[__ Prayer __] not a member of the community...

[Christ_empowered]

...and, at long last, I'm starting to genuinely not.care.

I got saved (miracle!) 5 years ago. Worst than wasted life, total wretch, etc., and now...healthy, bright eyed, reconciled to my parents, and...again: not a member of this community. I probably never will be. Will I be able to move away, one day? Maybe. I'd like to say "yes!," but...ugh. Wherever you go, there you are. If I move, living off my parents and disability, I'll be far more vulnerable elsewhere than I am here, especially in place where they still use the state hospitals a good bit. At least here...

my "psychiatric treatment" is fairly hands off. Breeze in for a shrink visit, breeze in to see the counselor; pick up prescriptions from the local pharmacy. Not bad, not bad at all. "GET A JOB!!" Yeah...great idea...where? doing what? I was electroshocked and experimented on (operations, for instance) at age 20. Seriously. Age 23, I had a nervous breakdown, so the shrinks' brilliant solution was....more brain damage! This time, they took it back old school with a lobotomy. By God's grace, I survived, got saved, and now...the shrink-y term is "recovery," but I"m thinking more along the lines of..."miracle!"

I think now it really wasn't anything too personal, just (largely) the way the world works. Bright, awkward, working class, then lower middle class, then "respectable" middle class queer kid, not welcome in Honors classes, etc. Happens. I managed to go to college and...now, I see; I was considered "riff raff," especially at -that- college (state school, but its filled with upper class kids who couldn't get in anywhere else), and that...explains a whole lot.

So, no; I'm -not- a member of this community. I don't know if I"ll ever be. Now that I'm saved and set free...I"m kind of hoping that when dad retires, they'll sell this place and we can all 3 move away somewhere, not come back. But...ya know...I'm really praying for God's perfect will for my life and my parents' live.

Thanks.

 

[Papa Zoom]

There is a greater community to which you belong and that's the community of the Saints! Praises for that!

 

[Razeontherock]

The fellowship of the Saints is a real thing!! I know you're fond of Catholic theology, and this is one of their really great points. Of course the Orthodox have that too ...

As do the Jews! Im pretty sure you know Passover is a type of Easter. Did you know that Judaism maintains that all who eat the Sedr, do so together with those at that first Passover meal? Yup, transcending time and space, just like God.

Therefore let us keep the feast ... with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth

There's some real shouting ground here!

- Just one more voice, from the cloud of witnesses

 

[Christ_empowered]

me, again.

I am thankful that I'm saved, born again. The Lord has forgiven me and now...I've also been set free of all kinds of bondage and oppression. I'm also healthy, bright eyed, surprisingly intelligent...somehow, I also have been healed of the obvious signs of brain damage I had for a while there (dead eyes, tics, tremor, memory problems, dull-average IQ, all kinds of deficits...). God is good!

Life goes on, thanks to Christ. I'm doing more these days. Having energy--as opposed to being fatigued from sickness and brain damage--is always a good thing. I made black bean fajitas today. No big thing, but...tasty, filling, somewhat nutritious, etc. I can tell I've been transformed into a different person (read: not a brat, whiner, junky, etc.) because of the way my parents act towards me. Yesterday, mama came home, loaded up w/ groceries from Wal-Mart. Usually, I bring them in, she and/or my dad put them away. She was wiped out from her Wally experience, so she headed upstairs with the little girl dog. I brought the bags in, put stuff away, no big thing...right? Yeah, well...I was once ridiculously wretched (keep that mind), so I awoke this AM to a text message from my mama, just a brief "thanks" for putting stuff up, etc.

I don't know what to make of this "mental illness" stuff, honestly. Its all about the drugs, unless you have good insurance and/or $$$, in which case they'll fill your head with talk, talk, talk. Does anyone "get better" ? I don't know, honestly. Some people swear by it. Some people hate it. Lots of people seem to make an exit from Mental Health, Inc. and get better outside of "the system." So...I'm left with a big question mark floating over my head, lol.

God is good! I apparently have a high(er) IQ estimate. I like being able to express my thoughts, write, etc., but I'm not looking to know the exact number or anything. I mean...when the estimate was 95, I was not doing well. When the estimate was 120, I thought I was -the- most brilliant individual, ever (to be fair, I was a teenager). Now, I'm guessing the estimate might be in the 130s, and I"m just...glad to have my parents behind me, by God's grace. Being a "highly intelligent mental patient" often means being targeted, unless you and/or the people taking care of you have status and resources. True story.

"Play the hand you're dealt." Eugene taught me that, amongst a lot of other things. I'm thankful. The Lord has willed to spare me, save me, bless me. I'm increasingly thankful. The world sees a "mental patient," and that on a good day. Oh well. My parents are kind to me, I'm increasingly kind to them, and we're at peace, in general and with each other. God is good!

I gues the thing to do now is get into a decent church and go from there (?). I'll do it, soon(ish).

OK. Thanks for the replies, prayers, support, etc.

 

[Razeontherock]

I guess a reasonable division between helpful therapy and "mental health, inc.," is progress. The therapist should be willing to review, and be honest if they aren't helping you. This can be hard if it means losing revenue, which isn't always the case depending on how established their practice is. Some will elect to stop seeing their client as an ethical matter of integrity, even if it costs them. Obviously, that's a good shrink! That might be a good question to ask, for someone that's looking for a good therapist.

What should not be difficult at all is if the client engages the process for an extended period of time, finds no progress, talks openly with the therapist and they exhaust all treatment options. Any therapist in that situation should be more than willing to release the client, sign off on any requirements, etc. Being forced to stay (or go into more severe stuff) would be a clear indicator of victimization by "mental health Inc"

I would hope the profession itself looks at this as a problem, subjecting practitioners to losing their license where abuse is found. Of course the sticky part of this is that abusers hide their abuse.

 

[Christ_empowered]

i was lied to, basically. they put me down for all kinds of disorders, lied to keep me drugged up. i wasn't "good enough" for real psychotherapy, etc. then i was hospitalized, electroshocked, etc. oh, and...lots of over-billing the insurance, even straight up insurance fraud. that's actually quite common with mental health, it seems (they represent a big chunk of insurance fraud and medicare and medicaid fraud cases...true story...).

by the time i got real psychotherapy--from a Christian who was also a minister--I wasn't even supposed to be alive, not the way things usually go. I'm glad I got real psychotherapy, at long last, but...now, its a community/public mental health clinic, so its all meds, all the time. I cannot complain too much; because my parents are more "well-to-do" now, I'm still seeing a counselor now and then, and they go relatively easy on me. I'm not mentioning my parents' status to brag, its just...when they were more working class, I was just treated like riff raff; when they were more middle class, I was treated like a loser; now, they're more well-to-do, so I get disability and I"m treated better.

I don't know...now, they say "Bipolar I," and I"m supposed to believe yet another label, no questions asked. "Play the hand you're dealt." Could be bad, this is actually...quite pleasant, much of the time.

I"m beginning to think it terms of getting out of this area around the time dad retires, so I'm basically trying to put together a 5 year plan. Maybe when he retires they'll decide to sell and move...that'd be nice, and it'd make a lot of sense, too.

the psych drugs might be necessary at times, but they're all decidedly -not- good for you. the more severe the diagnosis, the more toxic the drugs. true story. ever seen "mental patients" with odd facial tics and such? yeah...that's called tardive dyskinesia, and its from antipsychotics. its often permanent, too.

i had tics and such....i dont now. im thankful. i dont know if i'll ever be able to get a j-o-b. but...im blessed all over, anyway. God is good! my parents are amazing people, too. I don't matter to most people, but I matter to God, I matter to my parents, and...well, I'll just keep on praying for His perfect will, that's all there is to do, really.

 

[Corn Pop]

Its hard for anyone to get up when they have been put down in the past or had it rough for a long time. You are a very intelligent person C.E., and I think you know it but are struggling to find your feet and need more self confidence. . Have you ever thought of doing a confidence course?. Its good for the body and mind.

 

[Corn Pop]

CE, I always pray for you. I think you need self confidence, you are a very intelligent person.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, kiwidan.