Is it "adultery"?

[poohbah]

funnygirl~ a man 'captured' my heart when I was young and then I got married to another man. That capturing was a winning over that could never be undone. I took the best into my marriage, the best that I had to offer him; but he never won over my heart. I'm not sure if being a Christian means Christ has won over your heart or if you simply believe in your heart in him..

I didn't have feelings for the man that won my heart over, I simply had less heart to give my husband. My marriage failed, but it wasn't because of adultry, it was because there was not enough heart in it to nurture. Feelings and bonds are different; decide if those bonds are desires that want to be nurtured; it may just be you want the same kind of affectionate tokens from your husband. Don't cheat him out of the love he has for you, let him replace those other bonds with tokens of his own for you. :heart

 

[kismetshaloam]

I apologise if this is offensive in some way- but I don't think whether it's a sin is as important as talking to your husband because if you are having this issue he may too. I don't consider it a sin, or at least not one that is that awful. If you are in transition, it's reasonable to feel. I think you should talk to your husband because communication is important. Maybe go away for a little while together or so something relaxing just you to try and figure out if there's a spark still there. Then come back and try to talk about where you stand.

 

[Shimei]

Dear sister, i was in that boat once and it almost destroyed our marriage, it lead to my wife committing physical adultery, and losing our first child through a miscarriage. I was ignorant and lead by my own lusts. Thank God that He intervened and educated me. Now we've been married 40 years and growing together more every year. One key understanding to come to is the realization that what we call love and what Father calls love are not the same. (Ours is self centered, His is not) We cannot do what Father calls love. There is way too much of us still alive. We have to go to Him, empty ourselves of our kind of love (what's in it for me?), receive the real thing from Him (what's in it for him/them) and give it to our spouse and children. We can love because He loves us. We cannot give what we have not received. He has promised to give us all the love we need...and He is good for His promises. I've experienced that many times over the years.

 

[Strangelove]

Matthew 5:28 says this:
28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

According to this scripture, yes, it is adultery.

I actually have a different interpretation about this passage.

Let's look at it in the KJV:

5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust
after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.​

I don't see this as meaning thinking about or even fantasizing about someone other than you're spouse.

I see looketh on a woman to lust after her specifically as 'making eyes' at or 'coming onto' a woman. i.e. making prolonged eye contact making it obvious that you are interested in going forward with something.

And if you think about it......do you have grounds for divorce just because your husband looks at a girl across the street and thinks 'phwoooaaar...wouldn't mind a bit of that...nice pair of legs'. I don't think thats adultery. And I dont think Jesus would.

But if you're partner is at a bar and ACTS on those impulses and makes a pass at someone then I think thats what Jesus was talking about as being adultery in and of itself. I would be extremely dissapointed with my wife even if she made a pass at a guy. But appreciating beauty and have a passing sexual urge? Nah.....thats only human....you cant control that.

I think far too many Christians have beat themself up over this verse without really understanding it as Jesus meant.

Looketh on a woman with lust means actually looking into her eyes with uncontrolable sexual connotations making it plain and obvious that you're interested. Even if you don't follow through with the sexual act....it's adultery even just making a pass.

Just my thoughts on it.