Let's talk about Reconciliation

[humble soul]

Some of the success stories. When you surprised yourself by God's healing in you.
Or someone else caught you by surprise by their forgiveness.

 

[humble soul]

It is a great feeling to be forgiven. Like you can start all over again. A second chance. You might be scared stiff of failing again. But we must try try again.

 

[humble soul]

My brother forgave me once. It was my wedding. I had too much to drink and said a very stupid thing to him. In front of others.
I still feel bad about it. But he moved on. While we aren't the best of friends, we still do stay in touch. We've raised the topic. I've apologised and that's that.

 

[humble soul]

The ability to forgive. Wow.
I am lucky. I haven't experienced serious trauma. When forgiveness is nigh impossible.
Of course I have niggling doubts. About other people. Members of the family or some at work. I need prayer. More faith. More prayer. Seeing others as children of God no matter what. Is that wise do you think?

 

[Luminous_Rose]

Forgiveness is a good thing. It can open up a lot of doors whether it's to forgive and walk away or to forgive and rebuild a relationship with someone.

I do remember in high school there was this girl for so many reasons I started to become bitter against. At a point, we forgave each other because we realized our bitterness wasn't solving anything. Things were okay for a few days, but the underlying situation wasn't resolved so it didn't stick. That was years ago of course, but it's a thing that if I would've put more value on her as a person that we could've been really good friends.

I think one of the greatest examples is one of my aunts. She and my uncle had divorced when I was a small child because he was getting in a lot of trouble with the law and they had 4 kids. When my uncle was in prison, that was the last straw and while my aunt did have her fair share of mistakes while her ex-husband was in jail, things still ended up all right. Her ex-husband got the help he needed and got back into working. He actually owns his own business (but I guess it's kind of hard to find a job when you have a criminal record) that is successful in this little town. He ended up becoming more active in church and is an elder where he attends and my aunt is in charge of some things there, too, that she enjoys. Anyway, somewhere in the middle of all of that after he got the help he needed, they remarried. They had a big wedding and invited family and I suppose they had forgiven each other and had come together again. It is amazing to see how far they have come together and I know it is the work of God in their relationship that has healed so much. There are a lot of scars from the tough times, but God has brought a lot of healing, too. They ended up having one more baby after they had remarried again, a fifth child. My aunt wanted a girl, but she ended up with five boys that she still loves with their rowdiness and all. It's such an amazing thing to see how forgiveness can change a situation in a way that you wouldn't have thought possible.

 

[humble soul]

Lack of forgiveness can be like cancer. That eats away at our soul. Holding grudges. Thinking that if we stick to our stubborn refusal to acknowledge a pain inside , we are staying strong. That if we keep someone on our "naughty" list, that somehow they are suffering the sting of our hatred.
I think there is a Buddhist teaching that thoughts of revenge towards someone is like drinking the poison meant for our target.

 

[Luminous_Rose]

Lack of forgiveness can be like cancer. That eats away at our soul. Holding grudges. Thinking that if we stick to our stubborn refusal to acknowledge a pain inside , we are staying strong. That if we keep someone on our "naughty" list, that somehow they are suffering the sting of our hatred.
I think there is a Buddhist teaching that thoughts of revenge towards someone is like drinking the poison meant for our target.

Yes, the Bible warns about unforgiveness and how damaging it can be. It seems it is widespread in cultures. Even science mentions there are physical consequences for unforgiveness at times and that forgiveness is healthy for us.

 

[Tessa]

Unforgiveness makes a person bitter.
We are all flesh and so make mistakes.
We are all children if God and as Humble Soul said it helps to forgive when we remind ourselves of that.
Love that story of your aunt and uncle Luminous_Rose

 

[Susannah]

I believe forgiveness is a process. If you do it too quickly you do not have time to process your emotionas. We used to call this "stuffing your feelings." This leads to headaches and depression.

If you wait to long, you let the anger fester and this also leads to headaches and depression.

The process of forgiveness is as follows:

Own your true feelings even if they are uncomfortable.

Talk, write, pray about what happened.

Look at things from the other's perspective. Was it intentional or unintentional? Did they apologize? Have they done this before?

If they have hurt you before, wait awhile to forgive. If you forgive some people to soon they sometimes take advantage of you.

Give yourself some space and time to heal. Sort out your feelings.

Finally, ask yourself what would Jesus go. Then, out of love for our Savior, let go of the anger. Sometimes this means staying in the relationship. Sometimes it means moving on and forgiving from a distance. Christ only asked us to turn the other cheek once.

For most of my life, I forgave easily. This worked find until I met the wrong man. He took advantage of me and so I had to stay angry in order to get the courage to leave. After that I was happy to let go, forgive, and move on.

Forgiveness is a blessing. It is required for Christians. It will make you feel better. But timing is everything in my opinion . . .

 

[stovebolts]

Unforgiveness makes a person bitter.
We are all flesh and so make mistakes.
We are all children if God and as Humble Soul said it helps to forgive when we remind ourselves of that.
Love that story of your aunt and uncle Luminous_Rose

Verse (Click for Chapter)
New International Version
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

 

[humble soul]

And let's not forget self- reconciliation...
..if you are anything like me , you give yourself a thrashing, when you make errors of judgement/mistakes.
See I'm 62. I am supposed to be a wise old guru. But my behaviour occasionally borders on juvenile delinquency. St. Paul's verse "why do I do the very thing I hate?" I can become a stranger to myself. Not taking full responsibility for my words or actions. I am improving recently. I need to mix with genuine people more. Genuine Christians too. Who lead me not into temptation. Who keep me towards the narrow gate. Who are really blessed with the Spirit. Not the holier than thou types. The real McCoy Christians. Who live and breathe the Spirit. Sometimes God confounds us by putting a spirit filled atheist in our presence. A loving person who doesn't profess belief in God or Jesus. Yet their behaviour speaks of kindness, love and compassion. I wonder if God does this to stop us from being too proud. Like the Pharisees. The atheist might be disguised as the humble publican sometimes. Not always. Of course we tend to meet the loud, badly behaved atheists online. Not all are like that.

 

[for_his_glory]

Mark 11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Mark 11:26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

When I finally grabbed a hold of these two verses in my thick head is when I learned that through Christ I can forgive anyone anything and that lifted a heavy heart of anger I carried around for years.

 

[for_his_glory]

Sometimes God confounds us by putting a spirit filled atheist in our presence.

There is no such thing as a spirit filled atheist, but God can work through them for His purpose in what He sets forth.

 

[LovethroughDove]

I have quite a long story about reconciliation. It has to do with my stepmother. My mom and dad got divorced when I was about 10, and a year later my dad remarried. When my dad and her were dating, she was very sweet and lovely. For some reason I was crying at the wedding they had inside their apartment with the Justice of the Peace. Maybe people thought they were tears of joy, but they weren't. I guess I had an inclination that my life was going to be tough with this addition to my family.

My stepbrother, my sister and I would witness physical fights and they absolute comparisons that my dad and her would do with "their" children. She would say always make it a Big Deal if my dad was showing a little affection to my sister and me. She was obviously jealous and wanted him all to herself. One time when I was learning how to drive, I had to drive my mom's car over to my dad's. She saw me pull up into their driveway in the car and came running out screaming. "I don't want that car at my house". Um, this is what I had to drive and it's nothing personal against you!

Later on in life, I had my children and she still had control over my father. They would do anything and everything to accommodate her side of the family....while we got the scraps. I had just succumb to the fact that this is how life is. Then, a glimmer of hope. My stepbrother got divorced from this wonderful person (my stepmom loved her). His wife really was a wonderful person. My stepbrother then married someone like his mom. (oh, the irony) This person isolated him from his mother. So, my stepmom began to soften up to me and my family. We became a more important fixture in her and my dad's life!

At the same time of a reconciliation and a renewed relationship......we found out she had pancreatic cancer. I genuinely cried, because I KNEW she was not going to make it. She went through all the chemo and it looked like it was working. She was making future plans and then got bad news that she had "weeks" to live. I flew home to be with her and my father. I had to sleep next to her at night and give her water and pain meds. I got to be with her and all the people that loved her when she died. My stepbrother was holding one hand and I was holding the other.

To show how much she meant to me and my family at the time of her passing, I have a little example. The other day, my youngest who is 13....was telling us that his friends were making fun of the blackbird as his avatar. His friends then asked him why does he have that as his avatar? He said, "cause that was one of my grandma's favorite songs!"
It almost took 30 years for an absolute reconciliation to happen.........but it 100% did!

 

[humble soul]

my wifes parents divorced when she was 10. it really scarred my wife. the step mum and her are friends one day/enemies the next.

 

[LovethroughDove]

my wifes parents divorced when she was 10. it really scarred my wife. the step mum and her are friends one day/enemies the next.

It is really difficult. You have to put more effort into a relationship if you are a step-parent, cause the kids didn't ask for ya.

 

[Prycejosh1987]

Some of the success stories. When you surprised yourself by God's healing in you.
Or someone else caught you by surprise by their forgiveness.

I have yet to experience this, sadly.

 

[Susannah]

If you are now a Christian, you have been healed. To not know Christ is a spiritual wound that needs healing. This just shows how great you are that you do not need more fixing. Still is is always good to self-actualize.