How about love simply being defined as the act of valuing something? It would work in both uses in John and 1 Cor 13 would be a detailed description of what love looks like when directed at another person. Also, it would fit the greatest command of valuing God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. And it makes sense in the second greatest command of valuing others in the same way we value ourselves.
Anyway, I've been noodling on the word and I don't think I fully understand it, but I do know that a bunch of what pop-Christianity says about it seems to not fit when applied to scripture.
Finally, why use a word if it's meaning is undefined? To have such an important word be amorphous seems a recipe for sloppy thinking about what is critically essential to our faith.
You certainly make some good points.
Amen.