handy
Member
- Jun 21, 2007
- 10,028
- 99
There was a very special bus. It was very special because it was the bus to Sesame Street. Because it was so very special, it needed a very special bus driver. The very special bus driver was a guy by the name of Ross. Ross was a special driver indeed, always friendly and taking all who wanted to go to Sesame Street, no matter how many or how few, with kindness, cheerfulness, and efficiency.
One day, when Ross arrived at the bus depot, he found he had only 3 passengers. There were a mother and her son. Her name was Patricia and her son's name was Patrick. Now, because Patricia and Patrick were quite heavy, Ross ushered them to the back of the bus which had a large bench seat upon which they both could sit comfortably and safely.
The third passenger was a guy. A very religious guy. He prayed about everything. Before he got on the bus, he said to Ross, "Let us pray for a safe trip to Sesame Street." Which Ross, being blessed with special patience, said "OK". Then Ross ushered him onto the bus, and as he did so, he noticed that the guy limped. Ross asked "Are you OK?" The man answered, "I have these bunions. I pray and pray and pray about them. Every night I say to my wife, "Let us pray about my bunions." And every night, my wife warms up vinegar for me to soak my feet in, and it soothes my bunions.
Ross wanted the man to sit down, but at every seat, the man would say, "Let us pray if this is the right seat." They prayed at each seat, and finally the man must have been moved by the Spirit, for he finally sat down. Ross then went to start the bus.
So, there they were, two obese Patty's, Special Ross, "Let us Pray" with pickled bunions all on the Sesame Street bus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two monks decided to leave the monastery and open a flower shop in order to raise funds for the other friars. Their flower shop was quite successful. Their prices were so good, their arrangements so nice and their deliveries so speedy that they soon put the other flower shop in town out of business.
Unfortunately the other flower shop was owned by a guy named Lenny who was involved with the mob. Lenny didn't appreciate the good monks pushing in on his territory. Lenny went over to the monks and told them that he wanted them to close shop and go on back to the monastery. The monks refused. So, Lenny had a "friend" of his named Hugh go over and have a little talk with the monks, if you know what I mean. By the time Hugh finished "talking" with the monks, they were more than ready to get out of town.
Proving once again that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There lived in a little village a tribe who were ruled by their chief. The chief was such a wonderful leader of the village. Even though it was a very poor village (all the homes were only grass huts) the chief saw to it that everyone had plenty to eat, that they made peace with the other tribes around and that the villagers were as healthy and as happy as could be.
Because of this the villagers loved their chief. And, because they loved him so much, they wanted to do something very special for him. So they saved and saved and saved and saved. Finally, they had saved enough to get the chief a throne of solid gold. They presented their chief with his solid gold throne, and took his old chair out and put it behind the hut so that the throne would fit in the chief's hut. The chief thanked his people for their wonderful gift.
Now, it had taken the good people so long to save up enough for the throne, that by now the chief was quite an old man. So old, that it made his bones sore to sit on the gold throne. As much as he appreciated the thoughtfulness of his people, he really just wanted his comfortable old chair back. But, he didn't want to hurt the feelings of his people...what to do, what to do?
Finally, the chief decided that he would hide his throne in the grass of his hut's roof. He would then bring his old chair in. If anyone came, he could switch the two chairs and then the people would never find out that he didn't like their gift.
So, he hefted the gold throne up into the grass roof. He then brought his old chair in and sat down in it. Unfortunately, the throne was too heavy for the roof. It fell through, crashing down on the chief below and killed him.
It's so true...people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dale Evans bought Roy Rogers a new pair of cowboy boots. Roy loved those boots. They were made of the finest of leather and worked by a true artisan so that they were really beautiful. Roy wore those boots everywhere.
Everywhere that is except in the house. Dale Evans loved Roy, but after all they did live on a ranch. All shoes, even the new boots, had to stay on the porch.
One night, a cougar came down out of the hills. Smelling the leather, it found the boots on the porch. The cougar found that the boots tasted pretty well. It really tore into them. It made so much noise that it woke up Roy. Roy came running out of the house and the cougar ran off. But, too late. The boots were totally ruined. This made Roy so made that he straight away saddled up Trigger and ran off after that cat.
Late the next morning a very tired Roy Rogers and Trigger returned to the Double R Bar Ranch. Over the back of the saddle was a dead cougar. Dale came out to the porch and sang...
"Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?"
One day, when Ross arrived at the bus depot, he found he had only 3 passengers. There were a mother and her son. Her name was Patricia and her son's name was Patrick. Now, because Patricia and Patrick were quite heavy, Ross ushered them to the back of the bus which had a large bench seat upon which they both could sit comfortably and safely.
The third passenger was a guy. A very religious guy. He prayed about everything. Before he got on the bus, he said to Ross, "Let us pray for a safe trip to Sesame Street." Which Ross, being blessed with special patience, said "OK". Then Ross ushered him onto the bus, and as he did so, he noticed that the guy limped. Ross asked "Are you OK?" The man answered, "I have these bunions. I pray and pray and pray about them. Every night I say to my wife, "Let us pray about my bunions." And every night, my wife warms up vinegar for me to soak my feet in, and it soothes my bunions.
Ross wanted the man to sit down, but at every seat, the man would say, "Let us pray if this is the right seat." They prayed at each seat, and finally the man must have been moved by the Spirit, for he finally sat down. Ross then went to start the bus.
So, there they were, two obese Patty's, Special Ross, "Let us Pray" with pickled bunions all on the Sesame Street bus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two monks decided to leave the monastery and open a flower shop in order to raise funds for the other friars. Their flower shop was quite successful. Their prices were so good, their arrangements so nice and their deliveries so speedy that they soon put the other flower shop in town out of business.
Unfortunately the other flower shop was owned by a guy named Lenny who was involved with the mob. Lenny didn't appreciate the good monks pushing in on his territory. Lenny went over to the monks and told them that he wanted them to close shop and go on back to the monastery. The monks refused. So, Lenny had a "friend" of his named Hugh go over and have a little talk with the monks, if you know what I mean. By the time Hugh finished "talking" with the monks, they were more than ready to get out of town.
Proving once again that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There lived in a little village a tribe who were ruled by their chief. The chief was such a wonderful leader of the village. Even though it was a very poor village (all the homes were only grass huts) the chief saw to it that everyone had plenty to eat, that they made peace with the other tribes around and that the villagers were as healthy and as happy as could be.
Because of this the villagers loved their chief. And, because they loved him so much, they wanted to do something very special for him. So they saved and saved and saved and saved. Finally, they had saved enough to get the chief a throne of solid gold. They presented their chief with his solid gold throne, and took his old chair out and put it behind the hut so that the throne would fit in the chief's hut. The chief thanked his people for their wonderful gift.
Now, it had taken the good people so long to save up enough for the throne, that by now the chief was quite an old man. So old, that it made his bones sore to sit on the gold throne. As much as he appreciated the thoughtfulness of his people, he really just wanted his comfortable old chair back. But, he didn't want to hurt the feelings of his people...what to do, what to do?
Finally, the chief decided that he would hide his throne in the grass of his hut's roof. He would then bring his old chair in. If anyone came, he could switch the two chairs and then the people would never find out that he didn't like their gift.
So, he hefted the gold throne up into the grass roof. He then brought his old chair in and sat down in it. Unfortunately, the throne was too heavy for the roof. It fell through, crashing down on the chief below and killed him.
It's so true...people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dale Evans bought Roy Rogers a new pair of cowboy boots. Roy loved those boots. They were made of the finest of leather and worked by a true artisan so that they were really beautiful. Roy wore those boots everywhere.
Everywhere that is except in the house. Dale Evans loved Roy, but after all they did live on a ranch. All shoes, even the new boots, had to stay on the porch.
One night, a cougar came down out of the hills. Smelling the leather, it found the boots on the porch. The cougar found that the boots tasted pretty well. It really tore into them. It made so much noise that it woke up Roy. Roy came running out of the house and the cougar ran off. But, too late. The boots were totally ruined. This made Roy so made that he straight away saddled up Trigger and ran off after that cat.
Late the next morning a very tired Roy Rogers and Trigger returned to the Double R Bar Ranch. Over the back of the saddle was a dead cougar. Dale came out to the porch and sang...
"Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?"
