I have been married to my husband for two years going on three. it has been a tough time from the beginning. He has abandoned me and my son multiple times to go use and have illicit affair. I take him back and he gives his heart to God only to turn around and do the same thing over again. I dont want a divorce but all the cheating and drugs and being left alone have really taken its toll on me. when his cycle of abuse starts it hurts and depresses me, he says im a hypocrite because i wont allow marijuana in our home. he then brow beats me and calls me rebellious against God because he is the authority in our home.. please help me, and pray with me..
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my spouse is an adict, is divorce ok?
- Thread starter abigail
- Start date
Nikki
Member
From what I remember, the bible allows divorce in the case of adultery...which your saying your husband has already done.
First things first...get yourself and your child out of that house. You don't have to run out and file for divorce, but you also don't have to live with him and subject yourself to the abuse.
(((hugs)))
First things first...get yourself and your child out of that house. You don't have to run out and file for divorce, but you also don't have to live with him and subject yourself to the abuse.
(((hugs)))
As long as what you are posting is truth, it means you are protecting yourself and child.
Most abusers get worse each time they restart the cycle... Getting your self and child to a safe place does not have to include divorce the day you leave or ever.....
If you have family even if they will say 'told ya so' can you go to them... Protection in numbers..
If not family there are safe houses.
If you think he will come looking for you be very careful who you talk to.
Go through the restraining order junk so you have a legal record of his abuse....
Most abusers get worse each time they restart the cycle... Getting your self and child to a safe place does not have to include divorce the day you leave or ever.....
If you have family even if they will say 'told ya so' can you go to them... Protection in numbers..
If not family there are safe houses.
If you think he will come looking for you be very careful who you talk to.
Go through the restraining order junk so you have a legal record of his abuse....
duari91
Member
He committed adultery. This is a signal by God to GET OUT. Believe me, God understands. He wouldn't have provided a way out if he didn't, right? A marriage document is a human contract, God considered the marriage to be broken when he committed adultery, he doesn't need a document to know if you are truly together or not. Basically, when you married you became one. After he cheated on you/abandoned you, he violated that sacred bond.
Don't stress the divorce papers right away, just focus on getting out and away. Make sure you are in a safe environment, then file in the future.
Best of luck to you!
Don't stress the divorce papers right away, just focus on getting out and away. Make sure you are in a safe environment, then file in the future.
Best of luck to you!
Nikki
Member
Not at all. In fact, it means you have a big enough heart that you love yourself and your child enough to get away from that environment. You can continue to pray for him to get clean, but ultimately that ball is in his court. I have a cousin that is an addict. I tried showing love and I tried to get him to get clean, but he isn't. I have had to let go completely now. I can't continue to let his choices bring me down so I have moved on.
lmw
Member
I have personal experience with this. It literally took my husband coming at me with a loaded shotgun for me to get the picture that well, I should divorce this guy. He only hit me once or twice but the emotional abuse was worse than a split lip and a drunken head-butt. The adultery didn't come until after we were already separated and that sort of sealed the deal. This was all an answer to my prayer for a way out. If I would have stayed or went with him the night he came for me with a loaded gun, I may not be typing this. Someone said every time the cycle starts again, it always gets worse... it always did in my experience.
Don't feel afraid that God will be upset with you for divorcing, he won't be, he doesn't want you to stay in an abusive relationship just for the sake of marriage, our God doesn't work like that. Your main concern should be keeping yourself and your child safe. What ever it takes. I had no clue there was a woman's shelter 9 miles from my house, they helped me a lot, they even helped me with a lawyer that did everything for free because I was abused. I had a safe place, legal support, restraining order, a lawyer, and I didn't have to pay a dime, which was good because I was broke. I went through the divorce process but I became a widow one month before it was finalized; he overdosed.
I went through hell, but my son and I are alive and safe.
I will pray for you and if you need to talk to anyone, feel free to IM me on here.
Don't feel afraid that God will be upset with you for divorcing, he won't be, he doesn't want you to stay in an abusive relationship just for the sake of marriage, our God doesn't work like that. Your main concern should be keeping yourself and your child safe. What ever it takes. I had no clue there was a woman's shelter 9 miles from my house, they helped me a lot, they even helped me with a lawyer that did everything for free because I was abused. I had a safe place, legal support, restraining order, a lawyer, and I didn't have to pay a dime, which was good because I was broke. I went through the divorce process but I became a widow one month before it was finalized; he overdosed.
I went through hell, but my son and I are alive and safe.
I will pray for you and if you need to talk to anyone, feel free to IM me on here.
I agree the emotional abuse is the worst.. he has never hit me but he has started raising his hand to me like he is going to. this action is new to the abuse.... our first years he bible beet me verbally, told me i was no good to God. so I changed, i was baptised and started living for God and serving him, but it only got worse. last year i tryed to commit suicide twice because i really believed him when he would tear me down. he went to rehab for 9 months, but this time he came home it was good for a month, he attended church then started the old behaviors and started pulling me away from my church where i have been for two years, saying that they only use me because they dont pay me for my work. when i tell him i dont need payed he says im stupid and being used. it was tearing my heart apart. i refused to leave my church and he started calling me un submissive.. these things hurt so bad because i try so hard to be subbmissive to him but its hard when he is drinking and using drugs and pornography.. I get so scared that God will be mad at me that it paralizes me.. i know we dont live by the law but grace.. this is so hard for me, i want to honor our marriage but i just can not go on like this anymore. the hardest part is financial, i am disabled and i cant make it without him. when he leaves me and my son are forced out of our home. we are living yo yos...
lmw
Member
I don't know how it is where you live, but if I needed it, the shelter was willing to provide a room at the shelter for me for as long as I needed. AND after that, I could have one whole year of rent paid for me at my own apartment, also they were going to help me get food stamps, and job training. I didn't need to use those resources because I was already employed and I had my mother's support. There may be something like that in your area.
And never forget, the best provider of them all is the Lord. Trust in him.
And never forget, the best provider of them all is the Lord. Trust in him.
handy
Member
Honey, you don't have a marriage... he ended that when he sought out other women.
The only thing you need to do is make the legality catch up with the reality so that you can move forward with your child into a much healthier life.
And stop "taking him back"... this is especially unfair to your child. If you keep this up, your son is going to think that treating a wife like a piece of dirt is OK...
The only thing you need to do is make the legality catch up with the reality so that you can move forward with your child into a much healthier life.
And stop "taking him back"... this is especially unfair to your child. If you keep this up, your son is going to think that treating a wife like a piece of dirt is OK...
lmw
Member
I also used the states vocational rehabilitation services before when I couldn't work due to debilitating seizures. I don't have them now, but they help with training for jobs I could handle with my condition. And if you are disabled, have you tried to apply for social security disability. I know a lot about that too. It's a long process if you haven't tried but if you really can't support yourself and can't work due to a disability, it's well worth it.
handy
Member
Sorry, didn't catch the part about the disability at first... lmw has given some good advice about some resources available....
Also, check in with family and friends as well as check in with your church... start reaching out, you might be very surprised how the Lord will start to care for you.
Also, check in with family and friends as well as check in with your church... start reaching out, you might be very surprised how the Lord will start to care for you.
lmw
Member
http://www.harvesthousemissions.org/
Harvest House Missions
18.2 miles from Vale, OR which you put as the city you live in.
"Our Vision...
To provide temporary assistance to the hungry, displaced and homeless in the Four Rivers valley in the areas of <SMALL>food, clothing, emergency shelter, community resource referrals and spiritual guidance. Harvest House Missions will strive to restore a sense of hope and purpose to individuals through the healing message of the Holy Bible."
If they can't help you, maybe they know some place that can.</SMALL>
Harvest House Missions
18.2 miles from Vale, OR which you put as the city you live in.
"Our Vision...
To provide temporary assistance to the hungry, displaced and homeless in the Four Rivers valley in the areas of <SMALL>food, clothing, emergency shelter, community resource referrals and spiritual guidance. Harvest House Missions will strive to restore a sense of hope and purpose to individuals through the healing message of the Holy Bible."
If they can't help you, maybe they know some place that can.</SMALL>
Remember that your Father in Heaven is compassionate and does not want the pain that your family is in to have to continue. That is why Jesus said that God allowed divorce, because of the hard hearted men who did not love their wives as they were commanded.
They hardened their hearts to God and did not hear Him. What then? Yep, then as now, emotional abuse happened. Your Father wants marriage to be good and wholesome so that it reflects the love that Christ has for the church. But God ammended his law (love your wife as your own flesh) because of their hardened hearts and closed ears. He permitted divorce out of compassion to the family of the disobedient. His ear is open to those who are suffering, that is why Jesus came --> to break the bonds and to heal hearts.
Listening to the liar that says that you are the problem because you are not submitted to a sinner who does not turn from sin is bad. God does not want you to continue to try to be one with an cheat. He is serving himself and not God. There isn't even a chance of friendship between children of the light and those who love their sin more than God. In fact, God prohibits this. If we are not to be friends with the world, how can we marry it and expect to survive?
My advice? Seek God, find counseling (from your church or even from the state) and do what your heart is telling you to do.
They hardened their hearts to God and did not hear Him. What then? Yep, then as now, emotional abuse happened. Your Father wants marriage to be good and wholesome so that it reflects the love that Christ has for the church. But God ammended his law (love your wife as your own flesh) because of their hardened hearts and closed ears. He permitted divorce out of compassion to the family of the disobedient. His ear is open to those who are suffering, that is why Jesus came --> to break the bonds and to heal hearts.
Listening to the liar that says that you are the problem because you are not submitted to a sinner who does not turn from sin is bad. God does not want you to continue to try to be one with an cheat. He is serving himself and not God. There isn't even a chance of friendship between children of the light and those who love their sin more than God. In fact, God prohibits this. If we are not to be friends with the world, how can we marry it and expect to survive?
My advice? Seek God, find counseling (from your church or even from the state) and do what your heart is telling you to do.
one truth
Member
I'm so sorry you are having to through all this. 
I agree with others who say you have the grounds for divorce. Do you think God would want you in a marriage like that? If I were in your shoes I would absolutely get a divorce. My prayers are with you. Stay strong and keep your chin up.
I agree with others who say you have the grounds for divorce. Do you think God would want you in a marriage like that? If I were in your shoes I would absolutely get a divorce. My prayers are with you. Stay strong and keep your chin up.
Mike S
Member
The support of a local church would be very helpful.
Hosea is a moving and helpful book of the Bible.
I love the metaphorical message in Hosea. A story of God's enduring love, Israel's infidelity, and the possibility of redemption. It fits well with our Christian understanding of God's mercy, our imperfection, and Christ's sacrifice on the cross. It also translates well into gospel music, Southern Gospel, of which I'm a great fan.
[video=youtube;QlvFIbv-UoQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlvFIbv-UoQ&feature=related[/video]
farouk
Member
mark:
Hosea is a deeply sobering and humbling book, reminding us of the sheer patience and longsuffering of God towards a wayward people, symbolized by the approach to the prophet's marital difficulties.
Mike S
Member
Yes, it is.
Thank you all so much.. the last few days have been amazing... I kept asking God to convict my husband. Then it comes to me.. He has convicted him, it just wasnt the way I thought it would be. I asked for comfort and it came through the Spirit and people and prayers. I feel amazing, secure and totally loved. I filed a restraining order and got the papers for my divorce. God told me He has something better for me if I would only trust Him. So here i sit trusting on the Lord and all my bills got paid and I am better than ok. I got my joy back!!!! my deperession is gone and i can sleep at night... thank you soo much for your prayers and your words and reassurance. God truly is amazing.:yes