Need some advice...extremely confused about this Girl I'm in Love with

[tcc233]

This is a little long so please bear with me. This is my first post.
I'm a 21 year old man and for about 1.5 yrs I've been in love with this girl who is 20. We talk about anything and everything, including our faith with God.

I'm a Christian but never used to be strong in my faith. I used to pray, but only when I wanted something. God was never number 1 and that was a huge problem. About a year ago, I was really struggling with this situation because I thought about this girl, we'll call her Anne, every single second of everyday. So I prayed to God to show me what He wanted me to do. After continual prayer, I thought God was telling me she was the one. So, being weak in my faith I didn't trust God and messed everything up and she told me to F off. I tried doing it my way, and didn't trust God.

I went into a depression mode for a few months where I honestly didn't know if God existed. I was completely lost, why would He let me believe Anne's the one? After a few months, God compelled me to read the bible. I studied it front to back at least 4 times now in the last 9 months or so and pray 2-3 times everyday. I've learned so much about God and my faith has grown tremendously, and have gotten reinvolved in church, and strongly considered going to seminary. During this time, I had tried to accept that Anne wasn't for me, but yet I thought about her at ALL TIMES. I prayed to God to take her off my mind, but that didn't work. There were so many nights where I couldn't sleep because I just thought of her.

I again began praying to God to show me what He wanted me to do concerning her, instead of asking Him to help me forget her. I prayed for months, 2 to 3 times a day about this. And every-time I prayed, I felt God was telling me she's the one. I didn't understand how this would work. Here's the biggest problem, she's from the middle east and her family are strong Christians, but they only believe in marriages within their culture, they'd disown her if she married outside their culture. She has even told me nothing could happen because she loves her family too much and honestly I would never want her to disobey her family. Her family means everything to her and I would never want to be the reason she couldn't talk to them anymore, she wouldn't be the same without them in her life. But everytime I doubt that something would work, all those verses where God says anything is possible with him, and that He'll never leave or forsake me pop up in my head. Also, I know he's changed hearts and minds of a lot of people, including Pharaoh so I know he could change the hearts of Anne's family if He wanted to.

I know God put her in my life to wake me up spiritually and I thank Him for that. I now put God first in everything and God is my everything, without Him I can do nothing. I can't express in words how much Anne's influence on me changed my life and helped me realize this, of course all this is God's doing. After not talking for a while, she apologized to me. I wasn't ready to talk to her so I waited a few months to apologize to her and for the last 4 months we've been talking non stop. She is the nicest girl in the world and loves talking to anybody and everybody. She emulates what God wants in terms of being nice and loving to everyone.

I'll be honest, when I believe that she's the one I feel good and right with God. But I can't help but doubt this situation cause it just doesn't make sense to me. When she was out of my life for those several months, I felt so heart broken without her. I tried moving on but I literally couldn't. With her back in, I feel so much better. But there are times when I just don't know what to think. My faith is so intertwined with what happened with her that everytime I open the bible or pray, she's on my mind.

I guess my question is, do you think I'm crazy to think God's telling me she's the one? Or is there something I'm missing maybe? Thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you and please pray for me.

 

[theLords]

Hi TCC,

Welcome to CF.net :waving

You said that you can't get this girl out of your head. Well it sounds to me like you may have a soul tie to this young lady. Are you familiar with what a soul tie is?

 

[tcc233]

No, what's a soultie. I've never heard of it before.

 

[theLords]

Here's some information.

It seems that you have a friendship soul tie to "Anne" (in the same way David and Jonathan did)

Let me know what you think.

What is a soul tie?

A soul tie is like a linkage in the soul realm between two people. It links their souls together, which can bring fourth both beneficial results or negative results.

The positive effect of a soul tie: In a godly marriage, God links the two together and the Bible tells us that they become one flesh. As a result of them becoming one flesh, it binds them together and they will cleave onto one another in a unique way. The purpose of this cleaving is to build a very healthy, strong and close relationship between a man and a woman.

Matthew 19:5, "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh."

Soul ties can also be found in close strong or close friendships. They are not just limited to marriage, as we can see with King David and Jonathan:

1 Samuel 18:1, "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

The negative effect of a soul tie: Soul ties can also be used for the devil's advantage. Soul ties formed from sex outside of marriage causes a person to become defiled:

Genesis 34:2-3, "And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. And his soul cleaved unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spoke kindly unto the damsel."

This is why it is so common for a person to still have 'feelings' towards an ex-lover that they have no right to be attracted to in that way. Even 20 years down the road, a person may still think of their first lover... even if he or she is across the country and has their own family, all because of a soul tie!

Demonic spirits can also take advantage of ungodly soul ties, and use them to transfer spirits between one person to another. I remember one young man I led through a deliverance; he was facing severe demonic visitations and torment all thanks to an ungodly soul tie. I led him to broke the soul tie, and the attacks stopped completely!

Ezekiel 23:17, "And the Babylonians came to her into the bed of love, and they defiled her with their whoredom, and she was polluted with them."

What is a soul tie?

 

[tcc233]

Soul-ties
This is what I think, and please feel free to openly criticize me if you don't agree. I don't fully buy into this whole soul tie idea. I've been born and raised a Lutheran (LCMS) all my life. Gone to Lutheran school preschool-high school, been confirmed, the whole works. Sat through years of theology classes and I really have never heard this idea before.

There are aspects and small personal beliefs throughout Christianity that can divide us, thus we have different denominations. This may be one of those aspects. I do believe that two people can have an extremely close bond and that God can make them intertwined. However, from what I've read on other posts and online, I think too much stock may be put into this whole idea of soul ties.

My main thing is to always put God first. I'll be honest, I guess I'm what you'd call a conservative Christian on all accounts. I get called boring, quiet, the works. But what I have discovered throughout my spiritual journey is as long as you put God first, He will always have your best interest in mind.

2 Chronicles 15:1-2- And the Spirit of God came upon Azariah the son of Oded: and said unto him. Hear ye me, Asa,and all Judah and Benjamin: The Lord is with you, while ye be with him; and if ye seek him, he will be found of you; but if ye forsake him, he will forsake you.

So, when it comes to soul ties, like I said I think people can be bound on a deep level together through God's will (marriage) but if we put too much stock in this idea I think it can be a stumbling block. Especially from what I've read around the internet, that some maybe put this concept of soul tie above the idea that God is in control of everything. This makes it difficult to overcome their soul tie to whomever it may be. If you simplify your life, pray to God, and believe that He'll take care of you, He will. It may take time but He will draw you near to Him if you trust Him too.

And the David and Jonathan story, it was a mutual deep bonding friendship in which they both were servants of God and put God first. So in this case, their bond worked out for the best for both of them because God had their best interests in mind and used their bond to better them and carry out his will. It was not a destructive bond/soul tie.

The devil can pervert the idea of a deep spiritual bond with one another and make it have negative effects. Such as thinking someone has a hold on you, or you can't get over them. Even if you do have sex before marriage, there is a way to absolutely get over that. Give your life fully to God and repent and he can get rid of the old you and start the new you in Him. He will be with you and make your life joyful if you seek him, no matter the preceding circumstances.

My situation
I have prayed earnestly over this subject with Anne. Every little step I take concerning her, I pray to God because she is sooo important to me where I don't want to mess things up like before. She said she really missed me once we started talking again and after what happened between us before, trust me that is truly mind boggling. Honestly, there is no other woman I could imagine spending my life with. I pray to God to show me where to go, and I will go there. I've always been a guy who prayed to God, throughout my teens, that I only want to love one woman, only one. I've never seen the point in dating around just for fun. I've never had a girlfriend, am a virgin and will be one until I'm married and she is the same on both accounts. I've taken other girls out on dates, but I never wanted to continue with them because they didn't have the same long term goals and values in mind.

I could buy the whole, we're meant to be really good friends if I saw her only as a friend, but I don't and never have. I feel God has more in store for us and I feel he's reassured me multiple times on this. I guess what I'm struggling with is trusting Him on this. This is such a leap of faith for me to trust him that everything will work out on this because according to worldly wisdom, there's no chance it should happen. But God's wisdom is so much greater.

1 Corinthians 3:19-For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is with written, He taketh the wis in their own craftiness.

Has anybody ever had a similar experience? Or another question I have is, how has God reassured you He's in control when you feel your faith being tested?
And to theLords, what do you think about my idea on soulties?

 

[theLords]

Soul-ties
So, when it comes to soul ties, like I said I think people can be bound on a deep level together through God's will (marriage) but if we put too much stock in this idea I think it can be a stumbling block. Especially from what I've read around the internet, that some maybe put this concept of soul tie above the idea that God is in control of everything. This makes it difficult to overcome their soul tie to whomever it may be. If you simplify your life, pray to God, and believe that He'll take care of you, He will. It may take time but He will draw you near to Him if you trust Him too.

My situation
I have prayed earnestly over this subject with Anne. Every little step I take concerning her, I pray to God because she is sooo important to me where I don't want to mess things up like before. She said she really missed me once we started talking again and after what happened between us before, trust me that is truly mind boggling. Honestly, there is no other woman I could imagine spending my life with. I pray to God to show me where to go, and I will go there. I've always been a guy who prayed to God, throughout my teens, that I only want to love one woman, only one. I've never seen the point in dating around just for fun. I've never had a girlfriend, am a virgin and will be one until I'm married and she is the same on both accounts. I've taken other girls out on dates, but I never wanted to continue with them because they didn't have the same long term goals and values in mind.

I could buy the whole, we're meant to be really good friends if I saw her only as a friend, but I don't and never have. I feel God has more in store for us and I feel he's reassured me multiple times on this. I guess what I'm struggling with is trusting Him on this. This is such a leap of faith for me to trust him that everything will work out on this because according to worldly wisdom, there's no chance it should happen. But God's wisdom is so much greater.

1 Corinthians 3:19-For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is with written, He taketh the wis in their own craftiness.

Has anybody ever had a similar experience? Or another question I have is, how has God reassured you He's in control when you feel your faith being tested?

And to theLords, what do you think about my idea on soulties?

I understand your perspective. I believe in this teaching because I have experienced freedom myself and seen others set free as well. That witness testifies to me, personally, that there is depth, freedom, and healing from this teaching.

The thing about Soul Ties is that when one discovers an ungodly soul tie one can ask the Lord to break it in Jesus' Name, and be set free. That's why I bring it up. It's a possibility, or I'm way off. Either way, I figured I'd give my since you were asking. The only way to discover this would be in prayer and you are keen no that. :wink3

I was thinking it could bring you peace to find it and break it, if indeed, there was one.

 

[tcc233]

I fully respect your perspective and do appreciate your advice fully. I've been taught to always test new advice and ideas you have never heard before. Thanks for your concern, it helps to know others care when I struggle with my faith.

 

[theLords]

Of course! The Bible teaches us to guard our hearts. If I believed everything a stranger told me on the internet I would be hiding under my bed with tinfoil on my head waiting for the sky to fall. :wink3

You're in a tough position because you are being "stretched" in the faith. Growing spiritually is never easy. Through this difficulty the Lord is going to teach you to rely on Him and bring you into a deeper measure of that "peace that surpasses understanding," and that's what matters the most. :yes

 

[bibleMAN]

Here's my experience mate.. I believe God has given us free will, and He will NEVER impede on this (Satan accused Him of being a dictator, and He is not..) so He will never FORCE us to do anything, or to love anyone else. That's our choice.

This is why I do not believe God will use "destiny" to bring two people together. It will never be a situation that didn't involve the CHOICE of both parties.

I honestly believe with all my heart that God can make someone for you who is IDEAL and that He actually had you in mind and made you both for each other, and you connect in ways that are not possible unless it was God's deliberate work.

BUT, if the people don't CHOOSE to be together, if they just don't want too for whatever reason, God will never force them together.

When we pray and we have strong feelings for someone, it's VERY easy to get a feeling of "I think God's telling me she's the one" or "It's our destiny to be together" but that is dangerous thinking becuase I don't think it's true.

Imagine, for example, that some girl you really didn't like, who you were totally unattracted too, got it into her head that you and her were "destined to be" or "God's is telling me that he is the one!"

Despite her totally FEELING as though it's true... It just wouldn't becuase, becuase you would not want that to happen.

There's this poster that used to hang on the wall at school and it says "The choices we make, not that chances we take, determine our destiny."

Choice is destiny... so you might want to be with this girl, and that is 50% of it, but there is the other half too.. She has to want to be with you.

Love is a choice, and if you both choose each other then your love can overcome ANYTHING.

But never assume it's God's will, or that it's "destiny." That line of thinking leads to guys making choices that the girl will only see as "weird" or "creepy".

My advice is this.. I hope you're ready cos it's going to be a little scary lol:

Tell her how you feel. If it's too scary to just tell her straight out, do it like this: tell her you want to talk, cos you want to ask her something. When it happens, ask her "If I wanted to be with you, if I wanted to be your man, would your family situation stop that from happening? And would you want to be my girl?"

As least doing it that way is a little easier then just declaring your strong feelings.

1 of 2 things will happen: She will say that she would be with you, at which point the relationship will happen.

OR, she'll say that she doesn't want too, which means that you can finally move on from her once and for all, because you will know how she really feels, and you will feel good because you will know that you took your destiny into your own hands and you gave it a shot, even though it was tough.

Give it a shot :yes

 

[darktipper]

I think this is the typical story of they are not that into you but you are into them......
I think you should tell her how you feel one last time. If she tell you to buzz of then I am sorry but that is your answer..... You may have to move on...

 

[JohnEboy1983]

I know God put her in my life to wake me up spiritually and I thank Him for that. I now put God first in everything and God is my everything, without Him I can do nothing. I can't express in words how much Anne's influence on me changed my life and helped me realize this, of course all this is God's doing.

Whether or not you two eventually end up together or not. I think you have allready found your answer. God will use people or experiences to bring his children back to him or help people come to know him. Through this you said you know God put her in your life to wake you up spiritually.

This is why I do not believe God will use "destiny" to bring two people together. It will never be a situation that didn't involve the CHOICE of both parties.

While God may not use destiny, I do believe he uses divine appointment. This can be a fear among many christians, that we can miss certain plans that God would have for our life. I do believe that by walking by faith though that God will ultimately lead us where he wants us, or at least I would hope so.

 

[bibleMAN]

While God may not use destiny, I do believe he uses divine appointment. This can be a fear among many christians, that we can miss certain plans that God would have for our life. I do believe that by walking by faith though that God will ultimately lead us where he wants us, or at least I would hope so.

Yes, I think some people are scared that they might miss something God had planned for them so the thought of God "always bringing your where He wants you" is a nice thought.. but I think in reality we have to choose to walk God's path or we'll simply never get there. Kind of like how Solomon went off the tracks. And what about Judas, I would think God's plan for him was alot better then what happened.. but Judas just choose to do what he did and not follow God's plan/morals for him

 

[Danny63]

When we pray and we have strong feelings for someone, it's VERY easy to get a feeling of "I think God's telling me she's the one" or "It's our destiny to be together" but that is dangerous thinking becuase I don't think it's true.

Amen and Amen, I agree with you there, we need to be very careful that we do not make a feeling of peace we can sometimes give ourselves (in order to justify our own desire) to be God's destiny.

I believe if this girl is "The One" God can surly give you peace about that, but you need to be honest with her, and except the fact that this may not be the one, just the one that you want.

Even if she is not the one, God used this friendship to bring you closer to Him and that is always a good thing

darktipper
Re: Need some advice...extremely confused about this Girl I'm in Love with

I think this is the typical story of they are not that into you but you are into them......
I think you should tell her how you feel one last time. If she tell you to buzz of then I am sorry but that is your answer..... You may have to move on...

Good advice you should follow that.

I wish you peace.

 

[handy]

:waving Hi, from a sister LCMSer!

I'm going to go against a lot of Christian tradition here and say that I don't necessarily believe in the whole "the One" idea when it comes to a mate. I truly don't think this idea is scriptural at all. Out of all the wives of David...which one was "the One"? I think we get too caught up with this idea, and I don't think we need to.

What the Bible does teach are some solid principles to apply when seeking, courting and marrying a mate. Since you're a guy, I'll set out some of the principles guys must apply: He should seek out a godly woman, he should esteem her and see her needs as more important as his, he should never take sexual advantage her or wallow in ungodly lust about her.

This is an important one...he should be able to spiritually lead her. This is important if she is a Christian but not necessarily in agreement with the doctrine that you hold dear.

If all these principles can and do apply to Anne, then there is no reason not to consider marrying her. If she's on board with it...I'm sure there will be a happy outcome.

But, if she isn't as in love with you as you so obviously are in love with her, or she is just too culterally ingrained to not go against her family wishes...then you'll probably have to nurse a broken heart for a while.

If this happens, that you get a broken heart, believe me you'll come to a point in time where you'll be able to thank God for Anne and the love you did have for her and the things you learned from her and probably most of all you'll thank God in His Heaven every day that you DIDN'T wind up marrying her. I know that seems impossible now, but trust me on this one.

On Monday, I will be celebrating my 13 anniversary with my wonderful hubby Steve. Steve was by no means my first love...he wasn't my second love for that matter. I cried and cried when I had to come to terms with the fact that Love #1 just wasn't in love with me, and I struggled with depression when Love #2 broke off our engagement. Now, I'm am SOOOOOOO glad that it didn't work out with either of them and I have my dear hubby.

The heartbreak was real. But, my love for my husband is real too. All of it was good for me in certain ways.

I agree with the others here that you need to tell her about how you feel and I'll add this, because I'm a woman and I think this is important:

If she doesn't return your love...say goodbye, nurse your grief, and move on.

If she does return your love, but does not want to buck her family...go to her father. Respectfully tell him that you love his daughter and want to marry her, but neither of you want to be disrespectful to him or her mother. Ask him if you may court his daughter under his chaperonage for as long as he desires (yes, I'm talking about a set time here, 6 months or a year maybe) and after that time, he may then either give his permission to marry her or you will bow out of her life. Accept any perimeters he chooses to set. Ask his permission always before doing anything with her.

At the end of the set time, go to him in private and ask his permission again to marry his daugther if you still want to. (Who knows, after seeing her family in action for 6 months, and do realize that they will be a part of your life forever if you marry her, you might not want to marry her yourself.)

Then, accept whatever he says. If he says yes, mazel tov! If he says no, say good bye, nurse your broken heart and move on.

 

[Sam21]

This is a little long so please bear with me. This is my first post.
I'm a 21 year old man and for about 1.5 yrs I've been in love with this girl who is 20. We talk about anything and everything, including our faith with God.

I'm a Christian but never used to be strong in my faith. I used to pray, but only when I wanted something. God was never number 1 and that was a huge problem. About a year ago, I was really struggling with this situation because I thought about this girl, we'll call her Anne, every single second of everyday. So I prayed to God to show me what He wanted me to do. After continual prayer, I thought God was telling me she was the one. So, being weak in my faith I didn't trust God and messed everything up and she told me to F off. I tried doing it my way, and didn't trust God.

I went into a depression mode for a few months where I honestly didn't know if God existed. I was completely lost, why would He let me believe Anne's the one? After a few months, God compelled me to read the bible. I studied it front to back at least 4 times now in the last 9 months or so and pray 2-3 times everyday. I've learned so much about God and my faith has grown tremendously, and have gotten reinvolved in church, and strongly considered going to seminary. During this time, I had tried to accept that Anne wasn't for me, but yet I thought about her at ALL TIMES. I prayed to God to take her off my mind, but that didn't work. There were so many nights where I couldn't sleep because I just thought of her.

I again began praying to God to show me what He wanted me to do concerning her, instead of asking Him to help me forget her. I prayed for months, 2 to 3 times a day about this. And every-time I prayed, I felt God was telling me she's the one. I didn't understand how this would work. Here's the biggest problem, she's from the middle east and her family are strong Christians, but they only believe in marriages within their culture, they'd disown her if she married outside their culture. She has even told me nothing could happen because she loves her family too much and honestly I would never want her to disobey her family. Her family means everything to her and I would never want to be the reason she couldn't talk to them anymore, she wouldn't be the same without them in her life. But everytime I doubt that something would work, all those verses where God says anything is possible with him, and that He'll never leave or forsake me pop up in my head. Also, I know he's changed hearts and minds of a lot of people, including Pharaoh so I know he could change the hearts of Anne's family if He wanted to.

I know God put her in my life to wake me up spiritually and I thank Him for that. I now put God first in everything and God is my everything, without Him I can do nothing. I can't express in words how much Anne's influence on me changed my life and helped me realize this, of course all this is God's doing. After not talking for a while, she apologized to me. I wasn't ready to talk to her so I waited a few months to apologize to her and for the last 4 months we've been talking non stop. She is the nicest girl in the world and loves talking to anybody and everybody. She emulates what God wants in terms of being nice and loving to everyone.

I'll be honest, when I believe that she's the one I feel good and right with God. But I can't help but doubt this situation cause it just doesn't make sense to me. When she was out of my life for those several months, I felt so heart broken without her. I tried moving on but I literally couldn't. With her back in, I feel so much better. But there are times when I just don't know what to think. My faith is so intertwined with what happened with her that everytime I open the bible or pray, she's on my mind.

I guess my question is, do you think I'm crazy to think God's telling me she's the one? Or is there something I'm missing maybe? Thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you and please pray for me.

Girls from the middle east usually do what the family wants them to do,it may seem strange to the Western mind but that is there way.