Back in February, 1982, I turned 23, my salary was equivalent to about $60K in today’s dollars, I got married, my new wife was expecting our first child, and two months later in April we closed on our first home mortgage. We were living the American dream, high on life. The following month in May, I was informed by my employer that due to economic conditions 1/3 of us, including me, would be laid off on May 30 indefinitely. The iron range of northern MN was just starting to suffer serious economic troubles as unemployment eventually grew to over 20% so after 26 weeks I still had not found a job. Fortunately, the federal government voted to finance extensions for unemployment insurance and I was able to live on unemployment insurance for nearly a year. I finally found employment with a former employer in the logging business. It was very hard work with low pay but it paid the bills and kept us fed. We were not using the welfare system throughout this time except for the home heating fuel assistance program. We were too proud for that.
We survived on the logging job for a couple years and then my wife started a home-based business selling knit sweaters. Her business grew so much that in two years I quit my logging job and began working full-time with her. Gross sales were doubling each year and in 1986 we grossed nearly $100K in sales. Life was really looking up.
Then it happened. My wife comes to me one day out of the blue and tells me she thinks we need to separate. I about dropped my drawers. We separated for four months and during that time our business fell apart, I became aware of at least four different men she had relations with, I went into severe depression, and attempted suicide. When she came to me after four months and said she’d like to try repairing our marriage I said yes. I then learned she was pregnant from one of the guys and I am embarrassed to admit it but I told her that I could never love that child as it would be a constant reminder of what she did. It was just one more nail in my coffin and I almost lost control again. As a result, she chose to have an abortion.
Needless to say, our marriage was never the same. The next three years our income tax statements showed gross incomes less than $300.00 each year. We were forced to swallow our pride and accept help from the welfare system in order to survive. During that time we decided that maybe we should consider selling our house so we contacted a real estate broker. They told us that they could list the property for about $20K and hope to get $18K. We still owed $27K on our mortgage! Selling the house was not an option. Eventually, our marriage totally collapsed. I can remember how our situation was so bad that a neighbor would ask me to go fishing with him and I was embarrassed as I couldn’t afford to spare a dollar to help pay for bait.
This was a period in my life that I am not proud to share but I’m sharing it with you to let you know there are others that struggle too. One thing you have going for you in your situation is that you still have God in your life. I was not a believer during this time in my life and I didn’t know I could turn to Him and I suffered some very bleak moments.
Reading your story my thoughts immediately turned to Job from the Old Testament. Here was a man who was comfortable in his life. He had money, possessions, family, and he trusted in God. But then everything was taken away. His family died, his possessions lost, his health deteriorated, and he was near death. Like you he struggled and got angry with God but one thing he did not do was forsake God. He held on to his faith no matter how tough things got and eventually God rewarded him for his faith. We don’t always know why things happen the way they do but we can know one thing. No matter what life throws at us, it can never steal us from the love of God. Be strong. Put your trust in Jesus and look to Him for your strength. Take heart and remember He is there right beside you no matter what. He will not leave you. Focus on Him and not on your troubles.
“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink? or “What shall we wear?” For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” ( Matthew 6:25-34 NKJV)<O:p</O:p
