I'm a loser baby, So why don't you kill me?

[LostKid]

So basically I don't know what's going on anymore with my life and I'm afraid I won't be a practicing Christian in a few years...I randomly found this website and decided I would make some sort of effort to seek spiritual attention. That being said, any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.

I had been saved at age eight and continued to grow in my faith through the ten years which would follow. I particularly recall my beliefs started making a major impact on my life at about age 13 when I was invited to have sex with a young girl and declined (even though I really wanted to). From this point on I would decline in popularity amongst my schoolmates and miss out on a rather hefty portion of fun (this was very troubling to me, but I felt that it was better to have no fun and please the lord than to do otherwise). Enveloped within this period of time was a real sense of generally not fitting in - I didn't associate well with Christians because I found (And still do find) most to be boring, sheltered, dishonest about their feelings, lacking the ability to critically think, and overall annoying; nor could I hang out AND truly enjoy time with my secular friends because I couldn't partake of anything actually fun and always had to worry about my witness.

(The spoken dilemma exists to this very day, by the way)

Thankfully God blessed me with a strong Christian girl who I deeply cared about named Stephanie. I don't recall ever being closer to God then when we would spend time praying, reading the bible, giving witness together, and just generally hanging out. I would eventually get engaged to that girl...

I figured I would dive into my studies at school. An opportunity fell into my lap to graduate early so I did (with very little effort) and began my college career at age 16 with aspirations of becoming a Pastor. I then transfered from a Lock Haven branch Campus to Philadelphia Biblical University.

It was at about this time that stuff started going way down hill. This is basically what happened...

1. I REALLY started to hate dealing with Christians and people (with the exception of very few ) .

2. I later found the man who I became very good friends with was an atheist. Which is sadly funny, because he appeared to be the smartest person there and made all of the other students (myself included) look downright stupid.

3. My previous addiction of looking at deviant pornography began again and hit HARD.

4. I was unchallenged by all of my schoolwork.

5. I became very bored, bitter, and unhappy with life in general - I still wish I had never been born.

6. I fought with my fiance about once a week.

7. I almost became an Atheist.

I eventually dropped out and have been kind of in a downward spiral ever since. I had no goals nor plans and basically fought with Stephanie every three days until she called an end to the two year engagement.

There is of course more within the contours of this story (I mean I'm summing up 6 months of life in basically a few pages) that I'll mention if need be. Any advice or something would much appreciated. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

 

[kenan]

Alright, this is a very difficult subject to deal with and I don't think that many people here have dealt with it before (including me). I think that this website is not really where you should be. I think that you really need to talk to a professional because it sounds like you honestly don't care about life anymore. I'm sorry that I can't think of any more advice to give you, but we're not the people that can really help a person like yourself in a situation like this.

I sincerely hope you pull through this, you'll be in my prayers.

God Bless,
kenan

 

[paisley]

Lostkid, I just made a long reply and it went somewhere out into cyberspace, but I will try again because you post really touched me. It sounds like you are a good kid who has tried to live a Godly life but have had struggles along the way. 　　I am not the most spiritually mature person around, but I do love God so I will share what little I can and maybe it can help in some small way.

First, it sounds like you have never fully enjoyed the company of a roomful of Christians. I would not consider this bad. Maybe it is just part of the personality God has granted you. Maybe God has given you a character that really appreciates deeper thinking people or just really sincere dedicated Christians or more vibrant people. I am not sure, but I am fairly certain that if you find it hard to enjoy the company of a roomful of regular "Christians", then probably it is not your calling to be a pastor. Also the dissatisfaction you were feeling in school may have been from God. I have found that God often puts a passion or fire in us when He wants us to move in a certain direction but He also can put a disssatisfaction in us to get us off a certain path even if that path looks to be good. Perhaps you should count it as a blessing that you got out of seminary before you finished school, became a pastor, and hated your job (being a pastor forces you to work with the most annoying of "Christians"!). If you became a pastor and hated your job it could have given you an even harder blow to your faith and made you emotionally beat yourself up even more. I think God has a greater plan for your life. I would encourage you to consider what things really make you happy and what things do you really enjoy doing. Maybe God wants you to serve Him by finding a way to do these things. I would not consider my life a mess right now. I would consider it a good chance to recollect and reevaluate the direction God wants me to go.

Next, in regards to Christians. It sounds like you have wisely been able to distinguish between God and Christians. Meaning you clearly realize that God is good and holy regardless of whether those who proclaim to be Christians are acting good and holy. Therefore, I encourage you to keep this focus by not letting imperfect Christians to get you distracted from God. Keep your eyes on Him, and you will not be sorry. At the same time, you might need to work on showing a little more mercy towards Christians. Personally an exercise that works for me is I try to find something good in everyone. This makes me feel better and it makes me feel better about the people. You might like to try it.

Third, I encourage you to reexamine your thoughts on your teen years. You said that you feel like you deprived yourself of fun to be a Christian. Well I would start off by defining fun. What fun were you deprived of? Obviously God created humans to laugh and experience every sort of pleasurable feeling so fun was created by God. Therefore it is (forgive me for saying it) ridiculous to say that Christians can`t have fun. The difference is Christian fun does not lead to consequences as worldly fun often does. I think you need to evaluate whether you were depriving yourself of genuinely good experiences in life or were you just depriving yourself of the perks of being in the "in" group doing the "in" things. If it were the former, then you have to realize that was not God`s will for you, but if it were the latter, I think at some point in life you are going to see that you were not deprived at all. I will give you an example. One of the things I am most grateful to God for is that He did not just save me to have eternal life, but He saved me from myself in this life. Meaning, I went to a small town school where there were just 10 girls in my grade (not class). Of those girls, I am the only one that remained a virgin. During high school, one by one they lost their virginity and some experimented with unGodly things. I chose to stay away from that. This meant that I did not go to all the "fun" activities they went to. It has been many years since then and most of these girls have now been divorced one or more times, one became a stripper, another lost her mind, and another was murdered due to hanging out with a really bad crowd. I don`t consider myself better than any of them because I know if it had not been for God, I would have been right there doing the same things, but my point is I have been married over 13 years now and the idea of divorce is out of the question for me because I value the one and only man I have ever been with. My point is, now many years later I can see that all that "fun" caught up with my friends in the end and it was not worth it. I can tell you similiar stories of the boys from my school too in particular the star football player who was known all around. He now regrets his high school years and as an adult feels his whole life is messed up. Fun is not always what it is cracked up to be, but faithfulness to God always pays off in the end. As for your experience as a 13 year old not sleeping with the girl, you don`t know what that might mean to her now or what sort of impression it left on her. It is better to leave a lasting impact on people`s lives than a moment of selfish pleasure. I don`t think you deprived yourself of anything there. I think what you did was exercise self discipline that strengthened your character. That is worth a mountain of diamonds. I would also consider my teen years if I had fully participated in all the "fun". Could that have led you to alcohol, drugs, STDs, getting a girl pregnant, dishonesty, etc.? If so, do you think that is really what fun is all about? I think you know better, and if not now, someday you will see that you made the right decision and are a better person for it.

As for porn, that is a topic all by itself. I think Focus on the Family may have some information to help you. I would contact them.

Fifth, you may find that your atheist friend was not really all you thought he was. I really have to question the character and motive of an atheist going to a Christian school. Also, I believe the smartest people who are kind know how to talk in a way that does not make other people look dumb. If this man was making people look dumb again I would question his character.

Sixth in regards to Stephanie, do you feel the relationship is repairable? But before focusing on that I would ask myself if I truly loved her. You wrote that you "deeply cared" for her, but is that care like for a sister or friend or is it like a man deeply in love with a woman?

I am sorry for the long reply, but really wish you well and will remember you in my prayers tonight. God bless.

 

[GraceBwithU]

I had been saved at age eight and continued to grow in my faith through the ten years which would follow. I particularly recall my beliefs started making a major impact on my life at about age 13 when I was invited to have sex with a young girl and declined (even though I really wanted to).

It appears that you have sown the seed of your faith at a very young age....maybe it just needs a little water and fertilizer. I was saved at the age of 9. Don’t think that because you are having doubts that you are lost. All of us do. We sometimes persecute ourselves more than the world does.

1. I REALLY started to hate dealing with Christians and people (with the exception of very few ) .

2. I later found the man who I became very good friends with was an atheist. Which is sadly funny, because he appeared to be the smartest person there and made all of the other students (myself included) look downright stupid.

This is typical of the state you are in. Satan will send these types of thoughts to us and these types of situations to confuse us in the hopes of pulling us away from our Lord. The atheist may be intelligent but falls very short of the wisdom of a true Christian. All of his knowledge of the world will pass away and become totally useless. The knowledge that he possesses lay NO treasures for him in Heaven.

3. My previous addiction of looking at deviant pornography began again and hit HARD.

The things you are speaking of are attacks by Satan. You should rejoice that he has taken such interest in you. Satan would not be bothering with you if he had you. Perhaps he sees you to be a threat. There is no need for him to attack some soul that he already has.

You are on the right track. You are not lost. You just can’t see around the bend ahead.

I will not tell you just to snap out of it. That would be stupid. It is not that simple. I will tell you to try to stay focused on God’s word. This is the light in these times of darkness.

Eph 6:11-12
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
KJV

As Paul says here…we wrestle…we all do. Satan wants you to think the way you are thinking. He is throwing darts at you.

Eph 6:16
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
KJV

You may feel lost but you are not alone.

God Bless you.

 

[handy]

I think that you have been provided with some good food for thought LostKid. I agree with all that was written above, including that you should probably seek out some professional counciling.

I'll be frank, and hopefully not turn you off, because I do see the struggle you are going through and hope that you will make it through.

Firstly, you were pretty ripe for this kind of crises. It seems as though your superior intelligence has caused you to become prideful and disdainful of others. What is causing the crises LostKid, isn't that God is abandoning you, or that you are being inexorably drawn away from God, it's that you had a head knowledge of His grace without experiencing His overwhelming love. Without love, you cannot grow as a Christian and it's amazing that you lasted as long as you did without facing this crises. (And, that's encouraging, for it shows that you must be serious about your faith in God, to have lasted this long with the attitude that you had.)

Satan used the lack of love in your life to very effectively isolate you from the church, (the church being all those other Christians that you find so boring, dishonest, stupid and annoying, in effect the Body of Christ) and he is now captializing upon that isolation to work you over but good.

I strongly urge you to seek out a pastor who has professional counciling experience and start examining why you can believe in God and yet so totally fail in loving His Body. I totally agree that some of what you are going through is caused by you seeking to become a pastor when you are totally unprepared to be one. (And this could be why you are facing this wall, God very well might be forcing you to confront the fact that you have no love for His people in order that you will deal with this and therefore become a great pastor. Or, as was mentioned before, it may be that you are not by any means called to be a pastor, and therefore are struggling.)

Do keep in touch here. There are a lot of us who have faced serious challenges to our faith and have been able to grow in His grace.

 

[LostKid]

I wanted to thank everybody for the really helpful replies.

I think that you have been provided with some good food for thought LostKid. I agree with all that was written above, including that you should probably seek out some professional counciling.

I'll be frank, and hopefully not turn you off, because I do see the struggle you are going through and hope that you will make it through.

Firstly, you were pretty ripe for this kind of crises. It seems as though your superior intelligence has caused you to become prideful and disdainful of others. What is causing the crises LostKid, isn't that God is abandoning you, or that you are being inexorably drawn away from God, it's that you had a head knowledge of His grace without experiencing His overwhelming love. Without love, you cannot grow as a Christian and it's amazing that you lasted as long as you did without facing this crises. (And, that's encouraging, for it shows that you must be serious about your faith in God, to have lasted this long with the attitude that you had.)

Satan used the lack of love in your life to very effectively isolate you from the church, (the church being all those other Christians that you find so boring, dishonest, stupid and annoying, in effect the Body of Christ) and he is now captializing upon that isolation to work you over but good.

I strongly urge you to seek out a pastor who has professional counciling experience and start examining why you can believe in God and yet so totally fail in loving His Body. I totally agree that some of what you are going through is caused by you seeking to become a pastor when you are totally unprepared to be one. (And this could be why you are facing this wall, God very well might be forcing you to confront the fact that you have no love for His people in order that you will deal with this and therefore become a great pastor. Or, as was mentioned before, it may be that you are not by any means called to be a pastor, and therefore are struggling.)

Do keep in touch here. There are a lot of us who have faced serious challenges to our faith and have been able to grow in His grace.

Eh, I don't mean to seem defense or anything dude, but lack of love was not the cause of the problem but merely a result thereof (pride or something to that effect is more probable). To this day I still cry myself to sleep praying over the unsaved and it's part of the reason I'm so upset with life right now. Mainly that God's glory is so important to him he would let (or cause, depending on what you think) the majority of his children to die and go to an eternal hell - most of those guys are my friends! So I do what I can and tell them the good news, but if God doesn't work in them they won't budge from their current state.

Just kind of wanted to rebuttal your post a bit. I thank you for your advice but I think it's built on a false premise - I do love. And I have experienced his overwhelming love.

That doesn't mean I have to like anybody. I did what I could to love the people around me, I'm just reaching a point where I don't care anymore. And besides, being a jerk to people is something I actually enjoy - leading me to my next point.

When I spoke earlier of fun, I know what I was saying. Last night I went to a party - most of the people there were totally drunk. I have never seen a group of people so happy in my life. The sad truth is, the main reason they were happy is because they were distracted from the reality they were stuck in as they knew it by alcohol. I really wish I could be distracted too, because being conscious of reality (especially biblical reality) sucks. Yeah, I understand there could possibly be negative ramifications of drinking a beer, but not everyone who touches a beer winds up an alcoholic or pregnant.

Oh, and I've been to professional Christian counselors too. They were actually most of my friends growing up because I didn't want to hang out with anyone my age (Ages 13 - this day). I still talk with them a lot.

Again, I'm not trying to be defensive or anything, I'm just fairly certain that isn't the problem. Thank you for your post though.

 

[paisley]

Lostkid, I am glad you replied. Some people post, others answers and then the origninal poster never replies. Anyway, do you think part of your problem could be you are tempting yourself? For example, you went to a party last night although you did not participate. Therefore you left realizing the ugly side of what was going on, but at the same time a seed of thought was left in you that these people were like the happiest group of people you had ever seen and part of you desired to experience their same "distraction". I would suggest that you are playing with fire, and right now is not the time to play with it. Trust me, if you get burned that will stay with you far longer than if you get the moment`s distraction. What`s more is not everyone even remembers the distraction the next day or even worse they have a bad hang over and worst of all someone finds out they are pregnant. Most worldly distractions also leave long term habits or problems that far outweigh that brief distraction. Nevertheless, I can understand you need to "escape" the pressures of life right now. You have a lot of major decisions you may feel you need to make so I suggest that you find a Christian retreat to go on. This way you can clear your mind, get refocused on the true love of your life Jesus Christ, and it will keep you away from porn.
I would also like to remind you (because I think you already know this) that it is our responsibiilty to share God with others but after that it is between the person and God. It can seem discouraging when someone rejects our efforts to show them the way to salvation, but please remember that seeds often take time to grow. What you sow today may not show its fruit until many years down the line. My grandparents were strong yet very kind and gentle Christians who prayed every day for my father. My grandfather even wanted my father to be a pastor, but my father did not become a Christian until his late 30`s. My father grew up in a strong Christian environment but the fruit did not show until later in life. My mother-in-law did not become a Christian until the day before she unexpectedly died in her late 60`s. My point is it sounds like you have a wonderful Christ like heart in that you can weep over the lost, but at the same time you can`t let the lost lead you to despair ("To this day I still cry myself to sleep praying over the unsaved and it's part of the reason I'm so upset with life right now. "). Take joy in the blessing you have in God. Have confidence in the seeds that you sow. Understand that you may not get the joy of seeing the fruit of what you have sown, but that is okay because one day in Heaven you will see all the fruit of all mankind. I think you are moving in the right direction Lostkid, but there are strong temptations around you so be careful that you don`t get caught in satan`s snare for you because if you do, you will need more than a mere distraction to climb out of the pit he would like for you to fall in.
Joshua 1:9 "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest"

 

[Relic]

When we take our eyes (our foucs) off of the things OF God, we get exactly that. the foucus is not ON the things of God but on the things NOT OF God.

No one said life was going to be easy. No on said there would not be any temptations in life. We have a choice in everything. to either turn away from those things that are NOT OF God, or to turn towards that which leads us INTO the things OF God.

Your focus was on the problems you saw in others, rather than looking for the good in others. We are ALL human beings with some kindo f flaw that must be turned over to God to help us to OVERCOME. If you go about being critical of what you see rather than going about being complimentary, finding things in people that are praise worthy. Then you will see your life change for the better. We all need to focus on the goodness of the Lord God IN others as the rewards of the blessings are in Praise and Thanksgiving... NOT in critical thinking of others flaws.

Remember, look to the good. Being postitive and finding the good in others takes effort. Being negative and finding the flaws in others is easy.

Death and life are in the power of your tongue. Choose those things that promote LIFE.

Watch out what you focus on. If it is of a negative, you can be assured it is what leads to sin and destuction of the positive.

So then. choose to focus on the positives IN ALL THINGS.

Read the book of Psalms! You will learn what a difference it makes to GIVE SACRIFICES of PRAISE and THANKSGIVING as opposed to turning away from it by being negative and complaining about the negatives you see in this world.

When you turn away from that which is not of the goodness what do you expect?

Turn toward's all that is pleasing to God. And watch your life change.

Of course we have problems in this world. But it is clear that God will see us THROUGH them all. IF we focus on the Hope of that which is to come. Good things.

Watch your thinking. Watch your mouth, Watch your focus. It makes all the difference.

Ye, though I walk THROUGH the valley of darkness, The Lord God will see me THROUGH it.

HE walks us THROUGH it all. Focus on that hope of overcoming that which comes to oppose the goodness.

Every careful you don't allow the negative to be your "leader". It will surely drag you into bad things and bad habits IF you focus on it. What makes you think your getting back into pornography wasn't because you changed your focus? What makes you think associating with that atheist you weren't negatively influenced? What makes you think by associating with things that create arguement with your fiance weren't rooted in what you decided to focus on?

Be very careful what you focus on. You must always keep alert to where your thoughts are rooted in. and what they are suggesting to you to do, by way of the words you speak, and/or the actions you take.

I hope you learned from your past..... We all need to keep focus on the goodness. The things of the will of God for us are only of the goodness of Him. If you get negative, then stop it, and turn again towards God with a repentant heart. Truly seeking to turn your focus back onto that which is OF the Goodness of God.


Stark reality ..... Stop hangin with people who are focused on hating things rather than looking to find appriciation, to compliment, to uplift the spirit.

God bless.... give a blessing of appreciation, compliment, uplifting a person, and then see God's blessings in action via the giving of yourself and others. Look to the good in all things with those people you come into contact with in your own life. It is just too easy to be negative. Working on the glory of God to be manifested into your life takes giving sacrifices of Praise and Thanksgiving. Read the Book of Psalms. REad th book of Isaiah, how God uses him to tell the people they need to TURN again to God. His hand is still outreached IF only they would TURN back TOWARD HIM. That means to be positive and think on the things that bless rather than look on the things with destroy and tear down. Uplift others and see how it makes them and you feel good rather than critic which makes them and you feel down. Don't dis. Uplift. Forgive people for the things they don't know they do. You are not so perfect either, none of us are, so then, what bad things you see in others.... look to give them encouragement for the good you look to see in them, intsead. Looking for that good takes effort! It's not always easy! But everyone has something good to see. Concentrte on that, and look for the oposite of the negative, rather than the oposite of the positive in others. The more you focus on the good in others, the more they will focus on that too. Hope for the best... Don't dis things hoped for by dis-ing that junk you see in the way of it now. The devil wants to distract us from out the Hope and the glory of goodness! There is glory in goodness. Don't let the whispers of the devil dis things by using your mouth and thoughts as his vehicle to dis others. It is counter to What God wants us to focus on! Focus on uplifting others. God provides a way to look for the good in others. The devil provides a way to keep you distanced from helping others through encouragement! Allow God to use you as a vehicle of encouragement! rather than allowing the devil to use you as a vehicle of dis-ing others.

It is what comes out of our mouth that are the seeds that we plant. Be careful to not plant seeds of thorns and thistles.

It's all in the foucs of giving sacrifices of praise and thanksgiving, give good. sow seeds of goodness. Jesus wants us to love others AS we love ourselves, being OF that same love that the HOLY SPIRIT GIVES TO YOU... GIVE TO OTHERS.

Hope this helps.

God bless.

.

 

[Relic]

.

Paisley,

Your "encouragement"in the positive direction, is wise.

:fadein:

 

[handy]

LostKid,

You have a lot of responses to wade through, and I think that there is a lot of wisdom in them, so I hope you do indeed wade through them.

And, I too am glad that you are returning and responding. I've always been so concerned when posts like your OP show up and we never hear from the poster again. The fact that you are willing to come back and respond is encouraging.

Regarding my point, that I think lack of love is at the root of your problem, I want to direct you to re-read something you posted in your response to me:

Just kind of wanted to rebuttal your post a bit. I thank you for your advice but I think it's built on a false premise - I do love. And I have experienced his overwhelming love.

That doesn't mean I have to like anybody. I did what I could to love the people around me, I'm just reaching a point where I don't care anymore. And besides, being a jerk to people is something I actually enjoy - leading me to my next point.

Enjoying being a jerk to people is indicative of the fact that you truly are misunderstanding what love is. And, parsing "liking" and "love" is also indicative of this same misunderstanding. Crying yourself to sleep over your unsaved friends is a purely human type of love. But, this isn't the kind of love that we are to have for our brothers and sisters in the Lord, nor is it the kind of love we should have towards our enemies. In other words, it's not God's love. I submit, and I strongly urge you to deeply consider what I'm saying here: I don't think my advice is built upon a false premise, I don't think you understand love.

 

[LostKid]

Thanks again for all the replies.

However I think I need more then "positive thinking."

When we look to the book of Psalms, we see more then just "focusing on good - " we also see a young man who cries out to god in discontent and a very sad state of affairs.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to just address this one post, especially so rudely, it's just that this "positive attitude" bullsh1t is just that. In order to fully experience life one must endure both the positive and the negative. I see way too many Christians promoting "feel good" Christianity where one is expected to ignore the negative realities of life and focus merely on the positive. The fact is that, in reality, life is not worth living and is a very sad state of affairs.

Fact:

God consciously creates a world in which the all of it's inhabitants (who he claims to love) stumble through a life of despair with short bursts of distraction (we mistakenly confuse for enjoyment but results usually in painful ramifications) until they eventually die, scared and alone, only to endure an eternity of suffering - people crying in solitude for water they'll never drink, begging for light they'll never see, their only company is the billions of screams that will eternally clutter their ears, and their only reminder of any other reality is the utter shame of their sin they received at the judgment.

All because God wants to play hide and go seek.

Sometimes he chooses to reveal himself to a very small minority that stumble through the same life with the same despair but things apparently get better when we die.

Telling me to focus on the "good" is just plan not dealing with the issue - it's ignoring it and, with all due respect, it's pathetic.

However I do understand the joy that accompanies Christianity. I recall the euphoria of understanding I'm doing what I'm created for. I just haven't been that way in a while, and truly the more I learn about God and the reality of this world the more I wish I had never been born into this whole mess.

Seriously - this life is NOT worth living. You're delusional if you think otherwise or you have some secret hidden knowledge I do not.

Oh, Dora, would you care to explain what "love" is then? Seeing as I don't understand it and all?

 

[paisley]

LostKid, I commend your maturity in this that you realize that the Christian life is not Heaven on Earth. Some people lose their faith the second hard times come because they felt like being a Christian exempted them from all hardships. You clearly understand that is not the case. I can also understand your frustrations with the destiny of so many in this life. I think your feelings are reflected in Ecclesiastes. However, the fact remains that we are placed in this life for a reason and we have to do our best to fulfill that purpose. Might I suggest since you know the truth and the truth is such a burden on your heart, obviously God wants you to share that truth with others. If you dedicate your life to sharing that truth and someone is saved from an eternity in Hell because you were strong enough to face the hardships in this life and conquer your temptations in order to show people how to be saved, then I think life is worth it. If you could just help one person escape from an eternity in Hell, then your life is worth it and all the struggles that come with this life will be worth it.
Lostkid, I faced a struggle a little similar to yours. The story is long but in a nutshell I was caring for a relative of my husband`s who turned out to be a criminal and I was caring for my blind bed ridden nonChristian mother-in-law as well as my very active toddler while dealing with some rather mean neighbors. My mother-in-law could not walk so I had to do everything for her yet she was very cruel to me. There were days that I wondered if any of it was worth it. There were days that all I could see was the rest of my life dealing with a criminal, a rather abusive mother-in-law, and mean neighbors. Some days seemed very dark and lonely, but I held on to God and He got me through. Now I look back on those days and I can honestly tell you that I would do it all again because in the end my mother-in-law became a Christian. If I did it again, it would still be miserable and hard, but to know that she made it to Heaven, made it worth it. Don`t you think that is sort of how Jesus felt? Goodness, my hardship was a piece of cake compared to His, yet He did it and expressed no regret over it. At any time He could have bailed out and gone back to Heaven I am sure, but He chose to stick it out for us knowing that the majority of people would reject Him, but for the few that chose Him, it was worth it and something to rejoice over. Your life has great and urgent significance if you keep your eyes on God. Again I don`t think you sound like you are cut out for being a pastor, but it sounds like you might make a great evangelist since your heart cries out for the lost while a pastor primarily takes care of the flock. Have you considered that?
Finally, the Bible clearly acknowledges in many places that life can be hard, but it also tells us not to give up and to just keep pressing on because in the end it will all be worth it. Keep your eyes on the goal and prize that will surely come to those who finish this race of life victoriously.

Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility for sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls"

 

[LostKid]

Thanks for being one of the most helpful guys here, by the way.

And yes, I believe I have been gifted at evangelism. I just don't really know what to do with it. I'm not even sure what I'm doing with my life- I have no goals, no plans, no ideas.

I wish I was never born into this mess.

 

[Relic]

Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Jeremiah 17:7
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.

John 12:46
I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me would stay in darkness.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Lamentations 3:25-26
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
salvation = rescue, victory.

God's timing, not yours! all you need do is hold onto patience.

Ask God what you can do for him instead of asking God what he can do for you.

Search the scriptures to see what God wants you to speak, he surely doesn't want you to complain that he's playing games with people and hiding from them who are truly seeking his will for them in their lives.

Are you truly seeking scripture to get to know what characteristics of Spirit God gives to those who seek to serve His will, His purpose, to those who want to be in the image God created them to be through receiving His salvation? OR are you looking to be self-ish only wanting God to do something for you when you want it, and how you want it? If you weren't self-ish, you wouldn't complain and say God is hiding. God isn't hiding from those who are looking for Him. When we give ourselves over to Jesus we should mean it and stop looking to self, but rather look to God, His ways, His words, His paths to take on the character of the indwelling HOLY SPIRIT. Saying God is hiding from you are not word coming from the indwelling "HOLY" SPIRIT, but of some other spirit, that spirit that is not clinging to the truth of the Word. Do you speak the scriptures as your own words? Or are you relying on the words of some other spirit that is not the "HOLY" Spirit. Be aware of the whiles of the devil read Ephesians 6:11-20 to be on guard at all times against the that which comes against the indwelling Holy Spirit. Do not grieve the indwelling Holy Spirit. God will take care of the problems you see in life IF you focus on obeying His HOLY WORD and speaking His Holy word, and working in the Faith He wants you to have. Walk by Faith! Faith without works is dead, yes, but works without Faith is dead also! Where is your faith? Is it in God or the spirit of doubt, discouragement and distrust? Where is your Trust? Trust in God. If you have the Faith of God you will speak the Word that are OF the Faith of God. If you have Trust in God , you will speak the words that are of full assurance of Trust in God. Do you doubt God? your words need to be of Trust in God no matter what troubles or trials you come up against. DAVID STOOD FIRM EVEN IN THE TIME OF HIS COMPLAINING! HE DID NOT LOSE SIGHT OF TRUST AND FAITH IN GOD! That's why I suggested you read the book of Psalms again... As I pointed out above, the Book of Psalms is an example of HOW DAVID OVERCAME HIS TROUBLES THROUGH TRUST AND FAITH AND PRAISE AND IN GIVING SACRIFICES OF THANKSGIVING TO GOD. Worshipping God does wonders for a weary spirit!!!!

You need to learn how to read the bible as if your very own loving Father were speaking to you. Not any differently than King David did. King David cried, and complained about his enemies, but HE OVERCAME that! How? By giving sacrifices of praise and thanksgiving to God. By Honoring the glory, the victory IN GOD WORKING IN HIS OWN TIMING. NOT DAVID'S TIMING, BUT GOD'S TIMING. David relied on all the promises of God. BY FAITH, David place his FAITH in TRUSTING AND BELIEVING GOD. IN OBEDIENCE to what God wanted David to say and think in order to overcome the enemy, David overcame all that depression and complaining from having to hide from the jealous King Saul, DAVID FOCUSED ON honoring God AFTER HE WAS DONE WITH ALL HIS CRYING AND COMPLAINING!!! LOOK at how God favored David! David played music and sang praises to God. It wasn't until Saul turned sour on David that David became complaining and depressed because of having to run away from King Saul. BUT DAVID OVERCAME! The Psalms end with songs of praise and victory over the enemy! The book of Psalms shows how the LORD BROUGHT DAVID THROUGH his troubles! Read Psalms 23! It's about trusting God to bring David through his troubles! DAVID TRUSTED GOD in spite of all the troubles he had!

You should take the example of King David STANDING FIRM in spite of the negative people around him! STAND FIRM TAKE COURAGE. Stop calling yourself "lostkid" and pick yourself up and be the man of God you are called to be. Troubles are temporary. The strength of the LORD gets us through them all IF we wait patiently for God's timing to take place. If we think something is a Long time coming is only proof that we are being impatient with God. And we then need to check up from the neck up and start TRUSTING THE TIMING OF GOD. We grow strong from out of trials in life. They build Godly character in us. IF we allow the wisdom of the LORD (as is stated also in the proverbs) to be passed onto us! HIS wisdom becomes ours! IF we stay studious and not slackards in our studies. We are to GROW in the LORD. The more you study the scriptures as if they are lessons to be learned from for our benefit, then you will MATURE IN THE LORD.

Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. Study the bible! pay attention to the promises of the LORD. And don't lose sight of the character of the HOLY SPIRIT that we are to reap from the scriptures to take on as our own. Allow the HOLY SPIRIT to teach you. Stop focusing on the negative because really, by doing that isn't ignoring the problem! Becaue IF YOU OBEY AND FOLLOW IN GOD's Ways, God takes care of all the problems in Due time, IN HIS OWN WAY! Not necessarily the way YOU want it taken care of. You can't force anyone to change or to stop sinning, but you can alert them to what sin is. If they CHOOSE to not listen, then leave them to the LORD. You are not the Savior! Jesus is! Look to Jesus to guide you and don't worry so much about all the wicked people around you. God will take care of them you did your part. That's all you can do. LET GOD DO His work in them in His own time, in His own way. You can't do it, you are only the messenger. So go keep teaching and being an example of Godly character, go keep preaching and don't forget to give praise to God for using you as his servant and student of his HOLY WORD.

If you feel like you are "lost" then draw near to the LORD! It means you need to take the advice of Phillipians 4:8 For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
.

When you see all the messed up people around you, remember this! there is something to look forward to As is stated in the book of Acts: Acts 2:17
In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.


Read the book of Hebrews to see how men of God made it through their trials, through their troubles, and through toward that which they had visions from the Lord God to walk toward..

Take the Stand you need to take! STAND FIRM IN THE HOLY SPIRIT. and stop trying to controll your circumstances. Let God do that, in His due time. All you need do is keep the Faith in His Truth and Trust The HOLYNESS OF GOD. Trust it IS at WORK. no matter what trouble you see, Trust that God IS working thought it all to bring about His glory, to tranform those who are his by the baptism, the renewing of the mind, through the indwelling Holy Spirit, the Salvation of Christ Jesus.

Jesus said it! Do not doubt the truth of HIS WORD! He wants you to have life abundant. Learn the truth in the Word and live by it! Not the doubts that the whiles of the devil throws at you. Renew your mind IN CHIRST JESUS "HOLY" SPIRIT. What is HOLY! do a study! and take it on as your own. The HOLY spirit is a gift from God! Take it live it! Be it! Jesus Christ our salvation is of the HOLY SPIRIT of God. What spirit are you allowing to enter into your thoughts. Take control of every throught! Decern the spirit of every single thought that enters your mind! If it is not of the HOLY SPIRIT but of a spirit that brings doubt about the Truth of God, then you need to delete it and throw it into the trash bin as you would a junk email that you wouldn't even bother to open! Be careful of the thoughts you are entertaining. Cry, if you must but then use the example of KING DAVID read the Psalms and see how he went from crying, complaining to cursing the enemy, to praising God and trusting God for the victory to come! IT's there! look to the victory that God brings. His timing is not always our own. Be patient! And settle down. The Lord IS working it out for His purpose and good will. You are a servant of the Lord God. Jesus wants to use you for HIS GOOD. Don't waste time fussing over how it's going. You don't see everything God is doing behind the scene. It's not for you to know every mystery of how God works. Just know and trust He is working in and through you. Be a good and faithful servant. Keep up the good work. Study the Word and learn from it. Proverbs will show you that you need to stay away from foolish people who are only out to party and get drunk! They are fools! Don't envy a thing about that!

Keep Faith, walk by it and Trust that God is fullfilling the promises! Know it! Live for his HOLY Will. Not go talk to a trusted pastor and find yourself a good mentor in the Word. Go back to bible study classes. Keep looking and in time, GOD'S TIMING. things will work out. Know that God is working it out. If you were a youth minister, then you need to go talk to a trusted pastor and tell him what's going on with you. Keep looking till you find a good mentor in Christ. Have patience and the Lord will provide His will for you in your life. You are a precious child of God. Grow in the HOLY WORD of God. I'm 55 years old. I've been through so much in life. It taught me so much. Our tears are not lost. God's due timing is all you need to trust! Keep up with your biblical studies. It's a lifetime things. Even us old folks continue to still study the bible daily.

When you have your own children you will know and understand so much more than you do now, being that you are in college,you are still so young. Study your books. get well established in your career, allow the Lord to guide you in choosing it, seek the counsel fo other wise men of God to help you if you need it, and trust God will build you up to the maturity he wills for you as your grow in His truth and HOLY spirit. Guard your heart! don't let any spirit steal His truth from out of it! Read Ephesians 6:11-20 Take Courage, be not dismayed, and STAND FIRM IN the LORD.

God Bless.

 

[LostKid]

you practically wrote me a book. Where do I begin to address this? I guess the first thing that I wanted is say is that, although I thank you for your response, I don't believe you read ANY of my posts very well. Let's just start at the beginning...

salvation = rescue, victory.

God's timing, not yours! all you need do is hold onto patience.

Ask God what you can do for him instead of asking God what he can do for you.

Search the scriptures to see what God wants you to speak, he surely doesn't want you to complain that he's playing games with people and hiding from them who are truly seeking his will for them in their lives.

You seem to think you know a whole lot about what exactly is going on in my life for someone who has never even met me. Where did I ever say I was "asking what God could do for me instead of what I could do for God?" You do realize I dropped all possible pursuits of other careers and went to college to be a pastor - you know, A LIFE OF SERVICE TO GOD AND SERVING OTHER PEOPLE? My problem is that I'm just really confused and upset about life in general but I need to start making some life decisions soon. I already lost my fiance, my college education, the respect of everyone I know, and my relationship with God is going to be next unless I start acting fast.

And secondly, where did you ever get the idea that I think God is "playing games with people and hiding from them who are truly seeking his will for them in their lives?" I'm beginning to think your reading comprehension is downright lacking. READ MY POSTS over again and pay attention to what I actually typed and not your notions of what you think my problems are. I thought I made it relatively clear that the issue I was having doesn't concern those who are "truly seeking God's will for their lives" but humanity in general. The dilemma I wrote of is my lack of understanding concerning exactly WHY God decides to create everything for his glory and then be SO elusive to everyone in general and then lash out with eternal damnation to those who don't find him. And that's not even speaking of the saved (or as you put it, "Those who are truly seeking God's will for their lives"), I feel the scriptures are fairly concrete in saying that NOBODY will seek for ANYTHING of God unless GOD WORKS ON THEM FIRST . Which is another part of why I don't things are adding up - because we now equate that THE ONLY people who are saved are those whom God decides to reveal himself to.

But you would have to read what I wrote to understand that I guess...

Are you truly seeking scripture to get to know what characteristics of Spirit God gives to those who seek to serve His will, His purpose, to those who want to be in the image God created them to be through receiving His salvation? OR are you looking to be self-ish only wanting God to do something for you when you want it, and how you want it? If you weren't self-ish, you wouldn't complain and say God is hiding. God isn't hiding from those who are looking for Him. When we give ourselves over to Jesus we should mean it and stop looking to self, but rather look to God, His ways, His words, His paths to take on the character of the indwelling HOLY SPIRIT. Saying God is hiding from you are not word coming from the indwelling "HOLY" SPIRIT, but of some other spirit, that spirit that is not clinging to the truth of the Word. Do you speak the scriptures as your own words? Or are you relying on the words of some other spirit that is not the "HOLY" Spirit. Be aware of the whiles of the devil read Ephesians 6:11-20 to be on guard at all times against the that which comes against the indwelling Holy Spirit. Do not grieve the indwelling Holy Spirit.

I don't even know where you're getting this next part. What do you mean by "if I wasn't selfish , you wouldn't complain god is hiding?" That doesn't even address ANYTHING I was talking about and isn't even in logical sequence with anything! Look at WHAT I SAID:

Fact:

God consciously creates a world in which the all of it's inhabitants (who he claims to love) stumble through a life of despair with short bursts of distraction (we mistakenly confuse for enjoyment but results usually in painful ramifications) until they eventually die, scared and alone, only to endure an eternity of suffering - people crying in solitude for water they'll never drink, begging for light they'll never see, their only company is the billions of screams that will eternally clutter their ears, and their only reminder of any other reality is the utter shame of their sin they received at the judgment.

All because God wants to play hide and go seek.

Sometimes he chooses to reveal himself to a very small minority that stumble through the same life with the same despair but things apparently get better when we die.

I'm selfish because I don't understand how that makes sense? I'm being "selfish" because God can and will let the majority of people he created lead pitiful existences and eventually go to hell for something that they basically had no control over? He didn't even give them a chance?

Well, I decided I'm not going to go through your whole post and address EVERY PIECE because basically it doesn't make any sense and isn't even rooted in a proper understanding of anything I said. I mean, at least if you read my posts clearly you'd recognize facts that clearly stated in them like that I'm not in college anymore - I dropped out. So your whole "establish yourself in a career and continues in my studies" is course of action isn't going to happen.

If you aren't going to read what I took time to write, don't preach to me like a jerk.

 

[paisley]

"I believe I have been gifted at evangelism. I just don't really know what to do with it. I'm not even sure what I'm doing with my life- I have no goals, no plans, no ideas."

Lostkid, you are not alone. So many people your age and older are caught in the cross fires of what they want and need to do with their lives. I would say you are at least one step ahead of many people in that you know you would like to do something with evangelism. Nevertheless, I know it can be extremely frustrating to be in the situation you are in right now. I don`t have the answers for you but I have a few practical suggestions that may help.

1) I still think if it is possible going on a Christian retreat might be very beneficial for you just to briefly get a change of environment to be able to clear your head, refocus, and spend concentrated time with God.

2) You may have done this before, but taking a career assessment test or two might be beneficial to you. If you have done it before, this may be the time to relook at your past results or take some tests again because this might be a tool to help you narrow down your choices and formulate a career plan that allows you to do evangelism in the most effective way by allowing you to use your other gifts and talents. To tell you the truth, later on in life, you might look back at this hard period in your life as a blessing because it should be forcing you to re-evaluate the path you are going and hopefully it will help you take a path that would allow you to serve God more effectively. I have taken the liberty to find a few supposedly free (I have not taken them) online career assessement tests that you might want to try. Here are the links:
http://kts2.personalityzone.com/user/register.aspx Keirsey temperment test
http://similarminds.com/career.html
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

3) Another idea would be taking a short term mission trip or pursuing a missionary career. This would allow to focus primarily on evangelism although you would still have to work heavily with churches and mission boards.

4) If you are interested in overseas work but don`t like the red tape of mission boards, you could be a tent maker meaning you could get a secular job overseas and then do your own evangelism after work. I live in Asia and I can tell you that teaching English is a big business here. All you need is a bachlor`s degree in any subject although education or ESL will get your foot in the door a little quicker than other degrees. I had a friend who taught English and used his free time for evangelism. We have a lot of lost people here in Asia so your services would be greatly needed. I have also had many English Bible studies and they are easy to start because so many people want to practice English especially for free! It is almost a free ticket to evangelism, but not everyone is cut out for living in a foreign country. You would have to decide if that is for you or not.

5) Another option for you would be to take time off from school and get some real life experience working in a ministry. The pay probably would not be that great and the job probably would not be the top position but the experience might be very valuable and open doors and ideas for you for your future. I have also taken the liberty to find a link with Christian job boards listed. Here it is.
http://www.christian-careers.com/christian-jobs.htm


6) Another piece of practical advise that is not career related but life related and that is I don`t know your living situation right now but if you are living alone, you might find having a strong Christian male roommate might be good for you to help keep you accountable when it comes to porn. If you are living with your parents and you have your computer in your bedroom, you might want to move your computer to the family room because I am assuming you are viewing porn on the computer rather than buying magazines and such which you can and should throw away. I am also assuming (which means I can be wrong) that you are probably going to porn when you are alone and feeling lonely. I think if the computer is out where others can see it, you would be too embarrassed to look at that stuff in front of a parent or other Christian.
Lostkid, it sounds like you have shown a life time of self discipline and good character so I think you have the strength of God within you to conquer this problem and overcome the temptation. Maybe you have turned to porn as your "distraction" now that things in life feel like they are caving in on you, but I think you realize that you don`t need this kind of a distraction in life. You have much higher and better things to look at and think about than to clutter your mind with this smut.

7) Another piece of practical life advise I would suggest is if your church does not have a good college/young adult group, I would find a church that does have one because Christians can have fun. I can remember when I was in college and went to the college class at church. We had lots of parties which were lots of fun. The difference of course was they were clean and we always had a Bible time and prayer at these. I think they were a lot better than anything the secular world had to offer.

Finally, just to be a peace maker, I would like to say a word on Relic`s behalf. I have read many posts of his on this board and I think he is really a good guy. I don`t think he meant any harm to you. Sometimes reading posts can come off differently than speaking face to face, and although I can`t speak for Relic (he would have to clear this up himself), I tend to think his "positive thinking" post as you referred to it was really meant to lift your spirits and encourage you to open your heart a little more to the Christians that you find annoying. Maybe those were not the words you needed at this time but I think his intentions were right, and personally I enjoyed that post, but I am in a different place in life than you are right now so I probably received the words differently than you did. Anyway, I hope you have not gotten too discouraged by any exchange of words here and I encourage you to just keep pressing on because it sounds like you are a good guy with a huge heart and desire to serve God.

 

[biblecatholic]

Lost,


I wanted to just share a few thoughts. Many times in life we are wounded by people close to(or not close to us)(form yelling to abuse, it doesn't matter much on the severity of the incidents what matters is the lie that is now believed after the incidents) these wounds have a big impact on the way we look at our selves.... Many times even the way our father is we project that on God the Father. The enemy uses our wounds to lie to us and many times we believe the lies he tells us.

You are His beloved child, He would have died for you if you were the only one who would have accepted. You are not a loser you are a child of the King.

....with the porn addiction you need to get some pastorly help because that opens a lot of spiritual doors that cause many problems. Also that type of addiction(which men...and women have due to the inundation through the web and tv from the enemy) is the filling of a void and is typically a deep wound. You must bring these things to Jesus and let heal them...it's a process

I recommend a book called "Experiencing the Fathers Embrace" By Jack Frost(not the snow man) It is an amazing book

 

[handy]

Seriously - this life is NOT worth living. You're delusional if you think otherwise or you have some secret hidden knowledge I do not.

Oh, Dora, would you care to explain what "love" is then? Seeing as I don't understand it and all?

First, obviously we (we being the universal church who are not all delusional) have some knowledge (I don't know how secret or hidden it is) that you don't.

Secondly, I'm glad you're willing to admit that you don't understand it and all. (I know, I know, I can recognize sarcasm when I see it.) But, I'll just be one of those annoying types who is going to take your words at face value, and try to explain it. Because, although I don't say this kind of thing often, I'm telling you, I believe the lack of love on your part is the root of your problems. Deal with it, and God can lift you out of the pit you're in. Don't and you very well may lose everything.


"You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble." 1 Peter 5:5

True godly love is humble. How humble are you?

Godly love is also patient, kind, is not jealous; doesn't brag and is not arrogant. (1Corinthians 13)

How does your life and attitudes measure up to this?

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." 1 John 4:18

How fearful are you? (This was a tough one for me, I must have lived a good 3rd of my life in fear of one type or another.) Since you readily admit to like acting like a jerk, is it possible that acting like a jerk is a defense to fear? Just some food for thought here.

And this is the one that caused me to pursue this subject with you when I read through your posts:

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow-citizens with the saints, and are of God's household, having been built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the corner stone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together is growing into a holy temple in the Lord; in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit. Ephesians 2:19-22
and
So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith. Galatians 6:10

Again, reading through your posts, I see a disdainful attitude towards the church, the church being those believers that you find so boring, stupid and annoying. This is a red flag my friend. God's love for His church is overwhelming and we should love one another just as He loves us. I'm not speaking of the world here, yes we need love them as well, but I am speaking of your brothers and sisters in the Lord who are walking the same path as you. You said that being a jerk to people is something that you actually enjoy, and I can read from your subsequent posts that you spoke nothing less than the truth. But, this is contradictory to the new nature that should be characteristic of one who is born of the Spirit. That we sometimes do come off as jerks to each other is inevitable. That one should actually enjoy being so, yep, red flag.

The fruit of the Spirit, the evidence that the Spirit is at work in any believer is first and foremost love. Joy, peace, patience; you can read the passage, they're all in there as well, but it's no coincidence that love is first. The text is Galatians 5:22.

 

[handy]

LostKid,

I just wanted to share this with you: I looked at my Bible which is sitting here open by my keyboard and saw this:

"I pray that the eyes of your heart my be enlightened, so that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe." Ephesians 1:18-19

There is so much hope for a full, rich, glorious life, both here and in eternity. Be encouraged. Deal with your issues, but be encouraged my friend. Here's looking to the day that you gladly and joyfully change your user name!

 

[Relic]

Finally, just to be a peace maker, I would like to say a word on Relic`s behalf. I have read many posts of his on this board and I think he is really a good guy. I don`t think he meant any harm to you. Sometimes reading posts can come off differently than speaking face to face, and although I can`t speak for Relic (he would have to clear this up himself), I tend to think his "positive thinking" post as you referred to it was really meant to lift your spirits and encourage you to open your heart a little more to the Christians that you find annoying. Maybe those were not the words you needed at this time but I think his intentions were right, and personally I enjoyed that post, but I am in a different place in life than you are right now so I probably received the words differently than you did. Anyway, I hope you have not gotten too discouraged by any exchange of words here and I encourage you to just keep pressing on because it sounds like you are a good guy with a huge heart and desire to serve God.

Paisely,
Thank you, you are correct in interpreting what I wrote. I very much appreciate how well you understand where I was coming from and what I was trying to relay. Your presence here about the forums is a blessing indeed. God bless you. It's a pleasure getting to know you.

Many people here who have known me for the past 3 years know all to well that I tend to write long posts, it's one of many my own flaws that I've had a difficult time. Being able to condense what I want to relay into a few paragraphs and decrease the redundancy in them has always been a difficult challenge for me.


lostkid,
I wasn't being arrogant towards you at all. I was providing things to think about, not things to get upset about. No need to call me a jerk for making a mistake.


Anyway, I hope what I had to say was of help to someone even if it wasn't of any assitance to LostKid. I know that God uses what I have to say for good purpose. Even if it was just one sentence. I know that God uses me to be of good service to someone who has read this thread. Use older folks are good for something.


By the way,
I'm a 55 year old mother of two, my daughter is 31 years old, and my son 21. Also, my daughter gave me a sweet little grandson who just turned 2 years old the other day. In six months, myself and my grown up children will be considered another year older. :


Ladies and gents, I know what you are saying about picking yourself up and moving on.
My daughter didn't appreciate what I had to say until she had a baby of her own. Niether did she appreciate what I had to say about life and education until she was on her own. She's been in situations where she actually begged someone for a job. She's now back to school getting her nursing degree! She is 31! She went back to school and is glad she did. Just because a person drops out of school doesn't mean they don't have the option at some time later on to return, even if it's for a different major. I first went to college for a two year real estate degree. I had to drop out of that because of hardship in life. I returned to college a year later and went for a different degree! Accounting and small business management! Not Real Estate! Life always presents other options from which to choose. For the better. It' snever too late to return to college, even if a person decides to change majors or even change college. Doesn't mean it's come to an end because you quit the college you were in. I went back to college 10 years ago when I was 45 years old! It's okay. Life presents new options. It's up to us to sort it out and choose what direction we want to go. Find your passion in life and go for it. Even if you have to go for it more than one time. I've had to keep on keepin on so many times. And I've had to change direction in life so many times. Sometimes, not to my own liking, either. But the Lord saw me through it all! Yes! God IS GOOD! :fadein:

God Bless