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One of our teen's is stealing from us?

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J

jruner

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What do we do? We are praying together and we will confront our teen. They are stealing energy products and hiding them i.e. coffee and some energy snacks (received from a food bank), which we have now thrown away to take away access. This teen gets very angry with too much caffeine and tries to have to have it in insane amounts. We are also experiencing increasing bully behavior towards our disabled daughter who can not always verbalize what happened. We love our children very much this one is willfully disobeying and is so chronically angry it truly has us deeply concerned and they just will not talk to anyone about it.

Thank you,

John
 
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j, there is life after teens.... i am a bit lost as to who he is stealing from? Sorta reads like you say he is stealing from his own house?

Medical check up to see if they are lacking some nutriment and therefore craving caffeine.
 
Done medical check up all normal. Yes stealing from own house sometimes small amount of money a few dollars, usually things from siblings, us or caffeine of any kind. He would drink a twelve pack of mountain dew in one day every day, if we let him. He says "I must have it and if you don't let me you can go to ....!". He literally goes into rages about caffeine. Total denial about stealing. He stores anything he can hide with caffeine in it. He thinks we should provide him with energy drinks because a twelve pack is not enough caffeine and we will not let him have a twelve pack. He can work all day at a physical job or play on a football team no problem.

Thanks
 
jruner said:
Done medical check up all normal. Yes stealing from own house sometimes small amount of money a few dollars, usually things from siblings, us or caffeine of any kind. He would drink a twelve pack of mountain dew in one day every day, if we let him. He says "I must have it and if you don't let me you can go to ....!". He literally goes into rages about caffeine. Total denial about stealing. He stores anything he can hide with caffeine in it. He thinks we should provide him with energy drinks because a twelve pack is not enough caffeine and we will not let him have a twelve pack. He can work all day at a physical job or play on a football team no problem.

Thanks
Click to expand...

First of all, if he's stealing from you, then he shouldn't be allowed to play football! I'd talk to his coach.

2nd, I know a LOT of people that are literally addicted to Mt. Dew. My sister is one. She's always got one in her hand and when she goes without, she gets horrible headaches. I hate Mt. Dew, but it must be FULL of caffeine and sugar. I even have patients that have come in for fasting labwork and they are literally shaking because they haven't had their Mt. Dew. So, he may have a point when he says he "needs" it.

How old is he?
 
He is sixteen and we have talked to Physician's about our concerns and get this "it is just a phase type of response". We feel it is much more than that and are not sure he will talk to anyone about it (phase has gone almost a year now), but want to try. Being in the low income bracket it is not easy to just go right to counseling, especially in a rural area. We hope the doctor is going to listen since this seems to be escalating. Our daughter who has cerebral palsy does not want to be alone with him (she was hyperventilating a day ago) as she is the greatest target of the anger and denial.

We also have an adult that he has worked for in the past telling him it is not a big deal to miss school to work, just ignore parents when he disagrees with them. No access allowed to that adult anymore. The adult left a short message on our recorder using profane language and never even said what they wanted (quite disturbing).

The Mtn. Dew is an Addiction for sure.

When he causes emotional harm to his sister there seems to be no concern about it at all, like it didn't happen.

He will not play football with this going on he also refuses to home-school (sits, so I give him chores) and then says I have no problems I'm fine! I will get into college. We are working to get him to a counselor (found all the hoops I need to jump through) and have tried before, please pray they listen this time! In his words "I need caffeine, I don't steal, I don't bully my sister, I don't need education, I do need to sleep until noon and I will get into college and I am not angry!!!"
 
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It seems caffeine is a popular drug of choice for teens today. They sell ADD pills at school, drink caffeine shot drinks, pop... I think part of the problem is how early high school starts in many towns. Kids this age need more sleep than other ages, but they get so little. You could hold your ground and buy a 12-pack a week, but he would go thru that in short order, leaving none for others who want only one. Is there any way to have the pop locked up, so everyone relies on a parent to get one?

If you don't have proof or he doesn't admit to stealing, punishment doesn't seem like a good answer. Have you confronted him about it? What does or would he say?
 
He has stolen money from his brother and sister and us saying it's because he does not want to save what he has made from jobs or allowance and is out of cash for soda or junk food (he is a skinny muscular kid). He has also stolen anything that will give him an energy high as he calls it and hidden coffee, energy products and salty snacks. Stolen items and money are hidden in dressers, empty CD cases, disguised tin cans etc. We tested him medically found nothing abnormal. I found out late last night he has been hitting his brother every few weeks and mad that bro will not hit back (dead arming) and intimidating him about it, by making him wait an hour to get away from him after he hits him.

This behavior has been increasing and some hidden for almost a year. In that time a grandfather died and the biological father was incarcerated again. The behavior was going on before and the doctors said it was just a phase? He has also started to throw things around siblings rooms or break some of their favorite things occasionally.

He denies stealing He will make statements of "I don't know how I got that, oh well am I supposed to give it back or is it mine since I have it now". He admits to loving the pleasure of physical pain and needing, no craving caffeine and has no real response to hurting others.

There is a lot going on here.
 
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Yea thats a messed up situation J.

I think I would crack down on him a bit more though.

You wanna steal? Cool,Ill just help myself to your tv,stereo,cell phone,etc.And I wouldnt give it back until his behavior gets back in line,particularly concerning the school work.Oh and that job?..Ill be speaking to your boss and until further notice Ill be standing with you in the bank and smile when you hand your paycheck to me.

Aggression? Theres a way to treat that too.Put him doing some hard work in the yard while you stand over him and nit-pick him while hes going about it.Work it out of him,and give him no compensation for doing so.

Now concerning the disabled daughter whos picked on..there I would have a real problem.Any time I see that I would make it a point to get sideways with him for a bit to see how he likes it.I wouldnt have that one bit at all.

Social life..can I get a LOL? Not until things iron out.

And since he likes to hide his ill-gotten gains around his room..

Remove the door to his room.Remove all objects that can be used to hide things,possibly even padlocking his closet.Have him keep the room absolutely pristine,and if he doesnt theres always more work to be done,including cleaning his siblings rooms.

Some may say this sounds mean,but what you have on your hands is a bigger problem waiting in the wings if you cant break him now.Extremely strong-willed individuals often require stronger than necessary punishment when they refuse to get back in line with right/wrong behavior.Not everyone would agree to this kind of approach,but when rationale and reasonable punishment fail,steps must be taken.Its either you now or prison later.

I wish the best for you though J..I know that no matter which way this falls it will be a hard road to travel.Hopefully he is just going through a phase..I went through one of these myself.

I was a good kid until high school.At that point I just literally lost my mind.Stealing,vandalism,fighting,arson,minor drug use and other unsavory characteristics were what my mother had to deal with.Thankfully, my mother was a hard woman.The majority of the things I did she never knew about,but the things she did catch me doing she gave me sheer hell for.At times I hated her back then,but later on..prob early/mid 20s..I know why she did.When it all fell in place and even now Im so glad she was.It literally saved my life.
 
I will consider this and still prefer middle ground and above all a biblical counseling approach, which is not available here in our rural area sadly. But this kid needs to know he is not in charge that I do agree with.

God is in charge I just pray this teen could get that message!
 
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My girls used to slam their doors when they got mad. I got so fed up one day after an argument and door slam that I removed the door completely from it's hinges. Removing the door for a week became punishment after that every single time a door was slammed. Once, my oldest went 3 weeks without a door. No sooner would I get it back on, she would slam it again and it would come right back off. It didn't take long before the door slamming finally stopped completely. :)

Good luck to you. I was just telling my husband last night that I didn't like teenagers at all...including my own last night! I will always love my girls, but I do NOT always like them!
 
If it was me I would confront the teen about this and if I was not satisfied with the response that I got , I would remove everything from the childs room leaving them with an empty room with only a blanket and pillow . The teen would then need to buy there items back , one at a time .

As for this caffeine addiction , he does need help and fast . God forbid he discovers cocaine .
 
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