I'm Celibate and my Girlfriend doesn't like that.

[Mikey]

My athiest GF doesn't like the fact that I'm celibate.
I want to serve God, but she keeps trying to bring me down.

*Can I still be her friend?
*If she comes to be 'ok' with my faith, but doesn't accept Christ is she still off-limits?
*Why is it that it's ok for married couples to do lustful things? (Be 'dirty' with each other?)




*Edited at the request of the poster.

 

[jasoncran]

some of that i can relate, it aint easy but get that woman completly out of your life. you deserve better. let god bring the one in to your life. from what i gather she really doesnt care for you.

jason

 

[GojuBrian]

Jason's spot on! Get rid of her ASAP!! She cares nothing about you, only herself and her needs/wants. Read proverbs, many of the verses have her name on them. YOU deserve better!

 

[Nick]

Absolutely agree with Jason and Brian. That girl is trouble...she cares nothing about you and is damaging your faith and relationship with God. It would do you more good to let her go.

 

[Tina]

.
Hey Mikey, thanks for sharing your diary of events.

I cannot figure how you've allowed a . . girl to control you like that for so long !

I know it's gonna be hard and painful, but you should dump her. She's a channel used by the devil to make you fall into sinful temptations. Being a born-again Christian now, your desire should be to please God and not to please some sex-crazed, hormone-raging woman !


:naughty :naughty :naughty :naughty :naughty


I will be praying for you. I believe that God will honor you back and provide you with the right Christian girlfriend in His perfect timing. Seek to please Him and not to please yourself or some girl. You said that early this year God told you to be celibate, so your desire should be to obey Him and serve Him, and in His time God will surely reward you.


:amen

 

[Blazin Bones]

I'm going to ask a few more questions before I say too much other than I do not think you should break up with for ANY other reason than you are certain God does not want you to marry .

It is very clear she has issues, but what is not clear is what kind of efforts you have made to contend for her actions and soul since renewing your commitment to God. You may not like where things have gone, but who's to say this is the way it will always be? Frankly, because you have given in as much as you have there is now a responsibility for you to contend for her soul and actions.

I know it is difficult for young men these days to take a stand and stay there. We are not taught to be independent men, but rather men who will "treat there woman right," as if we were subject to them. She is no doubt trapped by many of the accept cultural ideas many other young adults are.

I have two more questions I want to ask. First, what is/and what has her relationship to Christ when you met and now? Second, is your celibacy towards her until marraige or for life?

In many ways Mikey, you and this girl have acted as though you were already married, and I know you now know this was wrong. However, you also know now just how bonded you are to her because of all this. If you are truly certain God wants this relationship to end, then end it with his strength. If this is not the case, however, God may be looking to use you in her life to give you the companion you are ment to have one day. A man devoted to God is a hard to bend, I pray that whatever God leads you to that you stand strong in him.

 

[Mikey]

I'm going to ask a few more questions before I say too much other than I do not think you should break up with for ANY other reason than you are certain God does not want you to marry .

It is very clear she has issues, but what is not clear is what kind of efforts you have made to contend for her actions and soul since renewing your commitment to God. You may not like where things have gone, but who's to say this is the way it will always be? Frankly, because you have given in as much as you have there is now a responsibility for you to contend for her soul and actions.

I know it is difficult for young men these days to take a stand and stay there. We are not taught to be independent men, but rather men who will "treat there woman right," as if we were subject to them. She is no doubt trapped by many of the accept cultural ideas many other young adults are.

I have two more questions I want to ask. First, what is/and what has her relationship to Christ when you met and now?

Second, is your celibacy towards her until marraige or for life?

In many ways Mikey, you and this girl have acted as though you were already married, and I know you now know this was wrong. However, you also know now just how bonded you are to her because of all this. If you are truly certain God wants this relationship to end, then end it with his strength. If this is not the case, however, God may be looking to use you in her life to give you the companion you are ment to have one day. A man devoted to God is a hard to bend, I pray that whatever God leads you to that you stand strong in him.

It is very clear she has issues, but what is not clear is what kind of efforts you have made to contend for her actions and soul since renewing your commitment to God. You may not like where things have gone, but who's to say this is the way it will always be? Frankly, because you have given in as much as you have there is now a responsibility for you to contend for her soul and actions.

I always say no to her, but when she turns away from me, tells me I don't love her, starts crying, etc.,
I always feel so bad. I hate hurting her. I know that technicaly I'm called to do that, but my heart breaks when she's sad/angry.
I have tried to show her that all Christians aren't bad (see below.), but she just thinks I'm delusiional and in denial. She mocks me, or shuts off when I tell her anything even slightly biblical.
She says purity is over-rated, and abstinance just means your not good in bed.
She tells me everyday she is tired of waiting.
I show her God's love, but she's convinced it's from me. She sees the things God calls me to do, and she just says I have no perception of the value of things/money.

First, what is/and what has her relationship to Christ when you met and now?

When she was a little girl, she was part of a Mormon Church. Christians (Mormon and non) have always been judgental, arrogant, and mean to her. She says "The Mormons were crazy" From what I heard from her, they were also always annoying her and her family. She considers herself an Athiest now.
She mocks me openly about my faith, and when she found out I was a Christian, she refused to talk to me for a week.

Second, is your celibacy towards her until marraige or for life?

I have always felt I was going to be celibate until mariage.
She has told me within the last year or two that she will want to have sex every day.
She thinks sex is something you do because it feels good, and because you feel close to someone.
I think sex is only appropriate for child-birthing.
She has no qualms with using "protection"(Which doesn't work most of the time statisticly), and if she does get pregnant and Birth-control odesn't work, she sees nothing wrong with abortion.(But lets please not turn this into a abortion/birthcontrol debate! :halo )

For all the people who say she doesn't care about me:
She might not considwer my feelings, but she loves me.
She is attached to me, and will never let go.

She says I'm all she has.
I don't know if any of you care, but she told me SHE WOULD KILL HERSELF IF WE BROKE UP!

She's not joking, and a phychologist won't help her.
She has a negative view of the wold, and losing the only person who cares about her would make it all crash down on her.

I have prayed many times that God would find someone else for her...
There are some people at her work who she might go with, but when ever I encourage her to do that, she decides she wants me.


I tried so hard to keep us together,
then
I tried so hard to let this realationship end...


I know God is using her to strenthen me...
She's my sandpaper, roughing me out.
All of my temptations come from her: She convinces me to buy things I don't need, she convinces me to be selfish, she convinces me to break my celibacy...

If she were gone it would all be easy.

I don't think God wants it to be easy.

I think life is supposed to be a constant test of my faith in God.
A constant falling and repentance.
Backsliding keeps me humble, and shows me the true nature of a human.
Backsliding keeps me in constant subjection to God.

If I were able to be good, not only would scripture be a lie, but I would eventually become prideful and arrogent because there would be nothing to make me fall.

So yes, I think God wants me to stay with her, no matter the cost.
I know she'll never change, but she will be the struggle that is needed to test me.

We are told to flee from sexual temptation, so I will never again alow myself to be alone with her. (Until marriage, or maybe I should never be alone with her period given her sexual appettite...)
We are also told to fight with the devil. If we fight him off, he runs.


Epphesians chapter 6
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

 

[Blazin Bones]

I do not mean to be overly critical, but Mikey, some of this seems ike you are relying on what you can do and not God. I can see that you want to serve him, but you seems that you are in a situation that takes a lot more strength than any one person has.

1. Saying no to her: Sexually yes, if there is something you do not want to do, don't do it, especially if God's teachings say you shouldn't. Instead start praying, maybe even with her right there and see how things change. If she is so opposed to God, her desire for you will decrease the more she sees the thing she doesn't want in you, a passion for God.

As for spending money on her, is she your girlfriend or isn't she. This doesn't mean you go broke, but if you can treat her, treat her. It sounds to me both of you have a desire for attention and affection. If you feel God is telling you to stay with her, and this INCLUDES marriage, she is to be your primary object of affection.

If you still intend to marry her, Ephesians 5 teaches us men to love our wives like Christ loved his church. Christ gave his life for the church, so that means all your effort should be toward her if you intend to marry her. She needs your Leadership, and you need your leadership to come from God. She may not be your wife yet, but if you intend on marrying her, NOW is the best time to start following the teachings of God as far as caring for her.

The hardest part to this is that she is NOT required to show that affection back in return. If you do not beleive God's will is to marry this young woman, then end things right away. Otherwise, treat her as affectionately as you can without over stepping your bounds as an unmarried couple.

2. If her opinion of Christians is this damaged, nothing you SAY or DO will mean a thing if it is not genuine and from God. However, this does not mean to stop allowing God to work in both of your lives. She is hurt and broken, clearly, so pray that God would work in her heart. Pray night and day. If you beleive it is God's will to marry her, Contend for her life ANY CHANCE you get.

3. I think a blend of both your views on sex is correct. Look at it this way. If a man and a woman are trying to have a child, will the wife conceive on the very first try? Most of the time this is not the case. Have a husband and wife sinned in having sex that did not lead to child-birthing? Think about women who have been told they cannot have children but God has provided a husband to be their companion through life. Are they not to consumate their marraige because there is no chance to conceive a child?

Sex is for child-birthing obviously, but she is also correct in that for a man and a woman who are married, it is a tool God gave to increase the intimacy of their relationship. When God told Adam and Eve that they were to become one flesh, this wasn't only for the purpose of procreation. Sexual intimacy unites a man and wife as one, which is more important than bearing children, because it must occur to have children.

4 This is not God's way or keeping you "sharp". This is probably much more a consequence of the sin you both have allowed to united you two before it was time. James 1:13 makes it clear that God is not the giver of temptation, and so this relationship with this girl was not his way of tempting you. He may allow for us to be tempted, but that does not mean he is causing it. He may use the bad for his glory, Romans 8:28, but that does not mean he is the source.

We are taught to flee temptation, but you have not done that for the last several years. Now it just may be that God will use you to change this young woman's life. If you do marry her, and deprive her of the intimacy your wedding vows before God commits to her, I beleive that is sin as well.

Here's the bottom line. If you beleive that God desires you to marry her, you have a long road ahead, but you must live it with God's strength. If you do not beleive it is God's will to marry her, end it through God's Strength.

 

[Mikey]

I do not mean to be overly critical, but Mikey, some of this seems ike you are relying on what you can do and not God. I can see that you want to serve him, but you seems that you are in a situation that takes a lot more strength than any one person has.

1. Saying no to her: Sexually yes, if there is something you do not want to do, don't do it, especially if God's teachings say you shouldn't. Instead start praying, maybe even with her right there and see how things change. If she is so opposed to God, her desire for you will decrease the more she sees the thing she doesn't want in you, a passion for God.

As for spending money on her, is she your girlfriend or isn't she. This doesn't mean you go broke, but if you can treat her, treat her. It sounds to me both of you have a desire for attention and affection. If you feel God is telling you to stay with her, and this INCLUDES marriage, she is to be your primary object of affection.

If you still intend to marry her, Ephesians 5 teaches us men to love our wives like Christ loved his church. Christ gave his life for the church, so that means all your effort should be toward her if you intend to marry her. She needs your Leadership, and you need your leadership to come from God. She may not be your wife yet, but if you intend on marrying her, NOW is the best time to start following the teachings of God as far as caring for her.

The hardest part to this is that she is NOT required to show that affection back in return. If you do not beleive God's will is to marry this young woman, then end things right away. Otherwise, treat her as affectionately as you can without over stepping your bounds as an unmarried couple.

2. If her opinion of Christians is this damaged, nothing you SAY or DO will mean a thing if it is not genuine and from God. However, this does not mean to stop allowing God to work in both of your lives. She is hurt and broken, clearly, so pray that God would work in her heart. Pray night and day. If you beleive it is God's will to marry her, Contend for her life ANY CHANCE you get.

3. I think a blend of both your views on sex is correct. Look at it this way. If a man and a woman are trying to have a child, will the wife conceive on the very first try? Most of the time this is not the case. Have a husband and wife sinned in having sex that did not lead to child-birthing? Think about women who have been told they cannot have children but God has provided a husband to be their companion through life. Are they not to consumate their marraige because there is no chance to conceive a child?

Sex is for child-birthing obviously, but she is also correct in that for a man and a woman who are married, it is a tool God gave to increase the intimacy of their relationship. When God told Adam and Eve that they were to become one flesh, this wasn't only for the purpose of procreation. Sexual intimacy unites a man and wife as one, which is more important than bearing children, because it must occur to have children.

4 This is not God's way or keeping you "sharp". This is probably much more a consequence of the sin you both have allowed to united you two before it was time. James 1:13 makes it clear that God is not the giver of temptation, and so this relationship with this girl was not his way of tempting you. He may allow for us to be tempted, but that does not mean he is causing it. He may use the bad for his glory, Romans 8:28, but that does not mean he is the source.

We are taught to flee temptation, but you have not done that for the last several years. Now it just may be that God will use you to change this young woman's life. If you do marry her, and deprive her of the intimacy your wedding vows before God commits to her, I beleive that is sin as well.

Here's the bottom line. If you beleive that God desires you to marry her, you have a long road ahead, but you must live it with God's strength. If you do not beleive it is God's will to marry her, end it through God's Strength.

Thank you.
My feelings and her feelings are not important, but God's will is what matters.
Thing is: If she even saw me praying, she would mock me and be disqusted, especially if I mentioned her name. This would cause friction between us, but not enough for her to leave me, just enough to hurt her feelings.
Thing is, she only wants to have sex "with protection" If we mess up and have a baby, she'll abort it.
I know I should end this, but she won't let me.
Am I to marry someone who will always put down my beliefs, and teach our children not to believe in God?
Marriage, along with all we do should have God in the middle, but it seems our marriage would only have sex in the middle.
Her sexuality is mostly lustful. Should our marriage be based on lust, sex, and hatefulness, instead of love, God, and responsibility?
Why can't I break us apart? :mad

 

[jasoncran]

because you may have a codepency on her. i say that lovingly. i believe that the lord will sever her from your life, if you work with him and, ie remove yourself far from as possible.

jason

 

[Blazin Bones]

You just said it's not about her feelings, and yet your excuse for not praying is that it will disgust her? Who do you live for, God or this Girl that you want almost nothing to do with?

 

[Mikey]

I was just confirming what you said about prying with her there.
Yes, I care about her feelings, but God comes first.What I guess I didn't catch while reading your post was not how she would react, but how things would turn out through praying.
I'l pray more for us.
Maybe it would be best to take this relationship a day at a time, and if it ends, it ends, if we marry, we marry.
Her soulution seems to be to forget theres a problem, and just stay together, even if we hurt.
My soulution was praying for God to end this and help her find someone more compatible for her.
I guess I'll just wait and see what God's soulution is...

 

[destiny]

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14

If you think this girl is putting you through hell now just wait till you're married, because it won't get easier or better. And what if you end up getting this woman pregnant, then she's in your life forever and raising your children immorally.

God doesn't command you to stay in such a sinful mess, Obey His Word and get out of it now! He gave us 2 Cor. 6:14 to obey!

 

[Mikey]

I'll try.
The worst part is...she's been nice to me the last couple days, and we've had fun hanging out together.
I talked to her about breaking up last night and this morning, and she said she couldn't.
I tried to convince her not to stay with me, but she told me she loved me too much, and I felt the same.
We even talked about marriage, and her eyes lit up like they never had before...
She was so happy when I told her how much I loved her.
She's too attached to me.
I can stand the pain of breaking away, it's the pain she'll feel that I'm so afraid of.
I know how this sounds.
I know what I'm supposed to do, but...
I can't.
Can't I just let things continue and see if they get beter?
I need to stop being selfish and do what God tells me.
i just feel sick thinking about this though.
I do love her.
I know that despite her actions and disbelief, she loves me.
Part of me says if I have to go to hell to stay with her I would, but I'm tired of hurting God...
I just need time...
My self was buried when I gave myself to God.
He has given me rules to follow.
It's yes or no.
God or her.
Heaven or Hell.
..
.But I saw honesty in her smile
I saw love in her eyes.
When I said marriage...something just felt...right.

Scripture says it's not.
God says it's not.

I promised her on the first day that I would never leave her.

I'll continue to wait until she leaves me.

I feel so sick...

 

[Midgwy]

Destiny is absolutely right. God has already stated in His word what His will is in situations of two unequally yoked individuals getting married. It sounds like there is no peace in your heart with this woman and your relationship with her especially where your walk with the Lord is concerned. If you can't break it off for fear that she might harm herself if you do, at least you do not have to go jumping into marriage with her. Really pray about this and spend much time with God and in His word before you make any decisions concerning marriage. Marriage is a big life altering decision. Fill yourself with God's wisdom and thoughts through His written Word and pray, pray , pray. The Lord will give you the solution of how to be free of her without it harming her. But you are going to have to quit being wishy washy and decide with finality if you want God to free you from her. A double mind man receives nothing from the Lord.

Col. 3:15 says to let the peace of God rule in our hearts.
While peace rules, all is safe. I hear more torment in your relationship with this woman than the peace that God gives when He is leading. You better take it slow and not let this woman speed you into something you will regret for the rest of your life.

 

[Midgwy]

Destiny is absolutely right. God has already stated in His word what His will is in situations of two unequally yoked individuals getting married. It sounds like there is no peace in your heart with this woman and your relationship with her especially where your walk with the Lord is concerned. If you can't break it off for fear that she might harm herself if you do, at least you do not have to go jumping into marriage with her. Really pray about this and spend much time with God and in His word before you make any decisions concerning marriage. Marriage is a big life altering decision. Fill yourself with God's wisdom and thoughts through His written Word and pray, pray , pray. The Lord will give you the solution of how to be free of her without it harming her. But you are going to have to quit being wishy washy and decide with finality if you want God to free you from her. A double mind man receives nothing from the Lord.

Col. 3:15 says to let the peace of God rule in our hearts.
While peace rules, all is safe. I hear more torment in your relationship with this woman than the peace that God gives when He is leading. You better take it slow and not let this woman speed you into something you will regret for the rest of your life.

 

[Mikey]

Here's a thoughtAs pitiful as it is for me to choose it.)

1 Corinthians 7:8-16 (New International Version)

8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife

So... I should be alone, but failing that if married, I should stay with her.
(I've always considered my relationship as marriage, even though it isn't not legally. I even told this to her when we first became BF/GF.)

Am I just twisting God's words to fit my own views?

 

[destiny]

Destiny is absolutely right. God has already stated in His word what His will is in situations of two unequally yoked individuals getting married. It sounds like there is no peace in your heart with this woman and your relationship with her especially where your walk with the Lord is concerned. If you can't break it off for fear that she might harm herself if you do, at least you do not have to go jumping into marriage with her. Really pray about this and spend much time with God and in His word before you make any decisions concerning marriage. Marriage is a big life altering decision. Fill yourself with God's wisdom and thoughts through His written Word and pray, pray , pray. The Lord will give you the solution of how to be free of her without it harming her. But you are going to have to quit being wishy washy and decide with finality if you want God to free you from her. A double mind man receives nothing from the Lord.

Col. 3:15 says to let the peace of God rule in our hearts.
While peace rules, all is safe. I hear more torment in your relationship with this woman than the peace that God gives when He is leading. You better take it slow and not let this woman speed you into something you will regret for the rest of your life.

Mikey I hope you didn't miss this post^^.. it looked like you and Midgwy were posting at the same time.

 

[Tina]

.

Here's a thoughtAs pitiful as it is for me to choose it.)

1 Corinthians 7:8-16 (New International Version)

8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife

So... I should be alone, but failing that if married, I should stay with her.
(I've always considered my relationship as marriage, even though it isn't not legally. I even told this to her when we first became BF/GF.)

Am I just twisting God's words to fit my own views?

You're right... You're just twisting God's Word. The above scriptures are referring to unsaved married people who later become believers, so it's not applicable to singles like you.

2 Corinthians 6:14 is what's applicable to you. Your girlfriend is an atheist and mocks you for being a Christian. You should NOT even be thinking about marrying her at this stage, and you certainly should not be having a serious dating relationship with her either..... LOL !!!

If you sit around and wait for her to break up with you, yeah right!! ... like that's ever going to happen !!

 

[Blazin Bones]

Her soulution seems to be to forget theres a problem, and just stay together, even if we hurt.
My soulution was praying for God to end this and help her find someone more compatible for her.

This is where the problem is. It is so easy to look for answers in what we, or our world around us, is capable of producing. Her answer is that we don't have to like each other to be with each other. Your answer was having some "more compatible" guy come along to have things end.

The only answer we should be seeking is the one God has led us to. Lately I've been personally trying to think of ways to make my bottom line financially look a little better each month. I have not been praying about this, just thinking about what solution there may be and then putting the request in as if I were the one calling the shots and God was my go to guy.

This is not how things should be, in financial planning, in relationships or in and decision making. I know I'm not the best at it either, but this doesn't mean it is not the right answer.