Need Advice

[Lissa]

I'm a new member of this forum. My name is Melissa. I'm 28 years old, married with a beautiful son of 19 months. I am of the Missouri Lutheran Synod and am here because I need help with my marriage and my life. Our marriage is kind of rocky right now and on top of that I have my own issues with clinical depression and anxiety. I want to be a better mother, wife and person. I want to live a Christian life because the one I'm living now is not working. I have asked Jesus today to take my life into his hands and bring me peace. Any information you could give to teach me how to live a Christian lifestyle would be very much appreciated. Books, movies, websites, any advice would be great. I truly want to change but I don't know how or where to start. I have so many questions.

 

[Nikki]

Hi Lissa and welcome :D

First, I'd like to ask if you are seeking help from a doctor for your anxiety and depression.

I got married at a young age and our first year of marriage was horrible and we ended up splitting up for a few months. I too suffered from depression and I turned to cutting. It was a horrible time in my life. Both me and my hubby had a lot of growing up to do and we had to change a lot of our ways. We got back together, started going to a new church (our old pastor told us there was no hope for us) and it was like a new marriage.

I am was off medication for several years, but I am back on it again. Our family was starting to have problems and I realized a lot of my stress was being caused by ME. I was so angry, didn't want to do anything with my hubby or children and I was a mess. I am once again feeling much more stable. I'm not saying you need medication, but I am saying that depression and anxiety is a real medical problem. If you're not happy with yourself, how can you be happy for others?

 

[stovebolts]

Hi Lissa,
It's encouraging to hear that your so open to strengthening your relationship with Christ, which will reflect outward toward your family, friends and community.

My wife and I attended a marriage seminar several years back with Dr. Emerson that I hope you will find some value in. Their web page is http://loveandrespect.com/. He also has several books out, one even in audio format for people like me who spend more time in the car, than reading in bed.

As far as your anxiety and depression, I'm not a doctor, but I'm wondering if some of your depression and anxiety may be the result of some of the decisions you've been making?

Genesis 4:6-7 And the LORD said unto Cain, Why are you angry? and why is your countenance fallen? If you do well, shall you not be accepted? and if you do not well, sin lies at the door. And you shall be its desire, and you must rule over it.

Life hits us from many angles and often, we don't make the right decisions. Keep your faith in Christ Jesus and persevere to the glory of God.

If you would like to learn about, or find biblical counseling, you can check out http://www.nouthetic.org/ Jay E. Adams has led the way in Christian counseling and has helped Christians around the globe. One of my favorite books of his is Competent to Counsel, which is based on Romans 15:14 And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another.

Peace and grace

 

[Timf]

Any information you could give to teach me how to live a Christian lifestyle would be very much appreciated.

Lissa,

You are fortunate to be in one of the Lutheran denominations that still believe the Bible is true. However, one of the problems with church today is that there is a major emphasis in the church with activities, programs, and events. When you read the New Testament you get the impression that Christians ministering to each other is supposed to be the major activity.

The biggest problem with the way most churches function today is that they sort of squeeze out the relationships that we all need with fellow believers. The Sunday sermon is more like a seminary lecture and therefore less helpful to a person facing a specific situation. It may be that you could receive better instruction from an older wiser woman who clearly shows the light and love of Jesus in her life. You might ask such a woman if she could help you know Jesus as well as she does.

Titus 2:3-5
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

In 1 Cor 13 we see the Biblical definition of love. It is essentially selflessness. This is the real key to the Christian life;

2 Corinthians 5:15
And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.

Christianity starts with the truth about who Jesus is and who we are. This naturally should lead to humility. This allows for greater grace (James 4). We can draw near to God as we empty our self of selfishness. This allows God's light and love to be seen in us.

 

[Lissa]

I'm going to meet with my pastor tomorrow to get some direction in my life. I told my husband this morning that I wanted to live my life for Jesus and he is not being very supportive. He was raised Catholic but doesn't really practice any sort of religion. He says he loves me the way that I am and he doesn't want me to turn into some "Bible thumper". I'm kind of upset that he doesn't support me. Any advice on this issue?

 

[Lissa]

My wife and I attended a marriage seminar several years back with Dr. Emerson that I hope you will find some value in. Their web page is http://loveandrespect.com/. He also has several books out, one even in audio format for people like me who spend more time in the car, than reading in bed.

Thank you. I will check this out.

As far as your anxiety and depression, I'm not a doctor, but I'm wondering if some of your depression and anxiety may be the result of some of the decisions you've been making?

As much as I don't want to admit it, I truly believe (as do the doctors) that my depression is clinical and not environmental. It is, in other words, a sort of brain defect. I inherited it from my father, who is a very devout Christian. Sadly, I was, in fact, born with this terrible disorder.

 

[Lissa]

The biggest problem with the way most churches function today is that they sort of squeeze out the relationships that we all need with fellow believers. The Sunday sermon is more like a seminary lecture and therefore less helpful to a person facing a specific situation. It may be that you could receive better instruction from an older wiser woman who clearly shows the light and love of Jesus in her life. You might ask such a woman if she could help you know Jesus as well as she does.

I agree wholeheartedly. I want to be a Christian wife and a Christian mom. My church doesn't ever talk about how Christians should live, but rather helps us deal with issues in day to day life. That's great, but I really need some personal direction. I want to be submissive to my husband (which is going to be difficult because he does not play a dominant role in our marriage). I want to dress as a Christian. I want to give myself entirely to my faith and trust God. There have to be rules for women. If any of you know what those rules are, please let me know.

Questions I have:

1. Do women need to wear head coverings or is long hair good enough?

2. Are we allowed to listen to non-Christian music and non-Christian television? I really like Family Guy and I read the tabloids. *guilty* :

3. Is it okay to wear makeup?

 

[handy]

Hi Lissa, It looks like you've received some good advice on your earlier posts, so I'll just address your last post.

As far as hair and make-up are concerned, the principle (and note I say principle, not Law or even Rule) is that we need to not be as concerned with our outward appearance as with our inward spirit. This isn't to say that we cannot wear make-up or must have our head's covered. But rather that we need to simply dress modestly for our culture (head coverings aren't really part of our culture) and then concentrate upon developing those inward qualities that God wants us to develop.

Regarding secular entertainment, a lot has to do with how it impacts you. The Bible tells us that all things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. If a song or a TV show provides a laugh or so without dragging down your walk with Christ, then it's lawful. But, if a show or music causes you to start to focus on worldly things or start to cause you to have lustful or even just profane thoughts, then really what is it profiting you to watch them? Only you can truly know whether or not it's best to put something out of your life. Follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. If a magazine or book or movie is something that isn't profiting you, He will prompt you to know that there is probably something that would put your time to better use.

Really the 'rules' (although I really do prefer the word principles) that women have are just the same for men, with the exception that married women are to be submissive to their spouse. Whatever you read in the Bible regarding the men, take it to heart, it's for you too. As far as being submissive, yep this is something you're called to do, even when your husband isn't the dominate one. It can be harder when the husband isn't dominate, because sometimes things simply need to be done or moved forward and if he isn't taking up the reins, then it seems as though it all falls on the wife. I had this same problem when I first married. Just be in prayer for your husband. Pray for him daily and daily ask God for His guidence on how to submit to him. Most of all, reaffirm your love for your husband daily as well. OH, and don't nag.

 

[stovebolts]

As much as I don't want to admit it, I truly believe (as do the doctors) that my depression is clinical and not environmental. It is, in other words, a sort of brain defect. I inherited it from my father, who is a very devout Christian. Sadly, I was, in fact, born with this terrible disorder.

I'm glad that your aware of the difference between clinical and environmental. All too often I have seen people run to the psych. for some anti-depressants when what they are going through is environmental. Like I said, I'm glad you know the difference, because I believe God gave us medicine and when it's properly prescribed and used, it brings great benefit's to those who actually need it.

As far as your husband being worried about you being a '"Bible Thumper", ask him what his concerns are. Maybe he's thinking that you're going to turn into some hellfire and brimstone Christian which can be a major turn off to some personalities. If that's the case, just tell him what your draw toward Christ is, and how you wish he could share in your joy. Don't force him, just lead by example. He will see the changes in your life and maybe that will draw you both together in Christ. It's all in God's hands and in God's timing. He's never late, but rather, just in time.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Peace and grace.

 

[Lissa]

Thank you for all of your responses. I met with my pastor today for about two hours and he wants to meet with my husband and I next Tuesday. My husband doesn't like the idea but said he'll agree to it. So there's a start! He also gave me some interesting literature on how to be a good Christian mother and wife. There are many changes that I need to make in my life. Prayers for me and my family will be greatly appreciated. Thanks again!

 

[stovebolts]

That's soo good to hear Lissa and you will certainly be in our prayers.

Feel free to post a prayer request in the Prayer Request and Praises forum so we can be reminded to keep you in our prayers and to give glory to God when our prayers are answered! :D

God bless you and yours,

Jeff