lot to me. It is nice to know that there are TRUE Christians out there. I'm going to be completely honest here. I know there is a God. And I follow the teachings of Jesus. It's just that the "mainstream Christianity" seems to be leading people the wrong way in my opinion. This is not a knock to Christianity, because for TRUE believers, the ones that find inner peace, that is a beautiful thing, and it is something I respect and love.

Sometimes I feel that the choices I have made in my past were not meant to be. I feel that I have disobeyed God and have turned into a person that perhaps God wanted me not to be. But at the same time, maybe it's a test from God. There is no doubt in my mind that He exists. It's just that I have made so many terrible choices in my life, I feel that I deserve my current situation.

My father was a war veteran, and after the war he devoted his entire life to God. He was a great man. He spent his life preaching and spreading the word of God. I want to follow in my father's footsteps because I loved him so much (he passed away in 2009) but I don't know if I have the character and spirit to do it. Again, I have this overwhelming desire to do good to humankind. But my life is in such turmoil, how can I help others when I can't help myself?

I have a good heart. I cannot bear the thought of other people suffering. But at the same time, I have atheist and gay friends who are genuinely good people. It troubles me that Christianity teaches these people will go to hell. I mean, these people are great humanitarians who are not hedonistic and in their hearts they also wish to help others. I struggle with the belief that these genuinely good people will suffer eternally when they pass away.

To be honest, and this is just my opinion bear in mind, is that even if people do not believe in God, and do immoral sexual acts according to the bible, if they are good people, they do not deserve an eternity of hell.

And what about the genuinely good-hearted people that have never been exposed to Christianity? There are many Bhuddist that live their lives more Christ-like than your average (hypocrisal) Christan. Do these people deserve eternal damnation?

I personally believe that God recognizes TRUE good in people, no matter their religious denomination. I just wish that the world would recognize that people who have been mislead into believing God is a fallacy, but at the same time are true humanitarians, deserve a place in Heaven. And it just absolutely breaks my heart to see people, such as Muslims and Christians judging others simply because they do not carry faith.

I personally believe that humankind is a test by God. If you are evil, then you are damned. And by evil, I mean people who kill and massacre others in the name of God. That is the worst thing that anyone can do in God's name. I apologize if this doesn't make much sense, this is flowing from the top of my head.

 

[Timf]

I've done so much damage to my life that I feel it's irreparable.

Both David and Moses were murderers. I think that God sometimes allows us to walk in our own strength so that we can truly learn just how much we need Him. Your experiences are typical for any of us who have tried to live life apart from God.

We can do things that have irreparable consequences to ourselves and others. The key thing about real Christianity is that it is about a new birth, second (or third) chances, and turning from the flesh to the Spirit. Most of the New Testament is admonitions to believers to stop living for ourselves and start living for God.

Churches often become obstacles to Christian maturity. They try to define their denominational franchise brand in terms of rules, activities. programs, classes, or rituals. Often Jesus is lost in the process.

In Ephesians we learn that the pastors and teachers are supposed to help us grow into the full image of Christ.

We do not need a church to scold us for not "being good". We need an older wiser Christian brother who can lovingly show us how to surrender our fleshly selfish hearts to Jesus for His work in us.

Consider if you were to meet someone who you wronged in heaven after you both had died. You think you would feel shame when you met this person. We will all feel shame when we meet each other. I will feel shame for the people of whom I thought I was better. I will feel shame for the person whom I could of helped but was too busy. I will feel shame for the person whom I mistreated and excused my malice in smug superiority. ......

If any of us look back at our lives in brutal honesty, we can feel nothing but shame. This would be a sad state to be left in. However, the one thing that overrides all of the shame we feel is the recognition of the depth of the love of Christ whose atoning blood has paid for all of our sins. This is the source of true unity in Christ.

There is a reason that in the future the former things will not be remembered and every tear will be wiped away. Until that time our growing understanding of our own sinfulness would cripple us all if it were not for a proportional growing appreciation for the love of God which passes all understanding.

I've tried praying but I feel too much shame and guilt and it makes my prayers seem insincere.

Luke 18:13-14 And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

They key to closeness to God is truth and truth can only bring humility. God gives more grace to the humble. Your declaration of your own sinfulness in not a hopeless end, but rather a new beginning. It is from the point of truth that the real Christian life begins.

You do not need to find the "right" church to attend. You need to find an older wiser Christian who can help you grow into the full image of Christ.

 

[doozie]

You talk about your dislike for "mainstream Christianity" and I can understand your viewpoint. However, you have a copy of the Bible (if not the Gideons will give you one free) and the ability to talk to God personally. That is really all that is required. So study the Word, follow the directions, and talk to Him. Everything else will fall into place. If you have friends who you can talk to and ask questions that would be great. If not, just consider these people here your friends and ask them your questions. If you keep at it God will work everything out. Just don't give up, He never gave up on you.


Read the book of James. The 12 step program for Alcoholics Anonymous was based on it and it pretty well lays out everything.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I think you should start at the beginning: repentance. You say you "have a good heart." That's simply not true. We are born wicked and grow in wickedness with every passing year. I would advise you, personally, to acknowledge your sinfulness and wickedness, ask for forgiveness, and accept Christ's guidance in your life.

As for doing for mankind--I don't know that one should even focus on that. Its great, you know, charity work, reaching out to others, "saving the world." Good stuff. But not "saving" stuff. It won't get you into Heaven, it won't redeem you. We all come to Christ with our own unique baggage and sin patterns, but the solution is the same for everyone, and its surprisingly simple: repent. Change. Follow. Obey. Repeat as needed.

 

[Denique Coelum]

Thank you guys so much for this, it really means a lot to me. It is nice to know that there are TRUE Christians out there. I'm going to be completely honest here. I know there is a God. And I follow the teachings of Jesus. It's just that the "mainstream Christianity" seems to be leading people the wrong way in my opinion. This is not a knock to Christianity, because for TRUE believers, the ones that find inner peace, that is a beautiful thing, and it is something I respect and love.

There are many true Christians out there, thank God! Christendom, the wider sphere of everything which assumes the name of Christ, is a ruinous place. There are many people who profess the Name, but don't have any light whatsoever. Thankfully, God preserves the testimony, kept alive by those who are true and faithful.

I have a good heart. I cannot bear the thought of other people suffering. But at the same time, I have atheist and gay friends who are genuinely good people. It troubles me that Christianity teaches these people will go to hell. I mean, these people are great humanitarians who are not hedonistic and in their hearts they also wish to help others. I struggle with the belief that these genuinely good people will suffer eternally when they pass away.

It's awful, isn't it, all the suffering in the world? Christ felt that. He suffered throughout His entire pathway, feeling the burden that sin has brought upon men, while being entirely sinless Himself.

When you say you know people who are good people... there's many an answer to that in the Bible. I'll quote Isaiah:

"And we are all become as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have carried us away..." Isaiah 64 v 6.

No matter how kind, how philanthropic a person is, this is not enough in the sight of God.

"...for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God..." Romans 3 v 23.

Without Christ, there can be no salvation. And, sadly, those entrapped by the devious arguments atheism or the snare of homosexuality cannot come to Christ. If you don't believe in God, how can you believe in sin? If you don't believe in sin, how can you see it in yourself? And if you don't see it in yourself, how can you desire to be freed from it and have the blood of Christ wash it away? The case is equally impossible with homosexuality. Many people have homosexual desires, and Satan and secular society would encourage people to pursue those desires, leading them into sin. Without repentance, there can be no salvation, and without the understanding that homosexual urges lead to sin and should be resisted, a person can be lost and deluded. Satan is a foul enemy, his subterfuge is vile as it is effective. While a person continues to be an athiest, or continues to embrace any homosexual feelings they have, heaven is barred to them.

To be honest, and this is just my opinion bear in mind, is that even if people do not believe in God, and do immoral sexual acts according to the bible, if they are good people, they do not deserve an eternity of hell.

I'm afraid we're all hell-deserving sinners... this is the sad fact of the matter. But the wonderful fact of the matter is that Christ died to save us.

And what about the genuinely good-hearted people that have never been exposed to Christianity? There are many Bhuddist that live their lives more Christ-like than your average (hypocrisal) Christan. Do these people deserve eternal damnation?

That is the sad tax of sin. Generations of infidelity have lead to there being people isolated and disinterested in the truth. Yet, God promises that the gospel will reach every single ear. How this is achieved, I don't know, but I have no doubt that, somehow, everyone will get a chance to repent. I know of one man, a Buddhist, who'd never encountered a missionary or any manner of Christian in his life, who was suddenly awakened to the idea of there being one true God who could be regarded as Father. Later in life, he met a missionary, was converted and then baptised in 1911. This shows that God is not limited to human messengers, He can directly intervene in the soul of anyone.

I personally believe that God recognizes TRUE good in people, no matter their religious denomination. I just wish that the world would recognize that people who have been mislead into believing God is a fallacy, but at the same time are true humanitarians, deserve a place in Heaven. And it just absolutely breaks my heart to see people, such as Muslims and Christians judging others simply because they do not carry faith.

It's true that the denominations are false, there's no basis in them whatsoever. There is only one name to which the Christian can cling, and this is that of Christ, not of a church or religious order or cult. But sadly, good works, no matter how monumental the scale, will not give anyone access to heaven. Neither will piety alone achieve this.

"Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a tax-gatherer. The Pharisee, standing, prayed thus to himself: God, I thank thee that I am not as the rest of men, rapacious, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax-gatherer. I fast twice in the week, I tithe everything I gain. And the tax-gatherer, standing afar off, would not lift up even his eyes to heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, O God, have compassion on me, the sinner. I say unto you, This man went down to his house justified rather than that other. For every one who exalts himself shall be humbled, and he that humbles himself shall be exalted." Luke 18 v 10 - 14

The Pharisee here is your philanthropist, your humanitarian, your devoutly religious figure. Yet he is damned, and the humble tax-gatherer who cries out to God for compassion will receive it, he will get into heaven.

I personally believe that humankind is a test by God. If you are evil, then you are damned. And by evil, I mean people who kill and massacre others in the name of God. That is the worst thing that anyone can do in God's name. I apologize if this doesn't make much sense, this is flowing from the top of my head.

Even those who kill in the name of God are still open to the receipt of His mercy, providing they repent of their evil and put their faith in Christ. Some may even convert in their dying moments after a life of unutterable wickedness. Think of the thief on the cross, who went to be in paradise with Christ. To our human minds, this might seem unjust, but it's God's perfect ordering. No work of ours will earn us salvation, only faith in the blood will save us.

I know that may not be much comfort to you at the moment, NHP, but it's important that the truth be made known. What other people have posted here on this thread is absolutely sublime and I agree entirely, I'd concentrate on that. You can count on my prayers, my friend.

 

[Danus]

Thank you guys so much for this, it really means a lot to me. It is nice to know that there are TRUE Christians out there. I'm going to be completely honest here. I know there is a God. And I follow the teachings of Jesus. It's just that the "mainstream Christianity" seems to be leading people the wrong way in my opinion. This is not a knock to Christianity, because for TRUE believers, the ones that find inner peace, that is a beautiful thing, and it is something I respect and love.

Sometimes I feel that the choices I have made in my past were not meant to be. I feel that I have disobeyed God and have turned into a person that perhaps God wanted me not to be. But at the same time, maybe it's a test from God. There is no doubt in my mind that He exists. It's just that I have made so many terrible choices in my life, I feel that I deserve my current situation.

My father was a war veteran, and after the war he devoted his entire life to God. He was a great man. He spent his life preaching and spreading the word of God. I want to follow in my father's footsteps because I loved him so much (he passed away in 2009) but I don't know if I have the character and spirit to do it. Again, I have this overwhelming desire to do good to humankind. But my life is in such turmoil, how can I help others when I can't help myself?

I have a good heart. I cannot bear the thought of other people suffering. But at the same time, I have atheist and gay friends who are genuinely good people. It troubles me that Christianity teaches these people will go to hell. I mean, these people are great humanitarians who are not hedonistic and in their hearts they also wish to help others. I struggle with the belief that these genuinely good people will suffer eternally when they pass away.

To be honest, and this is just my opinion bear in mind, is that even if people do not believe in God, and do immoral sexual acts according to the bible, if they are good people, they do not deserve an eternity of hell.

And what about the genuinely good-hearted people that have never been exposed to Christianity? There are many Bhuddist that live their lives more Christ-like than your average (hypocrisal) Christan. Do these people deserve eternal damnation?

I personally believe that God recognizes TRUE good in people, no matter their religious denomination. I just wish that the world would recognize that people who have been mislead into believing God is a fallacy, but at the same time are true humanitarians, deserve a place in Heaven. And it just absolutely breaks my heart to see people, such as Muslims and Christians judging others simply because they do not carry faith.

I personally believe that humankind is a test by God. If you are evil, then you are damned. And by evil, I mean people who kill and massacre others in the name of God. That is the worst thing that anyone can do in God's name. I apologize if this doesn't make much sense, this is flowing from the top of my head.

Christianity is not about how good one is. It's about a relationship with God where one recognizes they are a sinner, as you have done. One repents of their sin as you have somewhat expressed, and one begins a relationship with God where God is the ruler of their life.

If that is you NHP then you can start today. When you do, pray to God. Read his word and grow in the knowledge and understanding of the lord your savior; not of your own. God needs to be the one leading you, not you leading you.

You have lead yourself all this time by your own admission, and what has become of you for it? ;) If you are truly ready for a change, why not start today? Why not finish this life well tomorrow, by starting well right now; today?

If you need help or guidance in this you can find some here, but also get involved with other Christians in your area. From what you have written and expressed, you are done living your life your way. You have made a mess of it, as many here have once done and gotten tired of doing as well. Myself included.

So I would like to encourage you to simply stop today and turn your path to God. It will be a new road, full of new adventures, with new people and knew knowledge, but most importantly the peace, hope and joy you're seeking and God wants for you to have. Along the way you will come to a newness of understanding God's word and his will for all man.

 

[phantom309]

I have a good heart. I cannot bear the thought of other people suffering. But at the same time, I have atheist and gay friends who are genuinely good people. It troubles me that Christianity teaches these people will go to hell. I mean, these people are great humanitarians who are not hedonistic and in their hearts they also wish to help others. I struggle with the belief that these genuinely good people will suffer eternally when they pass away.

To be honest, and this is just my opinion bear in mind, is that even if people do not believe in God, and do immoral sexual acts according to the bible, if they are good people, they do not deserve an eternity of hell.

I personally believe that God recognizes TRUE good in people, no matter their religious denomination. I just wish that the world would recognize that people who have been mislead into believing God is a fallacy, but at the same time are true humanitarians, deserve a place in Heaven. And it just absolutely breaks my heart to see people, such as Muslims and Christians judging others simply because they do not carry faith.

It is hard to come to terms that people we know and love may not be in line with Gods view on things,which can and will lead them southbound in the future.As stated in John 14:6,acknowledgement and belief in Jesus and such is the only way we will ever see heaven,no matter what.This means that no matter how good we consider someone,they will not see heaven unless they seek God on his terms..not their own.There are many more supporting verses from the bible that further solidify this,but for the sake of time Ill leave that for your examination.

It may seem mean or cruel to say that some people will have their part in the lake of fire,but think about a few critical factors here.If God had no intention of placing those who rejected Him in a place of eternal punishment,why would the warnings be in the bible?Why would God have spent so much time and energy,particularly going to the extent of Jesus dying a brutal death on the cross for our atonement?There would have been no need were this the case.Morality would not be an issue..people could come,go and do as they pleased and in the end they would be redeemed.And much of the bible could have been omitted..all the teachings on how to behave,ten commandments,etc etc etc.None of this would an issue.But it is there..because God does in fact have a standard of behavior that is expected from us.

Further,it would be highly unfair for the ones who outright rejected Gods offer of salvation to be let into heaven alongside those who struggled daily and suffered persecution in Gods name.That is not right,no matter how we cut it.

You directly referenced atheists and homosexuals with the stated thought that if they are truly good they werent deserving of hell.This is in direct conflict with what the bible tells us.The whole bottom line is this..we have the freedom of will to choose what we want to do at any given time.Therefore,in the end if I choose to ignore God or to lead a deviant lifestyle that is deemed detestible by God then I would deserve the coming punishment,and would have noone to blame but myself.At this point in time,that means Ive had 33 years to choose 1 of 2 paths..obey God or reject God..and the responsibility is ultimately mine.


It also doesnt help your friends or others in this situation to give them a misinterpreted version of the truth.If we offer only the soft side of the bible and dont give the other half,we offer noone a reason to change.By that logic,theyre safe to continue doing whatever they want,and they get to heaven regardless.Sad thing is,it wont happen that way.

It seems that much of your frustration with the church has alot to do with this very subject.Granted,some people cross the line when certain things are discussed,however many are there just to state whats in the bible and are trying to bring the truth to people.Most often its easier to pull the judge card and shoot the messenger than it is to face the fact that certain behavior is unacceptable to God.There are alot of people,past and present,who Id love to see in heaven.On average they were good people,we had good times together.I think about them on occasion and hope that they straighten things out before they cross over.Sadly,Im pretty sure some didnt.It is heartbreaking to see that,I agree.All we can do is carry our own burdens and try to help who we can along the way.

 

[Timf]

I struggle with the belief that these genuinely good people will suffer eternally when they pass away.

These are questions that everyone who thinks and feels confronts as they consider Christianity.

The first thing to do when considering Christianity is to strip away what is false. The second thing is to identify various teachings as being either true or consistent with a particular franchise brand of Christianity. In essence the process is one of searching for what is true. This will require a Bible because this is the standard against which everything should be measured.

You may want to get a copy of the Amplified version and use a highlighter to be able to come back to verses that appear unclear or that really stand out to you. If you cry out to God for wisdom, He has said that He will answer your request.

When considering the concept of eternal punishment, you may want to consider that we do not even know if eternity is the end of time or time unending. The Bible uses the word eon which is usually translated "the age" that many people call eternity. When you read the Bible, you often find that some churches have declared as doctrine things that go beyond what the Bible says.

For example, The Bible says in Romans chapter one that those who are condemned are without excuse because what can be known about the creator can be seen in his creation. What is left unsaid is whether or not a person can look at creation and see a revelation of the creator (Jesus) sufficient to bring about salvation.

We are told that those who are judged are judged according to their works. It might be safe to say that not everyone receives the same amount of punishment.

I think if you embark on a search for truth in the Bible and in prayer, you will find that many of your concerns will be answered. You should be cautious about those who seek to dissuade you from truth with declarations such as how to measure "good" people.

Churches can emphasize the good / bad distinctions because they tend to measure people against their doctrine. The Bible tells us that we are all bad. Heaven is not a reward for being good, it is the dwelling place of Jesus who brings us there after we have surrendered ourselves and trusted in Him such that we have a new life in Him. This is how we pass out of the judgment that comes on everyone.