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[__ Prayer __] my recovery brings out the demon in people

Christ_empowered

Christ_empowered

Member
10 years ago, I OD'd. Age 20. Turned violent (apparently, high dose Klonopin can do that). I don't even remember the incident. I was just trying to sleep.

Apparenlty, I was given heavy electroshock. Then I was kept for 3 weeks in a private, for profit mental hospital, where I was tormented, while the "helping profession" people turned my family against me. I was never supposed to recover, so the shrinks and others put me through Hell.

10 years later, almost to the day, I've recovered from "treatment," and now...well, nobody in this town cared for me anyway, but they're really open about their hatred now. Supposedly, I have either Bipolar I (current treatment providers) or schizophrenia (everybody else). I think I just went through a whole lot and now I need meds...but nobody listens to mental patients, lol.

Its like...this community, my family, even me...we all got used to me being a dullard, yet another person destroyed by psychiatry. Now, I'm back in action (praise God!), but...I'm so much different. I'm actually masculine. I mean, not macho, still homosexual, but not a flamer or anything.

Anyway, it just dawned on me that my recovery is part of the reason people around here have been so cruel. I mean, its rough...you're either a dullard they mess with, or you're a recovered "mental patient" who is perceived as "uppity" just by living in comfort and pursuing your own interests. Of course, things could be MUCH worse.

I was just praying on this...considering how things usually go for people like me, this is beyond anybody's expectations, what God has done for me. Plus, in a lot of places, they have the resources to commit people and the laws to back that up. In a lot of places, I'd be cooling my jets in the back wards of a state mental hospital, never to see the light of day again.

So, yeah. I know that part of the reason people despise me is God's work in my life, which includes my recovery. I don't know about my faith itself...this is The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), so people at least claim to respect Christians, Jesus, etc. Truth is...the devil's just as active here as anywhere else, we just have lots of churches.

I guess I"m thinking out loud, putting it all together. I was never supposed to recover, never even supposed to live this long, never supposed to reconcile with my family, never supposed to...you get the picture. Total burn out and failure at life at age 20, so I was put through Hell.

So...please pray, and not just for me. The way the world works, I think particularly in 21st century America, people don't get to recover from mental illness or...anything, really. And people around here who condemn me are just as in need of Christ's love as I am. Undoubtedly, a good number of them are Christians, they're just...also human, lol.

:)
 
Well Amen, praise the Lord for your recovery! The way God can deliver people from mental illness goes against the rules of some psychiatrist. That is enough to drive them nuts! Did the approach that Teen Challenge uses help you in any way? I will keep you in prayer.
 
The reason i ask about the gym, is that ive discovered that if you are very sound in your physical body, this gives you a much more effective way to push back mentally against the stresses of life.
 
i do leave my house, i do drive, its time to join a gym...or at least do at home stuff. I'm thinking about ordering a dvd or two and going from there.

Teen Challenge helped a lot because they teach solid, old school Protestant Christianity. They say 1 year teen challenge=7 years Bible Study at your typical church. When I finally got through the haze enough to get saved, it all started coming back to me, or maybe I should say the seeds they planted bore fruit. At any rate...

...I'm ready to move on. I feel like maybe I've been waiting for miracles, even before I was a Christian, and now...I've been given a real life miracle (my recovery, physical health, relationship w/ parents, etc.).

I'm glad I'm going to Liberty. I'm thinking I'll lose weight and work out. I'm glad that you mentioned it, kidron. For a while there, I was so sickly that there was no way I was going to live much longer, much less work out, lol. Now that The Lord has made me healthy...probably a good idea to work out. Or at least do at home weights and some other stuff.
 
4 For whatever is born of God is victorious over the world; and this is the victory that conquers the world, even our faith.
5 Who is it that is victorious over [that conquers] the world but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God [who adheres to, trusts in, and relies on that fact]? 1 John 5:4-5 AMP
 
It doesn't matter where one lives...there will be some people in the locale who will automatically reject Christians. Some people will reject others due to mental illness; some will reject others due to physical disabilities.

The point is, Utopia doesn't exist here on the earth. Instead, we'll find Utopia in Heaven, when we join with our Lord
 
Christ_empowered said:
i do leave my house, i do drive, its time to join a gym...or at least do at home stuff. I'm thinking about ordering a dvd or two and going from there.
Click to expand...

Is there a "Planet Fitness" Gym near you?
They have awesome deals.
Sign up for $10 and pay $10 a month for a year with no penalty if you want to stop after the year.
They run this "new membership" deal quite a bit, and really, i hope you will try a gym, no matter which, and just
hit it hard for 2 months, 4x a week, and you'll never look back.
Its really life transforming to get in shape, to get in really good physical shape.
Everything gets better.....sleep, mood, peace of mind, energy, everything.
hope you can !
 
I do have to work out. Here's the thing...I just realized that I missed out on a whole lotta maturation--mental and physical--because of the electroshock and psychological trauma at age 20 and again at 23. For instance, I'm too soft. Like, I'm not trying to be manly man or whatever, but I don't wanna be as soft as I am now and as soft and feckless as I was in my younger years.

On the physical end...its crazy. Its like, I'm healthy, but I'm completely out of shape. Keep in mind: for a while there, people were saying I'd be dead by 23 (I looked it, too), and my major crack up (age...23, lol) involved loss of a lot of muscle mass and such because of crazy weight loss (no 5'10 dude should weight 127lbs...especially if he's pretty), so...I've got some working out to do.

I'm weird about sharing my space w/ people, plus my last attempts at gym-ing it up were when I was crazy burned out and...yeah. I was sickly and all that in a gym of all places, so that didn't go over well.

Anyway, gotta work on a bunch of things, now that I've got back what I threw away (and what was taken from me, too). Its...awesome, really.
 
Christ_empowered said:
So, yeah. I know that part of the reason people despise me is God's work in my life, which includes my recovery. I don't know about my faith itself...this is The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), so people at least claim to respect Christians, Jesus, etc. Truth is...the devil's just as active here as anywhere else, we just have lots of churches.
Click to expand...

Let the haters, hate. It's what they do.

My uncle just getting back from Chicago to visit my son, came back and had one of those sit down wise uncle to nephew talk. He told me that he had talked to the doctors, and I have to grow up and be honest with what is going on. He then told me my son was not going to make it, they ran the test, did what they could.

He then very kindly told me he felt it impressed on his heart by the LORD, to pay for the casket, funeral, food, and grave plot to take that financial burden from me while I focus on family and the pain of loosing my son.

He then said we should go now and browse tombstones because the doctor only gave a day or two at best.

What a kind generous offer. However...............

I stood up and said, I am not burying my son, he is healed, he is fine. Like the Shunammite women reaching Elisha and he asked about her son, who was actually dead, she said...... It is Well. (2Ki 4:26)

Now my Uncle gets upset, changes his whole demeanor. It was like a devil crawled in his body and said, "Not everyone in the bible got Healed."

Something like that.

He ended up storming out of my Grandma's house, and never spoke to me again, or asked about my son.

Let the haters, hate. God be for us, there is not a force on earth, in hell that can be against us. Even some believers can't stand to see the blessing on us, despise us, when they should be rejoicing with us.

Blessings.
 
The hating continues, lol. Some dude at a gas station. I don't know what it is about me...dudes 'round here can't stop picking on me. Part of it is that I'm just hated. Part of it is my physical appearance...I was sickly until fairly recently, so now I need to get buff, or at least toned. Part of it is that I was living...I dunno...I guess poverty, but I had what I needed. I didn't see what the big deal was, but I got made fun of and tormented. So, yeah...social class issues. And it cuts both ways. Was poor, now my upper class people "Take good care of me."

Oh, yeah..and I was a homogay. No longer. I'm big into "washed and made clean..." I'm also big on "new creation in Christ Jesus," so the best approach seems to be to look forward, not backward.
 
Christ_empowered said:
10 years ago, I OD'd. Age 20. Turned violent (apparently, high dose Klonopin can do that). I don't even remember the incident. I was just trying to sleep.

Apparenlty, I was given heavy electroshock. Then I was kept for 3 weeks in a private, for profit mental hospital, where I was tormented, while the "helping profession" people turned my family against me. I was never supposed to recover, so the shrinks and others put me through Hell.

10 years later, almost to the day, I've recovered from "treatment," and now...well, nobody in this town cared for me anyway, but they're really open about their hatred now. Supposedly, I have either Bipolar I (current treatment providers) or schizophrenia (everybody else). I think I just went through a whole lot and now I need meds...but nobody listens to mental patients, lol.

Its like...this community, my family, even me...we all got used to me being a dullard, yet another person destroyed by psychiatry. Now, I'm back in action (praise God!), but...I'm so much different. I'm actually masculine. I mean, not macho, still homosexual, but not a flamer or anything.

Anyway, it just dawned on me that my recovery is part of the reason people around here have been so cruel. I mean, its rough...you're either a dullard they mess with, or you're a recovered "mental patient" who is perceived as "uppity" just by living in comfort and pursuing your own interests. Of course, things could be MUCH worse.

I was just praying on this...considering how things usually go for people like me, this is beyond anybody's expectations, what God has done for me. Plus, in a lot of places, they have the resources to commit people and the laws to back that up. In a lot of places, I'd be cooling my jets in the back wards of a state mental hospital, never to see the light of day again.

So, yeah. I know that part of the reason people despise me is God's work in my life, which includes my recovery. I don't know about my faith itself...this is The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), so people at least claim to respect Christians, Jesus, etc. Truth is...the devil's just as active here as anywhere else, we just have lots of churches.

I guess I"m thinking out loud, putting it all together. I was never supposed to recover, never even supposed to live this long, never supposed to reconcile with my family, never supposed to...you get the picture. Total burn out and failure at life at age 20, so I was put through Hell.

So...please pray, and not just for me. The way the world works, I think particularly in 21st century America, people don't get to recover from mental illness or...anything, really. And people around here who condemn me are just as in need of Christ's love as I am. Undoubtedly, a good number of them are Christians, they're just...also human, lol.

:)
Click to expand...
Hello my friend,
Reading your post I must say you have been through and still are going through some very tough challenges.

I remember praying for your recovery. I just want to say a few things if I may. First, there is no "never" with God, for He is able to do all things for us. Also, when we ask God for something we must believe He heard us and will answer us. Now I like to call "belief" the active ingredient in FAITH. Our believing God hears us and will answer us causes us to live with hope. We will live a certain way because our expectations is God is working everything out.

Live with this "lively" hope and be of good courage. God hears you, now we must believe He will answer us. Patiently wait my friend and live according to your faith.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1
 
I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities.
I asked for everything so I could enjoy life.
Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy everything.
I received nothing I wanted, I received everything I needed.

These wise words helps me understand things at times. Life is definitely not easy but I feel it boils down to your faith in God and that somehow he will always makes things right. It's funny how the closer we try to get to God, the more the devil tries to win you over by plotting doubts in your mind and questioning God. We underestimate the power of the devil.
You have come so far Christ Empowered, keep praying and keep your head down, anything is possible with God around.
 
thanks. Its just...wow. I was never supposed to recover, reconcile with my parents, become healthy, and...most definitely...never supposed to become truly Born Again. God is good!

I just don't know how to deal with all the hardcore hostility, that's all. On the plus side, I'm praying a lot and actually receiving what Christians are telling me, so...its not as if this is all in vain. I just hope people leave me alone sometime soon-ish.
 
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