Life and Dating

[trolloc63]

I'm not sure how to begin this, as I have never posted on these forums before, so here goes. I feel lost. Dating for someone like me is extremely difficult. While other people shrug off rejection, I take it inside and it is painful every time. Most recently I have begun to read the Bible, as I needed some clarity, some comfort in my life.

I was raised Methodist but have not been to church in quite some time. Not since our preacher allowed gay weddings at the church and we stopped going. So I have been adrift as I said. At this point in my life I am spiritual and not religious. I have problems with religion, mainly those that say "you believe what I say and do what I say, and then give me your money.".

As I have become older, I have come to take an interest in God. I am not a perfect, flawed as the rest of us. And begining to read the Bible, I have just begun to understand how God wants me to be. But for the life of me, I will never understand why I will be single forever.

Dating is so very difficult for me. Call me a loser, emotional cripple, incapable of dating, I have no idea. What normal people can accept is not the same for me. I very much belive that I will be single for the rest of my life, and alone. Is this truly what God wants for me? And what is with the being selfless business?

I am a very nice guy, to a fault. But in my lifetime experience has taught me that being selfless and being a nice guy is bad because you get taken advantage of very easily. I have none of these answers. Perhaps you can provide some insight?

 

[Tina]

.
Dating ? ..........

What's so difficult about that ? ... Just be yourself and enjoy the time.

.

 

[evan924]

to the last part of your post first, you can be selfless and a nice guy but you should learn to watch out for the people that will do that to you, i know what you mean on that, i really do cause it use to happen to me. you can help people to a certian point. and to the dating part, are you looking for someone to DATE or someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? dont go looking for a someone to date, try looking for a good friend, get to know them and then "court" them. i think dating is overrated. God will bring someone into your life at his appointed time. just be patient my friend. me and my fiance were best friends untill we decided that we loved each other and wanted to get married, but we had that time as friends to get to know each other very well without our feelings getting involved. if youre looking to get married to them wouldnt you want them to be your best friend and spouse? i pray that God will be with you and help you with this, i know its hard to wait for something like this, i prayed for a long long long time for God to bring my perfect dream girl into my life, but God had other plans for me, i wasnt ready for it even though i thought i was (theres a long story to that). when i was ready though He blessed me with someone better than that dream girl. have faith, i belive God has made someone for everyone, we just dont get it when we want it and i belive its cause were not ready for that kinda resposibility just yet.

 

[JoJo]

Good post, Evan.

Call me a loser, emotional cripple, incapable of dating, I have no idea.

It sounds like you're focusing too much on the negative: the possibility of rejection, fear of being taken advantage of, a resignation to being single forever. I don't know God's plan for your life, but I do know that He doesn't desire for you to be without hope.

What is it about you that would be desirable to a future mate? What is it about you that would make you a good husband? What do you like about yourself? Focus your mind on these things, remembering to thank God for these blessings and attributes. And when you start focusing on the positive, thinking highly of your esteemed position in Christ and your God-given attributes, you will exude a positive, attractive presence, one that will draw Miss Right to your side.

Stop thinking of yourself as a "loser" or an "emotional cripple" who is "incapable of dating." How to stop thinking that way? Just let it go. Every time you start to hear yourself putting yourself down, rebuke the lies and the discouraging (and false) assessments of yourself and replace those thoughts with truths about yourself. "Lord, thank you for giving me the ability to..." and "Lord, thank you for helping me be..." Focus on the positive, focus on God's gifts.

You can also use this "alone" time to work on the parts of you that you aren't content with. Ask the Lord to help you improve areas in which you might need improvement. Ask Him to help you build on those areas that would make you a better mate. And don't worry. When the time is right, and the Lord has the right person prepared for you...and you for her...it will happen and it will be blessed.

God bless you!

 

[FormerGodHater]

Don't look for a wife, look for a good friend. And constantly bathe this in prayer so that God will find suitable people for you. Trust me, He's the ultimate matchmaker!

You're also thinking too much about "me" and not enough about "Him" and what He can do for you IF ONLY YOU LET HIM. And too much "me" will spell disaster for any relationship you try to enter. If you're afraid of being selfless because you'll get burned, then you have some serious trust issues you need to resolve. Selfishness does not a good Christian make!!

Also, you're not supposed to know your future, so just live life day-by-day, again bathing each one in prayer. If you think you don't deserve this-or-that good thing, then Satan has you right where he wants you. I can tell by some of the ways you describe yourself that you're buying Satan's lies about you (and God) hook, line, and sinker! How do I know this? Because I was once a lot like you in this respect.

Do yourself a GREAT favor: read these two books in this order:
1. "What God Wishes Christians Knew About Christianity" - Bill Gillham
2. "Wild At Heart" - John Eldredge
They revolutionized my walk with God after living in defeat for the first 10 years of being a Christian.

I can tell that until you resolve some of your past issues and misunderstandings about God, you'll have a hard time being confident with anyone, especially women. I also talk about some of my past and current struggles in various posts of my blog (see the link below).

Hope this all gives you a good starting point!

 

[nyc christian]

HEy,

I think you need to find a good Bible based church. Meanwhile read the word and pray daily, but these are not a substitute just a supplement. Going to church is important, I stopped going for a while and suffered big time. Rejection is not easy but manageable, if you really want to overcome it; get a job as a salesman for a little while.

I think you should focus on being a happy single, a happy single makes a happy husband = happy marriage. A sad or angry single is a recipe for a bad marriage. As for being a nice guy I can relate, I also have seen how women take advantage of that - if they dont value your nice demeanor they are not the right one. You dont have to change your good qualities because God has the right woman for you that will value them. I like being alone right now because it gives me time to live out my dream, if I had the wife that I sometimes think I need, I wouldnt be able to spend time with her therefore Im not in a rush. Im enjoying my life with God and family. I will pray for you, Im glad you are interested in God; pursue that. Have fun now that you are single, make friends, learn more about yourself and what hidden talents you have etc.

Later buddy,