[__ Prayer __] In serious trouble...please pray for me

[Spring Waters]

Thank you again to all who have taken the time to pray for me. I'm now seeing the results of my actions....staff weren't paid....creditors constantly phoning. I don't have the strength to see my family so I'm basically in hiding now...

While you're in hiding your life and all that you are responsible for is still there.
It's like friends of mine who refuse to get an HIV/AIDS test. They're promiscuous and yet they're terrified to go to see if it's cost them. Well, if it has it's there no matter what. Knowing for a fact one way or the other empowers the person and not the denial or the potential for disease. Getting tested gives a person a chance to get proactive.

Same advice for you. You say your family knows. Hiding isn't going to cause their amnesia. If you could face doing what you've done you can face up to it.
Be honest, release everything you're hiding and ashamed of to those who love you unconditionally. You cant fight this thing alone. Recovery requires support, not a single minded pursuit of that goal. Though you most certainly have to be committed 100% or nothing.

What do you have to lose?
Really.

 

[providence]

Just a thought today.. There are times when a situation is bigger than oneself and at such times one's personal pride just needs to get tossed out whatever the consequences because of duty to those bigger things. People should have truth, and your children need their father regardless his faults/ability, but what people think and say about you personally in the next few weeks (and eventually diminishing)--so be it, but we will pray that God sustains you.

 

[providence]

How are you doing?

 

[tifranc31]

I always remember that life is a choice. Don't blame God what's happening to you, He loves you so much. First, pray to God and ask Him to forgive you and ask Him for a wisdom, nothing is impossible in prayers. God is listening on your prayers, he's not blind and deaf. And you should believe in Him. God bless!

 

[Empty heart]

Thanks again for all your prayers and advice.
My family has understandably not taken things too well. The ones involved in the business are very badly affected financially by what I've done and I cannot believe what I've done to them at this time of year when they need it the most. Also, one of our creditors is owed a large amount of what I gambled but they still aren't aware of how unlikely it is they will get anything. I pray for them, also a small family company, constantly but I cannot bring myself to inform them of the truth. As I've mentioned before that could ultimately see me in jail.
My ex is aware that I cannot contribute to he children's Christmas but she has no idea why.
Unfortunately even though everyone is beginning to find out what I have done, I have not spoken to anyone directly. They are finding out through circumstances rather than anything else. My absence obviously gave them clues and just today they have locked me out of access to the business account....they text me to say that. Obviously this is a good thing because I had emptied it.
Now they keep texting me to ask what has happened to the money but I cannot tell them. I know it's not the right thing to do, I should come clean, but I know it will be the end of my life when or if I do. My whole life and relationship with family and friends has been based on respect and dignity and losing that is basically losing my life.
The texts I keep getting from my immediate family are getting more and more nasty. I know they are worried but the only time I respond is to assure them I'm ok.
I'm now basically a hermit. I'm afraid to answer the door or phone. The number of debts I have increases by the minute. Rent, credit cards, loans etc.. were not paid his month so obviously there are people looking for me everywhere.
I know that ultimately nobody has died and on the face of it this seems like something that will eventually fizzle out and be taken care of but I know in my heart this is not the case.
My father has apparently been ill because of this and my mother isn't fairing too well either. They have said his is unforgivable.
I have not been eating so well and I think it's because I want to punish myself. If I hear any music or anything to do with Christmas I have to turn it off or look away. The guilt I feel even if I smile is too much to take.
I've been spending a lot of time at Church but even there I feel numb. I go just to pray and feel safe, away from people whose lives I've ruined but eventually I have to leave which is hard at times.
I thank you all again for your prayers...you must be kind people to take the time to post here.
Tomorrow is a sort of important day as things I've been trying to do to make some sort of amends will dry up if this last one fails. Unfortunately I have reached a decision to leave in that case as I know my presence in the aftermath and sorting out of what I've done will be too much for many people to take. Some people have let me know they want me to disappear.
I will let you guys know what happens...thanks once again for your kindness.

 

[reba]

honesty will lift a burden from every one ... your family and your self.. please do the favor of telling the truth... it will go a long way to healing

 

[Gordon]

Hi Empty Heart. I'm glad you are turning to God. Sorry to hear how this is going. I keep hearing about respect and dignity so I hear this is something you value highly. Maybe it is more status as the best way to salvage your dignity is to deal with this and not hide. I have been thinking about your situation a lot and watching for updates. Have you talked to a lawyer? I imagine they might think you simply took the money and abandoned them or something. It seems highly likely people will go after you legally. It doesn't sound like your plan is your best option. Even if legally your plan is best your relationship with parents and family are being further damaged by this course you're taking. Have you talked to anyone about this? As you can probably tell it's not just what has happened its also your reaction to it that has consequences. People are worried because they don't know what is going on. A parents love is great. My parents have helped me when I was in a lot of trouble even though I hurt them greatly. Think about what is more important escaping or not further hurting your parents. Please take my advice to get advice and not go about this alone

 

[providence]

Now they keep texting me to ask what has happened to the money but I cannot tell them. I know it's not the right thing to do, I should come clean, but I know it will be the end of my life when or if I do. My whole life and relationship with family and friends has been based on respect and dignity and losing that is basically losing my life.

Note this distinction: It is better to have character in the eyes of God than reputation among men. These often go hand-in-hand but sometimes oppose. See character and reputation:
http://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-character.html + http://www.cvillechurch.com/Articles/Article_ThoughtsAboutCharacterReputation.htm . John 12 says about Pharasees who valued their station among men: "42 Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God." It goes further: "25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." (ESV) People "rich" in the ways of the world have a disadvantage over the "poor" here (Luke 18:25) because they have something to maintain. You'll have opportunities in the coming days to demonstrate character before God.

James 4:17 also says "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."

They have said his is unforgivable...Some people have let me know they want me to disappear.

People say such things in the heat of the moment (and when kept in the dark), so don't take it too much to heart.

Tomorrow is a sort of important day as things I've been trying to do to make some sort of amends will dry up if this last one fails

Knowing limited information, I'll just advise that whatever you do, the "amends" should never-never entail one last gambling spree that in all likelihood will put your family in a worse position. I think it's best not to do anything rash and without consultation (you've already tried that)--as they say in medicine, "first, do no harm" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primum_non_nocere .

 

[providence]

If I hear any music or anything to do with Christmas I have to turn it off or look away.

Sadly, it can have that effect, as Proverbs 25:20 says: "Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda." (ESV) But remember to whom Christ really came for: Mark 2:17 says "17 And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.â€"

The following two Psalms may be a comfort: Psalms 32:1-11, Psalms 51:1-28. And John 3:1-21.

 

[Claudya]

Any news?

 

[Gordon]

Hope you are ok man. Still praying for you.

 

[providence]

Lord, may you bring healing to this soul of yours, one you have known and gave purpose to since before his birth and have since watched over, and may he accept that healing and know that your steadfast love will never cease (Psalm 77). Please grant this also to others likewise in need.

 

[D2wing]

I add my prayers as well. I have learned to resist even the thought of my weakness knowing that to even entertain tempting thoughts was dangerous. God will help you but you must determine to end it now and accept whatever happens. God is in the process of purifying his church. It might hurt but it is worth it. We put ourselves in these trials. The longer we dwell in then the more it costs. Been there done that and fighting to not do it again.

 

[Empty heart]

I feel I owe it to all who have prayed for me to update you on my situation.

Slowly my family are picking up the pieces and they appear to be riding the storm to a degree. I have heard they are managing to keep the business running which is a great comfort to me.
Unfortunately they are yet to find it in their hearts to forgive me but in the circumstances I know they probably need time. I pray for them constantly and for everyone who has been affected by my sins...when I think of the number of people involved here it causes me great pain.

All of your comments and prayers have given me a sort of strength and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I no longer contemplate suicide but I am still in dark place and trying desperately to drag myself out of it.

Having lost my job I am still in a terrible financial state with the irony being that every penny I get my hands on is gambled away in a feeble attemt to claw back what I threw away. Last week I managed to get hold of £2,000 by borrowing from an online lender. This would have paid most of my rent arrears and gone a big way to paying some other bills. You don't need much imagination to guess what happened to it....every single penny. I now hide in my home waiting for the landlord to appear and throw me out. Food has become a very irregular thing, not only due to money problems but also not really having an appetite.

One of the worst things I'm trying to deal with is isolation. I don't (can't really) see my family and, with the odd exception, do not see any friends. This is a combination of some friends not wanting to see me and me being too ashamed to face others. I know this pride and shame is wrong but it's such a big part of me that I cannot overcome it.

I pray several times daily for the strength to overcome my affliction and for people I love to be protected from it. I sometimes think I'm praying too much and that God does not take me seriously. It's become almost like an obsession and I wonder if he tires of hearing the same prayer day in day out. Of course my faith is under extreme pressure as I've had this destructive problem for years, seemingly without any let-up. I do wonder though whether what I did before Christmas was God's work in that he forced the issue into the open and showed me the enormity of my problem. I do know only I can stop what I do and perhaps it was God's way of giving me a wake up call. Anyway it certainly has but I worry I will never really recover from this as I cannot imagine ever properly reconciling things with my family and finding stable employment. I do not really have any qualifications or experience apart from working in the family business.

I heard from my family (those involved in the business) that there are lawyers considering how best to hold me responsible for what I did. I begged them to try to find a way of keeping me out of jail but it's clear that is still a possibilty when the inland revenue becomes more involved. Although I do not fear punishment of this type I do fear how it will affect my children and their futures. They are still very innocent and have no idea whatsoever that their father has a problem or is in trouble.

I know my story will upset and perhaps even shock some of you but, as I metioned in my first post here, I think I am a kind hearted person who unfortunately succumbed to his weaknesses and temptation at a crucial stage of life. Gambling is like a disease. It clouds the mind like a drug and brainwashes you. It causes you to neglect and to sin.

I do not want to be entirely negative in closing here because I have to stress again just how much your comments and prayers have lifted me during my tribulations. There are many positives in my life. God has given me 2 lovely daughters, God has so far prevented my family from losing their business, people on this forum have shown me kindness without judging me and, most importantly, I have the gift of life.

God bless all of you and please continue to pray for me and those I have hurt.

 

[Gordon]

Hi thanks for the update. I am glad the people on this forum have encouraged you. It does sound like you are having a rough time with the sin you are stuck in still. You probably feel a lot of shame. I think ultimately the pride and shame is your deal and it doesn't matter. It's a humbling thing that happened and you really have no choice but to move on. You have your daughters who need you to give up gambling and find stability. I will keep praying for you. Keep seeking God. God is more faithful to you than any person who could encourage you. God Bless.

 

[providence]

I feel I owe it to all who have prayed for me to update you on my situation.

I know the circumstances are difficult, so it's understandable. You may be in debt to others, but the Bible also talks about us being in debt to you (Romans 13:8) and to God (Matthew 6:12).

the irony being that every penny I get my hands on is gambled away in a feeble attemt to claw back what I threw away.

Image that there was a gambling opportunity that would recover all the money if you won but would make things a lot worse beyond what they are if you lost, and you took that chance and actually won and then "promised" never to gamble again. Was is good that you took that chance? Was it good that you won? Have you considered that the answer could be no? The decision to make that gamble was a bad one that should not have been made (eg. you should not make it if again placed in the same situation) despite the favorable outcome. It's like a criminal that delusionally thinks he can commit a crime if he doesn't get caught, but he will get caught, though if justice is delayed that experience only emboldens him to commit more serious crimes, from which he eventually does get caught with a more serious penalty. I even suggest whenever you scratch the gambling itch that you pray to God, as I will, that you will loose because winning would only encourage you to place you trust in this false God of gambling, winning a battle but loosing a war. You may gain money, but at what cost to others and your own soul?

That was only an imagination though to address the thoughts you may be having. It's not real. It may seem real, but of the ways of out such a hole, further gambling is certainly not one.

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death." (Proverbs 14:12)
"Wealth obtained by fraud dwindles, But the one who gathers by labor increases it." (Proverbs 13:11) (ESV)

 

[abide]

Hello Empty Heart. God does not abandon anyone. We abandon Him. By knowing right from wrong and then choosing wrong we are slapping Him in the face. Many of us have been guilty of it to varying degrees, me included.
In your post, you said you have prayed for yourself. Do you mean you've prayed for a winning streak or truly and fervently prayed for His almighty strength to defeat your demon (gambling addiction)? Two very different things.
I also think that if you feel shame and helplessness and admit here that you have a serious addiction, you need to seek professional Christian guidance from an organisation such as Gamblers Anonymous.
I'll pray for the innocent victims of this situation and you brother but I urge you, please seek help immediately.
Go to a church you feel comfortable in, and confess your sins to Jesus, truly open your heart to His love, then ask Him for HIS strength to overcome this demon. Just as I could never beat my alcohol addiction until He defeated it for me, you need Him to kill this demon.
Remember Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
You might consider these verses.
My first suggestion is the Lords Prayer.


Matthew 6:9-13
Our father who lives in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done,on earth as it is in heaven. Please give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory for ever Amen.

1 Corinthians 6 : 12 “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any

1 Corinthians 10:13“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be
tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

James 4:7 “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.


My prayers are with you and your staff brother
Blessings in Christ

Hello Empty Heart. God does not abandon anyone

That money is a lot. Gambling is a very serious problem. You will have to talk to your family concerning the theft. I met someone who told me he gambled everthing for forty years. This is a compulsive habit. My advice to you is seek God's guidance. He will never forsake you. Do not even consider suicide that is what the enemy would want.

You must go to God and tell him all. He will listen. He will show you the way.

Will keep you in my prayers.

 

[WinterRose]

I am sure that your prayers will be heard and ...

 

[JiJi]

God loves you, Empty Heart. I don't think God makes your guilt obvious in occurrence on the purpose to point out your weaknesses. Remember God actually says that brokenhearted is the sacrifice he please with, with a humble and conceited heart, prayer to Him is kind of seeking security, protection and lighten of burden, in surrendering and seek dependence, hope from him, and also asking for peace and blessing, and a growing step to the maturity of faith, to know more about His purpose when we pouring out our weaknesses to Him. I have also been through days of less secured in spirit, and mostly in the toils and snares of the darkness, or somewhat unbearable to be patient of. Hopefully, God give you joys that could lighten the sadness of one that full of guilty emotions in heart. The purpose God sent His son is to delivereth the sheep left behind that He loves and cares from the power of sin, and by Christ's power the sin is washed away not by means of own strength. Trust in Lord when you actually fell down, and Christ shows his faithfulness while he healed the sick who live under the power of Satan for long years. So as we who are spiritually yearning for the righteousness of His nature, yet unable to overcome due to the power of sin. On this day, God actually released me from the power of sin in gluttony and the moment my spirit received is not any reprimand but a great relieved from the bondage that the evil brought me as I suffered through the times of being tempted by greed. It is full of tenderness that the holy spirit brought within my soul when I am freed on the time. Okay, I pray for you.