Looking for Hope

[Taylorjr94]

I guess basically I'm in a place where I'm not sure where I am spiritually. I grew up in a Bible believing household, went to a Baptist Church, and made many professions over the years. Without dragging it out with too much detail I got into willful sin (fornication, drunkenness, profanity) from about 14-23 (I'm 29). When I got my first tattoo at 18 that night it felt like something was ripped out of me and I was in a state of dread. Eventually this went away and I went back to my sins. I was convicted many times about it but thought "I'll repent later". Also the guilt and shame of my sins began to pile on and make it seem harder and harder to even consider turning to God. Long story short I'm living it up with God being the last thing on my mind when my mother who is a godly woman told me "there's pleasure in sin for a season" and that small comment sent me into a tailspin. I went forward at the next service I attended and knew I had to get things right, truly right. I did the only thing I knew to do and asked Christ to save me, but still something felt off. I had no peace whatsoever and thought maybe I had tempted God too long and felt completely condemned. This went on for months and eventually (I really can’t explain it) I started to feel some peace about it. My life had definitely changed. I was no longer sinning in a deliberate manner. Fast forward 6 years and I can across something (an article, website, sermon, something) and all this came flooding back but I would say worse. Was that 5-6 years just me fooling myself into thinking I was right with God. Looking back I still had unease/anxiety. The fruits of the Spirit include peace and I don't know if I've ever had it.It’s constant mental torment of differing degrees. I literally feel like I don’t sleep anymore. Like something is keeping me up. I don’t know how I’m functioning honestly. It’s like I’m kept on the razor thin edge of sanity. Just constant dread. It just ebbs and wanes. I talked to a preacher and he said “so there’s a lot of anxiety”. I almost had to stop my self from laughing if I could have even laughed. I told him anxiety/depression would be a RELIEF compared to this. At times I quite literally can’t even think. I’ve been praying and reading Scripture it just feels like I’m talking to myself. I WANT to be Christ-like and have fruits of the spirit and witness to people. Now this seems to me to be the most noble thing in the world. I'm so jealous of believers who God is using . I’m sorry this was so long. I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than hear my life story. I’m just holding out for some hope that God will deliver me. I know I was a fool and sinned greatly against God. I don’t think a person could endure this for very long. It feels like dying every day the torment is relentless.

 

[miamited]

Hey Taylorjr94

Slow down and take about 10 good deep breaths. Yes sin is like scarlet before the God who sees. The God who has eyes that roam to and frow over the whole earth. He knows your sin.

But here's the good news! You're still alive and can choose for yourself which way you're going to go, now that you know the truth. Nothing is more true than that God knows our heart's desires. God knows the thoughts of our hearts. God knows all about us. Now we have to live with that. And we have all sinned greatly against God.

Now, it sounds to me like you may need some Holy Spirit training. He's the one, if you've sought forgiveness through Jesus, who is causing you all of this grief over your sin. Jesus told us that it was His job to convict us of both sin and righteousness. Rejoice!! God's still working with you. But you're a rebellious 29 year old without a good faith body to grow with.

And most importantly remember that He knows we're still prone to sin. That's why His testimony to us also tells us that when we sin, if we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive. Don't ever forget that God knows your heart. I believe that it's for good reason that Jesus told Simon that he was to forgive his brother who sinned against him 7 times 70, if he came and sought forgiveness. I'm counting on God being a lot like that myself. But yes, we are asked to live differently while we sojourn here on the earth.

What are some of the living part day to day that you're struggling with? If you want to share.

God bless,
Ted

 

[Josef]

Hey All,
Taylorjr94, I want to reach thru the devices and give you a big old hug. Welcome to the struggle. If I were to guess, you have had a couple of bouts of being the prodigal son. Now you have come home. Ya gotta stick the landing this time.
How do you do that?
You have to make yourself accountable on a daily basis.
When you wake up have a quick prayer. Thank God for the day, and ask Him to guide and protect you. Then go about your morning.
When you give thanks for your lunch, add a sentence thanking God for His continued protection. Also reconcile any sin that has occurred. Then on with your day.
At night, before bed, thank God for the day, ask forgiveness for any sin, and it's off to bed.

Don't make this ritualistic--just going through the motions without any meaning.
Do this to establish a daily relationship with God. It also sets an accountability to God. If you know you have to come before God twice a day and confess your sins, it will change your behavior. One day you will be starting your lunch going, "God I know this is when I confess my sins to you. But I have nothing to confess this morning." Think how that will inspire you forward. Then one day when bedtime rolls around, you will have no confession to make. Then one can become two, and so on. Success breeds success.

Next, if you not going to church, you need to. Find a church that teaches through the Bible book by book if you can. That way you can read what is going to be taught. Then understand it from the pastor's perspective. If you become part of a community of believers, you will have support when you need it. Plus you will find a way to serve others.

That's probably enough for now. Try my suggestions. See if they don't make an improvement in your daily walk.

There was one other thing. Oh yeah I forgot to bash you with a bunch of verses while you were down. Well maybe just one. It wouldn't be right to let you off scott free. ( I am of course kidding.)

John 8:7-11 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

There. You feel bashed now? Check back in and let us know how its going.

Keep walking everybody.
May God bless,
Taz

 

[Tenchi]

I’m just holding out for some hope that God will deliver me. I know I was a fool and sinned greatly against God. I don’t think a person could endure this for very long. It feels like dying every day the torment is relentless.

Well, your story is exactly what God says it will be, having made the choices that you did. Unfortunately. As so many people are, you're a living example of the Truth of God's word. But this can change. God is in the business of redeeming sinful and foolish people from themselves, of tracking down His "lost sheep" and returning them to the "sheepfold." So, be at ease; God isn't finished with you yet.

I went forward at the next service I attended and knew I had to get things right, truly right. I did the only thing I knew to do and asked Christ to save me, but still something felt off. I had no peace whatsoever and thought maybe I had tempted God too long and felt completely condemned.

What is God's prescription for entering into fellowship with Him from a life of sin? What does "getting right" with Him involve, exactly? I don't mean what do you think it means, but what does God says it is in His word. Do you know? If not, here's God's route to reconciliation and fellowship with Himself:

1.) Repentance.

Every time we sin, we tell ourselves a lie (or lies) in order to do so. If we're going to truly win free of the grip of our sin and enjoy God fully, we're going to have to see the lies we tell ourselves that enable our sin for what they are. And we not only have to see the lies clearly, but repentance means abandoning them and taking up God's truth in their place. In short, we have to change our thinking about our sin and about God's truth. (see James 4:6-10; Revelation 2-3)

2.) Confession.

Having recognized the lies that have brought us into sin, and having rejected them in favor of God's Truth, the natural result will be a confession of our sin to God. What is confession, exactly? It's just agreeing with God that our sin is what He has said it is: Sin. It's wretched rebellion toward Him (Job 13:23; Proverbs 17:11; Acts 7:51), our holy, loving Maker. It's soul-damaging selfishness, at bottom (Proverbs 18:1-2; James 3:16; Philippians 2:3-4). It's despising the sacrifice of Christ for our sin at Calvary, trampling upon his gracious, loving suffering on our behalf (Hebrews 10:29).

Confession is NOT, though, asking God for forgiveness. Every child of God is a child of God because they have already been forgiven by God by trusting in Christ as their Savior and their submission to him as Lord (Romans 10:9-10). And so, the apostle John wrote,

1 John 1:8-9
8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Nowhere in this passage does John tell the Christian person to ask God for His forgiveness. John only prescribes agreeing with - and admitting to - God that their sin is all He says it is. And when they do, the forgiveness already theirs through Christ is applied to their sin, cleansing them from it.

3.) Submission.

There is only one of two ways in which you can live in relation to God: A rebel, or a loving, yielded 'living sacrifice." If you're not walking with God in constant submission to Him, you are a rebel and thus cut off from the fellowship with God for which you were made. And so, in God's word we are told repeatedly to live in a state of submission to Him (Romans 6:13-18; Romans 8:13; Romans 12:1; James 4:6-10; 1 Peter 5:6). In such a state, the Holy Spirit works to form in them the character of Christ (Romans 8:29), more and more filling every "room" of the "house" of their life with himself (Galatians 5:22-23). As this is so, the Christian person enjoys greater and greater fellowship with God, over time filled to overflowing with all the good and holy things that He is.

I had no peace whatsoever and thought maybe I had tempted God too long and felt completely condemned.

No, this isn't possible.

Romans 5:20
20 ...where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,

This went on for months and eventually (I really can’t explain it) I started to feel some peace about it.

No, not God's peace; merely the ease of familiarity.

Was that 5-6 years just me fooling myself into thinking I was right with God.

Maybe. Was there evidence of the life and work of the Holy Spirit in you? I don't mean the silly hyper-charismatic stuff but what the Bible describes as typical of the work of the Spirit in every child of God: Conviction, illumination, strengthening, comforting, transformation, discipline, etc..

The fruits of the Spirit include peace and I don't know if I've ever had it.It’s constant mental torment of differing degrees. I literally feel like I don’t sleep anymore. Like something is keeping me up. I don’t know how I’m functioning honestly. It’s like I’m kept on the razor thin edge of sanity. Just constant dread. It just ebbs and wanes.

Not of God, obviously. What you describe here is symptomatic, rather, of a life not under God's control. One who is under the control of the Holy Spirit is not filled with fear, but with the fruit of who he is.

I’ve been praying and reading Scripture it just feels like I’m talking to myself. I WANT to be Christ-like and have fruits of the spirit and witness to people.

There is only one way into fellowship with God: His way. See above.

 

[for_his_glory]

Been there myself many times in my 69 years as I use to call myself a yo-yo Christian until I had to learn to surrender all of myself to Christ and become truly Spiritually born again and have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit who teaches us all truths, even about our own self and where we lack faith as that can sting at times. My problem was I had never really tasted of the heavenly gift, which is true salvation. I always thought it was simply believing in the name of Jesus, which I did, but never allowed myself to have that Spiritual personal relationship with Him. It was only when I truly humbled my whole self to Him that I have tasted of His gift and will never turn away ever again.

Heb 6:4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
Heb 6:5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,
Heb 6:6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

Gal 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
Gal 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
Gal 5:18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
Gal 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
Gal 5:20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
Gal 5:21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Gal 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Gal 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Gal 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Gal 5:26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

 

[Anaphora]

Satan likes to use guilt against Christian people. Satan doesn't want us to repent sins to God and be forgiven.
2 Corinthians 2:11 . Lest satan should get an advantage over us. For we are not ignorant of his devices.

Put the past behind you and move on. Jesus needs servants who will make stand
Who will study sound doctrine and plant seeds for God. We're to produce fruit for God.

Acts chapter 9 . Jesus used Paul as minister. Paul wrote most of the new testament. Paul didn't dwell on the past. He did his job preaching to lost souls.

They can tattoo you head to foot. It doesn't make difference. God looks into people's minds and hearts.

Repent and move on. Follow the example of Paul. He was doer of God's word. He produced much fruit for Jesus.

Ephesians chapter 6 . Put on the spirtual armour.
Luke chapter 10:19. Christian people have power over satan and evil spirits, in the name of Jesus. Order satan and evil spirits out your home. Get behind satan and evil spirits in the name of Jesus !!

Use the power to stop the attacks by evil spirits. Send them back to hell !!

Stand up to satan.

 

[journeyman]

Hello Taylorjr94.
We can only do what God has given at the moment. If we use whatever we currently have to help others for Jesus' glory, He will open the doors.
It may be in the direction we would like to pursue, or something we never considered but we will get answers,

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Pro.3:5-6 KJV