Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
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Ahh, yes...NPD. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Of all the personality disorders, its supposed to be the hardest to treat...intractable...maybe behavior modification can help...that's about it.
I was apparently diagnosed w/ NPD at 17-18 years old. To be fair, teenagers can meet the criteria for NPD and then mellow out over time ("corrective life experiences") and not meet the criteria. Narcissists--true NPDers--bring out the demon in people, especially the mental health people in charge of treatment. That was (is?) definitely true of me. I was told I had Bipolar II, a psychotic disorder, this that and the other thing...and the pills kept piling on. By 19, I was burned out (I had crows feet, even) and my brain...stopped working. "Tardive dementia..." I was Rx'd too high a dose of an atypical antipsychotic, which lowered my IQ and also caused tics ("Tardive dyskinesia"). Both conditions are usually irreversible.
A lot happened after that...involuntary electroshock, jail, a 1 year Christian rehabilitation program...most importantly, I got saved a bit less than 3 years ago. Its weird...I kind of assumed I was Christian because I went through (and completed) the rehab program. That's not how it works, lol.
Anyway, Narcissism is *so* incredibly stigmatized, its no wonder NPD-ers never change. Do a Google search on it...NPD-ers are being demonized by just about every pop psychologist out there. Back in the 70s, when there was still a heavy psychoanalytic influence on psychiatry, shrinks were encouraged to show empathy, set boundaries, listen to the patient. These days...if my experience is any indication...its punishment-as-treatment.
I read on some shrink's blog that in order to stop being a Narcissist--because, as he put it, true Narcissism is who you *are*, not something you *have*--you'd have to become a completely different person. Secular shrinks clearly can't do that. I mean, not to sound anti-psychiatry or whatever (I take meds myself), but there are definite limits to what Mental Health, Inc. can do for you. Jesus did for me what He does for all His children...He transformed me. It is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. "Know Jesus, Know Change."
I'm apparently diagnosed w/ a severe form of Bipolar I. I don't see what the big deal is...its mostly a particularly severe form of depression (psychotic depression, which is surprisingly common and under-researched, btw). I take my lil cocktail, no big thing...by Christ's grace, I do well. The 1 episode I had that I think was labeled "manic" was...terrifying...so, yeah. Antipsychotics, anti-manics, all that stuff. Probably...indefinitely...and that's OK.
These days, people don't believe a hardcore NPD-er can change. I was labeled not just w/ narcissism, but "Hopelessly narcissistic." In truth, a little bit of compassion would have gone a long way...but compassion is hard to come by when you're a "narcissistic loser from a rinky dink middle class family" (other peoples' words, not mine). Mental Health, Inc. gives you about as much compassion as you can afford. Even then, compassion is given...when you "know your place," as they say 'round here (its...SC). I'm bad at "knowing my place," so...compassion hasn't exactly been forthcoming, until recently.
God is good to His children. I'm less and less imprisoned in myself, which is a huge blessing. The whole Bipolar I thing...I guess (?) makes sense. I do much better on meds than off, that's for sure. Bipolar I is one of the more treatable "severe mental illnesses," and newer meds are more tolerable and less mind-numbing than the older ones, so...not too bad, honestly.
I'm rambling. As is often the case, I'm writing as I figure things out (possibly before, lol). Point is...NPD-ers need help...they need Jesus, more obviously than others. I realize now that Mental Health, Inc. is just a reflection of society...they tend to be more conservative, more materialistic, more judgmental, and more anti-intellectual than society at large. They can also be brutal. That said, anti-psychiatry isn't the answer. Christ didn't save me so I could waste my life as an anti-psychiatry activist, rehashing my own abusive "treatment." Besides, now that Jesus has intervened...I can see things from their perspective better. They really didn't see any hope for me, so they destroyed me (and made $$$ doing it, too). Happens, more often that we may realize.
Blah blah...I'll stop rambling. I just wanna Praise The Lord for His work in my life. Because I'm no longer narcissistic, I'm also no longer: promiscuous, self-destructive, prone to addiction, neurotic, unable to empathize. I don't have NPD daydreams of beauty and success. Really, NPD is human nature...in its purest form. Everybody is somewhat NPD, until and unless they get saved.
I was apparently diagnosed w/ NPD at 17-18 years old. To be fair, teenagers can meet the criteria for NPD and then mellow out over time ("corrective life experiences") and not meet the criteria. Narcissists--true NPDers--bring out the demon in people, especially the mental health people in charge of treatment. That was (is?) definitely true of me. I was told I had Bipolar II, a psychotic disorder, this that and the other thing...and the pills kept piling on. By 19, I was burned out (I had crows feet, even) and my brain...stopped working. "Tardive dementia..." I was Rx'd too high a dose of an atypical antipsychotic, which lowered my IQ and also caused tics ("Tardive dyskinesia"). Both conditions are usually irreversible.
A lot happened after that...involuntary electroshock, jail, a 1 year Christian rehabilitation program...most importantly, I got saved a bit less than 3 years ago. Its weird...I kind of assumed I was Christian because I went through (and completed) the rehab program. That's not how it works, lol.
Anyway, Narcissism is *so* incredibly stigmatized, its no wonder NPD-ers never change. Do a Google search on it...NPD-ers are being demonized by just about every pop psychologist out there. Back in the 70s, when there was still a heavy psychoanalytic influence on psychiatry, shrinks were encouraged to show empathy, set boundaries, listen to the patient. These days...if my experience is any indication...its punishment-as-treatment.
I read on some shrink's blog that in order to stop being a Narcissist--because, as he put it, true Narcissism is who you *are*, not something you *have*--you'd have to become a completely different person. Secular shrinks clearly can't do that. I mean, not to sound anti-psychiatry or whatever (I take meds myself), but there are definite limits to what Mental Health, Inc. can do for you. Jesus did for me what He does for all His children...He transformed me. It is no longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. "Know Jesus, Know Change."
I'm apparently diagnosed w/ a severe form of Bipolar I. I don't see what the big deal is...its mostly a particularly severe form of depression (psychotic depression, which is surprisingly common and under-researched, btw). I take my lil cocktail, no big thing...by Christ's grace, I do well. The 1 episode I had that I think was labeled "manic" was...terrifying...so, yeah. Antipsychotics, anti-manics, all that stuff. Probably...indefinitely...and that's OK.
These days, people don't believe a hardcore NPD-er can change. I was labeled not just w/ narcissism, but "Hopelessly narcissistic." In truth, a little bit of compassion would have gone a long way...but compassion is hard to come by when you're a "narcissistic loser from a rinky dink middle class family" (other peoples' words, not mine). Mental Health, Inc. gives you about as much compassion as you can afford. Even then, compassion is given...when you "know your place," as they say 'round here (its...SC). I'm bad at "knowing my place," so...compassion hasn't exactly been forthcoming, until recently.
God is good to His children. I'm less and less imprisoned in myself, which is a huge blessing. The whole Bipolar I thing...I guess (?) makes sense. I do much better on meds than off, that's for sure. Bipolar I is one of the more treatable "severe mental illnesses," and newer meds are more tolerable and less mind-numbing than the older ones, so...not too bad, honestly.
I'm rambling. As is often the case, I'm writing as I figure things out (possibly before, lol). Point is...NPD-ers need help...they need Jesus, more obviously than others. I realize now that Mental Health, Inc. is just a reflection of society...they tend to be more conservative, more materialistic, more judgmental, and more anti-intellectual than society at large. They can also be brutal. That said, anti-psychiatry isn't the answer. Christ didn't save me so I could waste my life as an anti-psychiatry activist, rehashing my own abusive "treatment." Besides, now that Jesus has intervened...I can see things from their perspective better. They really didn't see any hope for me, so they destroyed me (and made $$$ doing it, too). Happens, more often that we may realize.
Blah blah...I'll stop rambling. I just wanna Praise The Lord for His work in my life. Because I'm no longer narcissistic, I'm also no longer: promiscuous, self-destructive, prone to addiction, neurotic, unable to empathize. I don't have NPD daydreams of beauty and success. Really, NPD is human nature...in its purest form. Everybody is somewhat NPD, until and unless they get saved.
I realize that rehashing, getting it straight in our own minds, and grasping the benefits I've been delivered of is of great peace. I do forget those things behind, and reach forth to the life God wants me to have in Him, but what love we can have of what God is doing, and has done in our lives.