[__ Prayer __] my parents (yet again)

[Christ_empowered]

yes, yes; its me. LOL.

My parents are such wonderful people...I just want them to get saved, if they aren't already. At this point, The Lord has willed so much of a reconciliation (miracle, trust me on that) that...wow. Now, --that-- is genuinely humbling. My parents were --never-- going to forgive me or reconcile with me, because...well, it just wasn't in the cards. I was a mixed up teenager, I messed up, shrinks got involved, it was...a crazy, horrible, downward spiral, until The Lord took mercy (pity? compassion?) on me and gave me what I needed to get genuinely, truly saved, forgiven, washed+made clean, etc.

Now...I'm beginning to see that maybe The Lord has changed me so much, both inside and out, so my parents and I can be (and, increasingly, are, even right now...) a functioning, albeit somewhat unusual, family.

Most 33 year old "mental patients" have rough lives. I don't know what to make of it. Its like this old folk song from the early 60s I heard a couple times, they were singing about welfare benefits back then..."not enough to live on, a little too much to die." Yeah...well, these days, "mental patients" mostly lived in state-subsidized poverty. I'm something of an exception, because of my parents. I --am-- blessed to be on disability, trust me. I --am-- thankful for what's left of the safety net in America. And yet...

...I wouldn't even be on disability if it wasn't for my parents. The psychiatrists from back in the day went crazy on me, destroyed me, and wanted me in a homeless shelter, even when I was freshly electroshocked, sick, and weak. "Welcome to the real world, kiddo!" Yup...that's apparently how shrinks treat poor people and "trouble makers."

Ugh. So, now I live here, with my now "well-to-do" parents. I don't spend lots of their $$$, but they do take very good care of me. Plus, living here...I have more space, more freedom, some much needed social interaction, occasional chores to do around the house, etc. God is good!

When I was a patched up, brain damaged, dulled out burn out...reconciliation wasn't possible, much less full on forgiveness. Now...I'm bona fide "mentally ill," but I'm healthy, bright eyed, my IQ estimate is up to snuff, and...more importantly...The Lord has given me a new way of being, a heart (more and more...) of flesh, (less and less) of stone. I --am-- increasingly thankful.

Even my hair grew back, thicker than ever. That's interesting, because my follicles were scarred and fried from a number a causes (that=0 regrowth. EVER...). Of course, now I see...dudes lose their hair, whatevs...but, I guess the real point is: God forgives, God restores, God transforms...why not me? Or...why not anyone, really?

OK. So, I ask that if you feel like it, you pray that my parents come to know The Lord, truly and completely. I ask that you pray with me that The Lord will save them, thru and thru, as He has saved (is saving, and I pray will save...) me. I also ask that you pray that The Lord make a way forward to full on forgiveness. The reconciliation is a --huge-- miracle, but...who I was, sins and problems and labels, etc...died at conversion, a bit less than 5 years ago. I'm far from perfect, but...it is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me. Good for me, good for my parents, too.

That's about it from me...for now, anyway. Thanks again.

 

[Runner]

I will pray for your parents.

You are very fortunate to have them. I once served at a "Christian" (theoretically) ranch for the mentally and physically disabled where my wife and I were the "house parents" 24 hours a day to five extremely troubled adult women. The difficulty was compounded by the fact that their conditions were all over the map, from severe autism to a mental age of about 2 to one woman who was prone to huge, violent outbursts. The parents paid $3,100 a month to have the ranch warehouse them (not to us - we were paid minimum wage because this was, theoretically, "Christian service"). We typically saw the parents once a year, in some cases never. When my wife or I would get exhausted, frustrated or angry, we'd remind ourselves "We are trying to be parents to FIVE WOMEN, not ONE of whose own parents was willing to have her at home." So your parents do have to be special people, and I feel sure God will not let them fall through the cracks.

Probably the plan for their salvation revolves around you. The changes in you are for their benefit as well. I would look at the situation as your ministry. My dad was an incorrigible alcoholic who prayed with me to receive Christ about a year before he died. I'll admit I was skeptical of his sincerity, and all he would say is "Do you doubt?" Since they don't like afterlife stories on this forum ("demonic," don't you know), I'll skip the part about the confirmation I received shortly after he died - but I DID receive confirmation.

 

[Christ_empowered]

wow, runner...that's...intense.

My parents clearly love me, despite everything I did, who I was, etc. At this point, I'm considered to be (relatively) "high-functioning," all things considered. Keep in mind; I was back wards, state mental hospital material for a good, long while there.

Thanks also for pointing out my role in facilitating The Lord's work in their lives. That's something I've just now begun to take (more) seriously. I don't know how to even talk about The Lord with them, honestly. Mama was briefly a PCUSA elder, which I think may have resulted in church politics that ended with us not going to church once I hit 13/14 years old. My dad was raised Calvinist, but now he just pops in at a local megachurch now and then (they are...or were, anyway...loosely affiliated w/ the SBC...).

Even though dad pops in at church now and then, I sometimes think mama's the one who is closer to The Lord and more receptive. At one point, I saw an open book on Calvinist theology on a desk in her study. It was opened to a chapter on "Regeneration." Interesting...

They really are special people, and I really was a brat for not seeing it sooner. I mean, yeah...I went thru stuff, no doubt, but...wow. They're good people.

I read your post, about parents who will shell out $$$, but then refuse to visit their kids. Even when I was at my worst, my parents kept me going. Looking back, I think that's part of the reason the Mental Health, Inc. people --hated-- me so much; they destroy "weaklings" every single day, and from their perspective...what makes --that dude-- so "special" ? Ugh.

Now, I'm living here, in their rather nice house, driving a good car they got for me...they even buy me quality shoes (its The South; the 1st thing anyone and everyone looks at when they "size you up..." is your shoes....). Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful people. I don't know...what to do, or what to say, to express gratitude. I actually cooked today. mama got some ciabatta rolls on 2 for 1 sale. My dad and I tore thru pack 1, but there were some left over in pack 2. So, I slathered the rolls in vinegarette and butter, wrapped them in foil, and baked them while I fried up a bunch of bacon on the stove top. I gave 1 to my mother (she's home now, cuz she's retired). She seemed pleased.

Rambling, per usual...anyway, thanks, Runner (and Eugene...and others, too...) for the ongoing replies, support, and...of course...prayers. Turns out...God does hear prayers, and Prayer really does change things (and people, too).

 

[Runner]

wow, runner...that's...intense.

My parents clearly love me, despite everything I did, who I was, etc. At this point, I'm considered to be (relatively) "high-functioning," all things considered. Keep in mind; I was back wards, state mental hospital material for a good, long while there.

Thanks also for pointing out my role in facilitating The Lord's work in their lives. That's something I've just now begun to take (more) seriously. I don't know how to even talk about The Lord with them, honestly. Mama was briefly a PCUSA elder, which I think may have resulted in church politics that ended with us not going to church once I hit 13/14 years old. My dad was raised Calvinist, but now he just pops in at a local megachurch now and then (they are...or were, anyway...loosely affiliated w/ the SBC...).

Even though dad pops in at church now and then, I sometimes think mama's the one who is closer to The Lord and more receptive. At one point, I saw an open book on Calvinist theology on a desk in her study. It was opened to a chapter on "Regeneration." Interesting...

They really are special people, and I really was a brat for not seeing it sooner. I mean, yeah...I went thru stuff, no doubt, but...wow. They're good people.

I read your post, about parents who will shell out $$$, but then refuse to visit their kids. Even when I was at my worst, my parents kept me going. Looking back, I think that's part of the reason the Mental Health, Inc. people --hated-- me so much; they destroy "weaklings" every single day, and from their perspective...what makes --that dude-- so "special" ? Ugh.

Now, I'm living here, in their rather nice house, driving a good car they got for me...they even buy me quality shoes (its The South; the 1st thing anyone and everyone looks at when they "size you up..." is your shoes....). Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful people. I don't know...what to do, or what to say, to express gratitude. I actually cooked today. mama got some ciabatta rolls on 2 for 1 sale. My dad and I tore thru pack 1, but there were some left over in pack 2. So, I slathered the rolls in vinegarette and butter, wrapped them in foil, and baked them while I fried up a bunch of bacon on the stove top. I gave 1 to my mother (she's home now, cuz she's retired). She seemed pleased.

Rambling, per usual...anyway, thanks, Runner (and Eugene...and others, too...) for the ongoing replies, support, and...of course...prayers. Turns out...God does hear prayers, and Prayer really does change things (and people, too).

The first time I presented Christ to my dad - bear in mind, I was an absolute Christian newbie - he pounded his chest like Tarzan and angrily bellowed, "I AM MY OWN GOD!!!" Hmmm ... try dealing with that as a Christian newbie. A year later, he was ill and much more receptive, although neither of us knew death was on the horizon. So you never know what may happen. I'm guessing that the same honesty, sincerity and faith you show here will eventually bring your parents to the point of realizing you have something they lack and need. I probably would not have been as direct with my dad as I was if I had not been in Gung-Ho Christian Newbie Campus Crusader mode, but fortunately the timing was right and I was in that mode.

 

[Christ_empowered]

wow. again: intense!

I was diagnosed as varying degrees of narcissistic (narcissistic personality disorder/NPD). I read on this one shrink's blog...The Last Psychiatrist, I think...that, in order to not be bona fide NPD, one would have to become a completely different person. Impossible by worldly means, and now...

...well, its interesting. My psychiatrist labels the affliction "Bipolar I," my counselor favors the manic version of schizoaffective. I don't see much a difference, --but-- now...I'm a completely different person now, flaws and all. I'm beginning to think that some of what The Lord allowed after I first got saved, as He "put off the old and put on the new" for me, was learning to die to self, and not be...who and what I was, old labels included.

Anyway, now I'm not flamboyantly gay, sickly, npd, all that...but I am bona fide "mentally ill." Somehow, I ended up with a higher IQ estimate than I'd started with (weird...). The "atypical" tranquilizer does...pretty much what tranquilizers do (if they work, one keeps taking the pills, etc.) : they keep me stable enough to stay out of a hospital and function OK, with a whole lotta help from my (loving, long suffering, kind) parents.

I do think they see a big difference. It helps that The Lord has also willed to make me healthy, more aesthetically pleasing, a bit taller, etc. Both inner and outward transformation...and, whoa...I needed both, desperately.

I just don't know how to talk to them about The Lord. My dad liked this now fired minister at a megachurch here locally. I saw online that he's filed paper work to start up a new church in the same area, so...I'm wondering if having a discussion about what The Lord means to me might (sadly...) involve steering dad away from that dude. Hopefully not. I'm wondering why that dude keeps popping up in my mind...weird...

Thanks again for your responses. This whole "severely mentally ill" thing is...interesting. As "mental patients" go, I have much more freedom, space (literal and figurative), all that good stuff that most people need to make a genuine "recovery from psychosis," but (I see now...) so few actually get (in part because of Mental Health, Inc., might I add...).

Point is...on the one hand, I was a shady character, and now I'm not shady, but I am bona fide, disabled, mentally ill. On the other hand, I'm smarter now (on the IQ scale...) than before, plus I'm completely different and my parents have warmed up to me a good bit, even though (clearly) I need them, but they don't need me. At all.

I guess I just gotta keep praying to let my light shine before them and hope The Lord will use me to facilitate His work in their lives, somehow. Maybe he already has, and I just...well, for obvious reasons, I don't "get it." I dunno.

OK. Thanks again.

 

[Deborah13]

and my parents have warmed up to me a good bit, even though (clearly) I need them, but they don't need me. At all.

Don't you ever, ever say that. You, my dear, are not a parent so maybe you cannot understand but parents love their children and that love is a need for any real parent. I cannot imagine how empty I would be if I didn't love my children. God made us to need each other and to love each other, there is no other bond in the world that is like it. How much do you think the Father, God, loves the Son, Jesus?
God Bless you, CE

 

[Runner]

wow. again: intense!

"A repo man is always intense." - Bud (Harry Dean Stanton), Repo Man.

RIP, Harry Dean. He died exactly a week ago.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Repo Man! That movie was...interesting. I vaguely remember the dude w/ the lobotomy. That was...good times.

If anyone reading this keeps my family (and me) up in prayer, think about saying a couple words for the 'rents. They're out of town briefly. I'm sure they'll be fine, but...I'm here, dog sitting, etc., surrounded by the not so fabulous neighbors, and...yeah. Plus, I always get a bit nervous when they out of town.

Thanks.