I appreciate your concern.
But no.
I came here to help somebody. I believe I did. I am not the proverbial ''black sheep'' among the perfect Christian flock. I see so much gaslighting and misrepresentation of the good aspects of the bible.
My dear girl, I sincerely hope that you are not desiring death because of Christianity, which is nothing more than a human interpretation of the divine. I am no wiser than the rest of you who have vacated this forum. I know what I know and what I know is enough for me each day I wake up into this world. My life has turned around in miraculous ways over the last two years because I prayed for peace and resolution in my life. I called out to something all loving and all understanding and low, and behold, it worked.
You will tell me I am under the influence of the devil. But how do you know who is who? You could be living your life with self-respect and honour without all the horrible aspects of evangelical religion, or any extreme variant of religion for that matter. I give myself no belief system, I trust in the answers that the divine has given me in my heart. I don't blame or gaslight others. I don't think of myself as any better than anyone else.
Cocky? Yes. Because with experience comes a lot of pride. Pride is not toxic as long as one does not become an egotist. And to those who say I can't be Christian. You are 100% correct. I cannot belong to any denomination that is riddled with contradictions and people who enjoy the power structure they have laid upon others. My faith is my own. Like that of my soul. I wish to spend eternity as a force of goodness, and leave a legacy that is as positive as humanely possible.
I will not leave my partner.
I feel deeply disgusted that you would subject yourself to such an ideology at the cost of your own life. Because trust me. You will grow more bitter with age. I say this to help you, not hurt you. There is, by all accounts, a Heaven. The exact dynamics of it are a mystery to us and perhaps the divine itself. But the miracles of such a place are indisputable. If something creates you with the intent of controlling your will for eternity, then you are simply just a figment of its imagination. An extension of its will, and with no will of your own.
If ''God'' the chief source of divinity, has rid you, or ''cured'' you of your homosexuality (Not innately sinful to begin with), then why do you still feel so sad?
If demons are plucked out and God's influence remains, then you have no free will. You may as well be just a speck in his design.
I do love you, as a person who once believed what you believed and found real love and something worthy of investing prayer in. I am your well-wisher. I will pray for you every night along with the other troubled souls of this forum. Satanists and Christians are almost one in the same, they both operate in fear of judgement. Fear is natural, but one should not spend life in fear when there is a place of eternal love, understanding and peace.
The real source of divinity, wishes your freedom and well-being as much as it's own. (Whether you wish to acknowledge this or not. You are eternally loved and cared for.)
Cherish your life, re-kindle any broken relationships that religion has broken in your life, and know that the true source of divinity loves you.
Laugh at my words now, understand me later.
Know that someone here, actually does indeed love you. Do not entertain suicidal thoughts or beliefs that will dampen your will. When I prayed for freedom from Satanic influence, And the darkness that my lack of faith had brought. I got answers. I stopped abusing my health and became a responsible person.
I studied world religion and history, and every fiber of me came to the conclusion that such an egotistical monster could never be worthy of our faith.
But if such a monster exists, simply to rob us of our natural will, there would indeed be a worthy opposite to protect us from the damage done.
Have a good day or night, and take one day at a time, presuming it is not deleted, take from it what you can while you can. Learn and find true love and inner peace. Cherish the ones you love and please stop correlating pedophilia and bestiality with being gay, or Otherkin/Therian beliefs with delusion. A soul is neither human or animal. It is like any other thing in existence, it expands and evolves to what it feels most comfortable as. We are living a human experience because we have individual value to the world. We all know who we are and what makes us what we are.
Here's some ''Evil'' music to rest your wounded hearts and souls.
A good friend of mine sent me this years ago during my recovery from the mental strain of the Catholic religion. I will not be visiting this site any longer as I have helped the person I came to help.
But I wish you all the best <3
(PS Riven, you are a pretty cool/level-headed dude. And please take care of yourself (evenifigoalone) You seem like a sweet and thoughtful young woman.)