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Lust keeping me single

evan33

evan33

Member
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Seriously though. I am at a point where I would like a serious relationship, but I sometimes deal with lust so i am not actively seeking a relationship. The last thing I want is to bring some poor girl further away from God because I cause her to sin or vice versa . Does anyone else out there have the same issue, or is there anyone who deals with lust while in a relationship have advice?
 
Help me better understand you...

Are you saying that if you date someone, your lust will so carry you away that you will wind up having sex?

Or, are you saying that when you date someone, you have lustful thoughts about her?


Frankly, I'm not sure that it is possible to have a relationship with someone without lust thoughts...called temptation. That is not sin in of itself.

How we handle it is the question. For instance, the relationships I had before marriage had some ground rules...no removing clothing, no putting hands under or inside clothing, and when one said stop, we stopped. Worked for me.

But, if you don't have the maturity or the self-control to stop or to keep your clothes on...then perhaps you are not ready for a relationship yet.

Not trying to be offensive here, I truly don't know you that well yet, so help me understand you better.

Then there is just letting one's thought life get way out of hand as well. Temptation is a part of every relationship as two people draw closer. If one is handling it well with the other person, but still going all crazy inside one's head with lust...then one needs to take every thought captive.

If you are having trouble with taking thoughts captive...you can work on that, truly you can. Scripture memory works pretty well as well as prayer.

I just hope you are not placing yourself in an unrealistic situation that you will not enter a relationship unless there is no temptation for sex or lustful thoughts, because that's just not apt to happen.
 
I am talking about actual physical temptations. I suppose what I am saying is that I really need to find a truly Godly woman who also happens to be interested in dating me lol. The rules idea is definitely a good one. I also like the idea of scripture memory. Thanks for the input!
 
Do you mean if you was with a girl, (even married), you have such a problem with lust that it may mean you stray or worse?

If not and you really just want to find a Godly girl is there any reason why you can't or haven't found her yet?
 
I don't want to be cheated on so I can say with at least some certainty that I will never cheat. I am smart enough to know that a fling is not worth throwing my marriage away. I am sure the temptation will be there though. I guess I haven't found one yet because I just haven't been looking hard enough.
 
The important thing to keep in mind is that temptation is not sin. Christ was tempted in everything we are tempted in, and He didn't sin.

This isn't to say that one cannot sin in thought as well as actions, but just because a thought crops up, including the thoughts of what it would be like with the person one is in love with, that doesn't mean that the thought is sinful.

It's when we allow those thoughts to take control and dominate our thought processes that we've moved from temptation of thought into sin of thought.

Has there anyone on the face of this earth, ever, to have made it from courting, to engagement, to marriage, without sinning in thought in regards to sexual thoughts of one's love? Probably not. I confess that I sure didn't. But, one acknowledges the sin, one repents, one confesses, one moves on.

Evan, it sounds as if you're a good guy with a lot to offer a woman. Keep the lust issue internal, handle your thoughts and temptations in a godly manner, and seek a mate...it generally is God's intention and design that we marry.
 
Hello evan33,

Lust, well it is a horrid thing. I can already tell that you know it is wrong, and it keeps you from getting in a relationship, or from maintaining a healthy relationship. I have dealt with this issue, and it is not a fun one to deal with, and I continue to sometimes.

As far as how to deal with lust, you cannot do it alone. Truthfully you cannot do this, but God can. Prayer is something that will help you though. Pray and ask for help, God will help you. He will hear your cry for help, and He will help you. You have to have patience though, God is omnipresent, meaning He is everywhere at once. Months to us is only days to Him. Pray for an open mind and heart, let God answer and help in the way He knows is the best for you.

Galations 5:16
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Take yourself away from lust and practice honorable things. Get more active in church or read your Bible more or find a guys Bible study etc.

Maybe you should quit seeking a relationship, and start seeking God more. Maybe you need to take your eyes off the cause of your lust, and focus on the Healer, the Saviour, our God. As fulfilling as a relationship may seem, God can fill whatever emptiness we have. :)

Hope I could help!
If you would like to talk further, please PM me!

God Loves You!

In Christ's Love,
Colton
 
I know you haven't mentioned it, but if you're struggling with porn then you're right not to pursue a relationship.
 
sherri2 i see your point and while i know how it affects his relationships.

been there myself. that is so strong that he will have to be either celebate till deliverance or in sin.

and good luck with that as if you watch porn like i did, you will really want the real deal.

i dated but i wasnt true to the ideal of virginity, that buzz word christian sex comes to mind.
 
That's no longer an issue. It was, but I took a good look at what I was doing, and I basically asked myself, "How can I seriously expect to be in a relationship if I can't respect myself, these girls, or whoever I decide to date?"
 
thanks evan, as long as it's properly dealt with then that's great. :waving (wasn't meaning to be intrusive) why don't you ask God to show you what he thinks about the situation? If you have fears then they're probably there for a reason. God knows the answers to everything, and he'll be able to give you the solution.
 
Also don't forget that we rely on God. I once thought I had the sin of porn done with and was maybe too proud of myself thinking it was I who overcame the sin (it is always by God's grace and power that we can overcome this world), that I had a moment of weakness. I was ashamed, but I once again acknowledged that I am no longer like that because of His Spirit.

Now it is good not to date when we are not emotionally ready to date. Lust is the root of the sexual sins (porn included). By seeking God's grace in tackling this key sin, the need to view porn or commit other sexual transgressions melt away.
 
new to the forum, but this one caught my eye.

I am recently divorced(Sept), and I am struggling with God or lust.

I married the only woman I slept with, we drifted apart and had no feelings when we decided to part.
I know most of what I am feeling, is not feeling loved for so long. That is why I haven't just plunged into sin. That and I have a working relationship with God.
Divorce group is helping to sort through the problems.

If the lust is for one person, take the time to get a relationship and commit to that person, if the problem is anyone/everyone in sight, then it would be wrong to build a relationship until you can commit to that one woman.
It is a sin to follow through with lust, but it is many sins to commit to God, your family, her family, to forsake all others, and then break that vow. Even above sins, it would be hurting another that trusts you, and that might be enough to drive her away from god.
Figure out what you want fulfilled in your life. if you want to bed hop, why? There is something inside that drives you to feel this way.(there is also drives that push us towards good too.)
If you are just needing to feel love/loved, random sex will not fill that need.
 
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