[__ Prayer __] i want outta here!

[Christ_empowered]

I finally got to the point where I'm praying to God to get me out of this community at some point.

Its crazy...I love my parents, I appreciate them taking care of me despite who I was and what I did in the past, but...this community will never accept the new me...or it doesn't seem that way now, at least.

But where to go? what to do? The US now has a "jobless recovery," so even if I could get a job and get off disability, there's a good chance I'd go from one form of poverty to another.

Ugh. All is not hopeless, I know. I'll soon have my undergraduate degree. When I'm off probation, the lawyer dude said he could get it sealed (serious misdemeanor). that's a huge help.

But...maybe there's a reason I'm still here, with no obvious exits open? God showing His power and will to save "the least of these..." even if its somebody the community despised and ridiculed? Something like that...

I dunno. I love my parents, and I'd like very much to get my life together enough so I can be there for them when they get older, but... this community is rough on me. I'm apparently considered "high functioning" by the pros, so I don't think a group home is an option. I don't know that I'd do well in a group home, anyway...not right now, at least...some of those places aren't kept up right and there's sometimes violence and such, so...yeah.

I dunno. Please pray that--if it be God's will--I get outta this place sometime, to a place where I can do something in a community, and not be defined by who I was before Christ saved me.

Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

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Hi Brother CE. I'll just suggest that God has your back since it's on my mind; I used the term in some other post also. Wherever God has you is for your protection, and if He sends you forth to Nineveh you can depend on Him, the message, and its purpose in, and for your life.
Again you may be thinking of your past, and anticipated persecution as the result of it; don't allow something forgiven to continue controlling your life. I will certainly pray that your record becomes sealed, but at the same time your testimony cannot reveal it to all you come into contact with; many do not have the grace and/or mercy to handle such revelations while remaining uncompassionate due to their perceived life without sin. They're the same ones that condemn and base their life's fruit of the Spirit most times based on law, fall from grace, and while abasing you count the blood of Christ as insufficient for your thorn. Just continue to remember the old cliché "God ain't finished with me yet," and go forward under the banner of victory called God's love. He won us with His love, He keeps us with His love, and one day we'll stand in the very presence of Jesus who God gave us because of His love for us, Look up, your redemption draweth nigh.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks (yet again...), Eugene.

Lately, I once again feel as if...I just started my real life, as a Christian. According to my current counselor, this is the longest I've ever been stable and lucid, all that good stuff. So, maybe there's something to feeling as if I've just started...I'm just now living and operating with what I think+hope is a "full deck," after a bit over 10 years of brain damaged darkness.

The Lord certainly isn't done with me yet. Its strange...when I was still in the brain damaged haze, I thought of being smart(er) and normal(ish) as the end point. Well, God has done that for me, and its really a starting point. Now, I look around at the world and instead of having that adolescent arrogance of I know it all (and then some), I'm amazed by how little I know about most things, Christianity included.

Ramble ramble...maybe getting "outta here" is the wrong focus. Will I, can I, be integrated into a community around here? I dunno. Things could be Terrible in my life. They're not. I mean, I get frustrated, I get lonely, but...things aren't Terrible.

Thanks again.