Right on the money Domenic. I was at a place where I searched for the Lord, gave my life to him, read the bible, yet did not feel the peace or joy of the Lord. I missed it and asked many Christians about it and could not get a good answer to it. Then I had more problems, and though I thought I was with Christ, I didn't feel like it, nor had the joy that accompanies it. I felt the hole in my spirituality, yet continued to seek him. I would stress about money and the frustrations of life, and it kept me down. I would pray for help in the morning and in the afternoon, I was looking to my friends for help, borrowing money and stuff. I wasn't out giving my testimony to people because I wasn't receiving help from the Lord and was going further and further downward in my spiritual life. I had many doubts and would ask myself a lot, God where are you?
I prayed for wisdom and understanding. I continued to read. Then one day, I read in scripture where it said that if when we ask God for help then we are not supposed to look to men for help. I also read that we are to be giving our testimony to others about how God has helped us in our life, and it hit me. I had little to no faith, and was not obeying God in my Christian duties.
So I really really laid it at Jesus feet one night, and called him on the promise to help me. I said I put my trust in you to deliver me through this situation, and meant it. I let it go and decided to trust in the Lord and not to worry about anything, God will be done. I began giving Testimony to others about how God saved my life. I just plain released it and all the stress, trusting in the Lord. I forced myself to be patient and just watch and see what the Lord did. He let it go until the proverbial last second to let me have the oppurtunity to have faith and keep faith in Him. And I did. I would not allow myself to stress about my problems, I just said to myself, heck with it, it's in the Lords hands and I'll see what if anything he does for me. Well he did, and even though he didn't answer my prayer in my prescribed manner (how I thought He would), it was clear that He did answer my prayer and rewarded my faith in Him. It was in a totally unexpected way, but was unmistakable. Praise the Lord.
After that, I had more problems crop up, and wondered if it was a fluke the first time. So I prayed, and recalled the frame of mind and heart that I had in having this faith, so decided to do the same thing this time around also. Same results. Last minute, prayers answered. It was then that I felt the joy of the Lord wash over me. I stopped worrying and let the Lord have all of my problems and such peace and joy were felt by me that I realized that I hadn't been having faith before, only paying lip service to God about my faith. Now, I had even more testimony to give to others. I began making an renewed effort to obey the Lord and to let Him guide my entire life. People began remarking to me that I didn't seem to to take anything serious anymore, and was like a child in how carefree I was! I would respond with testimony and assurance that God is most certainly taking care of me. I have learned how to have real faith and how to really obey the Lord, and how to resist evil temptations. I still have ups and downs but it is clear that the Lords hand is upon me and He is renewing me, preparing me, building my patience and endurance. Increasing my faith.
Of course I can not prove any of this, but I know it to be so within my heart. Life is better now and I am to the point that I can rejoice and praise the Lord for my trials and tribulations, for I know that all things work together for Good for those who love God. Ours is a magnificent and loving God who has never let me down. I simply needed to get my house in order and learn to obey. Praise the Lord indeed!
