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In need of serious advice!

M

MozartGirl

Member
So hi! This is my first post here, and I'm really only posting because I need some serious advice. I'm not sure what God is telling me here. I don't know what to do, and this whole thing is tearing me up inside!

So basically, I'm a violinist, and this summer I went to a month long Christian performing arts camp. There was this boy (an absouletely AMAZING trumpet player) in my bible study who I didn't find very interesting, in fact I basically avoided him for the first three and a half weeks of camp, because I didn't find him very attractive and I didn't think he would be very interesting (man was I WRONG!). Anyway, the last Wednesday of camp, I was alone in the basment where we held our bible study meetings. I had some time to kill before the others would show up, so I was playing the ancient piano down there, and in walks this boy. He comes over and starts to play the piano too. And though, at first I was slightly annoyed at this, I quickly got over it. We started talking to eachother, and I found out that we had a LOT in common.
When our bible study was over, he and I stayed in the basement to talk, and then we walked to a faculty recital together, and oddly enough, had a conversation about how many people had gotten married because they'd met at this particular camp.
The next day, we hung out some, and that night we attened another performance together, after which, we talked for about an hour. We would have talked longer, except he had curfew (he's only 17, I'm 18).
By Friday, I had developed a serious crush on him (and basically the only real crush I've ever had). I had already been praying to God about it, praying very hard, because something about this boy made me feel, marvelous but also very nervous, and I just wanted to sort out my feelings.
Anyway, that day at lunch, they served Chinese food, and everyone got a fortune cookie. And for whatever reason, I prayed to God that whatever my fortune was, it would be an answer to my prayers. I opened it and read it "you will have a successful love life". When I had read it, the boy (let's just call him Franky) pointed to a bracelet that our bible study leader had given me the day before (it says love), smiled, and said "see".
We left for home on Sunday. This was in July.
For the next few months, we did not talk to eachother much, but I continued to miss him. During this time I prayed very hard. And I started going over the events of camp, and realizing that a lot of things had fallen in place just so we could get to know eachother. I started to think that he could be "the one", even though the idea seemed kind of unbelieveable. One day, I woke up in the morning, and prayed VERY hard, that by night I would know if my feelings were true, and if he really was "the one". And that night, the last thing anyone said to me before I went to sleep was "someday you'll just marry Franky like you know you're supposed to". The person who said this knew absolutely nothing about my prayer, but it did seem to be an answer.

It is now January, and I AM STILL "IN LOVE"!! Which seems absolutely crazy coming from a girl who never even had a crush until she was 18!

Anyway, several other things have happened that seem to point to our "being together" but I'm not sure I believe it.
I mean, I WANT to believe it, because he is the sweetest, most amazing person I've ever met. I've even fallen in love with his outward appearance, that fluffy red hair, his funny smile, those lovely deep eyes! And everything he loves, I love. He even got me hooked on C. S. Lewis. But I really can't believe it, because right now it seems like we may never even see eachother again. And I know there are a lot of people who don't believe that God tells people whom to marry, but I happen to know that sometimes, though not always, He does.
I miss Franky so much, and I know he misses me too (though I don't know how much).
And I'm just wondering, do you think those things (the fortune cookie, and the "you'll just marry him like you know you're supposed to") were answers to my prayers, or were they just coincidences? And should I tell him how much I miss him, or wait and see what God does?
I do know one thing, and that is this: as long as we are apart, I will miss him, and I will always pray for God to bless him in all that he does.

Many Blessings and please help :)
 
MGirl: Sounds like a nice friendship influenced by the Bible: but you guys have got plenty of time. Reading the Bible day by day prayerfully and trusting the Lord Jesus entirely is a habit that needs to be pursued carefully before any marriage plans. (Two cents.')
 
Yes farouk, and thank you for those two cents! I know of course there's plenty of time, no need to rush anything :D I mean, afterall, there's still college right?
But the weird part about this is basically that, until this all came along, I was basically one of the most anti-marrige people on the planet. Not that I had anything against other people getting married of course, it's just, well, I basically always said that the only way I would ever get married is if God knocked me down on my knees and said "this is going to happen or else". Of course, I realize it doesn't really work that way, unless being knocked down on your knees is just a metaphore for praying ;)
Anyway, I think one of my main reasons for thinking all of this is because I'm quite afraid that he is the only person on the planet I will ever find who complements me so well. I mean, are there really any other guys who cry when they hear a Mahler symphony? Or dearly love Veggie Tales, Frank Sinatra and The Lord of the Rings too? I've never met anyone like him, and I'm rather afraid I never will. It's almost kinda creepy how much we have in common, which is why my brain is always rushing in and screaming "he's the one, he's the one".
I know that may not be true, but I do know that whatever God has planned is better than I can imagine. And I'll get on that Bible reading. I've been slacking lately for a lot of reasons, but none of them are really good ones.
 
MozartGirl said:
Yes farouk, and thank you for those two cents! I know of course there's plenty of time, no need to rush anything :D I mean, afterall, there's still college right?
But the weird part about this is basically that, until this all came along, I was basically one of the most anti-marrige people on the planet. Not that I had anything against other people getting married of course, it's just, well, I basically always said that the only way I would ever get married is if God knocked me down on my knees and said "this is going to happen or else". Of course, I realize it doesn't really work that way, unless being knocked down on your knees is just a metaphore for praying ;)
Anyway, I think one of my main reasons for thinking all of this is because I'm quite afraid that he is the only person on the planet I will ever find who complements me so well. I mean, are there really any other guys who cry when they hear a Mahler symphony? Or dearly love Veggie Tales, Frank Sinatra and The Lord of the Rings too? I've never met anyone like him, and I'm rather afraid I never will. It's almost kinda creepy how much we have in common, which is why my brain is always rushing in and screaming "he's the one, he's the one".
I know that may not be true, but I do know that whatever God has planned is better than I can imagine. And I'll get on that Bible reading. I've been slacking lately for a lot of reasons, but none of them are really good ones.
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MozartGirl:

Well, I know what I mean about being sensitive to Mahler. Like the very slow adagiotto in the Fifth Symphony (that was used in Luchino Visconti's film Death in Venice - which I didn't like, but the music was overpowering). Mahler with the symphony technique that was coming to its full height in his era, would use the lower range of sounds and instruments, seemingly in full, and at the same time the upper range also, and when he slowly, slowly raises his crescendos......wow!

But I wouldn't particularly link your friend's liking for Mahler with divine guidance about marriage, though. Good to share common interests, mind, though these should be above all Biblical interests, of course.

Blessings.
 
I feel like an idiot now. I feel SO stupid. I've let all these thoughts get so out of control, and lost sight of the real thing haven't, forgetting that friendship is glorious, regardless of the feelings of a fluttering heart. Fluttering hearts are stupid. So are crushes.
I mean, it doesn't really matter does it, whether "he's the one"?
If there is a guy out there for me, God will take care of that, as long as I keep seeking Him and praying, and all that.
Yes, this boy and I are friends, but no, that doesn't mean we will ever be more than friends. And honestly I'm fine with that, I'm just wonderfully blessed to have gotten to know him, and thats's enough. God put this boy in my life, I KNOW that much, and simply knowing him has changed my life so much. I will always praise God for our friendship. And like I said before, I will always ask God to bless him in all that he does, and pray that God will continue to work in his life and guide him.
And yeah, Mahler is pretty awesome...this boy is actually the reason I started listening to Mahler, maybe that's the reason we became friends...that, C.S. Lewis and Charles Dickens. And for those three things I will be quite eternally grateful.
 
Mozart, I'm glad God has at the very least open your eyes to what love is. Understanding love is one of the best ways to grow in your relationship with the Lord. 1 John 4 even goes as far as to say God is love, so knowing love is a gift from God.

I was similar to you ten years ago when I was your age. I was very prayerful about relationships, although I was looking for one fairly intensely. I love , Love, and knew I was made to be a husband and a father. That tinted my vision plenty of times. I would pray about something, and then try to make events fit as answers to my prayers. Sometimes they clearly were and other time they were not.

Here are just a few things I would encourage you to do:

1. Keep Praying, and ask that the Spirit will confirm his plans to you rather than having to guess. This can happen through other people or events, but the end result will be comfort in doing what you feel is right.

2. I am NOT a fan of dating. The modern idea that you have to test the waters to see what there is not biblical in my opinion, and I know other would disagree. However, whatever you decide to do about dating, keep your eyes on marriage. This is because the outcome of a successful romantic relationship, whether through dating or other processes for getting to know another person, is marriage. We honor God when we put our lives in perspective of His word, and no loving relationship should fail or end, so marriage should be clearly in the picture.

3. Don't be afraid to find mature friends who can help you stay reasonable when your heart is fluttering out of control. Unlike you, I had plenty of crushes which led to many times to being crushed. I had several guys on my college campus I turned to when I wanted to tell them what I was seeing and how they think I should proceed forward.

The only thing in life that should be held in higher regard than the love between a man and his wife, is our commitment to Christ. You are doing well to want to understand what everything means, but just be extra careful to confirm what God is doing and what He isn't.
 
JimJib said:
Dating should always be in public and or with Christian friends; never alone regardless how mature or self-controlled one thinks of themselves.
Click to expand...

I am right with you on this last part. Very few, if any, are stronger than the nature temptation that comes from being alone with someone you desire and knowing the other person feels the same way. I'd also be alright with this kind of "dating", but that is not the traditional definition.
 
I've lived in two states, with two completely different cultures and neither one had many adults who led their youth to take that approach to dating. I have been raised in the church, lead in the church, and been a youth in the church. If that is the common approach where you are, then that is a blessing, but all to often the only approach to dating I've seen has been one on one time or times where the parent of one is with the pair.
 
One thing you need to remember about your first crush is that it's your first crush. That feeling that you've never felt this way before is because you've actually never felt this way before.

What I'm trying to say is that you don't have a good perspective on how realistic this relationship is. There's no frame of reference where you can think, "The last time I felt like this, I did [X] and [Y] happened, so this time I'll [avoid it like the plague/do it as much as humanly possible]." There is no last time to compare with.

Try not to make any rash decisions based on the feelings of infatuation. Actually, try not to make any decisions based on feelings of infatuation. They are automatically rash.

But enjoy! Love is awesome :muchlove
 
The natural side of mankind shows up in the boldest of Christians. You and I have the same experience to draw from here eves. Haven't you witnessed the fall of such ministers like Ted Haggard? I have locally witnessed the fall of a few pastors and deacons who have fallen into the temptations offered by repeated time alone with a person they grew attracted to. In fact, the evidence is so apparent for all to see that wikipedia has a list of Christian leaders who have been caught in various scandals, many of which involving sexual failings.
 
MozartGirl said:
So hi! This is my first post here, and I'm really only posting because I need some serious advice. I'm not sure what God is telling me here. I don't know what to do, and this whole thing is tearing me up inside!

So basically, I'm a violinist, and this summer I went to a month long Christian performing arts camp. There was this boy (an absouletely AMAZING trumpet player) in my bible study who I didn't find very interesting, in fact I basically avoided him for the first three and a half weeks of camp, because I didn't find him very attractive and I didn't think he would be very interesting (man was I WRONG!). Anyway, the last Wednesday of camp, I was alone in the basment where we held our bible study meetings. I had some time to kill before the others would show up, so I was playing the ancient piano down there, and in walks this boy. He comes over and starts to play the piano too. And though, at first I was slightly annoyed at this, I quickly got over it. We started talking to eachother, and I found out that we had a LOT in common.
When our bible study was over, he and I stayed in the basement to talk, and then we walked to a faculty recital together, and oddly enough, had a conversation about how many people had gotten married because they'd met at this particular camp.
The next day, we hung out some, and that night we attened another performance together, after which, we talked for about an hour. We would have talked longer, except he had curfew (he's only 17, I'm 18).
By Friday, I had developed a serious crush on him (and basically the only real crush I've ever had). I had already been praying to God about it, praying very hard, because something about this boy made me feel, marvelous but also very nervous, and I just wanted to sort out my feelings.
Anyway, that day at lunch, they served Chinese food, and everyone got a fortune cookie. And for whatever reason, I prayed to God that whatever my fortune was, it would be an answer to my prayers. I opened it and read it "you will have a successful love life". When I had read it, the boy (let's just call him Franky) pointed to a bracelet that our bible study leader had given me the day before (it says love), smiled, and said "see".
We left for home on Sunday. This was in July.
For the next few months, we did not talk to eachother much, but I continued to miss him. During this time I prayed very hard. And I started going over the events of camp, and realizing that a lot of things had fallen in place just so we could get to know eachother. I started to think that he could be "the one", even though the idea seemed kind of unbelieveable. One day, I woke up in the morning, and prayed VERY hard, that by night I would know if my feelings were true, and if he really was "the one". And that night, the last thing anyone said to me before I went to sleep was "someday you'll just marry Franky like you know you're supposed to". The person who said this knew absolutely nothing about my prayer, but it did seem to be an answer.

It is now January, and I AM STILL "IN LOVE"!! Which seems absolutely crazy coming from a girl who never even had a crush until she was 18!

Anyway, several other things have happened that seem to point to our "being together" but I'm not sure I believe it.
I mean, I WANT to believe it, because he is the sweetest, most amazing person I've ever met. I've even fallen in love with his outward appearance, that fluffy red hair, his funny smile, those lovely deep eyes! And everything he loves, I love. He even got me hooked on C. S. Lewis. But I really can't believe it, because right now it seems like we may never even see eachother again. And I know there are a lot of people who don't believe that God tells people whom to marry, but I happen to know that sometimes, though not always, He does.
I miss Franky so much, and I know he misses me too (though I don't know how much).
And I'm just wondering, do you think those things (the fortune cookie, and the "you'll just marry him like you know you're supposed to") were answers to my prayers, or were they just coincidences? And should I tell him how much I miss him, or wait and see what God does?
I do know one thing, and that is this: as long as we are apart, I will miss him, and I will always pray for God to bless him in all that he does.

Many Blessings and please help :)
Click to expand...

Its wonderful to fall in love!!!!!!!!!! and he may very well may be your future husband, but I have to ask "what the heck is a Christian camp doing serving fortune cookies"????????????????


don't stoop to the lowest form of paganism to get an answer from God, AHHHHH! I can't believe they served fortune cookies at a Christian camp?

did they also do astrology charts to see if your salvation lines up with the stars?
 
MG:

I think it's great that you've met a boy who you enjoy and feel attracted to. However all you will do is get yourself worked up over whether or not he is "the one." There is so much time left! If God has made it so, he will be your husband, if not, then he's not. Do not worry about it - you still have so much life to live!

God bless.
 
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