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Keepers at home...

I stay home with my daughter as i believe it is very important, i have seen both the good and the bad side of childcare arrangements(having worked in both a daycare center and as a private nanny) financially however, my husband's wage only just covers the mortgage on our modest sized single story small home and without any income from me there would be no food in the house, no nappies or formula for my baby and no water, gas, or electricity, and we would be in a very bad way :sad i am lucky that in my line of work i am able to work from home, take care of my child and be there for her, and also provide care for other people's children in a loving family environment and still bring in some money to cover my families expenses. My husband does not earn very much and if he gets a few promotions and eventually has enough to cover the mortgage and the bills then i would be able to stop working and just be mummy. this is what i would love to do now, but the arrangement we have works for us all, and i don't feel as though i'm depriving my child of her mummy, or depriving my family of money we need to live. we don't buy anything we don't need, and wait for gifts from family and friends for the things we would really like, we only buy what we must and still i must have some income as there isn't any money left at all after the mortgage from hubby's pay. i only have an extra 3 children during the day in addition to our own, and it's really just like one biug happy family, even though the other children are not techincally family it's really just like having more kids of my own. we pray that soon hubby will be promoted and get a pay rise enough to cover what i currently have to cover, then i can be free to just be mummy. i pray earnestly every day that this will happen soon

I also struggle with feeling upset at our government here, as if we were not married and were renting and not trying to own our own home and have the security of always having a place to live... then we would be able to receive a fortune in government assistance for rent, bills and stuff, and if i wanted to put my child in daycare for someone else to raise, the government would pay %85 of the daycare bills, but if (as we are) we are married and i want to be a mother to my children at home, all we can get is %28 a fortnight which doesn't even cover the cost of feeding my baby let alone the nappies, bills, and the groceries and clothing we need. Hubby and i struggle not to be angry that living what we see as the right way doesn't seem to be very important to our government :sad if we were living in sin not married, or if we were single and i had a child, then the government bends over backwards to help :sad it just doesn't seem fair. this is probably just a bit of a rant but i think i needed to tell someone how we felt... i would be interested to hear other people's opinions on this too??
 
Not talking about single mothers here - but yes I agree with the general feeling. I have not been blessed with a family but would find it an honour to raise them up.
I agree I hear a lot of mothers saying they can't afford to stay at home but I know their lifestyle and what they mean is they can't afford that fancy holiday etc, at least stay home till they are all at school.

On a different note, I have always wondered personally if women did stay at home would there be as much unemployment, men would have less competition in the workplace and would get the well paid job to be able to take care of the family. There wouldn't be this harassed over stressed due to being too busy with people taking different roles and not women trying to be super at work and at home. (what is it with people being proud of being so busy like it's a virtue :confused )

I know this sounds so out there to a 'modern woman', but I don't mean that women are inferior. I like what our pastor says about women - God took a rib from Adam's side not his back or front so she could be his partner walking side by side through life with him. Just having different roles but equal, we are different and made that way to have different roles.
 
yep, i certainly hear what your saying, only i still feel bad having to work (even though it is at home with my daughter still) but if i didn't then it wouldn't be a matter of missing out on holidays (we already don't go away as we can't afford it) but it would be more a matter of well, no money this week, so we will go hungry or we'll not pay the water bill or bubs will have nothing to eat / no nappies to wear etc.....
 
Amielou said:
yep, i certainly hear what your saying, only i still feel bad having to work (even though it is at home with my daughter still) but if i didn't then it wouldn't be a matter of missing out on holidays (we already don't go away as we can't afford it) but it would be more a matter of well, no money this week, so we will go hungry or we'll not pay the water bill or bubs will have nothing to eat / no nappies to wear etc.....
Click to expand...

sorry I didn't mean to imply that it was wrong in all circumstances, just the ideal. There are always exceptions to everything I just usually don't put it in as some people just jump on any exception as an excuse.

For example my sister has 2 kids and is married to an unskilled 'labourer', the UK govt deemed them to be under the minimum wage for a family with 2 kids so gave them an allowance (sort of welfare). Now when her youngest was about 3-4 she decided to go back to work part time as a midwife to just be above the minimum income. My mum did all the babysitting and she did a lot of nights and at the weekends for less disruption in their routine.

Now I think that is obvious and 'proven' to be not greedy but just providing the basics for the family, which sounds like you(also she had some anxiety/depression being around the kids all the time, bad post natal depression, medically it was advised for her to do something else as well)

Even if you didn't need to work, working from home if you can cope with it personally I think is a lot different, you are around the children.

And for single mothers or even mothers with slightly older children look at Lydia in the bible she was a woman of God who was a dealer in purple cloth which she sold at the city gates (have no idea if she had children or if they were grown or not) but is a good example of even if you have to work how to be a Godly woman.

Which goes back to my earlier 'wanderings in my mind' - if most women stayed at home then wouldn't everything be cheaper as everyone would be on one income, so house prices would be lower (free markets drive up prices - if most people have 2 incomes then more disposable income more competition after houses, house price goes up then it's the people with one income struggle to find an affordable home) but as it isn't - just to provide the basics, women who don't want to sometimes have to go to work!
If this country had continued to live on bible principles then the cycle wouldn't have happened and made it affordable for woman to stay at home!

It does depend on where you live - here round Seattle, WA is very expensive re house prices, when we lived in Indiana a lot cheaper, so it doesn't help if you live in an expensive part of the country.
 
I personally think my husband should stay home with the kids.

I'm one of those women who would rather work than stay home. Period. Women have struggled so hard to make themselves viewed as a worthwhile asset in the workplace and prove themselves equal to men, it just seems wrong of me not to exercise my right to equality. I don't like to cook and clean, and I get very upset when men or other women try to convince me that my "place" is in the home. I love my children, but I prefer to contribute to our family's income.

I stayed home with my oldest daughter for the first 15 months of her life. It was hard finding employment at the wage I made before she was born after such a long hiatus from the workforce. The year-long gap in my resume was glaring, and it was difficult just to get an interview. I was angry all the time, and tired of cleaning all day and "serving" my husband when he got home after work and dumped himself on the couch. I started to think about what I wanted for my children, and what impression I wanted to leave them with of me as a parent. I want them to be successful, and it's kind of hard to push/pay for/think about college for them when they are both girls, and at the time I didn't have a college education or a good paying, steady job. Plus, the whole housewife thing was driving me nuts.

We live in hard times, and the ability to support yourself with or without a spouse is becoming extremely difficult. I don't ever want my kids to feel that they "have" to get married to make it, or that their only purpose is to procreate and take care of their creations. There's nothing wrong with that choice of course, but I really think the women that get married and have children later in life really have the right idea going. If any of this sounds feminist, it's because it is. I hope so, anyhow.
 
Single mom ~~~>

I had no choice but to return to work full-time when my daughter was 3 months. If I ever get to experience marriage, I might want to take at least the 1st year off to be able to breastfeed and bond but I'm not sure I would want to. Maybe it's different when you have help but I feel the need to escape into a grown up world since the rest of the time it's just me and my daughter. It's a little overwhelming and it's nice to spend time with other grown ups even if it is just at work.

But I would like to say that I support either choice. I think they are both very hard decisions and positions and I know moms who have chosen to do one or the other and both deserve credit. And I also believe some moms are made to stay home and others are not but I don't think one is better than the other as long as the child has a stable, loving home.
 
Hi I'm a Mom who earned a little more than 50% of the family income. As a couple we always knew I would stay home, so we learned to live off of one income. In God's faithfulness, He has blessed my husband's career in ways beyond our imagination, and six years later, he earns our old combined salary. I say this because it would have been easy for us to justify my working. Who would give away over half their income?

I would love to tell you that staying at home has been nothing but fulfilling for me, but that would be a lie. I love my children and I will stay home with them, but I did feel that a small part of me was being squelched. I was very restless. I took this before God for quite sometime, asking Him to remove the desires - I even confessed the desires, as I thought it was NOT of Him. You see, I wasn't using my brain the way I had, and the way I knew He had created me to use it. I was extremely conflicted. Why would He create me this way, only to stay at home with my children and use none of my gifts? I'm not a house cleaner, I'm not a person with a passion for children in general and there is a lot of what I do that I'm frankly no good at. In my short sightedness, I assumed that those desires were selfish. Again, God is faithful and He revealed to me that there are other activities for His Kingdom that would use the God-given gift He's given me. I discovered that studying His Word, like I would a school subject, is what satisfied this craving, as well as discipling other young women in their faith. God also revealed to me that although I'm not good at house keeping or passionate about children, I am their Mom and I underestimate the value of them having their mom present. Period. They get to wake up to me, they get to sleep in their own bed when they're sick, they had me up all night with them when they were young and I wasn't panicked or impatient (not too much) because I wasn't concerned about getting to work on time the next morning etc.

I share all of this, because so many women choose to stay at work because they feel like they are losing a part of themselves, or dying a slow death. We have a God who created us with a purpose and a plan. He knows every talent we posses and He has a purpose for us. Just because we stay home doesn't mean we can't be involved in leading Bible studies, working for charities and using our God-given gifts.

God has gifted each of us uniquely it's truly amazing that He knows how we can use our gifts outside of the traditional workforce. Staying at home has been a blessing for me because I get to spend so much time with two of my favourite people (my kids). I have a lot more time for my favourite earthly person (my husband), I have way more time for my best friend (Jesus) and instead of satisfying certain needs by working, God has really shown me the areas in which He designed me to further His kingdom.

Sarah
 
Sarah,

That is aweseome! Thank you for your testimony, it really touched my heart. And I completely agree with you...God will always give us a way of feeling satisfied in Him whether it's at home with our children or at work.
 
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