IF YOU were back in the dating game....

[RyanT]

Where would you go? What would you look for in a new relationship? How would you deal with abstaining from sex until marriage? How would you know if they were what you were looking for or not?

My biggie is abstaining from sex. Ever since my divorce, I've been bombarded with the urge to have sex. I've never tried to abstain until now and this seems to be my biggest challenge.

Any thoughts on the subjects would be welcome.

 

[Ramsey]

I just had a divorce about six months ago, so I guess I have some good experience with this already.

A lot of thought and prayer needs to go into finding answers for your questions. I made a lot of mistakes after I had my divorce. I am deployed now, so I have had a lot of time to reflect on what went wrong with my marriage, mistakes I made as a single man right after, and what I am looking for in a relationship.

Mostly what I am looking for is someone that complements me. What I mean by that is someone who is strong where I am weak, someone who can encourage me, and help me become a better man. I am looking for someone strong and independent, but still gentle and compassionate. Someone that just looks good with me. Most of all, this person has to believe in me.

Figuring out what you really want and need in a relationship can take time. The best thing for someone to do after exiting a relationship is to just work on you for while. Get your own place, and work on your career. Find some hobbies, and do things that you may not be able to do if you were not married. When you leave a relationship it leaves a big void in your life and your heart, and there can be a lot of pain and temptation to jump right into another relationship. This is not the right answer, and a lot of the baggage you may be carrying around from your last relationship may role over to your next one. Fill that void with God, friends, and staying active. It is hard at first, but it gets easier.

Before you start going out and looking for another woman, you have to ask yourself, “Am I really ready to be married again?†If the answer is no, then you do not have any business trying to play the dating game because most likely, in the end, someone is going to be hurt, and it can damage your progress in healing from your last relationship. This doesn’t mean you cannot seek female friends though. Most women would rather be friends first before they start a relationship anyway.

As far as sex is concerned, like I said I made a lot of mistakes. I learned that single sex is not as good nor as satisfying on many levels as having married sex with someone you love is, and when you are cruising around for nothing but sex, you are usually going to either hurt someone, or be with someone who is really messed up and just add to their problems. For me, learning this and seeing how my behavior was affecting my relationship with God makes abstaining from sex a lot easier. I even look at women differently now.

As for where to go to find women, taking a dancing class is too easy. Also church and the gym can potentially be good.

 

[Feldew]

I would try to deal with the lonliness of being single better than I did before, I'd wait for a Christian and I'd also wait until marriage to have sex.

 

[BryanOnALaptop]

IF YOU were back in the dating game....

Where would you go?

To Church

What would you look for in a new relationship?

No, but I would pray for it for sure!

How would you deal with abstaining from sex until marriage?

THAT'S THE DIFFICULT ONE! Fasting and praying would help. But mostly, keeping myself soooo busy that I didn't have the opportunity to have sex and or masturbate. But this is easier said then done.

How would you know if they were what you were looking for or not?

Bible study. Man I wish I would have done this before I got married. Knowing that a spouse knows Christ and actually is willing to live as the bible instructs us is soooooo key in a relationship.