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I'm trying to find God

R

RyanRed

Member
Let me introduce myself first. Hi, my names Ryan. I'm 32 and looking for answers. Here's a little history of who I am.

On April 25th, 2011 I was ready to change my life. For he 10± years before that date, I lived in a very very dark abyss induced by alcohol. I found peace in drinking, but ultimately it was the devil in disguise. Drinking became an obsession of the mind for me. Good news is that is no longer apart of my life anymore. Going on 2 years sober :)

On my 1 year anniversary from quitting drinking, I decided it was time to get back in shape. I dubbed this my next journey, for personal recreation. I started a strict diet, and exercised 6 days a week. In 6 months time, I had dropped close to 65 lbs, and was feeling great! I would tell people, "Last year I got my mind back. This year I reclaim my body!"

I would inspire people all along my personal journey of recreation. I can't count the heads I turned, and questions I received on a daily basis on how I was doing it. There was even a few people that saw my process from afar, and this help inspire them to drop their bad habits. But there was no real magic weapon. I simply just started caring about me again, and was tired of living unhealthy.

All along this personal recreation, I was still battling demons in my head. From the outsider looking in, I would appear to be some amazing things! One would think, 'that guy must feel fantastic!" Sadly, that was not the case. While I did feel great about my accomplishment, there was still a fierce battle going on inside my head. I attribute this to the years of drinking I did, and never learning how to deal with stress properly. Stress turned into anxiety, anxiety into depression, and so on. You see, I have always been focused on something in my life. For years, it was drinking. Then came staying sober. Then my health. Now... I well nothing... AND since I have been focusing nothing, it has resurfaced some old demons. Now don't worry. I'm not going back to my old ways. I've come too far already to want to sacrifice all of this. But I missed something. I missed something very very important. I believe that to be God.

I'm start into understand that I used alcohol for more than just an escape. Alcohol was my God. It's what I lived for. Well.. I took that away, and am now left with just myself. This is not good! I'm beginning to understand that I can't just take alcohol away, and expect to go on my marry way like nothing happened. I need to replace it! I truly believe that God is he replacement. I never once focused on my spiritual malady. I simply got sober, and thats it. Good news is, I'm seeing my errors..

Now here's my problem. I don't know how to find God. I'm a little clueless on even wear to start. I don't understand the bibles words really. I've tried to read it but end up more confused than I was starting out. I pray, but consider it to be blind faith. I guess I should also state I'm pretty agnostic in my way of thinking. This also hinders me a lot. I don't plan to give up, but I'm finding it hard to really know where to start. One may say go to church, but currently I've gone completely agoraphobic due too my twisted way of thinking.

So why am I here? I suppose I'm looking for guidance. Looking for recommendations on books to read. Maybe something I can buy digitally on an ebook store. Something that will help me unlock the awnsers I truly believe are the right ones. I'm looking for a spiritual experience, and to fill this void in my soul because currently I am so disconnected.

Alright! That's me in a nutshell. This is the year I've dubbed the year I reconnect with spirituality, and it may be my hardest task yet. Any advice on books to buy would be very helpful. Any insight, or advice as well. Thanks for reading!

-Ryan
 
Hi, Ryan ... welcome to CFnet :wave Hope you enjoy your time with us :yes

Congrats on overcoming your addiction to alcohol. It's a daily commitment to not drink. If you don't already have a support team to turn to for help when the temptations occur, please ask us for prayer support & listening shoulder. Seeking supprt in times like those is not a weakness ... it's actually strength. And from what you have written, you have strength in character.

God is with you always ... He never leaves you to go it alone.

As you read & study Scripture, an aid that I've appreciated is found at Biblegateway.com. On the left side of the home page is a list of options, select Additional Resources.... on that page, select Commentary (further down the center of the page)... on the new page, select Matthew Henry's commentaries; the various books of the Bible are listed there from which to choose, and you'll find you can study verse by verse, or an entire chapter at a time. Good starting point.

Here at CFnet's Bible Study Forum, there are various discussions of verses & chapters that are excellent. Remember always to pray before doing any studying, to ask for your mind to be awake and your heart open to what our Lord God wishes for you to learn. And do please remember we're all still learning what our Lord's Word has to say. And this learning is a marvelous adventure in truth & faith!

Welcome, Ryan!
 
Welcome Ryan, You sure have been on a journey! You might try a modern English Bible. The Bible is God telling us about Himself...He knows you, ya might like to get to know Him a bit better... We have some folks around that will be dropping by with a few words....

Hope you find what your looking for .... We often try to fill that space inside us with something , lots of stuff that doesn't fit.... That space is Gods He fits just right. :) Welcome!
 
Hi Ryan, good to see you. May I, too, encourage you to get reading the Bible which tells of a loving Savior, the Lord Jesus, Who was willing to come to die at the Cross to bring sinners back to Himself. John's Gospel chapters 1, 2 and 3 is a good place to start.
 
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Thank you for the replies! :)

I would love to read the Bible. I'm just not sure how to interpret it. A lot of it goes over my head by the words used. I sometimes think I am understanding it, but then question if I truly do. I'm big into ebooks, and thats really where I do most my reading. Im currently looking for a ebook version to get started on, or some type of study guide. I truly believe I will find the answers to my questions in the Bible. Its just going to take the motivation on my part in order to sit down, and do the reading. But Im ready. I have been ready. I suppose procrastination has always set me astray, but its something I'm working on. Just thinking about embarking on this journey gives me a sense of relief. I want to get right with God. I want to establish that relationship like you wouldn't believe. But my mind wonders, and I tend to question everything. This leads to my agnostic way of thinking. I suppose I just need to let go, and choose a side. But its hard... But good news is I'd much rather choose God because that makes WAY more sense to me ultimately.

I see what so many of you all have, and want that in my life. I want that sense of peace and well being. I know it comes from faith, and belief. I just need to find it myself. Out of all the things Ive done to myself in the last 2 years, I truly believe this may be the hardest task yet, but the most rewarding one. I hope it complete the triad of Mind, Body, and now "Soul".
 
Thank you for the replies! :)

I would love to read the Bible. I'm just not sure how to inturpt it. A lot of it goes over my head by the words used. I sometimes think I am understanding it, but then question if I truly do. I'm big into ebooks, and thats really where I do most my reading. Im currently looking for a ebook version to get started on, or some type of study guide. I truly believe I will find the answers to my questions in the Bible. Its just going to take the motivation on my part in order to sit down, and do the reading. But Im ready. I have been ready. I suppose procrastination has always set me astray, but its something I'm working on. Just thinking about embarking on this journey gives me a sense of relief. I want to get right with God. I want to establish that relationship like you wouldnt believe. But my mind wonders, and I tend to question everything. This leads to my agnostic way of thinking. I suppose I just need to let go, and choose a side. But its hard... But good news is I'd much rather choose God because that makes WAY more sense to me ultimately.

I see what so many of you all have, and want that in my life. I want that sense of peace and well being. I know it comes from faith, and belief. I just need to find it myself. Out of all the things Ive done to myself in the last 2 years, I truly believe this may be the hardest task yet, but the most rewarding one. I hope it to complete the triad of Mind, Body, and now "Soul".
 
Ryan: Start reading trustingly, soon.

And remember: the Bible won't tell you what you want to know, as much as what you need to know. We all need the Savior of sinners. I pray you will find Him, and be found by Him.
 
Congrats Ryan! Yeah biblegateway is good. Im always on there. Also you can join a Bible based church and maybe a Bible study group.
 
The way to start is much the way AA tells you to start. Instead of confessing to a group that you are an alcoholic, confess to God that you
are a hopeless sinner, and that there is no way you can understand His Word or become a Christian without Him coming into your life to
help you, to forgive you and to guide you into His Truth.
 
Hey Red,
Good job on laying down the bottle,thats a hard battle.

Looking ahead,the bible is the core of what you need to know.Other books can help provide insight,but always compare those to the context presented in the bible and decide if they speak truthfully on the matter.Some people have their own interpretations of the bible and the context applied is not always accurate..which is why we always go to the Word.

Starting out,I can see where its confusing.At 17 when I started reading the bible,I was pretty much in the same boat.Some of the terminology and context was a little over my head so rather than struggle through what I wasnt ready for yet,I immersed myself in the parts that were a little more cut and dry.Proverbs is generally pretty easy to understand and is what I had to start out on.Its basically just point blank guidance on how to live and the dangers of certain behavior.It addresses things on the ground level that I could relate to a bit easier,even though reading the King James old english.Also,as pointed out by Reba there are plain english translations of the bible that helps avoid focusing so hard to decipher what is said.After a bit of hat I moved onto Acts,which focuses a bit more on Jesus,the miracles and such..which was a really good inspiration.

You may also want to check into getting baptized.As outlined in Romans 6,it is a vital procedure.Of all the things Ive experienced spiritually,I can literally call that out as 1 of the 2 most pivotal moments in my life.I cant really even describe why,but after I was baptized it really set in motion some changes I had been wanting to make for a long time.I think mostly it was just a change of heart and/or renewing of the mind.If that makes any sense.For clarity Im not trying to advertise it as a life changing event for everyone,but it was a game changer for me..and regardless the bible does stress the process anyway.

Also,as pointed out by others,find a group of people to help show you the way.Me and my wife attend a Church of Christ,which is similar to the Baptist setting and we like it because our preacher tends to focus pretty tightly on the bible and doesnt try to interject a bunch of the unnecessary stuff into the teachings.

Either way,just stick with it.Itll take time to get used to everything,particularly gearing yourself from following one lifestyle to making the necessary biblical changes.Also of note..dont come into it with the unrealistic expectation that coming into God means all your worries and troubles disappear.You will know struggles,as well as defeat at times.Disappointment with the state of the world in general,and how the people in the world will treat you differently and insult your intelligence just because you believe in God.Focusing more on the positive,what you will also know is an inner peace that no bottle or drug can give.To know that youre living morally,helping others and just steering clear of the drama in general is worth it all.There will be hard times but knowing and choosing to follow God gives that hope and trust in a better day coming that cannot be compared to anything earthly we know.

Anyhow,Ive said enough but if you have further questions give us a shout or shoot me a message.Well help how we can.
 
Hi RyanRed,

I have so many things to share, and I'm happy that you know that God is what's missing in your life. To keep this post as short as possible, I wanted to share with you an excerpt from a book called the Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan.


Christian. "And what did you do then?"

Hopeful. "He bid me go to him and see. Then I said it was presumption, but he said no, for I was invited to come. Then he gave me a book of Jesus his inditing, to encourage me the more freely to come. And he said concerning that book that every jot and tittle thereof stood firmer than heaven and earth. Then I asked him what I must do when I came. And he told me I must entreat upon my knees with all my heart and soul the Father to reveal him to me. Then I asked him further how I must make my supplication to him. And he said go and thou shalt find him upon a mercy-seat, where he sits all the year long to give pardon and forgiveness to them that come. I told him that I knew not what to say when I came, and he bid me say to this effect, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner, and make me to know and believe in Jesus Christ; for I see that if his righteousness had not been, or I have not faith in that righteousness, I am utterly cast away. Lord, I have heard that Thou art a merciful God, and hast ordained that Thy Son Jesus Christ should be the Saviour of the world; and, moreover, that Thou art willing to bestow Him upon such a poor sinner as I am (and I am a sinner indeed). Lord, take therefore this opportunity, and magnify Thy grace in the salvation of my soul, through Thy Son Jesus Christ. Amen." John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress

The story is an allegory about Christian leaving the City of Destruction and traveling to the Celestial City. Hopeful is one of the characters he meets, and this is the prayer that Hopeful prayed when he became a Christian. This may be hard to understand if you haven't read the Bible, but many, who have read Bunyan's work, will testify to the faithfulness to the Scriptures in the Pilgrim's Progress.

There's no shortcuts, RyanRed. God is patient and relentless with His kindness. Believe on Jesus with all your heart.

- Davies
 
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