I'm sure I'm on the wrong thread (Advice)

[MsDias27]

Hey you guys . I'm new here . I've been questioning asking something like this online , but I would like some outside perspective . My boyfriend &I are both Christians & we've been together for 3 years . I love him & he's always treated me like gold . From buying me flowers , thoughtful handmade stuff, food, showing me love & being very attentive . He looks at me like he's very in love , like I'm perfect . However , there are negatives . There was a little white lie told in the beginning of our relationship & things kind of progressed . There was a girl on his snapchat , but he told me it was a guy that he knew . The second this happened , I wanted to be done . However I stuck through for years more. There has been lots of dishonesty in our relationship . I always believed things could get better . I'm not saying I'm perfect . I used to get upset / jealous / needy .. Maybe I contributed to the problem ? But it was something that I worked on. About 2 months ago we were out for dinner. We were looking through his pictures & in his glasses I could see he was deleting pictures of girls . I confronted him &I he told me it was a girl from a wedding his friend went to . He kept trying to delete the pictures without me seeing , pretending like he was looking at the check , when in reality he was looking at his phone in his lap . I also thought I saw him deleting contacts , but he said he was on snapchat . He later told me that he had gone on tinder during one of our rough patches. I broke up with him that day . Which I'm not sure it was during our rough patch , because why would the pictures still be there ? He said he had forgot they were there & forgot about the recently deleted folder . That basically means he was talking to other girls &a saving their pictures while he was with me . He said nothing came from it & that he realized he didn't want that . However , why should I believe that ? He also said it was a "white lie" & it's not like he murdered anyone . Last week I took him out for his birthday &I Ended up seeing his Facebook . He told me before that he wasn't the type of person to talk to girls on Facebook . I saw that, that wasn't true either . He said to one girl " hey pretty one" & I asked who these people were & he said he didn't know , which clearly isn't true bcuz he was talking to them . I feel like that was a breaking point for me . He told me before that he considered cheating " giving anyone else your attention " , so by his definition , he cheated . Most of the guys in my past cheated & this guy understood how important it was to me . He also knew how important honesty was to me . So this was kind of my breaking point . However , I'm confused . I love him , he's my best friend . He's a great guy . Treats other great , never jealous or mean , trusting . People always say that you love sticks together through anything . I can't help but feel I'm being selfish by not working on things . However , I've been working on things since the first lie was told years ago . He also had told me about a year ago about his porn struggle & how he masturbated to girls he went to school with on Instagam while he was with me . I didn't like it , but most people told me it was normal , so I stayed & tried working on things with him . But it doesn't seem that things got better ? I feel like I've tried sticking through for love , but I feel like you should draw the line at some point ? Or is that wrong . He doesn't believe that we are done & still makes an effort to talk. It seems we always run into eachother &I I wonder if God is trying to tell me something . I just feel I shouldn't lower my standards . There's this piece of me that says " I understand why he did it " bcuz we did go through a few rough patches .. But I want loyalty . It's like I'm making excuses . I dunno . I'm not trying to bad talk him .. He's a great guy .

 

[JohnDB]

And you two are how old?

Because if you two are fresh out of high school neither is really emotionally mature enough to know what you want out of a spouse...
Which is what you are asking of him.

If he is talking to other women then the reasons for that are really high in number.... could be anything.

But that does mean that you take the relationship more serious than he. And that may be appropriate and right.

We need more information about who you are, who he is, what aspirations you two have

 

[MsDias27]

We are both 22 & have both been moving towards marriage . We both want to wait to have sex after marriage . We started dating when we were 19 .

 

[MsDias27]

And you two are how old?

Because if you two are fresh out of high school neither is really emotionally mature enough to know what you want out of a spouse...
Which is what you are asking of him.

If he is talking to other women then the reasons for that are really high in number.... could be anything.

But that does mean that you take the relationship more serious than he. And that may be appropriate and right.

We need more information about who you are, who he is, what aspirations you two have

And you two are how old?

Because if you two are fresh out of high school neither is really emotionally mature enough to know what you want out of a spouse...
Which is what you are asking of him.

If he is talking to other women then the reasons for that are really high in number.... could be anything.

But that does mean that you take the relationship more serious than he. And that may be appropriate and right.

We need more information about who you are, who he is, what aspirations you two have

 

[MsDias27]

Well he is 23.

 

[Knotical]

It certainly sounds as if your relationship is out of balance. You really have to ask yourself what you are looking for in this relationship. If you are looking to get married you have to honest about it and if he is on the same page then you should seek premarital counseling. If the relationship is less than that then I would say break it off. Either way you should pray to God to reveal His will for you in regard to this and other relationships.

 

[MsDias27]

& he said he was going to propose to me this year . But that seems irrelevant bcuz of what was going on behind the scenes .

 

[reba]

Girl you know the score.. you have good reason not to believe him.. and you know it... you are playing second fiddle to a number of girls 'out there' and you dont know how many he has seen in person.. Cheating is not a little white lie... My guess for every one you have seen there are at least 10 you havent.. I am saying nothing you have not said to your self..

Drop him before he tricks you into sex to keep him cause you know that will end up in a lie also..

 

[MsDias27]

And you two are how old?

Because if you two are fresh out of high school neither is really emotionally mature enough to know what you want out of a spouse...
Which is what you are asking of him.

If he is talking to other women then the reasons for that are really high in number.... could be anything.

But that does mean that you take the relationship more serious than he. And that may be appropriate and right.

We need more information about who you are, who he is, what aspirations you two have

I'm not sure if my replies showed up ?

 

[MsDias27]

It certainly sounds as if your relationship is out of balance. You really have to ask yourself what you are looking for in this relationship. If you are looking to get married you have to honest about it and if he is on the same page then you should seek premarital counseling. If the relationship is less than that then I would say break it off. Either way you should pray to God to reveal His will for you in regard to this and other relationships.

He said he was going to propose to me this year .. But it seems irrelevant at this point ? - I think premarital counseling is great .. But how far is too far ? - I do need to see what God wants . It's just at times it's hard to hear .

 

[MsDias27]

Girl you know the score.. you have good reason not to believe him.. and you know it... you are playing second fiddle to a number of girls 'out there' and you dont know how many he has seen in person.. Cheating is not a little white lie... My guess for every one you have seen there are at least 10 you havent.. I am saying nothing you have not said to your self..

Drop him before he tricks you into sex to keep him cause you know that will end up in a lie also..

I understand . When we first started dating he wrote me a letter saying he wanted to remain a virgin until married & he has pretty much always stuck to that .

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

I understand . When we first started dating he wrote me a letter saying he wanted to remain a virgin until married & he has pretty much always stuck to that .

Young and in love.
I remember those days.
But I would never listen to anyone.
Not until Jesus became my Lord and Savior, only then did my life change.
And I dedicated my life to Jesus and he found me the right woman.

I made Jesus the center of my life.
And the girl I found, she made Jesus the center of her life.
Then together, we made Jesus the center of our lives.
Then and only then did things come together.
and now we've been married 31 1/2 years.

This is where you will find all the answers, in Jesus.

 

[MsDias27]

Young and in love.
I remember those days.
But I would never listen to anyone.
Not until Jesus became my Lord and Savior, only then did my life change.
And I dedicated my life to Jesus and he found me the right woman.

I made Jesus the center of my life.
And the girl I found, she made Jesus the center of her life.
Then together, we made Jesus the center of our lives.
Then and only then did things come together.
and now we've been married 31 1/2 years.

This is where you will find all the answers, in Jesus.

How do you truly make Jesus the center ?

 

[JohnDB]

How do you truly make Jesus the center ?

Well I know how my wife and I have done it.

I had my ministries and my wife had hers...
When we joined forces it was to create a larger and stronger ministry that has done some mighty things for God.
We used our wedding to proclaim this and our individual love for God... our love for each other takes second place to our relationship with God.

Our focus on missions and outreach is our priority. It's all consuming for us. Each with our unique talents but together at the same time.

 

[reba]

When a boyfriend or girlfriend is the center of our life we do what..?
Talk to them as much and often as we can
listen to them
want to be where ever they are
listen to music that is a connection to them
hang out where they are
dress in what they might like
hang with the same friends
read their letters

 

[WIP]

I can't directly answer the questions you must answer for yourself but I can share my experience with you.

I was 23 when I met my first wife. She told me she was 20. We hit it off very well right from the get-go. About a month into the relationship when her birthday came around I learned that she had lied to me about her age because it was her 18th birthday. By that time I had already fallen head over heals for her and figuring it wasn't such a big deal I decided to let it go. That was lie #1.

Not too long after that, I went to surprise her and visit her where she worked as a cashier for a retail store. I was told she called in sick so I stopped by her folks place to see how she was. When I met her mother and father they had this blank look on their face and told me she was at home. Turned out she was living with her fiancé! I was devastated to say the least. About a week passed and she showed up at my house. She told me she broke it off with him and again, foolish me, I chose to overlook her lying. Well,the lying didn't end there.

Two years into our marriage she suddenly tells me that she felt we needed to separate. I was totally blind-sided and unaware there were issues in our marriage. I asked if there was someone else and she assured me there wasn't. We separated for a few months and almost immediately I learned about another fellow in her life. In fact, during our separation I learned about at least four other men that she had been with but she denied every one when confronted.

After a time she came to me and said she wanted to try to work things out. This played right into my hands as this is exactly what I wanted because I believe we are married for life and I was willing to let it go again. Shortly after we got back together we started a business together and she took on the responsibility of sales, which meant she had to visit customer sites. Over time I began to suspect things but could never really put my finger on any real evidence or proof so I tried my best to keep my mouth shut. There was one time when she came home from a trip and showed me a 25 pound king salmon she caught fishing on Lake Michigan. We live in Minnesota and her "sales" trip wasn't suppose to be anywhere near Wisconsin much less Lake Michigan. She told me that she and her girlfriend were invited to go on the fishing trip by a couple guys. I obviously couldn't prove it was anything more than that but I knew in my heart it was.

Eventually she slipped up. One day I was cleaning our car and came across a piece of paper stuffed under the seat. It was a letter addressed to some guy named Tony and described in pretty good detail a rendezvous (that included sexual content) she had with him and she felt about it. This time I couldn't take it any more. I confronted her with it and told her I would seek a divorce immediately. I filed the next day.

Lying can become habitual and from my experience, I can only warn you to tread with extreme caution.

 

[MsDias27]

I can't directly answer the questions you must answer for yourself but I can share my experience with you.

I was 23 when I met my first wife. She told me she was 20. We hit it off very well right from the get-go. About a month into the relationship when her birthday came around I learned that she had lied to me about her age because it was her 18th birthday. By that time I had already fallen head over heals for her and figuring it wasn't such a big deal I decided to let it go. That was lie #1.

Not too long after that, I went to surprise her and visit her where she worked as a cashier for a retail store. I was told she called in sick so I stopped by her folks place to see how she was. When I met her mother and father they had this blank look on their face and told me she was at home. Turned out she was living with her fiancé! I was devastated to say the least. About a week passed and she showed up at my house. She told me she broke it off with him and again, foolish me, I chose to overlook her lying. Well,the lying didn't end there.

Two years into our marriage she suddenly tells me that she felt we needed to separate. I was totally blind-sided and unaware there were issues in our marriage. I asked if there was someone else and she assured me there wasn't. We separated for a few months and almost immediately I learned about another fellow in her life. In fact, during our separation I learned about at least four other men that she had been with but she denied every one when confronted.

After a time she came to me and said she wanted to try to work things out. This played right into my hands as this is exactly what I wanted because I believe we are married for life and I was willing to let it go again. Shortly after we got back together we started a business together and she took on the responsibility of sales, which meant she had to visit customer sites. Over time I began to suspect things but could never really put my finger on any real evidence or proof so I tried my best to keep my mouth shut. There was one time when she came home from a trip and showed me a 25 pound king salmon she caught fishing on Lake Michigan. We live in Minnesota and her "sales" trip wasn't suppose to be anywhere near Wisconsin much less Lake Michigan. She told me that she and her girlfriend were invited to go on the fishing trip by a couple guys. I obviously couldn't prove it was anything more than that but I knew in my heart it was.

Eventually she slipped up. One day I was cleaning our car and came across a piece of paper stuffed under the seat. It was a letter addressed to some guy named Tony and described in pretty good detail a rendezvous (that included sexual content) she had with him and she felt about it. This time I couldn't take it any more. I confronted her with it and told her I would seek a divorce immediately. I filed the next day.

Lying can become habitual and from my experience, I can only warn you to tread with extreme caution.

I agree with you . There's a point where you lose trust .

Hey you guys . I'm new here . I've been questioning asking something like this online , but I would like some outside perspective . My boyfriend &I are both Christians & we've been together for 3 years . I love him & he's always treated me like gold . From buying me flowers , thoughtful handmade stuff, food, showing me love & being very attentive . He looks at me like he's very in love , like I'm perfect . However , there are negatives . There was a little white lie told in the beginning of our relationship & things kind of progressed . There was a girl on his snapchat , but he told me it was a guy that he knew . The second this happened , I wanted to be done . However I stuck through for years more. There has been lots of dishonesty in our relationship . I always believed things could get better . I'm not saying I'm perfect . I used to get upset / jealous / needy .. Maybe I contributed to the problem ? But it was something that I worked on. About 2 months ago we were out for dinner. We were looking through his pictures & in his glasses I could see he was deleting pictures of girls . I confronted him &I he told me it was a girl from a wedding his friend went to . He kept trying to delete the pictures without me seeing , pretending like he was looking at the check , when in reality he was looking at his phone in his lap . I also thought I saw him deleting contacts , but he said he was on snapchat . He later told me that he had gone on tinder during one of our rough patches. I broke up with him that day . Which I'm not sure it was during our rough patch , because why would the pictures still be there ? He said he had forgot they were there & forgot about the recently deleted folder . That basically means he was talking to other girls &a saving their pictures while he was with me . He said nothing came from it & that he realized he didn't want that . However , why should I believe that ? He also said it was a "white lie" & it's not like he murdered anyone . Last week I took him out for his birthday &I Ended up seeing his Facebook . He told me before that he wasn't the type of person to talk to girls on Facebook . I saw that, that wasn't true either . He said to one girl " hey pretty one" & I asked who these people were & he said he didn't know , which clearly isn't true bcuz he was talking to them . I feel like that was a breaking point for me . He told me before that he considered cheating " giving anyone else your attention " , so by his definition , he cheated . Most of the guys in my past cheated & this guy understood how important it was to me . He also knew how important honesty was to me . So this was kind of my breaking point . However , I'm confused . I love him , he's my best friend . He's a great guy . Treats other great , never jealous or mean , trusting . People always say that you love sticks together through anything . I can't help but feel I'm being selfish by not working on things . However , I've been working on things since the first lie was told years ago . He also had told me about a year ago about his porn struggle & how he masturbated to girls he went to school with on Instagam while he was with me . I didn't like it , but most people told me it was normal , so I stayed & tried working on things with him . But it doesn't seem that things got better ? I feel like I've tried sticking through for love , but I feel like you should draw the line at some point ? Or is that wrong . He doesn't believe that we are done & still makes an effort to talk. It seems we always run into eachother &I I wonder if God is trying to tell me something . I just feel I shouldn't lower my standards . There's this piece of me that says " I understand why he did it " bcuz we did go through a few rough patches .. But I want loyalty . It's like I'm making excuses . I dunno . I'm not trying to bad talk him .. He's a great guy .

 

[MsDias27]

It's really hard . His face lights up when he sees me & it seems like he really loves me . It's all confusing .

 

[MsDias27]

I can't directly answer the questions you must answer for yourself but I can share my experience with you.

I was 23 when I met my first wife. She told me she was 20. We hit it off very well right from the get-go. About a month into the relationship when her birthday came around I learned that she had lied to me about her age because it was her 18th birthday. By that time I had already fallen head over heals for her and figuring it wasn't such a big deal I decided to let it go. That was lie #1.

Not too long after that, I went to surprise her and visit her where she worked as a cashier for a retail store. I was told she called in sick so I stopped by her folks place to see how she was. When I met her mother and father they had this blank look on their face and told me she was at home. Turned out she was living with her fiancé! I was devastated to say the least. About a week passed and she showed up at my house. She told me she broke it off with him and again, foolish me, I chose to overlook her lying. Well,the lying didn't end there.

Two years into our marriage she suddenly tells me that she felt we needed to separate. I was totally blind-sided and unaware there were issues in our marriage. I asked if there was someone else and she assured me there wasn't. We separated for a few months and almost immediately I learned about another fellow in her life. In fact, during our separation I learned about at least four other men that she had been with but she denied every one when confronted.

After a time she came to me and said she wanted to try to work things out. This played right into my hands as this is exactly what I wanted because I believe we are married for life and I was willing to let it go again. Shortly after we got back together we started a business together and she took on the responsibility of sales, which meant she had to visit customer sites. Over time I began to suspect things but could never really put my finger on any real evidence or proof so I tried my best to keep my mouth shut. There was one time when she came home from a trip and showed me a 25 pound king salmon she caught fishing on Lake Michigan. We live in Minnesota and her "sales" trip wasn't suppose to be anywhere near Wisconsin much less Lake Michigan. She told me that she and her girlfriend were invited to go on the fishing trip by a couple guys. I obviously couldn't prove it was anything more than that but I knew in my heart it was.

Eventually she slipped up. One day I was cleaning our car and came across a piece of paper stuffed under the seat. It was a letter addressed to some guy named Tony and described in pretty good detail a rendezvous (that included sexual content) she had with him and she felt about it. This time I couldn't take it any more. I confronted her with it and told her I would seek a divorce immediately. I filed the next day.

Lying can become habitual and from my experience, I can only warn you to tread with extreme caution.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I feel a person can only be dishonest so much before trust is lost . I hope all is well with you now

 

[MsDias27]

Well I know how my wife and I have done it.

I had my ministries and my wife had hers...
When we joined forces it was to create a larger and stronger ministry that has done some mighty things for God.
We used our wedding to proclaim this and our individual love for God... our love for each other takes second place to our relationship with God.

Our focus on missions and outreach is our priority. It's all consuming for us. Each with our unique talents but together at the same time.

How do you think you got to that point ? It's something I've been working on .