Christ_empowered
Member
..I know, I know: its normal! The last time I went back to school, I ended up ECT'd, no lie.
That was going on 7 years ago. Now, I'm a completely different person (Praise God!) and I'm going to Liberty Online. I had to drop/withdraw from an Accounting class. Ugh! I still have 12 hours (4 3-credit hour classes), so I'm barely squeaking full time for financial aid and such.
The accounting class thing made me question my new major. I should question it, of course. I mean, you don't just jump into your future and not reflect a bit. Business degree? This guy? Then again...I'm a completely different person. Them days of pill popping, dope smoking, and sociology are long over.
Did I mention I look considerably younger than my age? Like, my features have changed (they're masculinizing...thank God...back in the day, I was more pretty/androgynous looking) and my skin is smooth, supple, wrinkle free. Also, my hair is ridiculous. I used to have super thin, brittle hair. Now, its crazy--wavy/curly, shaggy, grows fast, streaky, thick. My hairline is lower, more of a widow's peak.
All I can come up with is...I never got to be young and grow up before. Happens to some people. Terrible high school experience. Now that God has returned some of my memories, post-ECT and everything, I can see why I was so miserable :-( Its strange, you know...the more I agree with God that the past is gone and "buried in the sea of forgetfulness," the more He's seen fit to move me at once forward, towards a bright future He has for me, and also weirdly backward, in that He's seen fit to give me things that were taken from me, like my youth and the opportunity to grow up.
So bizarre sometimes, I feel like a Christian sci-fi novel, lol. But its cool. My parents, for whatever reason, just roll with it. I'm not ugly and burned out anymore, I'm smart, I'm not really a drain on them, I'm easy to get along with...who cares if I look like I'm back in my early 20s, only more masculine?
Back to school...I gotta develop good study habits. No excuses this time around! I already did one assignment, a discussion board on decriminalization of drugs. Liberty Online classes are big on discussion board assignments, it seems. I may be the only person to be pro-legalization and anti-"War on Drugs." All those sociology classes really did pay off, lol.
I think I'm going to write a novel. I think October is "National Novel Writing Month," and you can sometimes find "NaNoWriMo" groups in your area. I'm not looking to network or whatever, but I'll write. I may start developing notes now and see if, come October, I can put everything together post haste into something that kinda sorta looks like a novel, or at least a bunch of short stories.
This is in prayer and praises because...I get to grow up. Seriously. By 19 years old, I was burned out. I mean, I had crow's feet. Seriously. My growth was thwarted by personal sin and general misery. Now, I have the God-given opportunity to do the impossible: grow up, and do it right this time around. No crazy pills, no boozing, no sodomy, no hair dye. Also, I need help choosing a good, workable major. Sometimes, I think, since I honestly shouldn't be alive anyway (pills+ECT+stress+premature aging=early death, usually), maybe I'll just forget about a "real" major. Theology, maybe? Not the most marketable degree ever, but then again: today is yet another day that was never promised me. Why go against the grain this late in the game? Perhaps one of the few good things I can take from my old life, chaotic and pointless as that existence was, is that there's more to life than having a normal life and a normal job and...and...
...ugh. See? This is why I need prayer. And, of course, I want to offer praise to God for saving me and giving me the much-needed opportunity to GROW UP, against all odds. I'm nearly 30, lol...better to grow up later than to never grow up at all.
That was going on 7 years ago. Now, I'm a completely different person (Praise God!) and I'm going to Liberty Online. I had to drop/withdraw from an Accounting class. Ugh! I still have 12 hours (4 3-credit hour classes), so I'm barely squeaking full time for financial aid and such.
The accounting class thing made me question my new major. I should question it, of course. I mean, you don't just jump into your future and not reflect a bit. Business degree? This guy? Then again...I'm a completely different person. Them days of pill popping, dope smoking, and sociology are long over.
Did I mention I look considerably younger than my age? Like, my features have changed (they're masculinizing...thank God...back in the day, I was more pretty/androgynous looking) and my skin is smooth, supple, wrinkle free. Also, my hair is ridiculous. I used to have super thin, brittle hair. Now, its crazy--wavy/curly, shaggy, grows fast, streaky, thick. My hairline is lower, more of a widow's peak.
All I can come up with is...I never got to be young and grow up before. Happens to some people. Terrible high school experience. Now that God has returned some of my memories, post-ECT and everything, I can see why I was so miserable :-( Its strange, you know...the more I agree with God that the past is gone and "buried in the sea of forgetfulness," the more He's seen fit to move me at once forward, towards a bright future He has for me, and also weirdly backward, in that He's seen fit to give me things that were taken from me, like my youth and the opportunity to grow up.
So bizarre sometimes, I feel like a Christian sci-fi novel, lol. But its cool. My parents, for whatever reason, just roll with it. I'm not ugly and burned out anymore, I'm smart, I'm not really a drain on them, I'm easy to get along with...who cares if I look like I'm back in my early 20s, only more masculine?
Back to school...I gotta develop good study habits. No excuses this time around! I already did one assignment, a discussion board on decriminalization of drugs. Liberty Online classes are big on discussion board assignments, it seems. I may be the only person to be pro-legalization and anti-"War on Drugs." All those sociology classes really did pay off, lol.
I think I'm going to write a novel. I think October is "National Novel Writing Month," and you can sometimes find "NaNoWriMo" groups in your area. I'm not looking to network or whatever, but I'll write. I may start developing notes now and see if, come October, I can put everything together post haste into something that kinda sorta looks like a novel, or at least a bunch of short stories.
This is in prayer and praises because...I get to grow up. Seriously. By 19 years old, I was burned out. I mean, I had crow's feet. Seriously. My growth was thwarted by personal sin and general misery. Now, I have the God-given opportunity to do the impossible: grow up, and do it right this time around. No crazy pills, no boozing, no sodomy, no hair dye. Also, I need help choosing a good, workable major. Sometimes, I think, since I honestly shouldn't be alive anyway (pills+ECT+stress+premature aging=early death, usually), maybe I'll just forget about a "real" major. Theology, maybe? Not the most marketable degree ever, but then again: today is yet another day that was never promised me. Why go against the grain this late in the game? Perhaps one of the few good things I can take from my old life, chaotic and pointless as that existence was, is that there's more to life than having a normal life and a normal job and...and...
...ugh. See? This is why I need prayer. And, of course, I want to offer praise to God for saving me and giving me the much-needed opportunity to GROW UP, against all odds. I'm nearly 30, lol...better to grow up later than to never grow up at all.
