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marriage with an unbeliever

A

angela_claire

Member
Hello there,

I've been married to my husband for 10 years now. We have no kids yet, and it's been a great ten years so far. We were both unbelievers when we got married.

When he was 18 years old, he got his high school girlfriend pregnant. He decided to do the right thing and marry her. However, two years into the marriage they both realized it was a big mistake and they got a divorce. We met 7 years after that and got married after 3 years of dating.

However, over a year ago, i found a new found love for Christ. A friend brought me to Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley and I got baptized then and there. I was never really into Christianity before, and it was that day that i realized what was missing in me.

As I started studying the word, i came upon the verse in Matthew about divorce and remarriage. I learned that we are committing adultery, a sin that God deeply hates. As is said in 1 Corinthians, all other sins are sins outside of the body. But sexual immorality is against our own bodies - the temple of God.

I'm in such a dilemma and it's been tearing me up inside. My husband still hasn't warmed up to the idea of being a Christian and on top that, I'm being an adulterer being married to him. I'm head over heels in love with my husband and I cannot imagine not being married to him. How do i repent and be filled by the Holy Spirit, if repenting means not committing adultery?

Should I leave my husband? I'm extremely heartbroken over this dilemma. What do i do?
 
Welcome to CFnet, Claire! It's great to have you here and even better to have you in the Body of Christ! :clap

No doubt you will get differences of opinion based on scripture and our interpretation of it, but I will be surprised if anyone would say you should divorce your husband. In the same book you referenced, it is written:

1 Cor 7
"<sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28501">13</sup> And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28502">14</sup> For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband."

What's done is done. If you were here asking if you (as a Christian) should marry an unbelieving man, I would counsel you not to. But the two of you were both unbelievers, and you have responded to the Call to faith at this point. He is outside the Body of Christ, and that is a much more important thing for him to answer for. If you were to leave him with your faith being the reason, this would only leave him further from accepting his call one day. He would have even more reason to resent the Lord, and this would present a huge stumbling block for him. Since you are married to him, leaving him would be wrong. Again, what's done is done. I would encourage you to demonstrate what God has done in your heart by joyfully fulfilling your roll as his wife. Let him want what you have and seek it for himself. Pray for him. And since you are yoked with an unbeliever, make sure you have Godly counsel yourself, so you don't backslide in your faith. You need encouragement to grow in your faith and remain strong in it.
 
Mike has given you good solid Bibical advice.

When you became a christian your sins were washed away.

Psa 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

You have a clean slate.

Girl Sounds as if God has blessed you wiht a fun and loving marriage. Enjoy the blessing He has given you! Do not let others take the liberity you have in HIm.

Gal 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


To be the best wife a man can have as if unto the Lord.....Be blessed enjoy your marriage....
 
thanks mike.

but why am i so guilty about being married to him? God still sees him and his first wife as married bcoz technically there was no sexual infidelity involved. the bible says it's a sin and that i should turn from my sins. other sins are easier to turn from coz it only involves you. but i love my husband and this is one sin i cannot turn from!
 
Is someone telling you you should not stay married to your husband?

You will not find a scripture that tells you to divorce.
 
It's the whole "repent and be filled with the Holy Spirit".

i guess it's similar to say a thief who becomes a christian. His sins are washed away, but the next day he steals again, and the next, and the next, and the next. He never stops stealing.

The bible says I'm an adulterer. i've been washed of my sins, but i don't stop committing adultery.

that's how i feel and i'm torn.
 
reba said:
Is someone telling you you should not stay married to your husband?

You will not find a scripture that tells you to divorce.
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Exactly what I was wondering.

Be careful that you're not being counseled in your new faith by the extremely legalistic type of Christian. This is a very impressionable time in your faith walk. Jesus frees us. He doesn't bind us. Now, this isn't license to do anything we feel compelled to do. It can't contradict scripture. In your case, it would align with scripture to stay where you're at and not divorce your husband.
 
<DIR>Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

I am guessing this is the verse you are talking about.


Rev 12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.

Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.



</DIR>
 
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I agree with the others here that staying married to him is not adultery and is certainly far more in line with what the Bible teaches.

Your situation is surely a 1 Corinthian 7 situation, and I'm sure that Paul, when writing to the Corinthians was aware that many of the marriages within that rather raucous town were less than godly, before the gospel was brought in. But, as Mike referred to, the instruction is, if your unbelieving husband desires you to stay...stay.

Stay and be happy...it sounds as if you have a solid marriage to a good guy and the Bible also teaches that:

"... the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy." 1 Corinthians 7;14

So, stay with him, love him and submit to him and don't think of either yourself or him as an adulterer.

Keep this in mind as well:

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." 2 Corinthians 5:17
 
Here's a little more I was thinking about. Throughout this, let us never lose site of the Truth that God hates divorce. It goes against his design for our lives. But, I believe He understands that we have a fallen world to deal with, and will honor repentance.

Looking at 2 Samuel 12, David's son that Bathsheba bore to him has been taken away by the Lord. Up until vs. 24, she is still referred to by the Lord as Uriah's wife. After this point, a blood atonement has been made, and the marriage between Bathsheba and Uriah is put in "past tense". He repented and blood was shed as an atonement, and at this point Bathsheba is said to be David's wife.

Your blood atonement is in Christ. He paid for your sins past, present and future. Your heart has sought out reconciliation with the Lord over this situation, and God knows your heart. He does not desire that you suffocate your faith in guilt. Put this at His Feet and let Him take your guilt away. This would appear to be on you, now. We need to allow ourselves to live in His Grace.

As reba and Dora have agreed, your job now is to remain faithful to your husband, honor your marriage, and let yourself be a witness to him of God's Unending Love.
 
Clair, I would agree with the others here as well. If you were considering marrying this man right now, since you are now a Christian, I would caution against it because of exactly what you are talking about. But that isn't the case. It really wasn't the case when you married him either because you weren't a Christian then. Non-Christians have no obligation to follow God's rules because they can not be saved by following rules, only through accepting Christ. Following God's rules is pointless for non-Christians.

At this point, I would suggest to ask God to forgive you for anything you may have done wrong, but do not commit another sin (divorce) to try to resolve this situation Nowhere in scripture does God ever command us to sin. And he makes it clear that, with very few exceptions, divorce is a sin. It's the old "two wrongs don't make a right" situation. God looks at our true intentions (our hearts), and by your post it sounds like your heart is in the right place.

Always remember, our faith in God and our new Christian lives are based on the free gift of salvation, and of liberty from "the law" through Christ. "Legalism" is for the pharisees, and Jesus didn't have much good to say about them!

"I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" (Paul, Galatians 2:21)
Click to expand...
 
Thank you so much, everyone! This has certainly put some ease in the burden i've been carrying.

The recent sermons i've been hearing have been talking a lot of divorce and adultery. I love my husband very, very much and i would hate our love to be disgusting in God's eyes.

Does this mean that a Christian who got divorced as an unbeliever can remarry a fellow Christian?
 
ANY Christian marriage should be intered into with much prayer. Marrriage is hopfully a life long commitment.

I will not make a blanket statement in answer to your last question.
I doubt any here will. God knows how many hairs you have on your head..... God surly knows if you need/dont need a spouse....

Valinitines is just around the corner Go and have a wonderfull time with your husband!
 
Igor said:
If you were considering marrying this man right now, since you are now a Christian, I would caution against it because of exactly what you are talking about. But that isn't the case. It really wasn't the case when you married him either because you weren't a Christian then. Non-Christians have no obligation to follow God's rules because they can not be saved by following rules, only through accepting Christ. Following God's rules is pointless for non-Christians.
Click to expand...

This is such an important point!!!!! If there is anything that is said that should give you true peace and freedom in this situation is this simple truth Igor has shared!
 
I'm so glad i found this thread.

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. Except, i'm not married yet. My wedding is in 3 weeks. I met my fiance about 2 years after he divorced his first wife. We dated for 6 years and he finally asked me to marry him two years ago.

I started going to church about 6 months ago and i'm loving it. Until one of the church members told me about "not being of equal yoke with a non-believer" a couple of days ago. I felt EXACTLY what claire felt. I love my fiance, and i'm about to marry him in 3 weeks time.

The bible is telling me it's wrong. But how exactly can you learn how to fall out of love for someone??? I want to marry him. He's the love of my life. Why is my love for him different with claire's love for her husband, the only difference being they have their names signed on a piece of paper.

Please help me understand!
~Rae
 
prae said:
I'm so glad i found this thread.

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. Except, i'm not married yet. My wedding is in 3 weeks. I met my fiance about 2 years after he divorced his first wife. We dated for 6 years and he finally asked me to marry him two years ago.

I started going to church about 6 months ago and i'm loving it. Until one of the church members told me about "not being of equal yoke with a non-believer" a couple of days ago. I felt EXACTLY what claire felt. I love my fiance, and i'm about to marry him in 3 weeks time.

The bible is telling me it's wrong. But how exactly can you learn how to fall out of love for someone??? I want to marry him. He's the love of my life. Why is my love for him different with claire's love for her husband, the only difference being they have their names signed on a piece of paper.

Please help me understand!
~Rae
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Welcome to CFnet, prae! :waving

You would do better to create a new thread in the Christian Talk & Advice Forum. Technically, this forum requires a member be married, have been married and/or have had children. You're apparently so close to being married, this might be getting too picky. Either here or the CT&A would seem appropriate.

But to be fair to both you and the OP, it would be best to allow this thread to focus on her and a new one to focus on your question. You could copy and past much of what you've written. Your situations are completely different and merit their own discussions.
 
Prae, I was going to respond to your post but I agree with Mike that your situation is different than the OP of this thread. Please start a new thread so we can discuss your situation and try to be helpful to you as well.
 
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