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OTR spouse

ReginaForbes

ReginaForbes

Member
My husband is dissatisfied with his job, long story, but he's looking into getting his "Class A" license so he can go OTR (over the road) and drive a big-rig. His current job is pretty similar, he has his "Class B" and is gone sometimes for a day or two- at the most 4 days. And I can handle that just fine- gives me a chance to work on projects around the house...but my biggest fear is that he'll forget about me. Not like cheating or anything like that, but I mean, totally forget. Yes, I know it's totally irrational, but I've always had that fear that someone I love would totally forget about me.
But fears aside, what are some of the perks/downside of having a spouse who is away a lot. Should he go for it? Does anyone have experience or advice they could impart?
 
Hi Regina, I think when you really love someone they could never forget about you. If nothing else the time away from you should make him love and miss you more. I would not worry about that. I think you should sit down and talk with your husband about this and see if he can ease your mind some. How long have you two been married if I may ask?
 
mswright6488 said:
Hi Regina, I think when you really love someone they could never forget about you. If nothing else the time away from you should make him love and miss you more. I would not worry about that. I think you should sit down and talk with your husband about this and see if he can ease your mind some. How long have you two been married if I may ask?
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We've been together for about 5 years now. He's one of the few people who I would say "totally gets me". I think I have that irrational fear because I do have a tendency to just quietly disappear from people's lives. It takes great effort for me to spend time with people as I'm too comfortable being a loner.
 
I understand my sister... its hard to get used to having a husband or someone that cares about you for the first time maybe in your whole life. Don't worry... Jesus says (Do Not Fear) He is with you and will help you until you get over some stuff in your past.
 
Gina, I have never spent a night in a truck stop that was not full service. Even in the road side Rest Stops, service is available. It can be difficult to get a good night's rest for the beating on the doors and it is wise to never forget that men are sight inspired.

None of the drivers I worked with were married to the lass they began with. And I forgot, 4 days will become 60 and one will become 30, that's a long separation for youngsters.
 
ReginaForbes said:
We've been together for about 5 years now. He's one of the few people who I would say "totally gets me". I think I have that irrational fear because I do have a tendency to just quietly disappear from people's lives. It takes great effort for me to spend time with people as I'm too comfortable being a loner.
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I'm not sure irrational is necessarily wrong ... but then I suffer from anxiety, because -- well irrational happened too often...
But, If he totally gets you -- then I think the issues involved (which I have seen, but not personally experienced) would only lie along the line that some men tend toward depression when separated, and begin to wonder if they "still have it." when it comes to attractiveness. You haven't said anything about his christian attitude or not, so there's no way for me to know how he would struggle with the temptation if he had it. But, where I would be most concerned is that your loner attitude might cause a conflict later on down the line which he takes with him on the road and serves as a temptation.

The more likes, and activities, you share in common by preference -- I think the lower the risk is statistically of him becoming alienated; Most people who survive three years of marriage, do fairly well until around roughly 10 years into their relationship (not 10 years from marriage, but from day 1 of dating and that's important.). Statistically, people have the most difficult times in their marriages at around the 10 year mark. So -- you're sort of in the happy medium, as far as I can tell.... but realize, things do happen -- and God does seem to allow a - lot of people to be put to the divine test at around 10 years.

OTOH, some men find that being out and doing things -- and then coming home -- allows them to clear their head, and come back a 'little hungry' for affection, which is not a bad thing. They don't fall into a bad habit because they're around every day -- and there is a saying, the constant dripping of water wears away the stone. (Proverbs 27:15-17) I have had some friends (christian) who are truck drivers and that's kind of how it is with them, they actually do better with the distance. Sorry -- though -- I don't get along well enough with their wives to be able to give you the female side of the scuttlebutt...

However, I would caution you -- long distance truck driving is a can of worms in a couple of ways; esp; dirt being done with contracts, because owners of freight do things to get the drivers between a rock and a hard place with contracts -- and second, that there appears to be quite a difference with long distance trucking vibration and pressure on spinal columns with accumulation of bone spurs in the backbone as opposed to city deliveries, and short one or two day hauls. I've known a lot of long distance drivers who became debilitated over this issue.... so, you might want to look at the genetics on his side of the family, to see if there are any issues with bone spurs before he gets really started on it.

Blessings to you,
Your brother in Christ, Jesus, Andrew.
 
ReginaForbes said:
My husband is dissatisfied with his job, long story, but he's looking into getting his "Class A" license so he can go OTR (over the road) and drive a big-rig. His current job is pretty similar, he has his "Class B" and is gone sometimes for a day or two- at the most 4 days. And I can handle that just fine- gives me a chance to work on projects around the house...but my biggest fear is that he'll forget about me. Not like cheating or anything like that, but I mean, totally forget. Yes, I know it's totally irrational, but I've always had that fear that someone I love would totally forget about me.
But fears aside, what are some of the perks/downside of having a spouse who is away a lot. Should he go for it? Does anyone have experience or advice they could impart?
Click to expand...
If he decides to do this it is much easier now to keep in close touch. When my dh has worked away from home for months at a time we spoke to each every night. Cell phones make it easy.
 
My dad is a long-distance driver, and he was/is away from home for months... They are still together with my mum... BUT... He has a short temper and gets easily bored at home, so distance actually helped my parents' marriage like in the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder". On the other hand, there are disadvantages to that as well, my sister and I didn't have opportunity to spend enough time with our dad and it was a lot of pressure on my mum, but still it was easier for her to deal with my dad's character that way. You shouldn't be nervous, but try to communicate your concerns to your husband and see what he says.
 
Either he should not go for it, or you should be on the rig with him (if feasible). It makes no sense otherwise for a married couple, especially if there are children at home.
 
See if there are trips on which you can join him. Could almost be like a vacation, but he is getting paid for it.
 
I drove OTR for 11 years, but I was never gone for more than 2 and a half weeks. Back then every call was long distance on a pay phone so the alternative was Ham radio.
The prostitutes are called Lot Lizards, or Soiled doves. Take your pick. The rest areas were called Pickle Parks because of their homosexual activity, but honestly, neither were as rampant as one might expect.
While I never cheated on my ex-spouse, she took the liberty numerous times. Needless to say, me being gone for extended periods just didn't work out for our marriage. That doesn't mean it can't work out for others. For example, my Dad drove OTR several years and he just turned 80 and is still married. However, my Step Mom had 5 kids to raise while Dad was off and about and she's not one to cheat either. However, she wasn't very good with the bills I'm told so when my Dad got off the long haul, he had some clean up to do.

Today you have cell phones, so if he goes OTR, get a good plan and talk daily and when you can go with him, then go. But more importantly, don't let him go OTR for years on end. Use it to get him a good job driving local that pays as much as OTR. In other words, use the OTR as a stepping stone to gain the experience needed to get a good driving job in your local area. Sure, he could get some local driving jobs, but chance are they would suck...

Good luck in your decisions.
 
th1b.taylor said:
Gina, I have never spent a night in a truck stop that was not full service. Even in the road side Rest Stops, service is available. It can be difficult to get a good night's rest for the beating on the doors and it is wise to never forget that men are sight inspired.

None of the drivers I worked with were married to the lass they began with. And I forgot, 4 days will become 60 and one will become 30, that's a long separation for youngsters.
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Malachi said:
Either he should not go for it, or you should be on the rig with him (if feasible). It makes no sense otherwise for a married couple, especially if there are children at home.
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I can assure you with over 10 years of being over the road that it's not a good idea for him to be leaving his wife with such a young marriage. When the wife gets established, doing her own ministery full time, and the Husband is working after many years of building up the marriage would this even be a good idea.

Companies like Covenant or PTI will train both Husband and wife and put them together as team drivers. I think the training for PTI is free, which truck school normally cost around 3-5K to get a CDL.

Once you have some experience 2 years as a team, then companies like Schneider have a awesome lease program to own your own truck together. Schneider lets you pick your loads off a Job board, so you can plan your loads for all week, know the miles, the pay of the load and what states you go through to figure fuel tax as each State is different. You can also route yourself home anytime you want. some of these teams take home over 100,000 a year, and do that for 5 years can set you up as a couple to do other things, like own your house and start a business.

The Facts:
Trucking companies exaggerate what a driver will make. I have not run into one that does not. Your husband can expect around 20-25K his first year, which is not a lot of money. His expenses will be pretty high starting out as a new driver.

My last year of trucking at .41 cents/mile I made 56,000. I only made that being with a company that gave me the miles and knowing how to run properly after 10 years of experience. I was able to get home every two weeks, but it takes experience to get hired by companies that will allow you to do this. I had to run really hard when I was out and always tried to get 2500 miles or more for the week.

Your Husband know what a APU is? Does he have to give up his truck after more than 3 days off? What will his routes be? What is He starting out at?

Many new drivers get pulled in by the promises of what they can make. Most don't last more than a year, and it's not all fun and games when you hit WY and there is 50Mph cross winds coming through the mountains.

I think it's a bad idea unless your willing to train and go with him, and come up with a plan to set money aside for a future plan. Don't lease a truck without talking to lots of other lease drivers and have more than a couple years experience. It may sound good, but most get burned, not having the experience to lease their own truck.
 
Sparrowhawke said:
AAFP Article: Prolonged Sitting Linked to Serious Health Risks, Death
Article found in 'The Road' online magazine: Truck Driver Health and Fitness

1 Cor 7:5
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Death?

That's encouraging. :eek

The good news is that after a year of looking for another trucking job, turned down over 25 times.... yes I counted them, I got hired today for PTL (Trucking Job) in Murray, KY.

My past of 17 years ago, and coupled with not driving since 2006 and a small 2 month driving with SWIFT did not qualify me for all the new insurance policies that have come in place since Obama care changed the insurance industry.

One thing though, not my first rodeo, and though it's easy to get in despair, and get bitter while the bills still come in, and your constantly told NO. Faith don't stop. I even asked God several times if this what I was suppose to do, since most things with God are smooth and easy. When things are not working, make sure you check in with Heaven, get direction again, get more information. I would just love to go somewhere and preach the Word every day and get paid so my needs get met. Things are not always right now, or right when you want them.

God gave me some more direction though, things I had not considered while filling out applications. Had I listened sooner, I would not have waited so long. I was going for the wrong companies, and filling things out improperly. I wanted top of the line trucking companies that would pay me what I made in 2006. Well, if you stay focused on being money led, and not God led, then you miss out on that Job. God has paid every single bill supernaturally, helped us, had mercy, and is just amazing.

For those that are struggling, don't give up, don't get to feeling sorry for yourself, don't change your joy, the Joy of the Lord is your strength. You will miss out, if you do. Hang around folks that can encourage you, not folks that side with your problems. I hate unbelief in any form, just stay away from unbelief.
Not only God can, but more important to believe is that God will, and has never failed anyone that did no give up. You don't reap if you faint, so hang in there.

I do have exercise planed for the truck though. Resistance bands, and weights can make a difference in health while driving a truck. I exercise every day now anyway, in a truck it's harder, but it's something like prayer, you just make the time.

I leave for Murray KY in 3 weeks for orientation. If I don't get myself banned again, I'll be around until then.

Blessings.
 
I also have experience with this, so I'll add mine to the stack.

It's not always the husbands fault when a marriage breaks up due to long absences like happen when he is an OTR trucker. I did this too. And within a couple of months my wife became very board with me gone all the time. She wanted to make extra money so she could feel she had some independence because she was beginning to distrust that I would return all the time. She was bored and wanted some excitement in her life like she used to have before I went out driving but now missed. So she got a job... as a stripper in a local club. She had the looks and talent for it, so she quickly became popular. That was exciting to her and made her feel accepted and wanted. All moral issues aside, she needed this since my continued absence for such long periods was making her feel like I didn't want or accept her anymore. After a while, she found she could even be more accepted by being willing to cater to some of the female patrons as well, and then eventually gained even more attention and acceptance by becoming a prostitute. This didn't work out well at all. You may not be the kind of woman to do those kind of things at all, but the point I'm making is that the separation of spouses can and will effect both parties in ways that are bad and unexpected.

I forgave my wife and we tried to work that all out, but I think the damage had been done and eventually she walked out on me. Maybe it was because of other problems, like financial issues, but I also think she could never forgive me for leaving her all alone like that. (And I'd only done it for a short time!) It's just not a good idea. In my opinion from my experience, if someone wants to be an OTR trucker, they either need to be single or their spouse needs to be their co-driver. And that in itself can be problematic in the opposite way. Sometimes spouses need that 8 to 10 hour break from each other during working days to get along, but when they are crammed together in the small space of a truck 24/7 for the foreseeable future a lot of problems come up and they find out they don't get along so well afterall. This is really common. So with the rare exception of spouses who can handle all that, I don't think it's a good idea at all.
 
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I hate to see what the doctors say about my excessive walking where I average 20000 steps a day.
 
jasonc said:
I hate to see what the doctors say about my excessive walking where I average 20000 steps a day.
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Has to be unhealthy for your knee joints. If you don't walk, that also has to be unhealthy for you.

blessings Jason.
 
Brother Mike said:
Has to be unhealthy for your knee joints. If you don't walk, that also has to be unhealthy for you.

blessings Jason.
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I know, what doesn't the doctors warn about? warning, paying your doctor is most hazardous to your health. you might have sit on your job for some hours to pay that bill.
 
ReginaForbes said:
My husband is dissatisfied with his job, long story, but he's looking into getting his "Class A" license so he can go OTR (over the road) and drive a big-rig. His current job is pretty similar, he has his "Class B" and is gone sometimes for a day or two- at the most 4 days. And I can handle that just fine- gives me a chance to work on projects around the house...but my biggest fear is that he'll forget about me. Not like cheating or anything like that, but I mean, totally forget. Yes, I know it's totally irrational, but I've always had that fear that someone I love would totally forget about me.
But fears aside, what are some of the perks/downside of having a spouse who is away a lot. Should he go for it? Does anyone have experience or advice they could impart?
Click to expand...

We have all seen your original Avatar, the picture of yourself.

He won't forget about you!!!


JLB
 
Goodness, I forgot all about the health risk... Before I started driving truck, I could jog 10 miles and work all day. A few years into it I remember a friend who's battery died and I went to give her car a push. Gad, my legs about fell out from under me and I had no breath. I had dropped over 15 pounds of muscle in 2 years... It was everything I had to get her car going...and I remember falling to the ground unable to stand up... Prior to driving truck, I could have pushed that car all over town...
 
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