[__ Prayer __] Music

[Angel]

Well, I haven't heard from Jim from NAMI. Guess I'm not important.
I was laying in bed last night praying, and last night Trauma resurfaced.
A couple years ago a neighbors voice said that I would be killed after I earn my Associates.
My heart has been palpitating. I feel deep fear in my gut. I just have to accept and deal with it.
I can't go on a physical campus because of things that have happened. Hallucinations, paranoia. It's just not worth it. I don't know what I'm doing!!!

I have been playing guitar off and on since I was 19. I've written songs. Over the years I would become interested, then get ticked off because I couldn't fret the chord and stopped for awhile. I just did what I could do.

Well, I'm picking it up again. I know that if I want something bad enough I'll put it in the hard work..Key being hard. I'm good but I can get better, you know?

I feel like there is no point to anything but to end with God. For now in my life, I am going to devote myself to worship music. Tinkering with the strings and not just doing chords. It's the only thing that gives me peace right now. Everything else doesn't matter.

I would really love to get an education... but really.... Can I even handle it? I think so, but I'm too worried sick to step forward. Maybe I should wait another year. May healing come into me fully.

Life is what life is. I don't know where God wants me to go. His will WILL happen.

Excuse my ramble. I just needed to get this out.

Angel <3

 

[Eugene]

.
Dear Sister Angel, we have made the petition to God Who loves us more than we love ourselves, and we can trust Him to do that which is right for us every time. If He brings something into our lives we need not fear it, and His work and strength in our lives will glorify Him in the process. From what I have read of you on these forums, the battles you have overcome, and the victories won all witness of faith you sometimes may not even realize you have. Let's wait for God's answer with the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen, and we're going to rejoice together in His grace given in your time of need.

.

 

[Angel]

I never thought His will would be for me to go through trauma. But looking outside of it, like you have said, helps. I fear God, but I also fear evil. I know that I know if it weren't for his love and mercy I wouldn't be alive. Why did he bring these things into my life? What end does trauma help? And really, can one ever get over it?

 

[Angel]

I'm still going to look at google play like roro said, but i only want God's will.

 

[Christ_empowered]

hey angel.

Sorry about the hallucinations and such. I'm going through it, too. I think I hear people saying stuff about "probation violations," which understandably freaks me out.

Don't sweat NAMI. I mean, they're OK, I guess, but...they take loads of $$$ from Big Pharma. Look it up, seriously: its...well...crazy.

I'm hoping, personally, to graduate with minimal debt. See, higher ed is ridiculously $$$$ in the US, compared to other comparably developed nations. I get Pell Grants and some small grant for low income people...every bit helps, trust me. I also came in with some credits, so its not too terrible.

Maybe God wants you to pursue something else, at least for now? I kinda wish I"d gone to tech school sometimes. Thing is...well, I had such terrible experiences at a local tech school, I didn't wanna go back...no way. That school would be a drive, anyway. The local one is sort of like the 13th grade, so I'm not into that.

I'm starting to think of disability as a blessing, really. I mean, not just disability, but being unemployed and able to focus on other things, at least for this season of my life. Thnk about it...no stress to make the symptoms worse, no office politics, no work place conflict, no stigma for being the "crazy" on the job. Unemployment, even on disability, is far from ideal, but...its a Fallen World, isn't it?

Sometimes, I think back to when I was living in another small-ish, southern town...in a different state. Even more conservative and backwards than here...and I think more drugs, too. Anyway, I got in with a group of people from a local church and they did Bible Study outside of church. This one lady...kinda rough around the edges, but sometimes insightful...told me: "Some people just do not work."

Sad, but true. I think w/ the more seriously mentally ill, that's particularly true. Even if you control the worst of the symptoms, there's going to usually be some sort of limitations on handling normal, competitive employment...at least, I'm beginning to realize that's the case for me.

I've rambled. I keep you in my prayers, and I can certainly empathize with many of your struggles. Its rough, being mentally ill. I read that its worse in the US than in a lot of other places, too...we're so hyper-competitive and uber-capitalist that there's really no space for people like us. Its sad.

 

[Eugene]

I never thought His will would be for me to go through trauma. But looking outside of it, like you have said, helps. I fear God, but I also fear evil. I know that I know if it weren't for his love and mercy I wouldn't be alive. Why did he bring these things into my life? What end does trauma help? And really, can one ever get over it?

Angel, you ask the purpose of the things God allows in our lives.
1 Pet 1:7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Rom 8:17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God (all believers are heirs of God), and joint-heirs with Christ (not all are joint heirs); IF so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

And God continues the work in us He began in giving Jesus on the cross for us. Did Jesus really have to die? Could there be no other way? Do you think God would put us through something, or allow something not for our good? (Rom 8:28). In the life of a perfect and upright man described a Job by God to Satan (Job 1:8); did he need more? In Eph 2:10 we are said to be God’s workmanship, and that is ongoing; He isn’t done with us yet.

I will include the URL link to the following post I wrote on the armor of God that may help your defense against that which comes against you.
http://www.christianforums.net/Fellowship/index.php?threads/the-armor-of-god.51558/

You also mention being fearful of God dear sister, and in the sense we fear Him is to hold Him in deep respect, or awe. God is never going to fail or forsake you (Heb 13:5). In Dan 3:23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace. What for; not obeying the king, but in Dan 3:25 we see Jesus standing with them. He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.
Rejoice in love God has given, and continues to give by grace to us which believe.

 

[Angel]

hey angel.

Sorry about the hallucinations and such. I'm going through it, too. I think I hear people saying stuff about "probation violations," which understandably freaks me out.

Don't sweat NAMI. I mean, they're OK, I guess, but...they take loads of $$$ from Big Pharma. Look it up, seriously: its...well...crazy.

I'm hoping, personally, to graduate with minimal debt. See, higher ed is ridiculously $$$$ in the US, compared to other comparably developed nations. I get Pell Grants and some small grant for low income people...every bit helps, trust me. I also came in with some credits, so its not too terrible.

Maybe God wants you to pursue something else, at least for now? I kinda wish I"d gone to tech school sometimes. Thing is...well, I had such terrible experiences at a local tech school, I didn't wanna go back...no way. That school would be a drive, anyway. The local one is sort of like the 13th grade, so I'm not into that.

I'm starting to think of disability as a blessing, really. I mean, not just disability, but being unemployed and able to focus on other things, at least for this season of my life. Thnk about it...no stress to make the symptoms worse, no office politics, no work place conflict, no stigma for being the "crazy" on the job. Unemployment, even on disability, is far from ideal, but...its a Fallen World, isn't it?

Sometimes, I think back to when I was living in another small-ish, southern town...in a different state. Even more conservative and backwards than here...and I think more drugs, too. Anyway, I got in with a group of people from a local church and they did Bible Study outside of church. This one lady...kinda rough around the edges, but sometimes insightful...told me: "Some people just do not work."

Sad, but true. I think w/ the more seriously mentally ill, that's particularly true. Even if you control the worst of the symptoms, there's going to usually be some sort of limitations on handling normal, competitive employment...at least, I'm beginning to realize that's the case for me.

I've rambled. I keep you in my prayers, and I can certainly empathize with many of your struggles. Its rough, being mentally ill. I read that its worse in the US than in a lot of other places, too...we're so hyper-competitive and uber-capitalist that there's really no space for people like us. Its sad.

Hey Christ_empowered. I know that you can relate and understand my situation. Maybe God brought us here to bear our pain together. I think our fellowship (along with others) is the mercy of God to bear what we're enduring. I remember when I was first developing my illness. I was on another message board, and I talked often about how I was sick and didn't understand what was going on, and that I needed help from fear. No one really knew how to address it, (but for one friend) and so I suffered alone.

I think it is wise for you to minimize your school debt. It's the reason I won't get loans. I'm on disability and I feel I could never pay it back!

You made a good point of God may want to focus on something else. When I come to think of it, God doesn't give me fear, the enemy does. And he is controlling my fear from trauma and I hate him for it. Satan is a jerk. He sucks.

I don't think disability as a blessing. I do however think it is a blessing that the government provides us with income so we can focus on coping and being well. A friend (not friends anymore, but) said that the government is paying us to take care of ourselves.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I think about what you are going through often, and it makes me sad and frustrated for you. There are lots of people on this board that care about you. You're going to make it. This is a season of suffering in your life, and eventually, it will pass, or at least become more endurable.

Take care <3

 

[Angel]

Angel, you ask the purpose of the things God allows in our lives.
1 Pet 1:7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Rom 8:17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God (all believers are heirs of God), and joint-heirs with Christ (not all are joint heirs); IF so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

And God continues the work in us He began in giving Jesus on the cross for us. Did Jesus really have to die? Could there be no other way? Do you think God would put us through something, or allow something not for our good? (Rom 8:28). In the life of a perfect and upright man described a Job by God to Satan (Job 1:8); did he need more? In Eph 2:10 we are said to be God’s workmanship, and that is ongoing; He isn’t done with us yet.

I will include the URL link to the following post I wrote on the armor of God that may help your defense against that which comes against you.
http://www.christianforums.net/Fellowship/index.php?threads/the-armor-of-god.51558/

You also mention being fearful of God dear sister, and in the sense we fear Him is to hold Him in deep respect, or awe. God is never going to fail or forsake you (Heb 13:5). In Dan 3:23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace. What for; not obeying the king, but in Dan 3:25 we see Jesus standing with them. He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.
Rejoice in love God has given, and continues to give by grace to us which believe.

Hey Eugene. Your post here is so helpful. The scriptures you provided are very helpful. It seems like Satan is taking over me, but I see that my situation is in God's hands, not the devils! I can believe that my suffering is observed by God. I know if I endure to the end I will be saved. You know, I'm actually excited now to know that God isn't done with me yet. Thank you for the link. I will read it carefully. I really appreciate your support Eugene . You are wise.

Angel <3

 

[AirDancer]

Don't fret about not hearing from NAMI yet, Angel. It usually takes time before decisions are made. They have to make sure all the "I"'s are dotted and the "T"s crossed. Then they have to calculate reported income. And then....and then.... It can take a while for the entire process.

In the meanwhile, just know that there are reasons why our Lord God doesn't heal immediately in some cases. He sets the path before us ... it's up to us to follow His chosen path. We achieve footsteps on the proper path by studying and reading His scriptures, as well as listening to Him when He speaks with us. He does hold great plans for you. About this, I have absolutely no doubt. If He didn't, you wouldn't be amongst us at this time.

Just as with Christ-empowered, you have touched and enhanced my life in positive ways I cannot fully explain. I am thankful and quite blessed with the fact you are here at CFnet, and that you are my friend.

 

[Angel]

AirDancer, I hope that I am walking the path God has given me. I read a post by Eugene and was refreshed on how important Scripture is.
I am glad that I have been a positive influence to you. I'm nor sure how, but it makes me feel really good that you said that.

 

[AirDancer]

Brother Eugene has such a beautiful relationship with our Lord God! He, too, is one of our Lord's inspirations in our lives, brought here to CFnet to further reach us in such real ways! When Brother Eugene speaks (types), I pay attention!

 

[Eugene]

.
Dear brethren AIR Dancer, Angel, & Christ_empowered.

Dear hearts, thank you for the kind words I’ve always had a problem receiving, especially as one not deserving of such blessings most of the time. I reckon the best I can say is that it is Christ in me, the hope of glory, and prayerfully to His glory; not mine.

When Angel first came among us I recognized a ministry developing that only God could work in her. Her need was great, her desire true, and her love of others sincere. How did that come to be? Beaten down on the streets, given to the need most of us will never realize, and hope that only reaching to God could satisfy. Like the Apostle Paul my sweet sister, you will be tempted over and over through your life to strengthen you so that you may console others. Really? You won’t have to seek them, your testimony precedes you, and God will surround you with them to His glory and your eternal good. Repeatedly I have been lifted by your message to all Angel, and here’s hoping you never leave us.

As for my sweet Sister Air Dancer, what a blessing you have been to me in my time here. I can always count on a genuine sweet countenance expressed even when dealing with her duties as moderator, and showing love instead of power when attempting to get some delicate situations straightened out. This testimony has been something to be duplicated by me as I follow her leadership on these forums. I know when I pray for her, her family, and other prayer requests I am receiving blessings back such as cannot be measured. This is a sister in Christ believing in prayer, and it is effectual in benefit to all of us.

And last but not least my Brother CE, not by merit, but because his user name doesn’t come prior to the two ladies here with chosen names using the alphabetical letter “A”. Time would prohibit me from annotating the pleasure I’ve derived in seeing his growth on these forums. That which he’s suffered has brought forth praise of God. The things delivered from to the glory of our Savior, and the reminders of his reconciliation with his family uplifting to near everyone; most have dysfunction his evidence of deliverance frees us from the fear of. God does work in us for our good.

When we suffer there is something for us we cannot seemingly get in any other manner. Has God made a mistake?
2 Co 1:3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
2 Co 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
2 Co 1:5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
2 Co 1:6 And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.

I have probably omitted many of things I could have said, but I love you sweet brethren, and I pray for your deliverance in the way God leads us in Jesus’ name.

 

[Angel]

Eugene, you are so nice. Thank you so much!
To me you are gentle and kind. A prayer warrior. I hope you stick around too! <3