Ephesians 5:1-33
Just before Scripture addresses the marriage, it tells us to be imitators of God.
"3 But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; 4 and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks."
Sin conditions us to live in an impure manner, but when we follow Christ we need to ask God to make us pure again like Him. I think that this is a matter of purity. We can see this scripturally and naturally. First, we know that God intends a couple to become one flesh through lovemaking, which is also the act of reproducing. It is an expression of a loving covenant between a man and a woman, a command of God, and it is also an act that has the potential to produce a child, a blessing of God. God blesses this type of union. When we consider the alternate type, which imitates an abomination, we see potential for curse...health issues, shame, filthy and lustful thoughts and acts which lead to degrading one another and could potentially lead to other dangerous and degrading (or impure) acts as well. It is a matter of simple common sense that one is beautiful and blessed by God, and the other, usually done in secret, is filthy and followed by curse and shame.
"7 Therefore do not be partakers with them; 8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light 9 (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), 10 trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; 12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret."
To be honest, I do not like discussing these things, because I do feel they are disgraceful. I am not trying to be offensive, and I do not judge others, but this is really how I feel when these topics are brought up. I do not desire to yoke others or shame them, but rather hold these ideas up to the light of God's goodness and Word. I would encourage all of us to try to learn what pleases the Lord. I think that this is definately an unfruitful deed. It does not build the bond of love between a husband and a wife, it takes away from it and imitates something that the Lord hates.
"15 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."
I think that we need to realize that this is an act that is 'darker', and that to engage in it is not wise or careful, but an influence of these evil days we live in. It did not orginate with God, nor is it a design of His creation, but rather it's a distortion/perversion of God's intended use of sex, and it is not His will. Again, it is not imitating God, but homosexuals.
"25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."
Husbands need to be very careful about the things they are asking their wives to submit to. A wife can submit freely to a husband who's utmost concern is her sanctification, her purity. She can trust on who desires that she be presented as holy and blameless before God. He must lay down His life for her, die to those fleshly, impure, dark lusts, and seek to join with her as one flesh, cherishing her, nourishing her, as Christ does the church. Wives also should be careful what they ask of their husbands. It is so difficult for a wife to honor her husband if she prefers to use him to fulfill these dark lusts that are a distortion of the 'one flesh' model. This is not honoring Him. It is also hard for a husband to honor his wife, the weaker vessel, if she is pictured in such degrading acts that rob her of her purity...so she brings dishonor to herself. These things also leave the door open for other 'defilements' or abominations to enter into the marriage...things like fornications and adultery. This may be worse than a deflilement, because God calls the act between men an abomination...we are not to imitate abominations or sinful acts. We are called to avoid every appearance of evil.
Last, 'one flesh' is a mystery of Christ and the church, and when we deviate from that it distorts this picture. This is not God's will. I think that the pattern in the Word is that this act, which I find even difficult to name, is wrong and impure.
I realize my post is getting long, but I want to address this verse...
Hebrews 13 "4 Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
This verse does not say anything about every act being okay within marriage. It actually says that the marriage should be considered honorable, and that the marriage bed should be undefiled. The acts of fornication and adultery are things that deflile. As I said, this thread discusses imitating an abomination. This verse does not say that God's plan, and design, for believers to be 'one flesh' and produce children is somehow changed to include all acts of lusts, defilements, and abominations. In fact, if you continue reading in Hebrew 13 it goes on to say that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. God's plan has not changed, and I would remind again that marriage is a picture of the 'one flesh' relationship between Christ and His church...we should, as believers, be careful not to distort this picture. What pleases God, and brings glory to Him, in the honorable marriage beds that are called to be undefiled? It is God's design, and not the imitation of abominations of those in darkness.
1 Corinthians says...2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
I would like to say that I think that coming together is so beautiful and needful for a couple, and that it should happen everyday when appropriate and possible. God may grant you a child, it may keep you from immoralities, or it may just be an expression of love and a bonding time for the ones in a marriage covenant, but it should happen according to God's design, it should encourage our desire to be pure before the Lord, it should be honoring and undefiled, it should imitate Christ and the church, it should be in accordance with God's will, and it should bring Glory to God. We should not allow the dark ways of the world to influence us, or cause us to distort God's goodness. There is nothing prudish, restrictive, or ungratifying about loving your spouse the way God desires. It is actually very freeing to love as one was designed to love, it's very intimate, and a true realizing of the oneness of the flesh and the covenant...this is the most gratifying place one can be, because it is in the center of the Lord's will.
I would encourage anyone who struggles with this, to pray and ask God to restore your purity, and to lead you in these matters. I know that what I am saying may be offensive to some reading, and I would hope that you would understand that I am trying to share the truth, though it may be hard, in love. I hope that you come to agree that the Bible is against this, but ultimately I realize that the Holy Spirit must do the work in others. As I said before, I do not judge anyone, but I do desire to answer honestly.
My thoughts. The Lord bless all of you.
