[__ Prayer __] my pride :-(

[Christ_empowered]

i was diagnosed as "severely narcissistic" in my late teens and again, age 20. Now, to put this in perspective...NPD (narcissistic Personality disorder) is bad enough. If you're prideful enough to be labeled NPD, you have a problem. Hopelessly, severely, intractably NPD is extra-super-mega-bad.

I have doubts about the diagnosis. Looking back, it seems that the doctors and counselors had a problem with me, and NPD was their way of labeling and controlling me. They used the NPD label to justify "humbling experiences" (violating confidentiality left and right), heavy+involuntary shock treatments, etc.

Having said that, I --do-- have a pride problem. Not as terrible as back then, but its there, nonetheless. People are forever giving me a hassle around here ("Dr.(xyz) broke him!," "ain't nothing SPECIAL!," "he's got a public defender and thinks he's something special!," etc.), and I think my remaining self-love, pride, etc. is what makes it get to me more than it should/would otherwise.

I'm not looking to be the most altruistic, selfless Christian ever, but I do want to take the remaining self-love and pride down a couple notches gently, develop some genuine humility and such, etc., without having to suffer through what I went through in years past because of my hardcore self-love, pride, general immaturity and self-absorption, etc.

I don't know what's up with the NPD diagnosis now. The experts I deal with now tell me its severe Bipolar I (mostly psychotic depression, which is even less fun than it sounds), and I take --4-- Rx drugs daily to keep it under control. I am happy to report that although I'm not gung ho on a 4 drug cocktail, it works wonders. I don't have major adverse effects, Praise God (!!!), and I'm still able to concentrate and such, go about my life, etc.

Rambling...point is, I got saved 3 years 11 months ago, and The Lord has done a mighty work in my life in all respects, including the NPD. The Bipolar I or whatever is an ongoing issue, but I'm less and less controlled by it. I don't think I'm hardcore, intractably NPD --now--, because I care about other people and I'm not particularly exploitative of other people (which is easy now, because I get all I need through my parents and such), I'm definitely not promiscuous, I don't have much of an obsession with status and prestige (although I do think too much about social class issues because I lean Marxist, lol), etc.

Still rambling. Please pray that I can get the pride, self-love, self-everything (My "I" problems, so to speak) under control, with Christ's help.

Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

.
Seems to me you've grown past some of your narcissism in that you care for others exhibited in many of your posts. Self or ego remains the thing that attacks the walk of many Christians, and you'll find that aging resolves most of that as you can no longer compete with society and its demands.

 

[st_worm2]

Praying for you (and in agreement with you about NPD). I am hopeful for you (and for your friends/family) that you don't have it (it sounds like you don't), but thankful (one way or the other) that the Lord has worked so powerfully and made such a profound difference in your life. Thankful too for the wonderful medicines that we have access to these days too.

I am also sure that He will continue His loving/sanctifying work in you .. Philippians 1:6; Philippians 2:13; Jude 24-25

Yours in Christ,
David

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks for the replies+prayers+verses.

Once you're labeled with NPD, its usually there to stay. Most mental health professionals regard NPD as not very treatable, although the view of NPD changes, depending on what forms of therapy is currently en vogue. Now, its DBT, so NPD is viewed somewhat less negatively.

Point is...secular mental health did nothing but utterly annihilate me back in the day. By some miracle, I got saved, and now I actually benefit from what I think is fairly standard treatment for some forms of Bipolar I. The Lord has been good to me. A big part of the "improvement in symptoms" and "recovery from severe mental illness" comes from having a good, increasingly warm relationship with my parents, the same parents I hurt so deeply and whined about constantly in years past.

Pills only do so much. The Lord has changed me a whole lot, so now the medications actually improve my life. When I was younger and unrepentant, it was so pointless, just throwing pills at a miserable wretch. :-(

Rambling. I was so demonized when I was labeled "severely NPD" that its something I want to be rid of, big time. "Oh, he's a narcissist!," etc. People are cruel to low status people, anyway; throw in a horrible label like that, and things get ugly.

But, yeah....thanks again for the prayers and replies.

 

[Angel]

Praying C_E

Sometimes I think the world revolves around me and my issues... If I see something that looks out of place I associate it with my problems, even though there is no logical connection.

I have low self-esteem, so I don't feel pride, really... NPD must be frustrating.

 

[Christ_empowered]

npd may or may not be an official diagnosis for me at this point. It --was-- when I was younger, but...NPD is complicated. Some people who are diagnosed at young ages mellow out with age and real life experiences. Factor in Jesus' work in my life, and I'm thinking that I struggle with self and pride more than I'd like, but I don't think its pathological at this point.

Plus, NPD is a subjective diagnosis. The people who made the diagnosis back in the day clearly had a problem with me, which would explain the heavy drugs, electroshock, etc. I had a counselor, he has a masters of divinity, he was a minister as well, he told me that mental health professionals are often some of the most genuinely narcissistic people you'll ever meet, especially the psychiatrists.

Rambling...point is, I still have pride and self-issues, but its not as terrible as when I was diagnosed with severe NPD. At this point, I sometimes have low self esteem, which is still a self problem. That's one thing that I like about Christianity; die to self daily. Die to your NPD, die to your low self esteem, die to your old self, in general. Less me, more Jesus, hopefully day by day, bit by bit. As someone who's dealt with Mental Health, Inc. let me tell you: this beats therapy or counseling at all levels.

Thanks again for the replies+prayers+Scripture.