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I'm a loser baby, So why don't you kill me?

Relic, I am so sorry to have called you a "he"!!! See how easy it is to misinterpret things when we can`t see someone face to face!!! Well, I certainly enjoyed your "positive" post for myself, and yes the wisdom that comes with experience as we age is certainly something of great value. I also think that mothers increase in value over time. I know all my adult female friends who now have children, we definitely all feel a NEED for our mothers that we did not feel when we were younger. We sometimes have conversations among ourselves about this. As for long windedness, well I tend to be long winded too if you have not already noticed.
Now in defense of Lostkid, even though I don`t know him, he sounds like a good kid so I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I think if he knew you were a grandmother, I bet he would not have called you a "jerk".
Blessings to you and see you around on the board!
 
This post has been heavily edited.

1. I'm not going back to college - I hated it and everything about it.

2. I still hate my life and regret being born onto this planet.

3. I don't care if I hurt anybody's feelings. If you're really that offended by what I have to say then either ban me or don't post in my thread anymore.

I'm probably running away to Kentucky for about a year to save up some money. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life but this thread is helpful.

Oh, and as for the whole lack of love thing...Truly I used to love, a lot actually. I just don't really care anymore nor do I find myself comfortable with MOST other Christians.
 
May the peace of the Lord be with you.

My spiritual director told me something important. There are no such thing as coincidences. I believe there was a reason for you finding this site.

God has some plan for all of us. The problem is, of course, that from down here, we sometimes can't figure it out.

I know where you are coming from. I converted during 3rd grade and found school rather easy. Religion class was particularly easy. Some years were a blessing, but most of the time it was just "write down some BS and get an A." I dabbled in bad things: pornography, Eastern Religions, yoga, wicca/the occult, Communism. I was shocked out of it due to the death of a good friend. In addition to his faith through suffering, he told us that he could feel when people prayed for him. Said it was even better than morphine. That stuck with me.

You mention the term addiction in relation to pornography. Sadly, you are right. We are addicts, we must admit that. We also must realize that we will never be fully impenetrable to temptation. It could be the littlest trigger or just loneliness. We are not alone, the specter of pornography and self abuse haunts far too many these days. I found out about a man who has lived with the addiction, fought the fight, and with God's help has proven victorious. He has now dedicated his life to helping others. It is a good source of information and the forums offer personal contact with others who are going through the same thing to help you through. His site is: http://www.trueknights.org/

Satan's traps are out there. However, we must first do two things. First, recognize that the past is done with, we cannot change it. Secondly, in the words of Jesus "For human beings it is impossible, but not for God. All things are possible for God." (Mark 10:27) We must realize that we will never get anywhere going it alone. We must accept the Graces that God offers to us.

It is a struggle. I'm not going to sugar coat it. I've greatly improved in the last four years with the way my life is going. I still fall on occasion. Some months or weeks are worse than others. But I know God has a plan for me and that He's going to give me what I need to get there, I just have to take him up on the offer.

Remember, Jesus says further down the same chapter of Mark.

"Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come." (Mark 10:29-30)

It's worth it...

Feel free to contact me if you are in need of any help.

Pax,

Brian
 
LostKid,

When I was in college, the first thing I did was get myself caught up in a cult. I mean a real, control-freak, couldn't make a move without the leader's permission, cult.

It messed me up. My grades went down, and when I got out of the cult, I was socially cut off from all my friends and in a pretty deep depression.

I took a year off of college and work. Just kind of hung out at my mom and dad's (to this day I'm grateful for how understanding they were). I babysat my sister's kids for pocket money. By the end of the year, I had sorted out what was bad and what was good regarding my walk with God. I was more focused on what I wanted to do and ready to close the chapter that was behind me and look forward to what to do with the rest of my life.

So, a year in Kentucky probably isn't such a bad idea. Hopefully you can spend it profitably, seeking to further your walk with God.

Regarding the love thing, I do believe you when you say you used to love. It reminded me of a passage of Scripture that I'll share with you, perhaps it will strike a chord:

I know your deeds and your toil and perseverance, and that you cannot endure evil men, and you put to the test those who call themselves apostles, and they are not, and you found them to be false; and you have perseverance and have endured for My name's sake, and have not grown weary. But, I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first. Or else.....

OK, the or else is rather grim, but our Lord leaves the Ephesians with this encouraging note, "Yet this you do have, that you hate the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. Revelations 2:2-6

On the surface, this sounds like a real downer of a text, but Christ is actually encouraging the Ephesians by pointing out what they are doing right, and how they are going wrong. It sounds as though you're a few steps further down the road than the Ephesians, and are losing perseverance. Leaving the first love is a serious thing, but Jesus gives the antidote right here, go back to doing. Do the deeds you did at first. Keep in mind there is nothing about feeling here, it's doing. We in the West tend to think of love as an emotion, in the Scriptures, love is a very active thing.

When I was on my sabbatical from college and not doing much but babysitting, I wound up going to a church that was into sharing the gospel and reaching out to the needy in our community. It took a while for my "feelings" to catch up to what I was doing, but nonetheless, joy was eventually restored.

I'm truly hopeing and praying the best for you LostKid. If you pull through this, and with God's help I know you can, whatever you do decide to do with your life, I know you'll be better for having this experience.
 
Hey lostkid,

My post will probably get deleted too, but who knows. I completely understand how you cannot get along with most Christians. I'll leave out the specifics, but I think we understand each other. I was like you when I was 16 years old too. I did, more or less, become an athiest for reasons that you completely understand. Problem was, I fell off the deep end when I was in my first two years of college. Every time I came back to Christians they seemed so illogical and would always say "the devil is trying to pull you away". It was kind of ridiculous to me, but you know? My life actually became much worse in those two years.

1 year ago I got my life back on track and 7 months ago I fell for a very Christian girl, as she did for me, and I am trying to get back to Christianity. It has been very annoying because I'm a very liberal person and most Christians anger me so much with there hatefulness and scare tactics, but my GF never did that and her friends that go to church are not like that either. Now I'm back and I feel much better. I only listen to very traditional, Orthodox sermons because I've lost a lot of respect for many other pastors (long story). I pray and read the Bible. I look at my relationship with God as a personal matter, and when someone judges me I simply ignore them. I stay away from extremist Christians because they judge too much, which is a sin in itself. I still hang out with my athiest friends and I am strong enough not to pertake in their activities, but many people are not so be careful. I try to serve as an example without preaching to them. If you do fall of the deep end you WILL BE VERY UNHAPPY. Try to keep your life on track. As for Pornography, MANY people, Christians and all, do it (I stopped going to church after my pastor was caught with it on the church computer), but it is VERY VERY wrong and the guilt and addiction will really hurt you. You need to do whatever you can to seperate yourself from this as soon as possible... Start researching on how to cure addiction and you should find many reasources online. Find someone you trust to help you...

peace and very good luck to you

P.S. ohhh.. please don't regret your life. It is a very precious thing. If nothing else devout your life to helping others. Taking your own life is so wrong. When I get down I don't consider killing myself I consider forgeting myself and giving absolutely everything to others because maybe I'm not happy, but I can at least bring happiness to them. I have not done it because we DO have to live our own lifes. But I think I'd join the Peace Corps instead of commiting suicide.
 
Hey, Lostkid:
I went through something rather similar to what you're going through now. I really almost gave up the whole Christianity thing. I found it kind of annoying. But there are two things that I'd like you to consider:

1. C.S. Lewis said, "The Christian ideal has not been tried and founding wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried."

2. When we pledge allegiance to God, it counts especially when we don't feel like being loyal to Him. Christianity is a lifestyle. If you do not find it to be the Truth, then you should look for the Truth elsewhere. But there is another quote I have for you, "You may leave the church, but the church will never leave you." There are many days where I really wish I didn't have to bother getting up and talking to people and being nice to people, because if I had my way, I would honestly be a horrible person. I would probably even be an atheist or an agnostic by now. But I would be terribly terribly dead inside.

Really, we are already dead to the world, since we have died to the world through Christ. If we were to live in the world now, we would be dead because we know there is something more we can have. I believe there is a quote in the Bible with something to the effect of "woe to the man who knows the Truth and turns his back on it anyway." If you have an overwhelming amount of proof that Christianity is True, then you must cling to it, because without it you will have no hope of life in this world. It is up to you to choose what life you are going to live.

I'm sorry you've been through a lot these past few years; I know it's tough, but like I said, living a Christian life is not for the faint of heart. God tests us in fire. It is merely a part of life. Everyone must suffer. The one thing that will make it bearable is if you embrace your cross and follow Christ, because you know the hope that rests in that road to Calvary. I think you understand much about Christianity, so I don't need to explain it to you, but the question becomes what YOU will decide for yourself. Look into your heart and ask yourself what you really want.
I hope this helps you some. I hope that you find direction and understand what you must do now. God bless you. :wink:
 
I know you guys are trying to help him, but I think he's gone; he's been inactive since February
 
I agree w/Kenan. On another thread I think he said he was joining the military and I don`t think he`s posted since then.
 
I think all of this will make you stronger in the long run. We go through all of these things to shape our faith and maybe all of these things happened because God was trying to get somethings out of your life that he deemed unnecessary. Our yoke isnt an easy one and life in a secular world as a christian is a hard one but our rewards are in heaven and will far surpass the fleeting pleasures of the world. keep your faith:pray
 
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