I could really use some prayer warriors in my corner right now. I'm going through a deep valley and I feel like The Lord is silent and distant right now. I feel as if I chose Him but He never chose me. Every time I read my Bible or try to listen to some encouragement from other believers, my soul is screaming that I don't belong to Him and I'm not one of His children. I was saved in 1986 on Father's Day. I prayed the sinner's prayer and immediately I felt as if a ton of bricks was lifted off of my shoulders. And for the first 5 years of my walk with Jesus I was really on fire for him. I spent hours in the word and in prayer. If I knew the name of every person on Earth I would have prayed for everyone. I was witnessing to people and sharing the gospel; but then something happened and I got off the path and I was that way for about 25 years. and now for the past 4 years I've been trying to get back home, like the Prodigal Son, but it's just not working. it's not happening and I feel even more distant and alone and withdrawn from God that I ever have. I have prayed and begged and pleaded with the Lord to forgive me of whatever it is that I have done to anger and disappoint Him, but nothing has changed. I feel as if He has blotted me out of his book of life and he has turned his back on me. I am despairing of life itself. Please know that I will never take my own life, yet I pray for death everyday because I am so miserable.