Negative soul tie...I need help!

[photogirl]

So for 3 years I have been in an intimate relationship with a man who was brought knowing God. When I first met him, I had just gotten out of a abusive relationship and met him at a party. After a few weeks we became intimate and partied all the time. We always argued too. It's like when we get along, it is amazing. But when we don't, it really gets bad. I do have trust issues with him, after I found him talking to other girls, and some of them were not even a appropriate age. It hurt and disgusted me...but through all this...I found God at his church. When I was saved and then baptized, I thought everything would be simple...and I know now that having a relationship with God is something you have to fight for everyday. We changed at one point, we started to try to have a Christian relationship...but it changed back into it's normal routine...he started to smoke pot again and I soon followed. We recently broke up in December and just hung out as friends...but then started to be intimate again. It finally broke apart again when I lost my temper over something. We didn't talk for a week and then we saw each other again and he told me that one part of him wanted to hold me in his arms forever, while the other part just wanted to run away and never look back. He needs to get control of his life and with God again, he is going to seek a proper mentor and get his life back on track. I want to do the same, I know a life without God is not a happy one...and I can not be unhappy and depressed anymore...I want to fight for this man also...He makes me laugh and me makes me happy and he wants to strive to live for God and so do I. We have negative soul tie between us though...he feels stressed about me and him all the time. We are not back together and don't want to be until things start to happen for us both separately. I know we need to work on each other and not on something that is broken at the moment. I just want to know, can this be fixed over time...I feel such a strong pull towards him and I know he feels the same, but where we are in life is not good for us in a relationship now. I want to marry this man and I want to be the one to help push him if he takes a step back and to be his backbone when things may go bad. I want to help him bring more people to God and to follow the path God has for us...but how do I know if my path is in union with him as my husband? I know we can't always find the answers, but this is troubling me...it is heavy on my heart. I am going to ask God to break this negative soul tie and concentrate on my relationship with God, but this man will always be in the back of mind...the first step is clarity and I am so happy we have already reached this first step, that we need to take a step back and search God first...for some odd reason, I think we will be together again and it will be when it is right for us...but I wonder if it is because of the soul tie...
I'm sorry this post is so long, but as you can see, I am a confused mess.
I am looking for someone who has been in this same problem to answer this and others who have any words of wisdom for me...anything.
Thank you!

 

[Tina]

"Soul ties" or bonds happen in almost all serious relationships I guess, and when the relationship is broken either by one party or mutually, it is best to break off this soul tie in order to bring closure and successfully move on with our lives.

This should apply even more so in your case as you say this is a negative soul tie in which he gets stressed with you... sounds like a tumultuous relationship.

When the soul tie is broken, you and he will either meet other new people or come together again, whichever is God's will. You should just surrender to God, let go and let God. Pray for His perfect will to be done in both of your lives and for God to give you both the peace and patience required for it.

 

[thethinkingrebel]

Soul ties sounds a bit new age to me. Simply repent of the sins you committed with him, and ask God to remove the bond of flesh between you two. If this man is not good for you..there is a lesson in there. You put your own needs before the will of God. We have all done so. Just remember next time to check whether God wants this person in your life. Pray!

I hope this situation is resolved quickly.

 

[handy]

Soul ties sounds a bit new age to me. Simply repent of the sins you committed with him, and ask God to remove the bond of flesh between you two. If this man is not good for you..there is a lesson in there. You put your own needs before the will of God. We have all done so. Just remember next time to check whether God wants this person in your life. Pray!

I hope this situation is resolved quickly.

I agree...both with the idea that "soul ties" are new age and that you need to repent and ask God to forgive you of your sins with this man. Then move on from him...he isn't good for you or for your walk with God. Show God that you love and value Him more than this man. I know it's hard...I've been in the same situation myself...but it's necessary.

The reason why you are a "confused mess" is because you've obviously had some bad teaching. I had never...in 30+ years of studying the Bible came across the idea of "soul ties"... Until I heard of it on this forum. I did some research and believe me...the idea that our soul is "tied" to a certain person isn't Biblical. It does indeed come from new age theology. Some Christians have tried to point to several texts which speak of the very common process of humans bonding with one another...and build upon that the idea of being "tied" to one another in such a spiritual way that the ties cannot be broken except through extreme spiritual warfare.

What's ironic about this teaching of 'soul ties' is that it mostly comes from those who claim to be fighting against the very new age occultism that the original idea springs from. The teaching, when Christian, is found almost exclusively in the more charismatic circles.

There are no "soul ties"...just common human love, or even just sexual attraction, that can be...because of our sin...skewered into unhealthy dependency or lead to sinful behavior. Repent from your bad behavior with this man and turn back to God. You're not bound to him in any way...so move on. If he cleans up his act...and you strengthen your walk so that you won't fall into sin with him again, perhaps you can later rebuild a more godly relationship.

 

[photogirl]

As I have said before, I am turning back to god and god does come first before this man.
What I don't understand is how a lot of people think that bad relationships can not turn out for the good. If it doesn't start the way they are "suppose" to, then we automatically believe it is a lost cause and not meant to be. I meet a girl not to long ago who was in the same position as me and when they both asked god for forgivene from the sins they had mad, they continued to seek god and to change the continuous cycles t
Of sin they had been going through, it all changed and became better for them and tthey got married and couldn't be happier. I think sometimes god throws things in you path, to make you stronger and even if that means a sinful relationship...a women once told me all things were possible tthrough god and if we. put out relationship through god, then it is possible to be happy and liveba life of love with this man.
He isn't bad for me, I'm aa big girl and can make my own decisions...I decided to start smoking again, this man didn't force me. I am asking for sound advice in how to move forward with this man in a godly way. We both want to be together if we can get our relationship with god right...

 

[handy]

As I have said before, I am turning back to god and god does come first before this man.

I am going to ask God to break this negative soul tie and concentrate on my relationship with God, but...how do I know if my path is in union with him as my husband?

I want to do the same, I know a life without God is not a happy one...and I can not be unhappy and depressed anymore...I want to fight for this man also...

I am asking for sound advice in how to move forward with this man in a godly way. We both want to be together if we can get our relationship with god right...

Photogirl, there is a passage of Scripture that often causes a lot of confusion and even many non-Christians use this particular passage to mock our faith and try to undermine the veracity of God's word. However, it's this particular passage of Scripture that best points out your way for you:

Jesus said, "If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple." Luke 14:25

You want to love God...I hear that in your posts...but not at the cost of giving up this guy. Already, two posts in and you're beginning to justify staying with him. But, unless your love for God is so great that your love for him pales to hatred should he be an hindrance in your walk with Christ...you don't have the kind of love for Christ that it takes to make Him first in your life.

You say, "If it [the relationship] doesn't start the way they are "suppose" to, then we automatically believe it is a lost cause and not meant to be."

However, you've already shared that for three years you and this man have been willfully sinning with each other. OK so that was your "start". Then you turned to God and you had a second chance to have a godly relationship... Only soon both of you were back to smoking pot and having sex.

If you want to stay with the guy...most likely you will both continue to pull each other down. If you want to build your relationship with God, most likely you will have to leave this man. Perhaps, in the future, both of you will be in a position to return to each other, stronger in your faith and more able to have a godly relationship.

There is the incident in the Gospels when Jesus was talking with a rich young man who was a ruler, and who wanted to be His disciple. Jesus told him to follow the commandments and the young, rich ruler said he followed all of them. Jesus then told him to sell all he had and join Him...at which point the young man sadly turned away, because he loved his wealth and position more than he loved the Lord.

What men will give up for money, position and power...women will give up for a guy.

All the above is coming from a sincere desire to answer the issues you raise up in your posts....

....now I'm going to go way out on a limb and do some assuming based upon my own experience...so this may or may not apply.

I, too, have suffered abuse and had serious trust issues. One result was an overwhelming fear of rejection...resulting in me staying in relationships that were bad, simply over the fear of being alone. I clung to my man even though it was clear the relationship wasn't doing either one of us any good. The end result was that he dumped me...and I spent many years single. However, in those single years, I learned to rely upon God and seek out God to heal my hurts and fulfill my needs. The consequence was that, when I met my now husband, I was strong in my walk with God, emotionally and spiritually healthy...and we have had a wonderful marriage for 14 years now.

Because you mentioned abuse and trust issues, I think it might be well if you do some deep soul-searching and see if your desire to be with this guy...even though both of you pull each other into sinful behavior...has more to do with fear, rather than with true love. I might be totally wrong...but it's worth you prayerfully considering.

 

[SMOOCH]

soul ties suck majorly.. some people come in to our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime.. and it seems like his reason has been accomplished and his season is up. sometimes you have to cut off the relationship completely. I've done it and im not going to lie to you, its painful and is a slow process; prayer helps. maybe you should even shop around for a new church to flourish at and get involved more, hopefully by doing so you'll find some good christian friends that will ease the pain.

 

[Igloo]

Imo, a lot of other guys could make you feel as good as your past significant other did. Some are almost guaranteed to be better for you. The problem is is that you have memories with your past bf and you know he is capable of giving you an emotional high. I would actually continue to focus on time away from him. I would focus on strengthening friendships, trying to find good friendships if you don't think you have some already, and on asking God to help you find things to do in your life that are rewarding. Helping others can give us a high and help us to realize God's love even more because we get to see how that love affects other people. Perhaps see if you can go on a mission trip, if that's possible; or see if there is any place you can volunteer to help people who aren't quite as capable of helping themselves (perhaps trying out the Big Brothers Big Sisters program or something). Ask God to help you find your niche in life too. When we have a purpose, we are more likely to brush off those things that get in the way of accomplishing our calling.

Wish you well.