Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,242
- 10,722
...and look forward. Boom. That's what Jesus says to do. I'm getting better about it, but...
...I get stuck in my head too much. Stuck in what's going on around me, what with me being the pariah around here and all. I get hypersensitive. My parents stayed home from work today. They seemed kind of distant, and I got all hypersensitive. I mean, they're married. They love each other. They're spending time together, and that's a good thing. What's my deal?!?!
I use the MP3 function on my phone to listen to music when I'm outside because the neighbors still love giving me a hassle. I don't know what to make of it. Like I've posted umpteenth times before, they often yell lies and laugh about it. They're kinda redneck-y, too, so...that's fun. Lotsa fun.
I know that I need to move eventually. I live with my parents because...well, its hard to be in a community while dealing with mental problems. It was much, much worse before Jesus saved me and I finally realized I needed to get saved. Took me long enough, lol. But, yeah...last time I lived in apartment complex, somebody took out a title loan on my dad's car (he let me use it). Somebody also ripped off my debit card, and changed a new tire out for some old tire (shared parking area).
Then, I lived in a little apartment my parents bought for me. People yelled stuff...sometimes nasty, sexual stuff...all that fun stuff. Then some dude across the street yelled out one day "somebody's gonna shoot that faggot!," and I was outta there. Keep in mind: a while back, I was bashed on the head with a pipe in a rough part of an urban area. Fun times.
So, yeah...living at home. Probably not ideal, but also more than likely the best thing for me right now. My people have warmed up to me a whole, whole lot, and I feel that we're all 3 moving forward. For me...a lot of it is moving away from who I was, what I was about, what my problems were, etc. I didn't matter to anybody around here from a young age. A lot of that was social class stuff...my parents were working class intellectual bohemians when I was born, and they weren't able to climb up into the more "respectable" part of the middle class until I was in high school. Basically...I think people in this area are more class conscious than in some other areas, or so it seems...anyway, my people "weren't important," so I didn't matter to people, either. Bummer.
I'm rambling. See, my people were/are upwardly mobile, so now they're not rich, but not what most people think of when they think middle class, either. That's great--I mean, they worked hard all their lives, so its good for them, God has blessed them, etc.--but I think upward mobility triggers some nastiness in Southerners, or at least...it seems to around here, and a lot of its directed at me. See, social class down here...its more rigid than elsewhere. Everybody--especially those below the middle class--is supposed to know his place in society. If you don't (like me, apparently)...all Hell can break loose. It seems that because my people were working class, I am forever and ever working class and expected to act and live accordingly. Now that I've been labeled Schizophrenic, I'm expected to live in abject poverty, away from society, blah blah blah. Its stoopid, and I'm beginning to see...its not just me. Nothing personal.
I mention all this (yet again...) because, well...I'm beginning to see that The Lord has gone above and beyond to provide what I need to move forward. "Working class losers" are a dime a dozen, and society doesn't care. Actually...based on my experiences, I'd say society creates a lot of "working class losers," as well as criminals and "mental patients." Guess what? Most of the world doesnt' care!
Point is...I get to live comfortably, in safety, protected by people who love me, the new me, the me The Lord has had a big part in (re)shaping. I could easily be somewhere terrible, dead, etc., but I'm not. Focus on that!
Easier said than done. I ask that you pray that I can get out of my head, out of my problems, and get my eyes fixed on Christ and Him crucified. I'd argue and Him resurrected as well, but...yeah.
If you've made it through all this...God bless you! Prayers, replies, etc. are appreciated.
...I get stuck in my head too much. Stuck in what's going on around me, what with me being the pariah around here and all. I get hypersensitive. My parents stayed home from work today. They seemed kind of distant, and I got all hypersensitive. I mean, they're married. They love each other. They're spending time together, and that's a good thing. What's my deal?!?!
I use the MP3 function on my phone to listen to music when I'm outside because the neighbors still love giving me a hassle. I don't know what to make of it. Like I've posted umpteenth times before, they often yell lies and laugh about it. They're kinda redneck-y, too, so...that's fun. Lotsa fun.
I know that I need to move eventually. I live with my parents because...well, its hard to be in a community while dealing with mental problems. It was much, much worse before Jesus saved me and I finally realized I needed to get saved. Took me long enough, lol. But, yeah...last time I lived in apartment complex, somebody took out a title loan on my dad's car (he let me use it). Somebody also ripped off my debit card, and changed a new tire out for some old tire (shared parking area).
Then, I lived in a little apartment my parents bought for me. People yelled stuff...sometimes nasty, sexual stuff...all that fun stuff. Then some dude across the street yelled out one day "somebody's gonna shoot that faggot!," and I was outta there. Keep in mind: a while back, I was bashed on the head with a pipe in a rough part of an urban area. Fun times.
So, yeah...living at home. Probably not ideal, but also more than likely the best thing for me right now. My people have warmed up to me a whole, whole lot, and I feel that we're all 3 moving forward. For me...a lot of it is moving away from who I was, what I was about, what my problems were, etc. I didn't matter to anybody around here from a young age. A lot of that was social class stuff...my parents were working class intellectual bohemians when I was born, and they weren't able to climb up into the more "respectable" part of the middle class until I was in high school. Basically...I think people in this area are more class conscious than in some other areas, or so it seems...anyway, my people "weren't important," so I didn't matter to people, either. Bummer.
I'm rambling. See, my people were/are upwardly mobile, so now they're not rich, but not what most people think of when they think middle class, either. That's great--I mean, they worked hard all their lives, so its good for them, God has blessed them, etc.--but I think upward mobility triggers some nastiness in Southerners, or at least...it seems to around here, and a lot of its directed at me. See, social class down here...its more rigid than elsewhere. Everybody--especially those below the middle class--is supposed to know his place in society. If you don't (like me, apparently)...all Hell can break loose. It seems that because my people were working class, I am forever and ever working class and expected to act and live accordingly. Now that I've been labeled Schizophrenic, I'm expected to live in abject poverty, away from society, blah blah blah. Its stoopid, and I'm beginning to see...its not just me. Nothing personal.
I mention all this (yet again...) because, well...I'm beginning to see that The Lord has gone above and beyond to provide what I need to move forward. "Working class losers" are a dime a dozen, and society doesn't care. Actually...based on my experiences, I'd say society creates a lot of "working class losers," as well as criminals and "mental patients." Guess what? Most of the world doesnt' care!
Point is...I get to live comfortably, in safety, protected by people who love me, the new me, the me The Lord has had a big part in (re)shaping. I could easily be somewhere terrible, dead, etc., but I'm not. Focus on that!
Easier said than done. I ask that you pray that I can get out of my head, out of my problems, and get my eyes fixed on Christ and Him crucified. I'd argue and Him resurrected as well, but...yeah.
If you've made it through all this...God bless you! Prayers, replies, etc. are appreciated.
